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What the fuck did you just say about my German MiG-23BN, you little stat padder?

    By u/pappaberG, its the Navy Seals copypasta but changed to the German MiG-23BN from Warthunder.

    What the fuck did you just say about my German MiG-23BN, you little stat padding freak? I'll have you know I've flown more pointless strike sorties in this flareless brick than you've had functioning brain cells. I've survived full uptiers to missile hell with nothing but a Tumansky engine screaming "LOCK ME DADDY" and six dumb bombs duct-taped to a Warsaw Pact ironing board.

I spent hundreds of matches mastering the sacred art of spawning in, going full afterburner to the deck like a burnt out stripper sliding down a pole, and dying to AIM-9s fired from another time zone. While you were grinding premiums with all aspect heaters and 300 gorillion flares, I was in the East German shit eating dojo, learning how to lose 600 km/h from tapping the rudder once and calling it "maneuvering".

You think this is just a bad plane? This is an initiation ritual. I've had uptiers rammed so hard up my ass I've seen enemy F-16s fly out of my mouth. I've dropped bombs on bases only to be vaporized to atoms before the release sound even played. I press my flare key and the game opens the Gaijin Store like "maybe you should buy something that actually wants to live."

Right now I am low, fast, and frothing at the mouth, skimming treetops in a 9.7 jet with the defensive toolkit of a paper bag, praying the missile tracking code has a stroke before I do. If I lock eyes with your 10.0 premium for even half a second, your R-60s will home on the pure spiritual despair radiating off my shivering airframe and delete me from six kilometers behind a hill.

So yeah, keep talking trash about the German MiG-23BN. Every second you mock it, another poor bastard hits "To Battle" and begins their own pilgrimage through suffering. And when they come back, broken, skillchecked, and whispering about "that one F-5 behind the mountain" they'll know what I know.

This isn't an aircraft.
It's a corporate issued personality disorder with wings.

    I propose to change the name of the game to “Book Producer Simulation”.

      By u/BigPapa9921, its a satirical post on how Europa Universalis V turns into a book management simulator due to the demand curve for books.

      The real challenge in EU5 isn’t learning the supply demand cycle, or figuring out whether levies or regulars are better, or understanding how the fucking frontage works. It’s not about juggling coalitions or keeping a vassal swarm alive. It’s not trying to raise crown power without collapsing your nation.

The real challenge is BOOK PRODUCTION for fucks sake.

Everything is going well. Economy is good, techs are advancing, people and estates are happy.

But then suddenly:

MISSING GOODS (BOOKS)

No matter what I do, I cannot satisfy my people's endless, unholy love for reading. I’ve got scriptoriums everywhere, from my 3,000 person village to my 150,000 population big-ass city.

My people won’t shut up, they’re all demanding to read “Agricultural Techniques for Idiots (1410 Edition) VOL III.” in their own obscure local dialect.

And I can’t provide it.

What am I, a bad king?

Are the clerics in my scriptoriums writing one page every three months? Why aren’t they working?

No, no.

The real problem is those bastard goblin BURGHERS.

The moment I produce books, before they reach my people, the Burghers snatch them away and brag:

“Bro I sold all your books to the Lithuania for 0.02 ducats profit each. Guess I’m a trade genius huh?”

Universities are starving, libraries are empty. They are all screaming

"Sire, we cannot “think”. The Burghers sold our textbook"

"Milord, we finished an whole sentence in just one week, but those Burghers took it from us"

I’m not ruling an empire anymore.

All I do is library management.

My life goal now is to keep the medieval PDF industry alive.

Millions must read, millions must become literate...

      Arteezy Riki backstab

        The original version came from Dota2 specifically during Arteezy’s run with Team Secret and the drama associated with him backstabbing EG. It has been adopted to other variation most notably LoL Shaco’s version.

        Dota2

        ＨＥＹ　ＲＴＺ，　Ｉ’Ｍ　ＴＲＹＩＮＧ　ＴＯ　ＬＥＡＲＮ　ＴＯ　ＰＬＡＹ　ＲＩＫＩ．　Ｉ　ＪＵＳＴ　ＨＡＶＥ　Ａ　ＱＵＥＳＴＩＯＮ　ＡＢＯＵＴ　ＴＨＥ　ＳＫＩＬＬ　ＢＵＩＬＤ：　ＳＨＯＵＬＤ　Ｉ　ＭＡＸ　ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢ　ＬＩＫＥ　ＹＯＵ　ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢＢＥＤ　ＥＧ，　ＳＭＯＫＥＳＣＲＥＥＮ　ＳＯ　ＴＨＥＹ　ＭＩＳＳ　ＭＥ　ＬＩＫＥ　ＥＧ　ＭＩＳＳ　ＹＯＵ　７０％　ＯＦ　ＴＨＥ　ＴＩＭＥ，　ＯＲ　ＰＥＲＭＡＮＥＴ　ＩＮＶＩＳＩＢＩＬＩＴＹ　ＳＯ　Ｉ　ＣＯＵＬＤ　ＤＩＳＡＰＰＥＡＲ　ＬＩＫＥ　ＹＯＵ　ＤＩＳＡＰＰＥＡＲＥＤ　ＦＲＯＭ　ＥＧ 
        ＨＥＹ　ＲＴＺ，　Ｉ’Ｍ　ＴＲＹＩＮＧ　ＴＯ　ＬＥＡＲＮ　ＴＯ　ＰＬＡＹ　ＲＩＫＩ．　Ｉ　ＪＵＳＴ　ＨＡＶＥ　Ａ　ＱＵＥＳＴＩＯＮ　ＡＢＯＵＴ　ＴＨＥ　ＳＫＩＬＬ　ＢＵＩＬＤ：　ＳＨＯＵＬＤ　Ｉ　ＭＡＸ　ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢ　ＬＩＫＥ　ＹＯＵ　ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢＢＥＤ　ＥＧ，　ＳＭＯＫＥＳＣＲＥＥＮ　ＳＯ　ＴＨＥＲＥ＇Ｓ    ３２５  ＡＯＥ  ＤＲＡＭＡ  ＡＲＯＵＮＤ  ＹＯＵ，　ＯＲ  ＢＬＩＮＫ  ＳＴＲＩＫＥ  ＬＩＫＥ  ＴＨＥ  ＷＡＹ  ＹＯＵ  ＢＬＩＮＫＥＤ  ＢＡＣＫ  ＴＯ  ＥＧ  ＡＦＴＥＲ  ＴＨＥＹ  ＨＡＤ  ＷＯＮ  ＴＩ

        LoL

        ＨＥＹ ＤＯＵＢＬＥＬＩＦＴ， Ｉ’Ｍ ＴＲＹＩＮＧ ＴＯ ＬＥＡＲＮ ＴＯ ＰＬＡＹ ＳＨＡＣＯ． Ｉ ＪＵＳＴ ＨＡＶＥ Ａ ＱＵＥＳＴＩＯＮ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＴＨＥ ＳＫＩＬＬ ＢＵＩＬＤ： ＳＨＯＵＬＤ Ｉ ＭＡＸ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢＢＥＤ ＣＬＧ， ＤＥＣＥＩＶＥ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＤＥＣＥＩＶＥＤ ＣＬＧ， ＯＲ ＨＡＬＬＵＣＩＮＡＴＥ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＭＡＤＥ ＣＬＧ ＨＡＬＬＵＣＩＮＡＴＥ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＨＡＶＩＮＧ Ａ ＣＨＡＮＣＥ ＡＴ ＷＩＮＮＩＮＧ ＡＮＯＴＨＥＲ ＴＯＵＲＮＡＭＥＮＴ
        ＨＥＹ ＩＭＡＱＴＰＩＥ， Ｉ’Ｍ ＴＲＹＩＮＧ ＴＯ ＬＥＡＲＮ ＴＯ ＰＬＡＹ ＳＨＡＣＯ． Ｉ ＪＵＳＴ ＨＡＶＥ Ａ ＱＵＥＳＴＩＯＮ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＴＨＥ ＳＫＩＬＬ ＢＵＩＬＤ： ＳＨＯＵＬＤ Ｉ ＭＡＸ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＢＡＣＫＳＴＡＢＢＥＤ ＤＩＧ， ＤＥＣＥＩＶＥ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＤＥＣＥＩＶＥＤ ＤＩＧ， ＯＲ ＨＡＬＬＵＣＩＮＡＴＥ ＬＩＫＥ ＹＯＵ ＭＡＤＥ ＤＩＧ ＨＡＬＬＵＣＩＮＡＴＥ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＨＡＶＩＮＧ Ａ ＣＨＡＮＣＥ ＡＴ ＷＩＮＮＩＮＧ Ａ ＴＯＵＲＮＡＭＥＮＴ

        Valorant

        Comment
        byu/ValorantCompBot from discussion
        inValorantCompetitive
        Hey valyn, I'm trying to learn to play Yoru. I just have a question about the buy, should I buy Fakeout like you faked JonahP out of the G2 roster, Blindside like you blindsided JonahP when you dropped him, or buy a ghost like you ghosted JonahP

        kyle lowry ain’t no spot up shooter he aint gotta run to the corner to shoot like hes some 3rd option bitch this aint jj redick

          Comment
          byu/DemarDerozan4MVP from discussion
          innba

          Originated from a comment in a post about Kyle Lowry’s shot chart. The person’s account has now been deleted but not before their comment became a legendary NBA meme.

          kyle lowry ain't no spot up shooter he aint gotta run to the corner to shoot like hes some 3rd option bitch this aint jj redick this is a fuckin god human steph curry come again only this time hes not a fuckin pussy pull up from the fuckin logo and fight you at the same time
          kyle lowry 🍑 ain't no spot up shooter 🏀 he aint gotta run 🏃🏿‍♂️ to the corner to shoot 🎆 like hes some 3rd option bitch 💯 this aint jj redick 🙆🏻‍♂️ this is a fuckin god🙏🏼 human steph curry 🥘 come again only this time hes not a fuckin pussy 🐱 pull up from the fuckin logo and fight you 👊🏿 at the same time

          As a Battledad, this is out of line

            Comment
            byu/moist-smegma4827 from discussion
            inokbuddyptfo
            As a Battledad, this is out of line. When I've taken the time to tactically ascertain the situation I am objectively performing the optimal strategic manoeuvre.

Take City of Cairo, if I get a single second to breathe (unlikely), I am able to perform my strategic mindset and this is what happens... I choose to run in a zig-zag formation, I halt in the middle of the road to absorb the full spectrum of tactical information around me, slowly discerning the next optimal strategic movement that will make up for my slowing reflexes as a 31 year old with a full time job and family responsibilities. 

As I'm absorbing the full spectrum of information, I am interrupted midway through by an assault player with an SMG sliding around a corner opening up on me with full auto at over 5m distance (which an SMG should be useless at). I start turning the rotation handle on my squeaky Light Machine Gun turret rotating at maximum efficiency for a man of my age. I manage to fire off a single burst which should either immediately suppress him making it impossible for him to hit me, or dealing significant damage. Instead... he jumps ... striking me five times with his SMG and forcing me to go directly to the forums to discuss this unsportsmanlike cheating behaviour. 

This would never have happened in battlefield 3.

            There is genuinely nothing on this godforsaken website that makes me want to throw my laptop out a window more than programming memes.

              By u/Consistent_Equal5327, it was a rant on low effort programmer humor in Reddit. The original post had been removed by mods but the rant was copy and pasted in the comment and r/copypasta sub.

              There is genuinely nothing on this godforsaken website that makes me want to throw my laptop out a window more than programming memes. I'm talking seething, irrational hatred.

"Spent 6 hours debugging, it was a missing semicolon haha"

WHICH FUCKING COMPILER ARE YOU USING THAT DOESN'T TELL YOU THIS IMMEDIATELY? Show me. I want receipts. Every compiler since the dawn of time will scream at you "EXPECTED SEMICOLON ON LINE 23 YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKFACE" the second you try to run it. Your IDE is highlighting it in red. Your linter is having an aneurysm. How is this supposed to be relatable?

"Haha I can't exit Vim"

Oh fuck off. Fuck ALL the way off. You know what every terminal has? A CLOSE BUTTON. An X in the corner. Alt+F4. Task manager. You have OPTIONS. And even if you wanted to do it properly, :q takes literally one second to Google. This is besides the fucking fact that any of those guys will never ever use vim.

"JavaScript == vs ===" with some galaxy brain meme

This is in every single JavaScript tutorial ever written. This is not obscure knowledge. This is page 1 of learning the language. Why are we acting like this is some mind-blowing gotcha?

"Works perfectly for months, adds one comment, everything breaks"

NO IT DOESN'T. COMMENTS DON'T BREAK CODE. THAT'S NOT HOW COMPUTERS WORK. Unless you're writing in some fucked up esolang, comments are ignored. This literally cannot happen.

These are just examples I can think of at the moment. But all of them are near same stupidty.

The thing that drives me absolutely fucking insane is that these memes get THOUSANDS of upvotes. THOUSANDS. And they're not funny. They're not relatable. They're not even based in reality. They're just the same tired bullshit regurgitated by people who either don't actually code or learned everything they know from other memes.

For something to be funny it needs to have SOME connection to actual reality. I hate them so much. Every time I see one I age 5 years. My blood pressure spikes.

I keep seeing them. Every day. Same jokes. Different template. Over and over and over like some kind of hell specifically designed for me.

Anyway I'm going back to debugging. It's 2 AM and I can't find the missing semicolon (in Python btw).