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Jermacraft

    Jermacraft series of videos in which Jerma plays Minecraft.
    Jermacraft EP1
    Hello Ladies and Gentlemen! welcome to episode one of Jermacraft! the series where I play minecraft, this is going to be a single player let's play, and when I say "let's play" I use that term pretty loosely because I am an idiot in this game. You're gonna see lots of fails, your gonna see lots of triumphs, at least I'm hoping, so go grab yourself a nice hot cup of coffee, hot cup of coco. I got apple cider right here freshly brewed. Let me take a sip, ah that's some good cider!
    Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to episode one of Jermacraft, The series where I play Minecraft! This is going to be a single player let's play, and when I say "let's play" I use that term... pretty loosely, because I am an idiot in this game. You're gonna see lots of fails, you're gonna see lots of triumphs, at least I'm hoping, so go grab yourself a nice hot cup of coffee, hot cup of cocoa. I got apple cider right here, freshly-brewed. Let me take a sip... ah, that's some good cider!

    The entire Jermacraft EP1 script

    Hello ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to episode one of Jermacraft, the series where I play Minecraft.

This is gonna be a singleplayer let's play and when I say let's play I use that term... pretty loosely because I'm an idiot in this game - you're gonna see lots of fails, you're gonna see lots of triumphs, at least I'm hoping.

So go grab yourself a nice hot cup of coffee, hot cup of cocoa. I've got apple cider right here freshly brewed, let me take a sip.

sip

Ah that's good cider. Alright, so let's get this started - create new world.

World name is going to be... JermaCraft! Sounds about right, eh ok...

Game mode is going to be suurvii- survival, that's the most interesting I think.

More world options- seed for world generator ok this is important!

I gotta name this something crazy to get cool structures and stuff.

Gonna name it... umm... how about,

"DiamondsAreForever"

"LOL"

"cheese"

uh "BURGAH".

Alright, there's- that's our world generator seed, "DiamondsAreForeverLOLcheeseBURGAH"... Done!

Alright let's see what happens, create new world let's do it guys. 'Building terrain' oh my god this is so exciting this is episode one!

I wonder... I wonder where we're gonna end up... Where are we gonna end up?

Ok... what- what? Where the hell am I? I spawned on top of a mountain top! Ok hold on, sound has to be lowered, definitely...

Mkay, a lil' bit of that, a lil' bit of that... maybe a little lower! That sounds about right. Alright!

So, uh, apparently I spawned on top of a mountain... I kinda- this is a good seed!

What's that? We're going to explore it right now - GO!

dies from fall damage

Oh! jerma laugh

... Heheheh... Alright we're going to try that again. This time I'm not gonna miss... I wanna get down to tha- that's the home right there, I wanna live right there.

Don- I don't even have to explore, see if I can't do this... I gotta, hold on... I got an idea, I got a plan.

JermaCraft episode one, this is how we do it! You guys ready? I don't know if you- I don't know if you guys are actually really ready for this!

Here we go! I'm going for a skydive. Remember if you hold shift you don't fall off... That's something I didn't know when I used to livestream this game...

wheeze Heh heh! You guys ready? Ready to go see our new home?

jerma laugh

Alrighty then... What the hell is that? Oh it's an octopus... Look at this quaint little place... I love it already! Heh heh! Alrighty...

So- oh.. exhalation I'm so stupid! Y'see I'm- this is why... this is why I'm an idiot guys... y'see, why would I... I need to get wood! And I just jumped off th- ok...

Remember this... Where are we, pointing east? I have no idea.

Gotta get some trees... That's the most important part of Minecraft you gotta get trees, that's the first thing you gotta get.

Lemme take a sip of my apple cider...

sipping sounds

Oh that's good stuff!

Hopefully you guys picked up a thing of coco like I told you to because that's the most relaxing thing in the world, sitting down, playing videogames... doesn't get much better than that.

Ah ok, c'mon now! Oooh, we got sand too! Now, explain this to me alright?

Alright I want Notch to send me a personal email, and explain to me why there are cows that are acting like Mountain Lions...

I'm gonna kill each one of those cows in just a minute, you watch.

fall damage

Ow... Well at least there's one tree over here... Gotta remember, I gotta go back that way, cause that's where the, the house is gonna be... My awesome dirt house!

So if you are an OLD subscriber, I mean really old, like at least four months ol- month- four... ffweehh four or five months. You'll remember the original JermaCraft it was like two episodes...

And I built a dirt house. This is gonna be completely different I'm going to actually spend time... and make some cool stuff. At least that's what I'm pretending that I'm gonna say that.

Got some wood... aw I got Geno still (his Minecraft skin) from Mario RPG, one of the best games of all time. If you have never played Mario RPG I suggest you play it.

Alright, got some wood, I need more trees over here I can... dig up. I'll get this one too.

excruciatingly slow wood punching

One more and we'll make our way back.

more wood punching

So I guess they added a hunger feature now too if- if you're hungry, you... you die? ... Or something, I guess? Who knows?

even more wood punching

Little bit more wood... And in my livestreams I- I was, always a tradition that when I played this game I would sing a song when things got really boring.

So that seems like the perfect opportunity right now to sing a song, so uh lemme just prep my vocal chords for a second...

sips apple cider

clears throat

Ok... So we're getting wood right now right?

(In Jazz Tune) doodoo, doo doo, (kh) doo, (kh) doo, (kh) doooo doo dooo doo doo, (kh) doo, (kh) doo (kh), doooo.

We're chopping wood down!

(kh) doodoo, doo (kh).

Every single day...

(kh) doo, (kh) doo, (kh) doooo.

I gotta get my tools!

(tch) m'doo (kh)

Any which way.

(tch) doodoo, (kh) doo, (kh) doooo doo doo.

I can't seem to reach this stupid piece of wood, so I gotta put some blocks down to get where I should...

I'mgonnachopem.

(tch) d'dnn, (tch) nhh, (tch) nhhh~

I'm gonna chop right now.

nhh, (tch) nhh, (tch) doooonnnh~ doodooonnh~ doon, (tch) doon, (tch)

fall damage

Alright that's enough... Got it! Let's get the hell outta here! Yaaay!~ splash So those of you that don't think that's gonna be a good spot- you'll see...

I'm gonna build that up to be like a castle! So here's the goal... by Christmas time of this year, 2011, I wanna have... a giant castle like as big as that, uhh, that mountain over there...

begins breaking blocks

So let's clean this up a little bit. Why don't we huh? Yeah alright, alright! ... Maybe put a little bit of dirt down here... Make sure I can y'know...

D- did I really run out of dirt? Wonderful... My first wooden tools. It's just like going to your first day of school... And get, punched in the face by the bully...

Speaking of bullies... I got a funny story for you. First ever story on JermaCraft! While I do this mundane stuff.

So... when I was like in the fourth grade, there was a kid that lived down the street from me, his name will- will stay anonymous, because... y'know I don't want him to like- if he watches these videos- I don't want him to come, like, beat me up.

Not that he would ever remember this to begin with... but I- I was probably like the fourth grade... And eh, swallows I was a little S-word guys I was a little- I was a little... little jerk when I was younger.

So essentially what happened, was- this kid, he was a big, big, fat kid: scary, not very nice. And my brother got in like a fight with him, like a looong time before this v- when I was like the second grade my brother's a little bit older than me...

And lemme pick this up.

So my brother got in a fight with this kid and... and... and like I heard about it. And so at the bus stop one day, cause we were at the same bus stop because he lives right down the street from us. At leas- at least he did, I don't know if he does anymore.

So... I dunno why- I was in the fourth grade this so much of a little jerk I was. So my grandmother used to pick me up from school, after I got from the bus stop...

Because y'know obviously you don't wanna walk- y'know, the mile and a half back to your house or whatever it is, mile... Cause the bus stop wasn't that close.

So my grandma used to pick me up, and he was at the bus stop as well, and one day I decided that out of the back window, I was going to give him a double middle finger, as I was driving with my grandmother one day.

I dunno why- I don't even know why I did it guys I can't- I can't tell you one reason why I gave this kid the double middle finger. And from that day forward, he just kinda gave me the w- like a weird look like "What? The hell are you doing?"

And from that day forward I would RUN. RUN, as fast as I could to the bus stop, and away to the bus stop where my grandmother was gonna pick me up, and it was like that for almost six months.

And he never beat me up or anything like that he, eh- he, I- I he- I don- I don- I was like, overreacting.

Actually hold on a second I don't need this... What am I doing with this? I was just putting blocks down! Actualy nonono, I was- I was doing the right thing. I want- I want these. Cause I wanna make like a wall kind of...

Let's keep that going. So yeah, so I guess the moral of the story is, never give the double middle finger to a bully. Cause, you'll be scared for the rest of your life.

And I still am scared, when I like open my doors to like, go and get the groceries... I'm scared. That bully's gonna come get me for me... givin' him the bird.

Yeah- yeah that is actually a true story I did not make that up it- I was scared for like, at least six months. And nothing ever happened either, and like- like I didn't get beat up or anything, so...

Alright now. Is there- is this all- is this gonna go straight down into... ok cool. C-o-o-o-o-l! I'm gonna make a little mine here!

hisses

It's getting late... it's getting late and when it gets late that's when Jerma starts to lose.

starts digging 4x4 hole straight down

I don't think I've ever made it past one night in this game when people are watching. I really don't think it's happened.

ambient cave sound

Is that- Ooh, there's a mine somewhere around here... Pretty sick! Oh jeez- it's right here! Ohohohoh! Nice! Maybe there's coal right here too, that'd be pretty awesome!

Oh my god, Creeper! Creeper get the hell outta here! I'm gonna kick your butt! Y'know yeah- yeah blow up! Go on, go on what do you think I care?

You can't hurt me I got a shovel! I'm gonna shovel your face in-

creeper explodes and takes off more than half of Jerma's health

gasp

... Ok well that's done. chuckles There's not coal just right here somewhere? There has to be... See this is why they always tell you, right when you start, you need to go get coal, you need to go get wood and everything, but I was too busy talking about a bully... me giving him the middle finger.

So looking- I'm trying to see if I can see coal, sometimes it's just right on the edge of these mountains...

stares into pitch black

Hmmmm... I am not pleased! ... Let's at least do this. I need a sheep too, I need wool! I'm being a real piece of crap...

    I got caught masturbating using my sister’s panties

      NTA, your sister your rules
      Well, Yesterday, I was very horny,I was willing to fuck the vacuum machine but mother was using it, So i sneaked and found some of my sister's used panties, she had taken them off to clean them for later, they smelled bad, but i liked the smell, I took it to my room, and i covered it around my dick and started masturbating, It took me around 13 seconds to cum, But i didnt even feel like i was done, i kept going, but well, my sister walked in on me, I thought of this as the perfect chance for her to join me and we have sex, So i told her "Come here babygirl" , Well she didnt like that and started screaming, my father heard it and he came running, I got beat and then kicked out of the house, Does anyone have an extra room and looking for a roommate? Preferrably a girl

      MY SON ACT LIKE GIRL

        Traps and sissy boys copypasta
        HI GUYS MY NAME IS BOBY D. (AGE 60 BIRTHDAY 1961\05\05 TRUCKER BADASS MAN) I WAS WONDERING WHAT MY KID (AGE 16 2006\03\05 GIRLY SISSY BOY) WAS WATCHING. HE WAS WATCHING SOMETHING THAT LOOKED LIKE WEIRD CARTOON. HE DROPPED PHONE AND LEFT TO BATHROOM. I OPEN PHONE. I THINK I SEE A PENIS GET INSERTED TO A BUTTHOLE. BUT BUTTHOLE HAD A PENIS TOO!!! I GOT SCARED. DID MY SON DEAL WITH SATAN? WAS HE GAY? ?

I LOOKED AT PHONE MORE. HE GOT SMS MESSAGE I THINK AND WHEN I OPENED IT I SEE GAY PORNO WITH SOMEONE DRESSING AS A GIRLT!! I KNEW IT!! I LOOKED AT HIS CLOSET AND SAW WEIRD HAIR AND WEIIRD SCHOLGIRL CLOTHES. DID MY ACT LIKE HE WAS A GIRL!!

MY CANT BE A GIRLY SISSY BOY HE IS MY SON AND HE NEEDS TO BE REAL MAN! !! I GOT VERY ANGRY WHEN HE COME BACK TO ROOM I GAVE HIM AN EXTRA SPANKING TODAY. HE MOANED LIKE GIRL. I LAUGHED BECAUSE OF HOW STUPIOD HE IS. I TOLD HIM HE CRIES LIKE A GIRL AND I TOLD HIM TO BE A MAN THATS RIGHT HE ISNT GOING TO GO FAR IN LIFE WITHOUT TAKING A SPANKING OR TWO

I THINK HE PISS HIS PANTS. HIS PANTS ALL WET HAHAHA. I WILL TELL MY WIFE ABOUT THIS ONCE THAT STUPID BITCH COMES BACK HOME FROM HER STUPID FUCKING JOB WITH THAT WHORE DANIELLA AND MAKES ME SOME FUCKING FOOD AFTER A NIGHT OF HARD TRUCKING AND SPANKING MY STUPID GIRLY SON

WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH SON NOW I ALREADY BEAT HIM AND I WANT TO TAKE HIM TO TRUCKING NEXT DAY SO THAT HE CAN SEE HOW TO BE A REAL MAN BUT SHOULD I DO ANYTHING ELSE

HELP

        Check him PC this not normally

          They need to check him pc copypasta

          It came from a comment on HLTV on ZywOo from CSGO winning the MVP awards circa 2019. The comment had been made into a legendary copypasta and people would usually use it on any pro players with incredible stats.

          TenZ skilled player but that is not normally, This very very insane....They need to check him pc and game.....Maybe he not cheating but maybe he using the game deficit ...and this cant seem on game screen..He needs to check-up
          xQc skilled player but that is not normally, This very very insane....They need to check him pc and game.....Maybe he not cheating but maybe he using the game deficit ...and this cant seem on game screen..
          xQc skilled player but that is not normally, This very very insane....They need to check him pc and game.....Maybe he not cheating but maybe he using the game deficit
          he skilled player but that is not normally. this is very very insane.... they need to check him pc and game....Maybe he not cheating but maybe he using the game deficit ...and this cant seem on game screen. he needs to check-up
          Shroud skilled player but that is not normally, This very very insane....They need to check him pc and game.....Maybe he not cheating but maybe he using the game deficit ...and this cant seem on game screen..He needs to check-up....Day0s FPL Cheater with Streaming.....I think day0s still cheating...Shroud using game deficit
          donk skilled player but that is not normally, This very very insane....They need to check him pc and game.....Maybe he not cheating but maybe he using the game deficit ...and this cant seem on game screen..He needs to check-up....

          Original was from a HLTV comment about CSGO player Zyw00

          ZywOO not normally copypasta
          ZywOO skilled player but that is not normally, This very very insane....They need to check him pc and game.....Maybe he not cheating but maybe he using the game deficit ...and this cant seem on game screen..He needs to check-up....Day0s FPL Cheater with Streaming.....I think day0s still cheating...Zyw00 using game deficit on PRO scene ,ON BIG Events.Maybe everyone dont knows him trick.He incredible....I want to ask his where is the comming of your skill's ?

          .950 JDJ Fat Mac

            950 JDJ Fat Mac copypasta
            This is the .950 JDJ Fat Mac. It is a 100 pound, 5 foot long rifle that shoots a one pound solid brass bullet at 2200 FPS. It is a non-NFA item only because the ATF gave it a sporting exemption as a joke as if anybody is going to hunt with this. This round would be overkill for hunting blue whales.

I would like to paint a picture for you. It's 2AM and you hear a window break in your living room. This is the worst day this could happen, as every single one of your guns was lost in a tragic boating accident this morning. All were lost except for one. You look across your room in dread at your anti-kaiju rifle. You know what you have to do, but you don't know if you have the strength to do it, both literally and figuratively.

Heaving the rifle into your arms, you load a .950 cartridge and begin to waddle towards the door. Your feet make a loud “thud” as you take each 6″ step. You know the intruders hear you. You hope they do, for perhaps they will run and spare the world the suffering that is about to befall it.

You try to set the rifle down, but end up clipping your bedroom door and it is immediately knocked off its hinges by this battering ram in your hands. You attempt to round the corner, bonking the muzzle against the doorframe and adjacent wall across the hall at least 4 times. To your horror, two invaders stand there at the end of the hall.

With a heavy heart, you raise the rifle to your shoulder while making inhuman grunting noises from the strain of attempting some semblance of a shooting position. The burglars simply stare in disbelief, unable to process the situation they are witnessing, as if in a dream. You cannot aim the rifle, as the last time you fired the gun, it turned your $3000 Leupold into a kaleidoscope. You simply hold it at an angle that appears correct and fire.

You are immediately knocked to the floor as if hit by a semi truck going 20 MPH. The shot connected with one of the criminals and it erased him from existence. Even the memories of him have been destroyed and you're wondering why you just shot into an empty hallway. The shot continues to travel through at least 4 houses, a car, and a 10 ton boulder before lodging itself 20 feet into a nearby hill, never to be seen again.

It is at this point, you realize you cannot hear. The surviving burglar can't hear either but he's also on fire from the muzzle blast and is currently vacating your home. You don't care. Your shoulder is dislocated and there is a hole in your brand new AR500 refrigerator. You're crying now. The police arrive and, upon seeing the scene, start laughing. You start crying harder.

            Original full reply on Quora

            I had to think this through because it posed an interesting question: what is the provably WORST gun for home defense? A .22 single shot rifle is at least small and quick to point. A Barrett M82 is at least going to instantly stop whatever it hits. Even a good old fashioned musket is going to do good damage and won't hurt your ears. No, I wanted to know what the undisputable worst home defense gun in the world is; and I have found it.

This is the .950 JDJ Fat Mac. It is a 100 pound, 5 foot long rifle that shoots a one pound solid brass bullet at 2200 FPS. It is a non-NFA item only because the ATF gave it a sporting exemption as a joke as if anybody is going to hunt with this. This round would be overkill for hunting blue whales.

I would like to paint a picture for you. It's 2AM and you hear a window break in your living room. This is the worst day this could happen, as every single one of your guns was lost in a tragic boating accident this morning. All were lost except for one. You look across your room in dread at your anti-kaiju rifle. You know what you have to do, but you don't know if you have the strength to do it, both literally and figuratively.

Heaving the rifle into your arms, you load a .950 cartridge and begin to waddle towards the door. Your feet make a loud “thud” as you take each 6″ step. You know the intruders hear you. You hope they do, for perhaps they will run and spare the world the suffering that is about to befall it.

You try to set the rifle down, but end up clipping your bedroom door and it is immediately knocked off its hinges by this battering ram in your hands. You attempt to round the corner, bonking the muzzle against the doorframe and adjacent wall across the hall at least 4 times. To your horror, two invaders stand there at the end of the hall.

With a heavy heart, you raise the rifle to your shoulder while making inhuman grunting noises from the strain of attempting some semblance of a shooting position. The burglars simply stare in disbelief, unable to process the situation they are witnessing, as if in a dream. You cannot aim the rifle, as the last time you fired the gun, it turned your $3000 Leopuld into a kaleidoscope. You simply hold it at an angle that appears correct and fire.

You are immediately knocked to the floor as if hit by a semi truck going 20 MPH. The shot connected with one of the criminals and it erased him from existence. Even the memories of him have been destroyed and you're wondering why you just shot into an empty hallway. The shot continues to travel through at least 4 houses, a car, and a 10 ton boulder before lodging itself 20 feet into a nearby hill, never to be seen again.

It is at this point, you realize you cannot hear. The surviving burglar can't hear either but he's also on fire from the muzzle blast and is currently vacating your home. You don't care. Your shoulder is dislocated and there is a hole in your brand new AR500 refrigerator. You're crying now. The police arrive and, upon seeing the scene, start laughing. You start crying harder.
            I saw JD Jones at a grocery store in Ohio yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.