Happy 😃 national🇺🇸 hydration 🫦💧day☀️, you 💦thirsty🌊 sluts🌝!! You staying hydrated? 👅💦 It’s officially 🧑⚖️ summer 🔥☀️, and you🫵 look 👀 parched👎🏻🌵! You better🤬 get to drinking🥤, so you can keep those👉 kidneys🫘🚿wet 😏 and healthy 🩺💪🏻. A gallon 🍶 of water 🥵🌊 a day 📆will keep the doctor 👩⚕️🩻 away🙅🏻♀️🔪!!!!!GUYS!!! ♂😐 I 😃 WAS 👍 JUST 👏 DIAGNOSED WITH 🤝👉 ADHD!! MY 🙋 DOCTOR ⚕ JUST 🍅👏 PERSCRIBED DESOXYN WHICH 🙌❓ IS 😍 METH!!!! 💁 OMG 😍🤣 I AM GOING TO 😣🔢 BE 🐝🐝 RICH AT 🍆 SCHOOL! 🎓🙃 I HATE 😟👿 TAKING MY 🐾 MEDS SO 🏻 I 🏼👇 AM GOING ➡ TO 💦 SELL 💲💲 THEM 👩🙊 AT 🍆💦 SCHOOL!! 🎒😑 ME 💦 AND EVERYONE 💂👯 IN 🚗🏼 MY 👭 CLASS 😛⚠ ARE 😡👏 6 YEARS 💯 OLD 😖 SO WE 👦 ARE 💢 JUST 👮 STUPID 💩💩 LITTLE 😫 KIDS LOL!! I 🏿 WILL 👄💦 SAY 🗣🗣 ITS 🙅👉 CANDY 🍬🍬 AND SELL THEM FOR 🎄 A 🍬 DOLLAR 💵🔜 LOL! 💃 LETS SEE HOW THIS 🏻 GOES 🅱😩 LOL! 😂😂 UPDATE: 💰 LOL GUYS 👬 I 🙋👁 STARTED GRINDING 🏻 THE ⛓💞 PILLS UP ⬆⬆ AND 💨👏 PUTTING 🙌 THEM 👹 IN ⬅ GUMMIES! I 👁 ALREADY 🤢😞 MADE 🍔🍔 100 DOLLARS!! JIMMY 💩 LIKED THE CANDY 🍬 SO MUCH HE 💦 FELL ON 🏽🔛 THE ✈😆 FLOOR AND DIDNT ❌🙅 GET BACK ⬅ UP!! ❤❤ UPDATE: ⬆ GUYS 🏽 I 💰👁 MADE 👆👆 1000 DOLLARS 💰 WITH 👯👦 MY 🙈🤔 METH GUMMIES!! I 💰 JUST 🍆💢 BOUGHT 🎅💲 A 😤👌 NEW 💯 GAME 💻 CONSOLE AND TV 📺 AND 👏😩 SOME 🐓♂ GAMES!!! 🎮 UPDATE!! 💰⬆ GUYS!! GOOD NEWS 🗣💼 AND BAD 👎 NEWS! 📰 BAD 😞👎 NEWS IS 💦 THAT 😧👉 MOMMY 👦 FOUND 😘🕵 OUT 👋🏻 I WAS 🅿👍 SELLING METH AT SCHOOL 🍆🏫 SO 💯 SHE 😍 LOCKED UP ❤ MY 👨 MEDS 💊💊 BUT 🤔 GOOD NEWS 📰💼 IS 👍👉 THAT 😤 SHE SAID 💬🤣 THAT 🙌😧 THE 👈 SFHOOL SAYS 🗣🗣 I 👁👁 AM NOT 👮 ALLOWED 🏼 TO 👮 GO 👀🏃 TO SCHOOL ✂ ANYMORE! 😔💦 BEST 🏆🏼 DAY OF 💦💦 MY ☎🚪 LIFE! 💓At 👌🕛 2am last 🕛 night 🌜 a 🏃👓 BRITISH person 🗣😡 approached me at the 😜 liberty 👬 bell. I 🙍 immediately 👏 drew ☀💎 my 😲 flintlock pistol. 🔫🔫 Holy shit, what 🙏 the fuck 💦🖕 man, 🌊 the 😂 British person said 🗣 britishly. Luckily my militia was 🤣 waiting nearby. Tallyho lads, 👍 they 🔥 yelled, 🗣😡 and charged 🍆🍆 the 💦😠 Brit with bayonets drawn, as 💦 the 👉 founding fathers intended. Later 🕑 that 🚟🙎 day 🌞☀ I 😲 went 👏 to school 📚😑 and 👏👏 was 👀 only 🤠 shot 🔫🔫 2 times. God bless ⛪👉 America.🇺🇸
I'm an American high school student in 2020. There are multiple school shootings a day. Every teacher is now armed. Veterans patrol the halls on mobility scooters with built-in miniguns. The Algebra 2 teacher is handing out the quiz, her body armor jostling around. I reach into my backpack to take out my calculator. Her M16 is already trained on me. "DON'T FUCKING MOVE." "I-I need my calculator." "THIS IS A NO CALCULATOR QUIZ." "I-I thought I could use my calculator." "YOU THOUGHT WRONG." Tense pause. She lowers her weapon. A school shooter takes this opportunity to snipe her from the back of the room. Her brains splatter all over my face. A second school shooter in the front wheels around with a shotgun, blasting the first shooter because he doesn't want to share the headlines. The cute girl next to me holds up her ballistics shield half a second too late. I try to run for the door. A veteran mobility scooter flies into the room firing 100 rounds a second into my upper torso. As my carcass joins those of my classmates, I die happy knowing that I'm still freer than Europoors. My family gets charged $10m for medical expenses plus tip.
Fun fact among us got banned at the daycare where I work at
Turns out, you know how youtube has the autoplay thing ? Well one day the kids were watching among us songs on YT when autoplay changed it to the among us twerking video, 10 hour version to be exact, and ALL the kids tried twerking
So thats how among us got banned
Yesterday, I was talking to one of my son's friend's parent, and she told me that her son went 'Goblin Mode' the other day and went in his room to 'Charge up', and asked me what it meant. I thought the kid was just being silly, but earlier today, my kid went 'Goblin Mode' too, and has been up in his room all day. Is this a new funny trend or something? I also found some 'memes' about going Goblin Mode, but I don't get it?