Welcome back to another speedrunning guide! Today we’ll be speedrunning to stage 4 cancer.
Okay so as soon as you wake up in the house you gotta go to the door and enter and exit the area exactly 69 times. What happens when you do this is that it teleports you to the Juul Den area. This a little known exploit, but when you purchase 3 or more juul pods it skips the intro cutscene.
This is our first step to stage 4 cancer. Now, to optimize this, you have to consume all the juul pods before you hit the convenience store for cigarettes. Normally you can only to one at a time, but if you spam the Use command on your keyboard then the animation loops and you can consume all of them at once. This should increase your cancer risk by 10%.
Now, you should be doing this while no clipping through the floor. Once you fall out of the world and respawn, you should appear in the convenience store. This is because you skipped the Welcome To School cutscene so this is the only valid respawn point. Press the pause button as soon as you respawn because there are a lot of complicated inputs here.
You should have started the game with the Book item. Equip that to your primary weapon. Unpause and press up for 3 seconds, left for 3 seconds, look at the clerk and then spam the throw command. If you did this right, a volley of books should be launched at him and kill him. Without the store clerk there, you don’t need the Fake ID item to obtain cigarettes.
Now typically you need the Lighter item to use a cigarette. This is where most speedrunners mess up. They go through the store and get the one in there. DONT DO THAT. There is actually a lighter on the clerk’s body that is much closer.
Now to smoke all the cigarettes at once, you spam the use key like you did with the juul pods. This should increase your cancer rate to 40%.
Last stop is the power plant. To get there from the convenience store you just do the same thing with the bedroom door, go in and out 69 times. This should bring you directly to the reactor room if you did it right. There are two tubes, one bringing in coolant and one bringing out nuclear waste. If you notice here, the waste tube is too far for you to reach.
If you spam the Default Dance emote it will levitate you character off the ground just enough to grab the tube. You want to rip it out of the reactor and spam the use key to consume all the radioactive material in the tube. This should increase your cancer rate to 100%. The alarm should start ringing, and many runs end when the reactor workers break in and spot you, so you have to be really careful in this part.
Again, spam the default dance emote until you levitate off the ground. You have to get onto the reactor by pressing jump at a frame perfect moment. Right… THERE! Ok so the reactor workers cutscene should NOT happen if you did it right.
Ok next what you have to do is fall off the reactor and break your leg. If you spam the Interact key it will skip all the 911 cutscenes until you are in a hospital bed. If you pull out your book again and spam the use key this time it will let you noclip through the wall behind you into the break room. The doctor has left his diagnosis on the counter near the door.
Grab his pen and change “stage 3 cancer” to “stage 4 cancer”. As soon as you do this, all the cancer debuffs you had should upgrade to level 4. Go back through the wall and into the hospital bed and spam the interact key. The doctor should come back in and diagnose you with stage 4 cancer.
If optimized correctly, this speedrun should take you 4:20.
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So I (M16) finally decided to come out to my parents as animesexual. At first they started laughing, so I believed that they had accepted me. As a result, I decided to show them my favorite body pillows of Tsunade, Sakura, and Rukia. My mom immediately burst out crying, saying “I thought you were joking!”
All I remember next was my dad screaming at me to get the hell out of the house. Apparently while they were in my room they found my anime themed flesh light and the cum rag. I ran out as fast I can with tears rolling down my face. When will us animesexuals stop being oppressed? How many more have to suffer?
A SIMP HAS FALLEN FOR AN E-GIRL IN LEGO CITY
HEY!
CONSTRUCT THE THOT PATROL AND
LOCK
HER
UP
(BEGONE THOT)
NEW THOT PATROL FROM LEGO CITY
setsandaccessory'ssoldseperatly
*Belle Delphine squeals*
Epic Film Fact: Lightning McQueen, star of the 2006 blockbuster film "Cars" is a statutory rapist. In the film Lightning meets and falls in love with a car named Sally Carrera, a 2002 Porsche 911. This makes Sally only 4 years old during the film (which takes place in 2006). Lightning on the other hand is a stock car and while his age isn't expressly given, we know that an average stock car can race for 20 to 30 years. Because lightning is the best we can assume that he is 30 years old at the end of "Cars 3", which takes place in 2017, 11 years after "Cars". This would make Lightning 19 years old when he meets Sally. As the majority of the films take place in the United States, which has the age of consent set at 17 years old, every time Lightning sticks his engine shaft in Sally's exhaust pipe he is committing statutory rape.
Can we talk about the broken legal system of the Cars universe? In the film, Lightning McQueen is speeding down route 66 when a cop car starts chasing him. Just as he's about to pull over, the cop car starts blowing gaskets. Lightning assumes this is gunfire and freaks out, resulting in him accidentally destroying the town. Lighting was under the impression that he was being fired upon unprovoked, giving him a valid legal argument for his reckless driving. The next day, Mater is assigned to defend him in trial, despite Lightning making it clear that he has his own attorney. He isn't even given a phone call, or a chance to pay bail, the trial takes place the very next day. Of course Mater blows the trial because he's a dumbass, leaving Lightning stranded in this town before the biggest race of his life. Hell, they wouldn't even let him make contact with the outside world, leading to everybody thinking he's missing. Lighting may have a serious lawsuit on his hands.
Holy fucking shit. I want to bang the animal crossing dog so goddamn bad. I can't stand it anymore. Every time I go to the town hall I get a massive erection. I've seen literally every rule 34 post there is of her online. My dreams are nothing but constant fucking sex with Isabelle. I'm sick of waking up every morning with six nuts in my boxers and knowing that those are nuts that should've been busted inside of Isabelle's tight dog pussy. I want her to have my mutant human/dog babies.
Fuck, my fucking mom caught me with the neighbors dog. I'd dressed her in my sister's skirt and went to fucking town. She hasn't said a word to me in 10 hours and I'm worried she's gonna take away my 3DS. I might not ever get to see Isabelle again.