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My mom found cum on my bed

    magine not shooting it in the air and catching it in your mouth.
    So this morning when I woke up my mom pulled my sheets up and there was this small stain on my dark sheets. She pointed at it and said "you have any idea what this is?"

I said "maybe it's butter?" because a couple days ago I was eating popcorn on my bed and I hoped that would be enough of an explanation for her.

She said "it couldn't be because it's not oily. Listen, if you're going to do that, just clean up better or go to the bathroom"

I'm so glad my mom understands and is ok with it :D (and just to clarify, she's ok with me doing that as long as I'm not watching anything, then she has a problem)

Edit: i used a tissue but I came too much and the tissue wasn't enough so some of it rolled down the side of my hip

    Why are women so surprised that penis can stretch?

      But that was all she had 😔
      My girlfriend was playing with my balls and she was amazed that they weren't perfect spheres but more like eggs. Then she tried to switch em around (left to right witch kinda scared me) and lost her shit. I took the opportunity to show her all the amazing penis and ball maneuvers I could think of like stretching ball skin apart to make it flat. She was in awe of how much fun it seemed and said she was jealous. I'm guessing this is just something new to them? She showed me the fabled labia clap but that was all she really had

      Howdy, my name is Rawhide Kobayashi

        The orignal Rawhide Kobayashi Japamerican copypasta origin
        Original pasta
        Howdy, my name is Rawhide Kobayashi. I'm a 27 year old Japanese Japamerican (western culture fan for you foreigners). I brand and wrangle cattle on my ranch, and spend my days perfecting the craft and enjoying superior American passtimes. (Barbeque, Rodeo, Fireworks) I train with my branding iron every day, this superior weapon can permanently leave my ranch embled on a cattle's hide because it is white-hot, and is vastly superior to any other method of livestock marking. I earned my branding license two years ago, and I have been getting better every day. I speak English fluently, both Texas and Oklahoma dialect, and I write fluently as well. I know everything about American history and their cowboy code, which I follow 100% When I get my American visa, I am moving to Dallas to work in an oil field to learn more about their magnificent culture. I hope I can become a cattle wrangler for the Double Cross Ranch or an oil rig operator for Exxon-Mobil! I own several cowboy hats, which I wear around town. I want to get used to wearing them before I move to America, so I can fit in easier. I rebel against my elders and seniors and speak English as often as I can, but rarely does anyone manage to respond. Wish me luck in America!

        POV: You sit next to a weeb

          If somebody ever unironically calls themselves otaku, you run in the opposite direction
          Says good morning in Japanese “classes started! Oh hi!! 😁What’s this? This is a death note, you probably don’t know what it is cause you are not otaku like me baka😡. Hey, can you tell me your name? ✍️ I’m joking! I would never write your name, only Paula’s. Heheh I’m just kidding. I would never do something to hurt people. Hhshehhsh 🤪. What?! Where’s Raul-kun??? Eeee his on a holiday to... Cuba heh. Whatever, changing the subject, do you like my lil ears?? 😸 They are so kawai! 🤪What? You don’t like them?? Why not? 🥺You think I’m annoying?!?? I’m not annoying!!😡 My mom said that in the past and never came back. 😢Ok, I’ll go wahhh wahhh 😭

          The tragedy of the man who fell into the river in Lego city

            Related
            Did you ever hear the tragedy of the man who fell into the river in Lego city? I thought not. It's not a story the Playmobils would tell you. It's a LEGO legend. Man Lego was a Dark Lord of building, so powerful and so wise he could use the bricks to influence the constructions to create rescue helicopters… He had such a knowledge of building that he could even keep the ones he cared about from falling. The dark side of the LEGOs is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice threw him into the river in LEGO city. Ironic. He could rescue others from the river, but not himself.

            Uhm😤 by the way 👩 MOM

              Uhm😤 by the way 👩 MOM 🤷‍♀️ They're not 🇨🇳 Chinese cartoons📺💻 it's called😡 ANIME!!!😍😍 GOT IT?!? 😤😠 And they're ❌✋🙅‍♀️ NOT CHINESE!!!🇨🇳 They're JAPANESE!!!🇯🇵 So you'd better apologize 😱🙏👎 to me and my Waifu 👫💏 RIGHT NOW 😠😡
              Uhm😤 by the way👩MOM 🙆They're not 🇨🇳 Chinese cartoons 📺💻it's called 😡ANIME!!!😍😍 GOT IT?!?! 😤😠 And they're ❌✋🙅NOT CHINESE!!! 🇨🇳 They're JAPANESE!!!!!!🇯🇵 🎌 So you'd better apologize 😱🙏🙇👎to me and my Waifu 👫💏RIGHT NOW 😡😠