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I was so horny I masturbated in a room where my crush was and ended up in hospital.

    I have a crazy crush on my classmate. She is the hottest girl I have ever seen, her hair, eyes, smile everything. I don't give a crap what everyone in my school thinks about her, apparently she is the biggest whore and fucks the whole football team every friday after P.E. class. I don't buy it, I'm very sure she only likes me because how cool and mysterious I am. People call me a weirdo and loner, but that's just part of my plan, I haven't spoken to anyone since third grade and I will show them who I am when I glow up after my mom takes me to shopping.
    
    Anyways, I really had an urge when I woke up sweaty and horny in the weekend. I usually masturbate to pornstars that look like her, but this time I wanted something that would satisfy my session. I remember she was the last person to exit out from the boy's locker room after P.E. class, she probably wanted to see me, but I had to hurry home to watch my favorite cartoons. I arrived to school and tried to open the door, but it was locked, ah! Ofcourse! It's saturday. I really had to smell the locker room she visited, I'm 100% sure there's still some scent in there, since she wears a lot of perfume that would last at least a day, so this was my last chance.
    
    I smashed the window open with a rock and hurried to my destination. The alarms went off, but I didn't care, I have to do it I inhaled every single oxygen particle that was there. It was disgusting amount of a mixture of sweat and dirt smell, but I had to have a glimpse of her perfume and finish masturbating, or else I'm not leaving! I didn't smell any of it! I had to lick the whole floor, so I could distinguish her boot's smell. That didn't work too! I ran to the bathroom and found a lipstick! This is a JACKPOT. She applies this to her mouth everyday! I started sucking the lipstick while masturbating and thinking about her. When I was about to ejaculate, I ate the whole lipstick.
    
    It felt like heaven! I ended up fainting and woke up in hospital. The nurse told me, that I was intoxicated, because they found strange chemicals in my stomach, also bunch of cops came to question me, why I broke in and was naked there. I didn't tell them about the lipstick or anything, I just said I was high and didn't know what got to me. I might go to jail for this, but It was worth every single moment.

    Tarzan might’ve had some type of STD before he met Jane

      Tarzan had STD
      Tarzan went through puberty around apes. He was conditioned to a certain way of life because of his environment.
      
      You cannot convince me otherwise that Tarzan didn’t get aroused by either an ape or something else and then that ape smelling that hormonal change. That ape would’ve acted on instinct and since Tarzan was raised around them it’s extremely likely that he’d follow their lead. The first time he got horny he probably didn’t know what to do. It would only makes sense that he learned how to deal with those sexual urges the same way the apes did.
      
      As for the STD… apes and humans having sex is a big no no. The sanitation is just not there. The bacteria would be raging all around his dick. He probably wouldn’t even clean it afterwards. Gorilla parts and man parts just don’t mix. Bestiality 101

      The Involvement of the Minions in World War 2

        The Minions from Despicable Me were Nazis between 1933 to 1945
        The Involvement of the Minions in World War 2, and the Near Extinction of the Minion Species.
        
        Introduction:
        It is a widely debated subject in the Despicable Me community that the Minions served Hitler between 1933 to 1945, with some claiming that such events could not have taken place given that the Minions were trapped in an ice cave for a long duration of time. However, some evidence in the Despicable Me universe points toward a possibility that the Minions not only served Hitler and Stalin, but engaged in a brutal civil war that nearly wiped out the species as a whole.
        
        Evidence No. 1: The Minions trapped in the ice cave are NOT the only Minions in the world.
        
        Proof:
        In the Despicable Me and Minions films, we see the Minions interacting with Human society on a rather normal scale. Whether it be going on vacation, joining the French Military, hitch hiking to the villainy convention, wandering through TV studios, getting ice cream and going out in public no one seems to bat an eye to the existence of the Minions. Given that the Minions have been around before the Dinosaurs, its not impossible to assume that there were millions, if not billions of Minions alive on earth given the time they had to spread across the globe. Some possible evidence that there were millions to billions of Minions is how little people react to them in society.
        
        No one seems to bat an eye to the Minions, implying they've been abundant and around long enough to be completely normalized by Human society. In fact the Minions may have well been completely integrated into human society instead of being viewed as a different species. In our universe, if a few hundred 3 foot half naked lemon Tic-Tacs speaking gibberish appeared in the middle of Times Square, not only would people immediately bat an eye, but all of the nation's three letter organizations would be swiftly mobilized to New York. This isn't the case in the Despicable Me universe.
        
        Evidence No. 2: The Minion species, while very resilient, is NOT immortal due to a severe weakness to biological and chemical attacks.
        
        Proof:
        In the starting paragraph, I mention that the Minions nearly went extinct from a brutal Minion Civil War. While this point may be contradicted by the Minions being able to survive explosions, torture devices, bullets, kinetic impact and many other lethal threats, the Minions are not very resilient to biological and chemical attacks. In Despicable Me 2, we see the Minions become mutated by the PX-41 Mutagen. Rapidly altering the effected Minion's DNA and causing drastic changes regarding:
        • Tooth and mouth structure
        • Abnormal hair growth
        • Eye colorSkin pigment
        • Physical structure
        • Personality and behavior
        Later in Despicable Me 2, we see Dr. Nefario cure the Minions using an antidote mixed with the Jelly from earlier in the film. The PX-41 Mutagen, and its respective cure are solid evidence that the Minions are not entirely immortal and possess a severe and potentially lethal vulnerability to biological and chemical attacks. While some may argue that the PX-41 Mutagen and its antidote did not kill the Minions, a disease or toxic gas could prove fatal showing they can be drastically effected by chemical and biological substances. Evidence No. 3: Stalin and Hitler both attracted Minions in large quantities to both sides of the Eastern Front, which would result in the gruesome Minion Civil War. Proof: Stalin and Hitler were both evil tyrants who would be seen as nothing more than soulless monsters to any human, but for the Minions, saying they were gods amongst Minion would be an understatement. With Stalin's gulags and Hitler's concentration camps, the two of them would be the greatest villians Minion kind had witnessed. With World War 2 beginning in the 1930s, the Minions suffered a brutal split in their society and culture, now voluntarily choosing sides of the Second World War between the two tyrants of the Eastern Front. Because of this, the Minions would engage in a brutal war to end the disagreement of whether Stalin or Hitler would be more deserving of Minion service and worship. Given their vulnerability to chemical agents, both Human and Minion soldiers of the Eastern Front would release chemical agents such as Chlorine, Phosgene and Mustard Gas across the front lines to attack the other side's Minion forces. Given the sheer bloodiness of the Eastern Front, its likely that the majority of the Minions would be killed in the Second World War. Only a few isolated pockets of Minions would survive following the Second World War, with a primary example being the Minions in the ice cave, having emerged following the World Wars with no knowledge of Stalin Or Hitler and the near extinction of their race. Evidence of a Minion Civil War occurring and being possible can be found at the end of Despicable Me 3, in which a sizable chunk of Gru's Minions defect to Dru, having deemed Dru more evil and more worth their service, along with the remaining chunk of Minions choosing to remain with Gru. Closure: It is unclear what happens after Gru gives chase to Dru at the end of Despicable Me 3, however it can be safely assumed that Despicable Me 4 will cover the complete extinction of the last remaining Minions as they battle it out through various means of chemical warfare over whether Gru or Dru is more evil. Despicable Me 5 will potentially cover Dru and Gru putting their differences aside from their battle in Despicable Me 4 and the two will begin tampering in the realm of genetic engineering in an attempt to revive the Minion species. However the Minions created via Gru and Dru's genetic engineering research would go wrong, and the new Minions would resemble the Post-Humans from All Tomorrows. Leaked script details suggest that the Post-Minions would follow Kevin becoming a female Temptor, Bob getting turned into a Colonial and Stuart being morphed into a Hedonist. It is currently unknown what other All Tomorrows species will appear in the 5th Despicable Me film. Overall, It is very likely that the minions did serve Hitler to some capacity, and nearly went extinct following World War 2. The tale of the Minion is nothing short but a tragic one. A culturally rich and intelligent race, which had been around before the Dinosaurs, choosing the path of annihilating themselves over two questions with no answer. Today they are a reminder, that Humanity must avoid the same fate as their Minion brothers. The Minions of the World Wars are to today's Humans as a grim teaching, telling us we must be careful with how we treat the choices of conflict and geopolitics, otherwise, we will hear the rhymes of the history books once more. Works Cited:
        1. Renaud, Chris and Pierre Coffin, directors. Despicable Me 2. Illumination Entertainment, 2013.
        2. Healy, Janet, et al. Minions. Universal Pictures, Illumination Entertainment , 2015.
        3. Meledandri, Chris, et al. Despicable Me 3. Universal Pictures, Illumination Entertainment , 2017.2020 Oregon Measure 110. Oregon Hosue of Reps. November 3rd, 2020

        I used to roll the dice

          I used to roll the dice
          
          Feel my dick in my enemy's ass
          
          Listen as the crowd would sing
          
          Now the old king is dead
          
          LOL
          
          One minute I held my nuts
          
          Next my balls we're close on me
          
          And I discovered Sans
          
          Upon Pillars of Salt
          
          Pillars of Salt (x3)
          
          I hear Jackie Chan singing
          
          Omae wamu shinderu
          
          Beat my meat
          
          My SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO🅾️S
          
          For some reason I can't explain
          
          Why we live in a society
          
          Where gamers
          
          Don't rule the world

          I want to bang the Undertale Skeleton so goddamn bad

            Holy fucking shit. I want to bang the Undertale Skeleton so goddamn bad. I can't stand it anymore. Every time I go to Sans's Grocery Store I get a massive erection. I've seen literally every rule 34 post there is of him online. My dreams are nothing but constant fucking sex with Sans. I'm sick of waking up every morning with six nuts in my boxers and knowing that those are nuts that should've been busted inside of Sans's tight skeleton ass. I want him to have my mutant human/monster babies.
            
            Fuck, my fucking mom caught me with the neighbors' halloween skeleton decoration. I'd dressed it in my brother's jacket and went to fucking town. She hasn't said a word to me in 10 hours and I'm worried she's gonna take away my PC. I might not ever get to see Sans again.

            Anyone else

              What I love about Twitch is I just get to be myself, I do get be myself. I get to be a very very different part of myself. It’s really interesting when people come into chat, and they accuse me of being fake. I don’t disagree with you, I don’t know who my authentic self is on stream yet. Every single day that I come on here I discover new things about myself that I’m willing to share with you, and new things about myself that feel important to share with you, and, and I love sharing them with you, you guys. I really really do. I surprise myself and I surprise you. I had another streamer recently say that I surprise them as well. And discovering that I have the ability to surprise even old pros at this game, really really makes me feel like I am where I’m supposed to be. Ehe, wishlistdestroyer: “ur not fake ur just crazy”! Yes! of course I’m crazy! I’m crazy in love, I’m crazy happy, I’m CRAZY high on life. I really really liked being where I am, I like the people that I’m with, and I have felt this way for my entire life. When it was in high school, when it was in elementary school, when it was in University, when it was in College. When I worked at summer camp, when I worked at the hot dog factory, when I worked for <unintelligible>, or when I worked as a Disney Princess. When I’m on twitch, I find people that I love, I find people that I like and I keep them close to me. The people who come back each and every day are the people that I want to see each and every day. And the haters can come every day if they want to, and I’ll be happy to see you too. Because at least you’re showing me that I’m important to you with your consistency. And if I can be nothing else, it is consistent! Because I will come back each and every day and I will give you new reasons to hate me, and I will give you new reasons to love me. Because that’s what you deserve and that’s what I deserve. I want to see how far I can go, I want to see what I can do on this platform. I want to see how far the blanket fort can expand. I want to understand the best parts of myself. And I’m not saying that I’m gonna find them on Twitch. But I think that I can find the best parts of myself. If I keep going, and I keep saying yes, and I discover the parts inside of me that I have been too afraid, too ashamed of, too apologetic! Do you realize how many times I wanna send a boy a picture of my fully exposed vulva, and the first instinct is first to apologize for even messaging him in the first place? I want to say I’m sorry that I’m bothering you, I’m sorry that I’m messaging you, I’m sorry that I’m texting you, I’m sorry that I’m dm’ing you, I’m sorry that I’m talking to you, I’m sorry that I’m caring about you, I’m sorry that I’m trying to figure out who you are, because all I want to do is open up enough dialogue so that I can expose everything about myself! The only thing that I want to do is expose who I truly am to you! But I feel self-conscious because people tell me that I’m fake, and people tell me that I’m faking these things, and that I’m psychotic, that I’m ADHD, that I’m on drugs. that I’m all these terrible things, but I’m not. What is actually happening is that I LOVE being here. I love being on Twitch. This has been a dream of mine for so many years, so many years that I’m embarrassed to talk about it. Can you imagine meeting a boy that you want to fuck, and the first words out of your mouth are “All I want to do is be a famous Twitch streamer.” He’s never heard of Twitch, he just wants to put his dick in you, and you’re talking about Twitch. Guess what motherfuckers, sometimes it works out. I FUCKED that motherfucker and he bought me this great big toy. Because I became a famous Twitch streamer! That motherfucker believed in my dream even though he had never heard of Twitch before. And each and every one of you believes in my dream. Because we’re on Twitch together today and I believe we can go even further, even higher, even more into the blanket fort. And I think that we can do it together. And I don’t know that I can’t do it by myself. I can literally only do it with each and every one of you. And I think that we can. This channel has grown bigger, and faster, and more intensely than any other channel on Twitch has ever before. The clips are good. Make sure the titles are sexy. Make sure that you do me good guys. Cause I come in here every single day covered in glitter, covered in sequins, covered in booty shorts, covered in nylons. So that I do not violate the terms of service, so that each and every one of you can have both hands on the keyboard, so that you can enjoy the stream, so that you can have a good time listening to me, playing with me, singing with me, smiling with me, enjoying your life. Which you do, you do deserve to enjoy. Each and every moment of your life you enjoy and each and every moment of your life is worthy. You guys, you can do it. You can be the best that you can be, and we can do it together. It’s gonna take effort, and it’s going to take patience, it’s going to take a lot a lot a lot of work. But if we don’t try then what the fuck is stopping us from just throwing ourselves off a bridge, and giving up, and saying “Yeah the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.” But that’s okay. Because do you really need anyone else!?