It was a saturday afternoon, and I was exhausted after an intense 17-part masturabation session to dream minecraft manhunt, when i suddenly had the urge to go outside. I was scared. It's been so long since i've left the warmth of my parents basement with my dream body pillows. I didnt know what to expect. Clutching my dream figurine in front of my chest, i pried open the door to the outside world. The gleaming sun blared through the door, bequeathing a brilliant warmth on my cum-covered boxers. I quaverly took a step outside. My body flintched from the strange feel of the dirt under my feet. And then i saw it. The lustrous field of grass, covered in a light sprinkle of water from the noon rain shower. And then i realized. Dream... grass... the trees... it was all coming together. Grass is green, just like Dream. Dream is everpresent, in the grass, the flowers, He was there. I immediately new what to do next. I flinged off my clothes faster than the speed at which i would click on a new dream rule 34 post. My dick was already throbbing as i leaped onto the field of grass, dorito dust stained shirt getting carried away by the wind. I dug a small hole in the ground, and passionately thrust my 7-inch erect cock into it. I knew, this was Dream. His spirit was in this grass, and he felt my dick in his boy pussy as i fucked that grass. I lost track how long i was there. Hours went by, day turned to night, but it didnt matter. I was finally together, with Dream. Nothing could separate us. I took a long stem of a flower, and forced it in my asshole. I imagined it being Dream's hot penis being lustfully forced into me in bed. I stayed there on my front yard for god knows how long. Until my butt was sore, balls drier than the Saharan desert after a long drought. The lawn looked like there was a layer of fresh snow on a Christmas morning. Trudging indoors, i had a enormous smile stretching across my face. I couldn't wait until tomorrow, when i may go outside again and be with Dream.
tl:dr i sexed dream🥵🥵🥵🥰🥰😍😍😍😍🥰
According to my scientific studies, Peeing with a boner is more difficult than giving birth. I am being 100 percent serious when I say this. This shouldn't even be an unpopular opinion, people just don't think about what the word "difficult" actually means. Peeing with a boner is more difficult than giving birth. Giving birth is definitely more painful, but pain by itself does not make something difficult. For example, putting my hand in a fire is not difficult, but it would hurt a lot. In order for something to be difficult, there has to be some chance of failure due to lack of skill, practice, or technique. Peeing with a boner often requires creative problem solving skills, especially in small spaces. There is no creative problem solving aspect of giving birth. Additionally, the way humans have evolved for these two actions supports my point. Giving birth is a natural process, which humans have evolved to be able to do. The female body is literally designed so that it can give birth with the lowest possible chance of error. The only real error that can happen is a miscarriage, which is also a natural occurrence, not a failure that occurs due to a lack of skill in giving birth. The male body, on the other hand, has evolved specifically so that peeing with a boner is very difficult. The only purpose for having a boner is to impregnate a woman, so the male body evolved to prevent urination during sex. On top of the difficulty in simply getting the pee to flow, there's the issue of actually positioning yourself so that the boner is pointing into the toilet bowl (urinals are much easier, but not always an option). In the past, I have had to give up and wait until my boner goes away because it was simply too difficult to actually pee in the toilet. There has never been a case where a woman has tried to give birth after being pregnant for nine months, not been able to do it, and said "fuck it" and waited 3 more months to try again because it would be easier the second try. Giving birth happens, every single time, because it's a natural process - peeing with a boner is the opposite.
Wun day, a boi n a gurl wer walkin w skool. Dey wer holdin handz and redy 2 seluhbrayt der 2 hour aniverssaree.
Da gurl turnt 2 da boi n say "bbz, do u luv me 4ever?!"
Da boi turnt 2 her n say "NO!"
Da gurl wuz <3brokn n run away frum da boi. She run in2 da street n got hit by a car.
Da boi run ovur 2 da gurl n hold her az she dyieng
"I wuz gonna say, I luv u 5ever"
Da boy den pull out hiz gat n shoot himself ded.
As his bodee hit da assfalt, a bawks rolled of his poccet. A bootyful dimund ring wuz nside.
Liek dis if u cry evrytiem
Her name was april, she had braces. She went down town on me, we were having fun.she deepthroated. Then that connective tissue that attaches the base of your cock to your scrotum sack got caught inbetween her bottom 2 teeth, suddenly i feel this sharp pulling and she stops with my cock down her throat we look at each other and she goes "EEeef Boff ooua oua eeef"(it's hard to talk with a cock in your mouth) anyway i reach down with my hand and feel around for my balls and skin and yeah its in her braces, so i try pushing it around to get it out, my cocks still in her mouth, still mostly deep throat and so i'm still getting a blow job, my cocks now back at fully erect and shes slobbering and drooling all over my hand so i keep losing grip on the bag skin, suddenly i'm like oh fuck i think i'm going cum so i say stop moving stop moving she looks up and goes "Oua iiii" and that put me over the edge and i shot a load down her throat, she starts gagging and jerks her head away and riiiiiip. I'm howling in pain and shes puking cum.
Anyway she had to go to the orthodontist to get a piece of my scrotum removed. And i got a scar and this story.
We kinda didn't talk much after
I woke up this morning with a bad hangover, and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time–it’s detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home when I think it’s gonna get me in trouble, or I can rent it out when I don’t need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can’t for the life of me remember what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn’t find it. So I called up the place where the party was; they hadn’t seen it either
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet, ‘cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes, but not this time
So, I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help either
I was starting to get desperate. I really don’t like being without my penis for too long; it makes me feel like less of a man, and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak. After a few hours of searching the house and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed. So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast. Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark’s Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it–I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen. I took it home, washed it off and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.
People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don’t know–even though sometimes it’s a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis.
Dear people who comment on porn, why? Do you really think whoever the fuck you’re masturbating to will see “you are gorgeous I would love to tittyfuck you, it would be my pleasure😍😍😍” will fly over to your house have sex with your fatass and then fly back? No. If it ever actually does happen, I’d bet that pornstar does it a lot. Which means constant flying. Porn commenters are causing global warming.
