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Hello, I noticed you have a profile picture of a very beautiful (but also intelligent looking!) female

    Started as a Discord shitpost but the copypasta has been adopted into a Valorant simp message.

    Hello, I noticed you have a profile picture of a very beautiful (but also intelligent looking!) female, and 1 am under the presumption that this goddess is you? It is quite astonishing to see a female here in the Valorant LFG. I am quite popular around here in this server, so if you require and guidance, please, throw me a mention. I will assist you at any hour, day or night. And, before you are mistaken, I do not seek your hand in a romantic way; although, I am not opposed in the event you are interested in me, as many women often are. I am a man of standard, and I do not bow to just any female that comes my way, unlike my peers... So rest assured that I will not be in the way of your gaming and socializing experience. Consider me ur jett? .. a companion, a partner, and perhaps we can enjoy some video games together some time. I see you play valorant, and are you good at playing sage? I am a peak gold 3, so I would be happy to help you rank up. Platonically of course, unless you (like many others) change your mind on that. I look forward to our future together (as friends of course.)

    You have to have a very high skill level to use the Constitution rifle effectively

      Constitution rifle copypasta from Helldivers 2

      Its the Rick and Morty high IQ copypasta but changed to the Constitution rifle from Helldivers 2.

      To be fair, you have to have a very high skill level to use the Constitution rifle effectively. Its mechanics are extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of marksmanship and warfare tactics, most of its features will go over the average player’s head. The sheer precision required to maximize its potential is understated in most tier lists. Only a true Helldiver understands the beauty of lining up the perfect shot while charging into the enemy’s line. The Constitution rifle isn’t just a weapon—it’s a statement. Its tactical design draws heavily from the principles of skilled gameplay, and the veterans recognize this. Casual players might scoff at it, but those in the know understand that it’s a masterpiece, not just in Helldivers, but of gaming itself.

      You have to have a very high IQ to understand Promised Consort Radahn

        Radahn copypasta
        source

        Its the “You have to a high IQ to understand Rick and Morty” copypasta but changed to Radahn from Elden Ring.

        To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Promised Consort Radahn. The lore is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of hegelian dialetics most of the nuances will go over a typical players's head. There's also Miquella's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation - his personal philosophy draws heavily from schopenhauerian literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of lore, to realize that they're not just deep- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Promised Consort Radahn truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the Nietzschean Tragedy in Miquella's existencial catchphrase "Promise you'll be my consort," which itself is a cryptic reference to the fact that Miquella needs a consort. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Miquella's genius unfolds itself on their computer's screen. What fools... how I pity them. 😂 And yes by the way, I DO have a Promised Consort Radahn and Miquella tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.

        Markiplier’s FNAF but everytime he says his name it skips to the next video

          source
          Hello everybody my name is Ma-
          "Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- _[ambience]_ _[animatronic head whirring]_ ... what the hell... HOHH HO HOHH, HOH HO HOH HO HOH... _[shock]_ AUHHHOHOHHOHHOUHOHHUAHUAHUAHOHHHH... AUHHHOHHHOH _[animatronic sound]_ ... _[clears throat]_ Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- The first night is never usually that bad in any of the games so i'll play through _[jumpscare]_ AAAUUFAAUFA- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- ... _[jumpscare]_ AAAUUUFA- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- _[door creaks]_ _[jumpscare]_ AUUUHHFA- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- _"There's no doubting what you've achieved on a technical level, these are clearly state of the art. There are just certain... design choices that were made for these robots that we don't fully understand. We were hoping that you could shed some light on those." "She can dance, she can sing, she's equipped with a built in helium-tank for inflating balloons right at her fingertips, she can take song requests, she can even dispense ice cream." "With all due respect, those aren't the design choices we were curious about Mr. Afton."_ ... Mr. Afton?- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- _[audio prompt playing]_ _[jumpscare]_ HAAAA- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma-s _[inhale through nose]_ ... Hi. Hello everybody my name is Ma- Okay, _[waving]_ Hello everybody my name is Ma- _[click]_ Hmm, _[click]_ ... eugh, Hi guys, my name is Ma- Alright let's do this, aah, Hello everybody my name is Ma- Ahh, that is creepy- Ohh no don't do that, ohh don't fo- aww that's horrible. Euuuhhhhh, eeeeeugh, euuuuugh.- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- _[light whirring]_ Oh shit, uh. _[light flash]_ Oh shit, okay god. _[thud]_ UAGH- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Aaand you'll never find me, hehehehehehe _"This area is off limits."_ oh my GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GAAH- _[jumpscare]_ Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- What're you doin here you're early, I haven't even done the intro yet. Go away.- _[puzzle beeping]_ _"Good news, it is almost- a- c- ock-"_ Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- _[microphone muted]_ _[music box playing]_ _[ambient drones]_ Hi, god, I was muted. I do that... EVERY TIME. I never forget to unmute when I'm streaming hi, hello, my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody, my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- _[dragging]_ _"Ehehaehaeehaehaehaehaehae..."_ _[5 footsteps]_ ... _[ambient noise]_ _[2 footsteps]_ _[sudden ambient noise]_ _[metal clanking]_ _[Burntrap yelling]_ _[metal clanking]_ _[7 footsteps]_ _[pod moving parts]_ _[pod opening]_ _"hhhhmhmhmhmhmhmhm..."_ _[9 foosteps]_ _[jumpscare]_ _[character falls]_ Hooh? Wha? Huh? Hwha? Huh, Hnh?- Hello everybody my name is Ma- OOOOUUH, _[door opening]_ what the f- wwhAAt, WAYAA- _[jumpscare]_ _[transition sound]_ Hello everybody my name is Ma- WOugh.. _[banging]_ Fucking.. You better be gone.. _[jumpscare]_ AAAAGH- _[transition sound]_ Hello everybody my name is Ma- I'm dead. _[door opening]_ Oh my god I'm not dead. _[whirring]_ a- _[jumpscare]_ AAAAHH- _[transition sound]_ Hello everybody my name is Ma- ... Okay, I wonder if w- B- WHY??.. IS THAT POSSIBLE?? [17 footsteps] Ohh I- _[jumpscare] AAAAH- _[transition sound]_ Warning this game contains flashlights, very loud noises and lots of jumpscares. Lots? I'll be the judge of that!- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Ohh no.. B- hah- I dont wanna go in the t- AAAAA- _[jumpscare]_ Hello everybody my name is Ma- Why would I run for it, I'm running for it. Why would I do this? I don't know. ʲᵘˢᵗ don't open _[inhale]_ _[jumpscare]_ OOOOHHH- Hello everybody my name is Ma- You okay? ... Chica? You alright? _[jumpscare]_ hAGH- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Okay whatever I think this is my chance, maybe? _[crumbling]_ Ohh, oh- _[jumpscare]_ AAGH- ... _[suddenly]_ Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Oh? Oh god... I see movemen- oh HOH HEY HOUH OH MY GOD- _[impact sfx]_ Hello everybody my name is Ma- _[impact sfx]_ Aww, aww, Ah. _[buzzing]_ _[impact sfx]_ _"Hehehehehehehehehhe"_ Awww... _[2 impact sfx]_ Aww man, you don't understand how happy I am to see you. You too.- Hello, my name is Ma- Oh my god don't do this to me... _"-go back to sleep! no one is here!"_ _[machine noises]_ ... No one's here... Oh my god no one's here. HEY- Hello everybody my name is Ma- _[impact sfx]_ _[door closing]_ Oh there we go. Am I actually- oh my god I can teleport. Hoh, hohh.- Hello everybody my name is Ma- See it doe- eegh- hooh... It just doesn't seem like... I w- _[jumpscare]_ AAAGH- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Oh my god oh my god. Oh my- _[jumpscare]_ OH MY GOD- Hello everybody my name is Ma- It's okay... it's okay, it's okay, it's okay there you go, there you go, there you g- b- _[jumpscare]_ AAAGH- So I do this with my left... _[2 zaps]_ Right. _[placing down noise]_ And then I.. _[woosh sound]_ _[ding sound]_ woahh! _[woosh sound]_ _[ding sound]_ Hello everybody my name is Ma- There's some kinda laughing... _[electric buzzing]_ _[jumpscare]_ AAH- _[transition sound]_ Hello everybody my name is Ma- _[drawer sound]_ _[4 key clicks]_ _[positive sound]_ It- _[revealing sound]_ Ohhh... _[woosh sound]_ Ohh.- 1983, 1983 was the answer.- Oh god I forgot I actually need to play this, and finish it I dunno. Good g- lllord.- Hello everybody, my name is Ma- I'm coming to getcha! _[door opening]_ Dont! AGH- _[jumpscare sound]_ _[character grunts]_ Well ain't that pretty. _[monitor powers on]_ I think it's really pretty, I gotta admit. Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hoh... _[jumpscare]_ hheAAGH- ... Hello everybody my name is Ma- Laa~ laa~ lala lala...- _[ambient groaning]_ _[inhaled sarcastic yelling]_ Hello everybody my name is Ma- Hello everybody my name is Ma-" real

          DO NOT DRAW ANDOU BEING WHITE

            Rena Andou from Girls und Panzer copypasta
            source

            Rena Andou is a supporting character in Girls und Panzer and the joke here is that the characters are basically Japanese playing role-play.

            DO NOT DRAW ANDOU BEING WHITE

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! DON'T MAKE HER WHITE!!!! SHE'S NOT A WHIGGA SHE'S A NIGGA!!! SHE'S BLACK!!! SHE'S FUCKING BLACK!!! ONLY OSHIDA AND MARIE ARE WHITE! NOT ANDOU!!! DON'T MAKE HER WHITE IT STOPS MAKING HER SPECIAL!!!! IF SHE'S NOT BLACK THAN SHE'S JUST A BROKE VERSION OF OSHIDA WHICH IS NOT THE SAME AS SOME NIGGA WHO IS SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL AND STRONG AND HOT HEADED AND OH MY GOD ANDOU JUST USE ME HOWEVER YOU WANT PUNISH ME HURT ME RUIN ME DO WHATEVER YOU WANT JUST DON'T BE WHITE LIKE THAT BLONDE HOE AND FATASS CAKE EATER!!! I GOT OFF TRACK BUT JUST DON'T MAKE HER WHITE!!!! SHE NEEDS TO BE FRENCH-ALGERIAN NOT JUST FRENCH!!!! FUCK FRANCE!!!!! LIGHTS JUST WENT OUT IN MY TOWN!!! IT'S ALL DARK!!! YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS DARK??? RENA ADNOU!!! EVEN GOD AGREES THAT ANDOU MUST BE BLACK!!! NOT WHITE!!!! SO STOP IT!!! MAKE HER BLACK!!!!

DO. NOT. MAKE. ANDOU. WHITE.

            Kuro Games scares me

              source

              Kuro Games is the developer and publisher for Wuthering Waves and Punishing: Gray Raven.

              I'm terrified of Kuro Games. Last night, they dropped a new survey, but I was too tired to fill it out, so I just skipped it and went to bed. Big mistake. Around 3:00 A.M., I woke up to the sound of my front door being kicked in. Before I could react, five Kuro drones flew into my room, their LED eyes glowing crimson.

They pinned me to my bed, holding me down at gunpoint. "Please rate your satisfaction with our latest region on a scale of 1 to 10," one of them buzzed. I tried to scream, but another bot shoved a barrel in my mouth. "What are your thoughts on playable characters? Do you like women in suits?"

I was shaking, unable to answer. My brain was mush. "WE PROMISE, WE DELIVER" they repeated in unison, their synthetic voices echoing through the room. I wanted to cry, but all I could do was stammer, "I-I liked the update... it was... g-good."

The bots paused, their eyes scanning me for sincerity. Then, as suddenly as they came, they flew out of my house, leaving a feedback form on my chest with "PLEASE COMPLETE THIS SURVEY" written in bold red letters along with 1,600 Astrites and a free 5-star Resonator.

I haven't slept since. Kuro Games, please... I promise I'll do the next survey. Just let me rest.
              WE PROMISE WE DELIVER
              WE PROMISE WE DELIVER
我們承諾
nous promettons que nous livrons
мы обещаем, мы доставим
Prometemos que entregamos