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H for “hello, this is the president of the US, I launched a tactical nuke to your location

    President just launched a nuke in your location
    source
    H for “hello, this is the president of the US, I launched a tactical nuke to your location. I accidentally fell asleep and my head fell onto the comically big red button that launches all the US nukes (the movies told the truth, before you die, you must know that I do in fact have a comically large nuke firing button, it’s located right next to the one that sends Bob from accounting on a coffee run). It was originally aimed at Russia but while trying to cancel it I accidentally relocated the targeting system to your city (dang new age tech). Anyways, be safe and have a great rest of your day (the next 47 minutes)!”


    I don’t get it, I’ve played video games my whole life. Its my main hobby.

      Comment
      byu/Bigworrrm89 from discussion
      inblackops6
      I don’t get it, I’ve played video games my whole life. Its my main hobby. I dont really watch TV or Movies. I spend easily 1-3 hours everyday playing video games, for years of my life. They say it takes 10,000 hours to master something, so I should be a master at video games and I will never ever be close to this level.

I genuinely don’t know how the human brain can see, recognize, react, aim, move, shoot all within 0.2 seconds. Whereas my brain is on dial up speed and needs to download the information im seeing, then conduct a meeting upstairs on how to proceed. Then a conflict on decision happens so a voting needs to take place. Then when the unanimous decision is voted on, the message gets sent to my team of hands that have poor communication skills so one aims and then when its time to pull the trigger there’s a delay almost like my trigger finger is a sleeper agent for the enemy and I miss my shot and die.

      Happy Hanukkah

        Happy 😘 Hannukah 🥳🕎 to ✌ all 🌏 my kosher 🇮🇱 THOTTIES 😏🍑🍑 out there 😜👀. I hope 🙏🙌 you 🤩 dreidel 🔄 dreidel 🔄 dreidel 🔄 that phat 🧀🥕🥘 ass 🍑 over here 👇 and get some 🍆😉 of this forbidden 🚫🙅‍♂️ HAM 🐖. Let the lamp 🛋🧞‍♂️ oil 👳‍♂️ burn 🔥👨‍🚒 twice 👬 as long 😝🤤 to keep that party 🎊👯‍♂️ going!! Remember 🧠 to SHALOM 🤓🧘‍♀️ on the haters 👖 and make sure you L'chaim 🌟 on the schmucks 😘😍!!! 
        👋💰Shalom SLUTS! 👋 Get your tuchus 🍑 ready 🥵 for EIGHT 🎱 LONG 🍆 DAYS 📅 of 🕎HanukkCOCK✡️ to 🎉celebrate🎉 the time 🕍🍷 D-ddy😇 made 1️⃣ drop of CUM💦👅 last for 8️⃣ GAYS 👬🌈😋 Hang up ⛑️ your yarmulke👲🤠 and spin 💞spin💞 SPIN😵‍💫 on daddy's DREIDEL 🍫🪙💦💦 till you get that 🍖✡️KOSHER COCK 😜😫 in your 👼HOLEiest 🕍of HOLES 🕳️😈🙈 send this text💌📩 to 🔟 of your BADDEST 💇‍♀️ ORTHODOX 🧕 BITCHES 💁‍♀️👄 Get 🔟 or more back 🥳🤯 and you'll be a 🕎MENORAH MOMMY💅 Get 5️⃣ back 😚🤪 and you're a 👯👑 jewish-american 🛏️ PILLOW PRINCESS 💗💟 Get 0️⃣ back 🤒🤢 and you'll get SPANKED 🍑💢 like the MACCABAES 💂 spanked ANTIOCHUS IV EPIPHANES👹👑👿 in 💦JerusaCUM🏙️when he wouldn't let them 🙅 celebrate 🙏SUCKot🥺 Chag sameach! 🔯🌠 
        It's time to get up 💤😴 you slutty slutty Jews ✡👅💦💦 get ready for the 8️⃣ days of HANUCOCK 🍆😩😍 hang up your yamaka and get FREAKY 😏😩💦 with other JEWEY 🔯 SLUTS 😘😍😝 you know RABBI is excited for his 8 days of KOSHER 🍖 DICK 🍆🍆 so all of you get out there and find some CIRCUMCIZED COCK 🕎 Send THIS TO 2️⃣5️⃣ of your BADDEST JEW BITCHES get 5️⃣ back and you're a SAD LATKE HOE 😠😟😂get 🔟 back and you're a PENNY PINCHING BITCH 🤑😈😜🍆🎉 get 2️⃣5️⃣ back and you'll be riding DADDIES MENORAH 🕎🕎🕎 ALL NIGHT😝😁🤑😍
        HAPPY HANUKKAH HOES ✡🎉 get ready for 8 nights of sucking DICK! 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆 The Jews escaped the desert on 8 nights of oil 🕯🌚 , but you'll do it on 8 nights of CUM 😜💦💦💦! Shove a DREIDEL up your butt✡😬🍑GOBBLE UP a LATKE dick😩👅! Send this to 8 of your Hanukkah THOTTIES👯 for a LIT 🕯Hanukkah! If you get 3️⃣ or less back you're a schmuck🍆! If you get 5️⃣ or more back you're a BAD JEWISH BITCH 👌❗️💁
        👋💰Shalom sluts 👋 happy ✡🕎️ Hanukkah✡️ 🕎 spin 💞spin💞 SPIN on daddy's dreidel✡️ 💦🕎💦🕎💦then ✡️I'll hanuk-cum on yoUr latke🔯 🕎OoOooo 🕎some 🔯🕯️hano౦kkah 🕯️sHit is about to go dOwn tonight😏💰🕍 YoU🕯️ light 🕯mY 🕎menorah🕎 and mAke me want to💦 Dip my ✡️latke iN your 🍎apple 💦sauCE Oooooo 😍I'll wear my💦🔯 yarlmu-cum💦😏 and 💦pEnetrate 👉👌you like how 🇮🇱 Israel 🇮🇱 penetrAtEs👉👌 the 🇵🇸Palestinian🇵🇸 territories 💦💦🔯🔯🔯🔯 ill mAkE u hanuk-💦cum 💦🕎8 TIMES 🕎 for the eiGHT 8️⃣ days 💦puRIFying💦 the 🕍HOly Temple 🕍 and I'll 👏SPANK 💦👏you like the 🔯Maccabees 🔯sPAnked 👏😈Antiochus IV Epiphanes👿 in 💦Jerusacum 💦🇮🇱🕎🕎🔯
        ARE YOU 👉 READY TO DO THE 👠✡WHOREA✡👠????!!! ITS THE 1ST🥇 NIGHT 🌃 OF HORNYKKAH 🤤🤤🤤 TIME TO GET 🕎🔥LIT🔥🕎 AND SPIT 💦💦💦 ON SUM 🙈🐒HAIRYKKAH COCK 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆!!!!!! DONT ❌ WORRY!! 😟 DICKPIG 🍑🐷 PORK 🐷🚫 IS KOSHER ✅🍑🐷 SEND THIS TO 🔟‼ OF YOUR JEWCYIST 👨🏻‍🦱🍑🍆💦 FRIENDS 👬👭👫 GET 0️⃣ BACK 😭😭😭AND YOU'RE A GOY 👿👱‍♀️GET 5️⃣ BACK 😳AND UR A REAL 😏 DREDIAL SPINNER ♻️ GET 8️⃣🕎 🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯OR MORE BACK AND YOURE IN FOR 8️⃣!! DAYS OF RUG BURN!!! 🥵🥵🥵🔥🌡🐒💦💦💦💦
        🔥🔥Alright🔥🔥 MaccaBITCHES 💅, it's deep 🫠 🥴🥴into kiss-lev 💋💄so light🕯🕯your manWHOREas 🙆🏻‍♂🕎 loosen those GELT buckles 🪙👖🪙🤑. Dreidel 🔄 dreidel 🔄 dreidel 🔄 that phat 🧀🥕🥘 ass 🍑 over here 👇😳. This week 🗓, we CUMmemorate 🤤🤤 the DOMINATION💀🏆😉 of the Greek 🇬🇷armies 🪖🪖 and King🤴AntiCHOKEus 😩👐🫶 by 4️⃣ SWEATY 💧OILY 🛢 MEN 😯😵‍💫, and Judah🛡 Maccabee 👨🏽‍⚖ with his 8 inch HAMMER 🍆🔨 🍆🔨. After SPANKING 🖐🤭🍑 their enemies 😡😤👬👬 the MaccaPEENs made sure their temple🍆🍑🌮 🕍😇 was clean 🧹🧼🚿 . There was only 🫨🫨 enough oil💦💦 to lube🌊 up the lamps 🪔💡🧞‍♂️ for one day 😱😱 ‼️ but there was a miracle 🤯🥳 and the flame🔥 stayed 🆙️👆📈⬆️ for 8️⃣ HOLE 🕳⭕️ days 😵‍💫😤😩 Now it's time to grab your man's potatoes 🥔🥔and lick his latkes 👅😋🥞 -- we're doing it 👉👌🛌with the💡 lights 💡ON 😎! Dance the WHORE-a 👯‍♀👯‍♂👡 because NES 👍 GADOL 🍆⬆ HAYA SHAM👇🗺📍 in the sheets🛏! Send this to 3️⃣6️⃣ of your ChanuCUM hoes 👩🏻👵🏼👩🏽‍⚕👩🏾‍🎤👩🏿‍🔧👨🏼‍🚒🤵🏼👷🏾‍♂ for a LIT 🕯🔥 Chanukah! Get 3⃣ back and you’re a schmuck 🤮😞! Get 5⃣ back and Judith🤵‍♀ will bring🧺🛒 you some good🙂‍↕️🥴😏 head 🧠👄🫦👅Get 8️⃣ or more and daddy👨👨 will squirt his warm 🥵🥵 jelly 🍯🍓🍒🫐 and you’ll be STUFFED 😫😏😋 like a SUFGANIYA! 🥖🍩🍩🍩
        MERRY CHRISTMAS 🎄🌲🎄 TO MY HO HO HO’S 🎅🤶🧑‍🎄 AND CHAG SAMEACH 🕎🇮🇱🫵TO MY SEMITIC SLUTS 🤤💦🤤ON THIS DAY 🫣🗓️THE HOTTEST JEW 🕎🥵WAS BORN AND MELCHIOR THE MIGHTY 👑🥇💪CUNTY CASPAR 🍯💅AND BALL-THAZAR 🍆🌳HURRIED TO THE VIRGIN MARY 😇🙏🤰 FOR THE FIRST EPISODE OF MAURY 👨 ONLY TO FIND OUT GOD 🛐⛪️ HIMSELF WAS THE FATHER🫃🫄🤰

WE HAVE ALSO CUM 💦🫣💫TOGETHER TO CELEBRATE 🎉👏🎊 JUDAH RE-INSERTING 🍆🫵🥵 THE MACCABEES INTO 💋🙂🙏THE TEMPLE 🕍🛕🏛️AND BUSTING 🍆💦💋THOSE SELEUCIDS 🙊😱😨OUT OF THEIR HORNY 🥜🥵HOLY 🇻🇦🙌SPOT AND WE CUMMEMORATE 🍆💦‼️EVERY YEAR BY ERECTING🙋‍♀️🍆🙋 OUR MENORAHS 🕎😱🫵AND SPARKING 🔥🚬🍃IT UP LEFT ⬅️TO RIGHT ➡️ FOR 8️⃣ SENSUAL 💦😏💋 DAYS AND EIGHT WILD 🔥🤪🐗 NIGHTS

BUT LEAVE THE HISTORY 🙋‍♂️📠📜 FOR THE GILFS 👵 👴 DILFS 👨👴 AND MILFS 👩🧓ITS TIME TO FIND OUT IF YOU’VE BEEN NAUGHTY 🤪🔥💦 OR NICE 😊☀️🫵 MR AND MRS CLAUS 🎅🤶HAVE BEEN GRINDING ⚙️💦⚙️ UP ON HIS NORTH POLE 💈🍆💦TO DETERMINE IF YOU’RE 🫵🤪🫵 GETTING A BIG TOY 🧸💦🍆 OR A BIG BLACK 🖤✔️📞 LUMP OF COAL 🗿🫨💋 AND HE’S MAKING IT RAIN 💦💦💦 ON ALL YOU JEWISH 🕎🕎🕎 JELQERS 🍆💦💈WITH BAGS OF CHOCOLATE GELT 🪙🍫💦 SO YOU 🫵🫵 CAN HAVE SOME FUN 🤪💦🔥 WHEN SANTA🎅CUMS DOWN 💦🍆⬇️YOUR CHIMNEY 🏠🚿💋THIS YEAR🗓️🗓️🗓️

SEND THIS TO 1️⃣5️⃣ OF YOUR JUDEO-CHRISTIAN HUNNIES 🙏✝️🕎 IF YOU GET 0️⃣ BACK YOU HAVE TO THROAT 🍽️💦⬇️ A GEFILTE FISH 🐟🐠🤪 IF YOU GET 5️⃣ BACK YOU’RE 🫵🫵 A HORNY HEATHEN 🍆💦🙏✝️ IF YOU GET 1️⃣0️⃣ BACK YOU’RE SPINNING 😵‍💫🔥🫨 THAT ASS 🍑🍑🍑 LIKE A DREIDEL 🔝🙏💋 IF YOU GET ALL 1️⃣5️⃣ BACK YOU WILL DICK DOWN 🍆⬇️🤪 THIS HOLIDAY SEASON 🎉🎊🎁

        I don’t see Crash Bandicoot, but I wish I could.

          Crash Bandicoot copypasta
          I don't see Crash Bandicoot, but I wish I could. Even since I was a kid, I had always wanted to see Crash Bandicoot. My friends would always talk about Crash and the apparently wacky stuff he'd be doing on the PlayeStation, but I never saw it. I never Crash crash or whatever the hell he actually does, and my friends, my frustrating, frustrating friends would never really describe what Crash Bandicoot does in any real detail. All I knew was that he was wacky and that the game on the PlayeStation was the most fun game of all time.

I never saw him though. I watched them playe it too. I watched my friends playe Crash Bandicoot. but I couldn't see it. I thought they were jokeing with me, ya know? You ever joke with your friends? You ever had a mean joke with your friends when you were a kid? I bet you did. Because this is probably another joke.

Why else would you mention Crash Bandicoot? I can't see Crash Bandicoot. I can't see his wackiness, whatever form that takes, in the games, not in YoueTube clips, not on box arts, or posters, or fan art, or whatever else Crash might be allegedly able to be seen in. Show? Was there a show? Not like it matters.

And you're in on it. I can see that. I can't see Crash Bandicoot, but I can see that you know that I can't see Crash Bandicoot, and so what did you do? You teased me. You said, "Anyone else see Crash Bandicoot?" that laughed all hee haw like a lude donkey, didn't you? You did the laugh, didn't you?

I don't appreciate that. I don't appreciate that one bit. All I've ever wanted my whole life was to see Crash Bandicoot, and look, pal, I was in a place where I was secure with the fact that it just isn't something I'm able to do, but look what happens. Some pud tugger like you goes ahead and teases me with a little Crash Bandicoot search. You rekindle a little ember of hope in my Crashless heart and set me out to scour the comic in search of that elusive Crash Bandicoot, but nope. He's not there. Or if he is there, I still can't see him.

So, can you please log off your computer? You've done enough damage. I'm going to log off too, because I gotta relive all this Crash Bandicoot trauma.

Thanks a lot, jerk.

          I’m sick of playing Infinity Nikki with mobile graphics

            Infinity Nikki copypasta

            Created by u/spiderproductionzone, its the Xiangling copypasta but changed to playing Infinity Nikki on mobile phones.

            I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of playing Infinity Nikki with mobile graphics. I try to take a photo in Flutter Storm. My dress has no texture. I try to take a photo with Tan Youyou. His clothes have no texture. I want to take a photo of the flowers. They don't render. Nikki grabs me by the throat. I fish for her. I catch worms for her. I follow a guide to play the game on my laptop. It was the mobile version, and the interface lacked responsiveness. I set my phone graphics to max, and it overheats. "I don't need this much of your phone's processor" she tells me. "You just need a better device. I can take better photos on a proper gaming PC." I can't buy a gaming pc, I don't have enough blings. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." My frame rate drops to 0. There is no hint of sadness in her eyes. Nothing but pure, no icd stuttering.

What a cruel world.