I was driving with a friend
I grab his leg instead of the gearstick
We both laugh and I unzip his pants
I park the car while fondling with his balls, my friend is laughing because he knows it's a joke and we're just friends
I start sucking his dick and was about to choke on it because I'm laughing so hard
My friend is also laughing his ass off, he starts making train noise while yelling "BROJOB BROJOB CHOO CHOO"
He then cums and then I swallow it all and kiss him while both laughing cuz we know it's a joke.
Gotta love making jokes with my friends bro.
I'm a man. A real man that gets his cocked suck. I do not eat pussy. I make sure a woman understands that I'm a dom and she is a sub. A real goddamn man. And it hurts to see emasculation in other men. This is frame.
So as a joke, I went to my friend's house while wearing Konata's blue wig and uniform. I could barely stop my laughter as he went as red as a tomato and looked at me from head to toe with a bit of drool in his mouth. The way he stared made me feel a bit funny too, but I decided to tease him more by taking off my clothes. He asked me, "Are you serious?" and I said, "Yup."
He went silent for what seemed like forever, so I asked him, "What's the matter?" He said he's confused, but then his boner got really hard, which made me take off his clothes. I expected him to scream, "Stop!" as I kissed him and stroked his cock, but he instead shouted, "Oh God, Konata!" which made me get a boner myself. Before I knew it, I was blowing him for the first time till he came.
His semen was so thick, it got stuck inside my throat no matter how hard I swallowed. He then said, "I want to fuck you now!" and seeing that we've already gone that far and we were both naked, I obliged. A few hours later, the jerk went all pale and said to me, "Why did we do that? Now I'm totally gay." But he looked so cute all confused like that, so I took pity on him and reassured while wiping his cum off my face, "Let's just pretend I'm still Konata."
Hey 👋you hot 🔥⭐️ piece of American 🇺🇸 ass 🍑! Today 🌞 is the fourth 4️⃣ of July ⭐️ also known as 💭 Independence Day! 1776 🙈 years ago, America 💙❤️💙 was ruled 👸🏼 by King George Washington 🍆👴🏼 from the country 🇹🇷 Europe 😱😖. Thank goodness 🙏 Daddy Sam 🍆👨🏻🇺🇸 and Barrack Obama 🍆👦🏾 won our freedom 🙌 from them. Today 🏆 is a day to celebrate 🍾🎊🎉 our religious 🙏 and sexual🍆 😳 liberties. So get down ⬇️ on your knees 👖and worship your daddy 🍆👴🏼 and thank him 👌 for your liberal 😻 labia 🌷! Send this to 🔟 of your favorite Stars ⭐️ and stripes sluts 👸🏼👧🏻👶🏻! If you get 0️⃣ to 5️⃣ back, freedom rings 🎊 throughout your pussy 🎀 because it is so empty 🗑 and large 👀. If you get 6️⃣ to 8️⃣ back, your daddy 🍆👴🏼 is sure to give 👉 your sweet land of Liberty 👅👄 a taste 👏😫! And if you get 9️⃣ to 🔟 back, your patriotic 🇺🇸🎊💙❤️ pussy will be filled with nationalism 🇺🇸💙❤️💯 and dick 🍆!
IT’S OUR 🇺🇸NATION’S 🇺🇸 BIRTHDAY 🎊🎉🎉 PATRI-SLUTS😋😋😩 AND IT HAS A BIIIG 😉💯🍆👅 PRESENT FOR YOU!!1! OUR DADDY 👨👀🍆💦 UNCLE SAM 🔥🔥🔥WANTS YoU😘😩🎊😏! HE’s BRINGING his STAR 🌟✨⭐SPANGLED 💥⚡🔥BONER 🙇😯🎉😩😩 TO GIVE YOU FREE🅱️OM TO HOE‼️ BUTT😉 that’s not ALL. HE’S gonna launch his rocket 🚀😩😋 into your HO(m)E OF THE BRAVE🍑🍑🍑 and EXPLODE✨💥😩 in your SPACIOUS SKIES👉👌👌👌. IF YOUve DECLARED your HOEDEPENDENCE 😩👉👌🇺🇸 DADDY will eat that ASS😩😋 like apple 🍎 pie 😋🇺🇸👌💯. iF yoUVE been a COMMIE 😡😤👺🖕❌❌ NO FREEDOM CUMMIES FOR U! 😣🍆💦💦❌🙅😔😔 send this to 2️⃣5️⃣ SONS of LIBERTITTY 👦👦🔥💦😜 & you’ll get Daddy SAMs’ MEGA THICC PATRIODICK‼️😜😜🔥🔥🍆💦💦🎉🎁💦😩😩😍
Happy fWHOREth of July 🇺🇸💥 my fellow SLUTTY 🍆💦 AmeriCUNTS! 🇺🇸😂 On this day 📅 in 1️⃣7️⃣7️⃣6️⃣, the DADDIES 👴🏻🍆 of our nation 🇺🇸 got DRIPPY 💦💦 together & signed 📝 the Declaration of IndependSEX, 🇺🇸👉👌 breaking away 💔 from those COCK BLOCKING 🚫🍆❌ Brits 🇬🇧☕ & giving us our 🙌 freedom 🙌 to FUCK! 🍆🍑💦 So grab those 💥 sparklers 💥 & start LICKIN 👅💦 some BUTTHOLES 🍑 good ol AMERICAN style! 🇺🇸💦 SHOOT ↗️🎉 your LOAD 🍆💦 of 💥 fireworks 💥 off, FLOP ⤵️ those BIG ASS 🍑 John HanCOCK 🍆🌭 WEINERS 🌭 on the grill, 🍳 & wave 👋 the 🌟 Star SPANKING 🍑👏 Banner, 🇺🇸 praising 🙌 the red 🔴, WHITE ⚪💦 & blue! 🔵 Send ➡️ this to 1️⃣0️⃣ PATRIOTIC PUSSIES 🇺🇸😹 or you won't 🚫 get Lady Liberty's 🗽 GREEN TITS 🗽 in your face tonight! 😭 Get 3️⃣ back & you're a 🇺🇸 Ben FrankCLIT LICKER 👅💦 Get 5️⃣ back & you're a 🇺🇸 John PennIS SUCKER 🍆🍆 Get 1️⃣0️⃣ back & you're the 🇺🇸 Thomas JefferSUCC SLUT QUEEN 🍆💦👑
🏳️🌈PRIDE MONTH🏳️🌈 IS OVER 🙅♀️AND JUST LIKE 🏢CORPORATIONS👨🏻💼DROPPING THE GAYS💅 OR 🫢THE SUPREME COURT🏛👨🏻⚖️DROPPING 😤WOMENS RIGHTS🤦♀️, ANOTHER 🙃EMOJI 🫠TEXT🫡 IS😯 HERE🤪
🎇🎆ITS ALMOST 🇺🇸INDEPENIS DAY 🫡🍆MY FELLOW AMERICUNTS🇺🇸🍆 IN 1776 THE FOUNDING DADDIES 👨💼💁♂️WROTE ✍️THE DICKlararion🍆 OF HOE-DEPENDENCE✨🍑THATS RIGHT 👴🏻UNCLE SAM WANTS YOU 🫵TO SUCC👅 HIS STAR SPANGLED✨ 🅱️ONER🍆 POP💥 THOSE PATRIOTIC PUSSIES 🫦 FOR COCK BLOCKING🙅♂️ THOSE BRITS 🇬🇧 AND FLOP ⤵️THOSE JOHN HAN-COCKS 💦ON THE GRILL🌭
SEND THIS TO 1️⃣ and YOURE A COMMIE 🔴 FOR CUMMIES 💦👅 3️⃣and YOURE GETTING PATRIODICKKED DOWN🇺🇸🫡🍆 5️⃣ and YOULL GET A VISIT 🎆FROM BEN FRAN-CLIT💦 LICKER 👴🏻🪁👅 🔟AND BET YOUR STAR 🌟SPANKING 💥🍑👋BANNER 🇺🇸LADY LIBERTYS 🗽TITS 🍈WILL BE IN UR FACE 2NITE 🤪
HAPPY JULY F(WHORE)TH BITCHES!!!!!🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 be proud of your CUMtry as you fight for your freedom to FUCK 🍆💦😩 don't be independent today, find yourself a FOUNDING DADDY 😉 to shoot his FIREWORKS into you 😩🎆 if you want a sexy freedom fighter to give you his hotdog 🌭 just yell 🔴"THE REDCOATS ARE CUMMING"🔴 it doesn't matter if you're a down-ass 😏😏😏 ALEXANDER HAMILTON type bitch or shy and thick like BENJAMIN FRANKLIN 🍑💦 send this to 10 other freedom lovin' sluts🇺🇸 or you'll be thrown away 💁🏻🚮 like tea into the water 🐸☕️🌊 don't forget your Independence Day CUMMIES!!!💦💦💦
SAY 🗣 GOODBYE 👋TO THE ◼◼◼◼ RAINBOWS🏳️🌈🌈 OF JUNE 📅
THE ONLY 🕶 COLORS 🎨THAT MATTER IN JULY 🗓 ARE
RED 🔴WHITE ⚪AND BLUE 🔵
IN HONOR🏅 OF INDEPENDENCE DAY 🇺🇸🏈🎆, TRUMP 👨🏻🦰 HAS DECIDED THAT AMERICA 🇺🇸IS SECEDING ✂️ FROM THE WORLD 🌎
RUSSIA 🇷🇺 IS ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛CREATING 🏗 A YUGE PLANET 🌌🌏 FOR US ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ TO HABITATE TOGETHER. 👨❤️👨
IT IS TOO SMALL 🐜 FOR ANY ALIENS 👽👾THAT COME FROM MEXICO 🇲🇽🌮🌯 OR MARS 🇲🇭♂️ SORRY 🙇♀️
SO PACK YOUR BAGS 👜🎒👝🛍, WE ARE GOING TO TAKE A GIANT LEAP 🕴 FOR THE ONLY MANKIND 👨🏻🦰 THAT MATTERS, WHITE AMERICANS 👱🏻♂️ 🇺🇸
DRINK A BUDWEISER 🍻 AND REPORT 🚨TO YOUR LOCAL BASEBALL ⚾️ STADIUM FOR TAKE OFF 🚀👩🚀👨🚀
BUT REMEMBER NO VEGANS 🥕🥔🍠🍅🍆🥒, DEMOCRATS 🐴🔵, OR ENVIRONMENTALISTS 🌲🌴🌷🌻🌹ALLOWED. ✔
POP 🧨 POP 🎆 POP 🎇 THAT PUSSY 😩 ON THIS 🦅 FREEDOM DAY 🇺🇸. Did you know that the 3️⃣ colors of the flag 🇺🇸 mean some SHIT❔ The RED ♥️🌹 stripes on the flag represent the HANDPRINTS 🙌🏼 😏on your ASSCHEEKS 🍑 The WHITE 🤍⚪️ stripes represent the cummies 😜💦 that’ll be ON and IN you 😩😛 and the BLUE 💙🔵 represents the DICK 🍆 RIDING BRUISES 🥵 make SURE you celebrate 🎉 RIGHT 👌by getting ZADDY’s big rocket 🚀 💦 into your CANNON 🐱 and letting it FIRE 💥 into you 😤 RIDE that GIRTHY 💪🏼 DIIICK like the British 🇬🇧 are cumming 😛🍆💦 spread that eagle 🦅 wide to feed 😏👅 zaddy better than any cookout 😩 Send 💌 to 7️⃣ of the BADDEST 🥵😚 BITCHES you know❗️ if you get 7️⃣ back, you’ll have ALL 3️⃣ colors of the flag ♥️⚪️💙 tonight!!! If you get 4️⃣ back, DADDY is gonna be FEASTIN 🤤 on your coochie 🍪 tonight!! If you get less than 2️⃣ back, your PUSSY 😿 is gonna be drier 🌵 than the ones on the grill 🍗🤷🏻♀️
I am male if it matters. I've always been into putting things in my ass I don't know why, I'm not gay or anything I just like how it feels. Well I got drunk last night and decided to play with my ass and I hadn't gone shopping so I was out of carrots and cucumbers so I looked around and I saw my Buzz Lightyear action figure and thought "why not?" I've put action figures up there before because they feel different and it's funny. I grabbed Buzz, lubed him up and put him up against my asshole and started sliding him in. "To infinity and beyond!" I moaned as Buzz entered me.
The only problem is that he has those wings that expand and so they popped open nearly splitting me in half and now he's stuck in there and I can't get him out. I know I need to go to the emergency room but honestly I'm scared and ashamed. I've managed to hide it from my wife so far but I think she's getting suspicious and can tell something is wrong. I'm going to try to sneak to the ER later and hopefully get it taken care of without her finding out.
Combo do que o Luiz Otavio (o monarquista do twitter) é contra:
Novamente perdi seguidores por um posicionamento. Então lá vai um combo para facilitar para vocês: sou contra feminismo, aborto em TODOS os casos, controle de natalidade, casamento gay (incluindo o civil), poligamia, liberdade religiosa, colocar arroz sobre o feijão, república, sedentarismo, liberalismo, missa nova, judaísmo, Concílio Vaticano II, funk, comunismo, coloquialismo gramatical, roupas vulgares, "Renovação Carismática Católica", métodos contraceptivos (incluindo a tabelinha), palavrões, ovo que se cozinhou muito, mulher usar calça, café fraco, democracia liberal, materialismo histórico e dialético, mistérios luminosos do Rosário, venda de empresas nacionais a estrangeiros, sedevacantismo, e-boys, e-girls, emos, punks, nova teologia, veganismo, modernismo, treinar exercícios em jejum, ecumenismo, buffet por quilo, cabelos de cores estranhas, piercings, preconceito gastronômico, tatuagens, bebida alcoólica em jejum, as placas de carro do Mercosul, chá com açúcar, terno sem gravata, desperdício de comida, mulheres servindo ao altar, sapato sem meia, pílula contra dor de cabeça, padres sem batina, MGTOWS, coachings, católicos continuístas, pais e mães de pet, alimentação desbalanceada, roupa esportiva no dia-a-dia, fornicação (sexo antes do casamento), freiras sem hábito, espírito burguês, perenialismo, anarco-capitalismo, arte moderna, União Européia, nacional-socialismo, sionismo, pronunciar o R como uma aproximante alveolar sonora, chamar os pais da namorada de "sogros", o Estado de Israel, russofobia, o último acordo ortográfico, carros de câmbio automático, concubinato, sentimentalismo, eutanásia, anel de compromisso no namoro, maconha, ficar sem camisa em público, "batismo no Espírito Santo", TikTok, crianças terem acesso à internet e redes sociais, ministros de Eucaristia, esteróides anabolizantes, girias de adolescente, roer as unhas…