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My friend only plays Mo & Krill

    Someone posted a rant on the Deadlock sub of his friend that only plays Mo & Krill and the post instantly became a meme.

     My friend only plays Mo & Krill 

I wish this was a joke, I really do but I have to vent somewhere. I play Deadlock with two other people (sometimes three) but one of them consistently and always picks Mo & Krill. He never plays any other hero - no, he refuses to play another hero. We are always joking about it but it's seriously starting to piss me off. The stupidest thing is that whenever he manages to get a kill (he averages 4/6/7 like every match) he screams at the top of his lungs "MOOOOOOOOOOO AAAAAAAND KRIIIIILL". Me and the other friends I play with genuinely do not know what to do anymore. He always farms lane but somehow manages to only have 12k souls at the end of a 35 minute game. After the laning phase he just disappears into jungle and we do not see him (I do not count the times he spins up from the ground not anywhere close to any enemies). I am seriously starting to consider playing another game or trying to convince him to play any other character but he won't listen. He has 20 hours playtime and he has never played any other hero. What can I do?

    Paradox

    My friend only plays paradox

I wish this was a joke, I really do but I have to vent somewhere. I play Deadlock with two other people (sometimes three) but one of them consistently and always picks Paradox. He never plays any other hero - **no,** he *refuses* to play another hero. We are always joking about it but it's seriously starting to piss me off. The stupidest thing is that whenever he manages to get a kill (he averages 6/9/7 like every match) he screams at the top of his lungs **"WHERE ARE YOU GOING".** Me and the other friends I play with genuinely do not know what to do anymore. He always builds echo shard but somehow manages to never participate in urn fight souls in a 35 minute game. After the laning phase he just disappears into jungle, with the occasional ganks with missed ultra coming from our headsets, and we do not see him (I do not count the times he presses 4 in a big crowd of enemies and dies immediately). I am seriously starting to consider playing another game or trying to convince him to play any other character but he won't listen. He has 20 hours playtime and he has never played any other hero. What can I do?

    I fucking hate v2

      source
      I fucking hate v2. First of all, he has the balls to use v1's schematic for himself, then he doesn't even use the main feature, the healing? Instead he decides to use durability instead. Newsflash dumbass, durability ain't mean shit when you've got three jackhammers, 4 quarters, and a cannonball up your ass. Also, using a war machine's schematic for peace? And then he isn't even good enough to beat me? Or at least put up a decent fight? V2 is such a stupid dumbass shithead idiot that he doesn't know how to use it's own arms for anything other than utility. I could destroy v2 in 16 seconds flat with nothing but a single quarter and my bare fucking hands. V2 is a dishonour to the V family name. I enjoyed killing him and I would do it again. If every other piece of matter in the universe was reduced to nothing, and V2 was the only being I had left to keep me company, I would still kill him and piss on his lifeless corpse.

      K? K what?

        Whenever someone replies with "k"
        K? K what? The letter before L? The letter after J? Did you know that in JK the K stands for “kidding?” So your reply is “kidding?” or K as in Potassium? Do you need some Special K for breakfast? K as in I can K/O you? Can I knock you out and feed you to hungry sharks? Sharks have a K in it. "K"? Are you fucking kidding me? I spent a decent portion of my life writing all of that and your response to me is "K"? Are you so mentally handicapped that the only letter you can comprehend is "K" - or are you just some fucking asshole who thinks that with such a short response, he can make a statement about how meaningless what was written was? Well, I'll have you know that what I wrote was NOT meaningless, in fact, I even had my written work proof-read by several professors of literature. Don't believe me? I doubt you would, and your response to this will probably be "K" once again. Do I give a fuck? No, does it look like I give even the slightest fuck about a single letter? I bet you took the time to type that one letter too, I bet you sat there and chuckled to yourself for 20 hearty seconds before pressing "send". You're so fucking pathetic. I'm honestly considering directing you to a psychiatrist, but I'm simply far too nice to do something like that. You, however, will go out of your way to make a fool out of someone by responding to a well-thought-out, intelligent, or humorous statement that probably took longer to write than you can last in bed with a chimpanzee. What do I have to say to you? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't be bothered to respond to such a worthless attempt at a response. Do you want "K" on your gravestone? Do you want people to remember you as the asshat who one day decided to respond to someone with a single letter? "Hey, look, everybody! It's that "K" guy!" That's who you are. You're going to be known as the "K" guy. How does it feel? Do you feel happy? Quite honestly, I don't care, which is why I'm not even going to respond to you. Goodbye, and good luck with your future as that guy who said "K". Alright listen up motherfucker, and get your comfy seat because we're gonna be here a while. Do you really think you can just get away with "k" as a message? What if someone did that to you, huh? Do you think you would like it? Making an entire paragraph to get a fuckin' one letter response of the tenth letter in the alphabet, you think that's fuckin' funny, jackass? Do you want your crush to respond back with "k" after you spill your feelings out like this? (Take me back, Emma.) Huh? What if I did it to you? k. Did you fuckin' like that? What, did you just jizz in your pants because someone disregarded your entire effort of writing this ENTIRE paragraph FROM HAND in about fifteen minutes? That just makes me feel fucking rejected just like my ex. (Take me back, Roxanne.) k. What're you, fuckin' gay? Can I have a response that actually MEANS something instead of just shitfacing our "conversation" with the spam of "k?" Now occasionally with questions or something it's reasonable, but doing it to any fucking response they say. "We're having a nuclear crisis, you have fifteen minutes to evacuate." You're the type of person that would fuckin' say "k" to that, you limp dick hypocrite. You think you can get away with this, right? You think it's SOOOOOO funny to do this shit, but I can guarantee that you'll be taken out back and shot soon. You're fucking dead, "k"iddo. 
        K? 
K what? 
K the letter before L, the letter after J? 
Did you know that in JK, K stands for “Kidding”. 
So your reply is “Kidding?” 
Or K as in Potassium? 
Do you need some Special K breakfast cereal? 
K, as in K/O? 
Can I knock you out and feed you to hungry sharks? 
Sharks has a K in it...

        I once let out a wet tuna fart walking down a hallway

          source
          I once let out a wet tuna fart walking down a hallway I thought I was alone in, totally crop dusted it for a good 6 steps of squeaks. a very attractive woman then turned the corner ahead of me and started heading right at me.

So I decided to preempt what I knew she would smell, and commented "be careful, smells like the trash needs taken out or something"

She kinda chuckles and passes me, theres a tense pause as I wait to see if she says something.

The hallway suddenly echos with the sound of a like, choking cough? The kind a cat makes when trying to get a hairball up, like the taste of the air punched down her sinuses and slammed into her tongue. A single, loud sound like a shotgun going off into a bowl of jello.

This happened like 22 years ago. I still think about it from time to time. It's shaped who I am as a person.

          I’m sick of HoS Ryoshu.

            Its the Xiangling copypasta but changed to House of Spiders (HoS) Ryoshu from Limbus Company.

            I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of HoS Ryoshu. I try to synnergize her with my Nursefather team, she kills them. I try to play with the Apprentice, she kills them. I don't even try to put her in a status team. I want her to use her S3-3 over and over. Her best passive is to kill Renclair yet she prioritize him last . I want her to kill Sora Don yet she kills Riensang for 1 extra red coins. She grabs me by the throat. I farm Luxcavation for her. I cook for her. I give her the best ego there is and uptie her. She is not satisfied. I just want her to use her S3-2. "I don't use S3-2 without the nursefathers” She tells me. "Give me the HoS ids" She lets the enemies hit her while casually evading. "You just need to buff me more. I can deal more damage with the more passing turns" I can't pull for Valencina Rodion or Matthias Outis, I don't have enough Lunacy. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." She unsheathes her sword. She says "I will slash and scorch throught the nursefathers until they are severed away" There is no hint of sadness in her eyes. Nothing but pure 500 damage per S3-3 in the span of 7 turns. What a cruel world.

            I notice that this is your first fanfic, so I’ll give you a few tips.

              An unhinged AO3 reader gives some tips to the author on writing gay fanfics.

              I notice that this is your first fanfic, so I'll give you a few tips. First, you don't have to pretend you're a guy/gay/whatever! I know a lot of young female authors do this to feel more validated and to cover up when something anatomically incorrect happens in their fanfiction, or men don't talk like real men would, but I want to tell you that there's really nothing wrong with being just straight woman. You're fine likt that. And you're going to make mistakes sometimes. And then, as you develop as a writer, the mistakes will become less and less! (I also want to point out that this narrative is very harmful to us, real gay people. We are not some mask to be worn when convenient and then taken off later. Please think about it.)

Secondly: balls, balls, and more balls. Kissing the belly or behind the ears can be fun in lesbian or heterosexual sex, but men focus on the cock and balls. That's where all our pleasure is; we don't feel a warm feeling in our lower abdomen, a tingling in our stomach, or get weak legs. Licking and biting your nipples is nice, but not enough to make you scream or moan. You can also forget about fingering -- if you've had sex with more than one partner and are active, all you need is a little lubrication and you're good to go. Of course, don't forget condoms; no one wants STD. And on the non-sexual side, I can assure you that no one starts coming out by checking if their parents are okay with it. You either know they are, or you're keeping quiet. I also don't know why Adam would have such a hard time finding a gay club nearby? From what I understand, the fanfiction is set in modern times, so he should be able to find something at least somewhat LGBT-friendly close to home. On the other hand, his pickiness is also a bit strange, like sorry not sorry, but rules like "he's too young/too old" or "he's my friend's ex" don't work in the gay world :p. If a man wants to fuck, he'll even sleep with a young straight man with a wife and five kids. That's just the reality. We also don't watch series like heated rivalry or heartstopper, and we don't read yaoi. Those are things typically aimed at women, and the actors/characters are designed for a female audience. Gay men don't like delicate he/him waifus. Those are the most obvious mistakes I've noticed. We'll see how it goes in the second chapter :p