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Ash Wednesday

    ‼️🚨ATTENTION🚨‼️CALLING📞📲 ALL OF MY DUSTIEST SINNERS👦👩👦👩. TODAY IS ASH WEDNESDAY✝️☠️⚔️ YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS😮ITS TIME 🕰️ TO REFLECT ON YOUR MORTALITY💀☠️😵🪦DONT FORGET😩 TO‼️‼️REMEMBER 🧠🧐YOU ARE DUST 💨AND TO DUST 💨YOU SHALL RETURN ‼️‼️YOU HAVE CAUSED DIVISION ➗ ❌ FROM GOD😵🙅SO YOUR FAT ASH🍑 🫄BETTER BE FASTING 🚫🌯🚫 RECEIVING YOUR ASHES🥸✝️ AND REMEMBERING YOU WILL DIE💀😵☠️😩 DO NOT🙅 EAT MEAT🚫🍗🍔🥓🥩🍖 🚫DO ✅ PENANCE 😇🧐DO ✅ PRAY😇🙏DO✅ ALMSGIVING 😇💸👆✝️. SEND THIS TO 121️⃣2️⃣ OF YOUR DUSTIEST FRIENDS👯👯‍♀️ IN NEED OF CHRIST’S🙏✝️ 💧🩸DIVINE MERCY 🩸💧. GET 0 0️⃣ BACK AND YOU YOUR LENT4️⃣0️⃣WILL BE FILLED WITH PLEASURE AND FEASTING👿 🙅😫. GET 55️⃣ BACK AND YOU ARE A DISCIPLINED🙏💪 DISCIPLE✝️💪 GET 12 1️⃣2️⃣ BACK AND YOU WILL BE UNITED 🙏TO THE SUFFERING🩸😫 AND AGONIES😫🩸 OF CHRIST'S🙏✝️ DEATH 💀🪦 THIS LENTEN 4️⃣0️⃣SEASON😇 😁🤗 
    What up Christian sluts! ✝🙏🙏✝ ASS Wednesday is CUMMING UP! Remember that you are cummies 💦 💦 and to cummies you shall return! We might look like young Christian women 🙏💁🙏 but we're ready to get our faces soaked with ash ✝✝✝ and that Catholic cum 🍆💦💦 AND BE SLUTTIER THAN THE WHORE OF BABYLON!! 👅🍆 Send this to 🔟 of your baddest God-fearing bitches - if YOU GET 0️⃣ BACK, YOU'LL BE GIVING UP DICK THIS LENT 🙅🙅 IF YOU GET 5️⃣ BACK, YOU'RE A SLUTTY NUN 💁💋GET 🔟 BACK AND YOU'LL GET 40 DAYS OF CUM ✝🍆💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦 FROM DADDY JESUS HIMSELF!
    🙏🤲Laudetur Jesus Christus🥵🐪 you little✝️cathoLICK👅SLUTS💃💃💃it’s ASS🍑WEDNESDAY📆you know what that means🧐its time to get👨🏻DADDYS🐪NAZARENE🐪COCK🍆🤤all DIRTY😈😈😈and let him SMACK🤌💥🤕it on that🥺FACE🥺til it leaves a MARK 14:51😈📖🔍🤨if ur lucky some big dick📏😱romans🏛️👶🐺👶will NAIL🔨🤩you to a SEXY🥵🥵CRUCIFIX✝️and CUM💦💦💦on you til you have STIGMATA⭕️⭕️on ur GAPING HOLE 🕳️ LENT fasting starts TODAY so I hope u GOBBLED DOWN⤵️🔄on daddys JUICY🧃HOG🐖🐷🍆🤤and SWALLOWED his CUM🤤🌊last night‼️🌝 now it’s time⏰to strap in for SIX6️⃣🕕🕡sexy weeks⏳⌛️🗓️🗓️of EDGING😳😖😫before the easter cummy🐇EMPTIES your BALLS⚽️⚽️on his EGGS🪺🐣and you can get back to ✅🥩🍆🥵MEATY FRIDAYS😈🙏🤤REMEMBER💭that YOU 👈are CUMMIES 💦 and to CUMMIES 💦 you SHALL RETURN 🔄 and don’t forget Jesus’🔝🎅FAT COCK🍆died for ur sins😏🤑😡😒🤤🐋🦥so if ur not SINNING👹🦹‍♂️and SQUIRTING💦he died in VAIN😢😢😢lube up🧴💦💨✊your anal rosary📿🍑🙏and send this prayer🙏to 2️⃣0️⃣prostitutes💃if u get1️⃣back ur a🤢PRESBYTESTICAL🤢if u get5️⃣back ur an🇬🇧🫅ANGLICUNT🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🫖if u get1️⃣0️⃣back ur a☦️🪆RUSSIAN ORTHODIX🇷🇺❄️and if u get2️⃣0️⃣back🎅JESUS will make ur DICK🍆RISE🌅⬆️from the🧟‍♂️DEAD🪦and 👻👻ASCEND🌈to⛅️HEAVCUM💦💦👼😇to FILL ur HOLEY🕳️SEE🇻🇦🙏🤲
    OH 👏 EM 👏 JESUS 🙌 IT'S ASH 🚬🌚 WEDNESDAY 🐫 MY HOE-LY 🙏 HOES!!! 👯‍♀️ TIME ⏰ FOR DADDY ‼️ PRIEST ⛪️ 🚹 TO Rub 🤲🏻💧HIS 🍆 ASHES 🚬👅💦 ALL OVER YOUR HOE-LY 🕳 FACE 🙇‍♂️ SO YOU REMEMBER💭 THAT YOU 👈ARE CUMMIES 💦 AND TO CUMMIES 💦 YOU SHALL RETURN 🔄 JESUS 👳🏽 ✝️ DIED 💀 FOR YOUR SINS 👹 SO YOUR FAT 🐷 ASS 🍑 BETTER BE FASTING 🍽 AND ON YOUR KNEES 🧎🏻‍♂️💦 PRAYING 🙏🏻 TO YOUR DADDY 👨🏻 LORD 😇 AND SAVIOR 🔱 SEND 📧 THIS 📲TO 🔟 OF YOUR BADDEST 💅🏻 GOD ⛪️ FEARING 😰 BITCHES 👯‍♀️👯‍♀️ IF YOU GET 0️⃣ BACK YOU'LL 👈🏻 BE ❌GIVING UP❌ DICK 🙅🏻‍♀️THIS LENT 😭😫 IF YOU GET 5️⃣ BACK 🙋🏽‍♀️ YOU'RE A SLUTTY 😘 CHOIR GIRL 👧🏽 ⛪️🙏 IF YOU GET 🔟 BACK 😍DADDY JESUS 🧔🏽💋 WILL RISE ⬆️ 🍆 FROM THE DEAD 😇 😵 AND NAIL 🔨 YOU WITH HIS BIG CROSS ✝️ 💦 😝 FOR 4️⃣0️⃣ DAYS 🌄 OF CUMMIES 💦💦💦✝️💦🍆💦🍆💦🤪
    🎉Happy🎉ASS🍑 Wednesday 🗓️ to my dirty🤭 catholic✝️ school girls👧👰 and nasty😛 choir boys🎤👯. Get 👇⬇️on your knees 🦵 for Daddy 👴 and don’t forget you are DIRT🗑️ and will always be DIRT🚮. So get your face smeared💦 with his mark😩 and make an exhibition💃🕺 of it publicly 🏙️like the 🙏HO-ly💄💋 one you are
    OH 👏 EM 👏 JESUS 🙌 its ASH 🌚 WEDNESDAY 🐫 my HOLY 🙏 HOES!!! thats RIGHT JESUS 👳🏽 DIED for ur SINS 👹 so ur FAT 🐷 ASS better be FASTING 🍽 n ON UR KNEES 💦 PRAYING 2 UR DADDY lord n savior 😇 if u get 0️⃣back DADDY‼️won't put his ASHES 👅💦 all over ur HOE-LY FACE💄if u get 5️⃣ back ur a SEXY 😘 CHOIR GIRL ⛪️🙏 if u get 🔟 back DADDY💋 will rise from the dead 😵 and NAIL 🔨 with his BIG CROSS ✝️
    Lent😇 is beginning 😃 you know what that means🍑 ASS🍑 WEDNESDAY😃 once upon a time JESUS👩 was BOUND and had his SLUTTY 🍑ASS🍑🔨NAILED🔨on the CROSS➕ by the big dick🍆 💦💦ROMANS 👉COPY & PASTE👉 this to 10 friends 👩👦👬👭if you get ❌0 ❌back you don't ❌get nailed🔨 on the ➕cross⛔😩😩 if you get 5 back you're a ROMAN SOLDIER SLUT🍆🍑 if you get 10👍😂🍑🍆 back you will RISE ⬆FROM THE TOMB👼💀 so you can SUCK😮🍆 more BIG ROMAN DADDY COCK🍆💦🍆💦😂

    Armie Hammer – “I tried hooking up with a dude one time”

      Armie Hammer
      I tried hooking up with a dude one time. It was hilarious... Because I was like, you know what? Like, women are the worst. Gay dudes seem to have it so easy. Like, so easy. I’m at a restaurant, my phone blows up, and it’s, like, Grindr, and someone else is like, ‘I’m at the same restaurant. Do you want a blowjob in the bathroom?’ And you’re like, ‘Hey, guys. I’ll be back in five minutes.’ Okay, this could work. This could work. Yeah. Let’s try this.’ I remember I started making out with him, and I just remember being like, God! Beards! Oh I get why women like it when you shave! Like, this thing is f*cking rough. Like, how do I get in there? I put my arms around him and I was like, ‘Oh my God! And these shoulders are so wide! He’s so big! He’s almost my height. Like, this is so strange.’ It did physically for me absolutely nothing. Nothing, like, not even a twitch. He reached for my d**k and I responded, ‘You’re not going to touch my flaccid penis. Like, this is not going to happen.’

      I own a Gatling Laser for home defense

        Its the “Own a musket for home defense” copypasta but changed to Fallout’s universe.

        I own a Gatling Laser for home defense since that’s what the Enclave intended. Four NCR tax collectors break into my house, “What in the goddamn?” As I grab my MK II Powered Combat Armor and Sprtel-Wood 9700. Blow several lasers into the first man, he’s disintegrated on the spot. Draw my Plasma Pistol on the second man, misses him entirely because it has notoriously high spread and nails the neighbor’s Cyberdog. I have to resort to the Tesla Cannon mounted atop the stairs loaded with Bulk Electron Charge Packs. “Dear old friends, remember Navarro!” The tesla vaporizes two men in the blast. The sound and extra shrapnel down a nearby Vertibird. Fix Proton Axe and charge the last terrified Tax collector. He bleeds out waiting on the Rangers to arrive since protonic wounds are impossible to stitch up. Ah, just as the Enclave intended.
        Own a laser musket for home defense, since that’s what the Founders of the New American dream intended. Four raiders break into my settlement. “What in the name of Liberty Prime?” I exclaim as I grab my Minuteman tricorn and crank my musket furiously. Blow a fusion-cell-sized hole through the first man, he evaporates into a pile of glowing ash. Draw my 10mm pistol on the second, miss entirely because my V.A.T.S. luck stat is garbage, and instead hit a passing bloatfly. I have to resort to the Fat Man mounted above the fireplace, loaded and ready. “Democracy is non-negotiable!” The mini-nuke turns my house and two raiders into a smoking crater, sending debris flying all the way to Diamond City. The last terrified raider stumbles back, but I fix my Revolutionary sword and charge. He bleeds out, crippled by radiation burns, waiting for a Stimpak that will never come. Just as the Sole Survivor intended.

        Own an M1 for home defense because it’s the greatest battle implement ever devised

          M1 Garand and M1911 pistol copypasta

          Based on the “Own a musket for home defense” copypasta but changed to the M1 Garand and M1911 pistol.

          Own an M1 for home defense because it’s the greatest battle implement ever devised. Four Nazis break into my house. “What the fuck?” As I grab my M1 helmet and M1 rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he’s dead on the spot. Draw my M1911 on the second man, miss him entirely because its sights suck and nails the neighbor’s Edsel. I have to resort to the Ma Duece mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with AP, “Remember Malmedy!” The AP shreds two men in a single burst, the sound and shrapnel set off car alarms. I fix my bayonet and charge the last terrified kraut; he bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since I shot him afterwards with the M1911. Just as John Garand, John Moses Browning and George S. Patton intended.

          well hey there katie! its your birthday! yayyyyyy!

            Hey there Katie! Its your birthday!

            Its from a classic cringe video from 2013 where a guy made a happy birthday video to confess his feelings for one of his friends.

            well hey there katie! its your birthday! yayyyyyy! its yo birfday- its ur birthdayyy. yayyyyyyy! so i wanted to buy you something really expensive. buttttt then i realized i was broke 😞 so instead of an awesome bracelet to replace that one of a kind one you lost because of me. It was kind of because of me 😞 probably shouldnt have made you hang out with me that night. Ive decided to make you something instead! british voice I like to make things! robot voice im creative!yayyyyy! Cue the song 😉 i gotta feeling by the black eyed peas starts playing the first time we hung out, I knew you were special. Maybe it was the thump of the poor kitty cat underneath the car. Meow! latin voice oh the poor little kitty 😞 maybe it was the silly voices you did. silly voice silly voices! Either way, I knew it was the beginning of our awesome friendship. epic voice awesome friendship! french lover voice or maybe more 😉 poor beggar boy voice please sir, I want some more. Who knows 😉 what I do know is that from the moment I first met you, you made me feel welcome. butler voice right thees way. Sure, it helped that we lived in the same complex. And that your friends asked me to join in too. shows pictures sometimes I pretend you were looking at me in that picture 😉 is that a little weird? Maybe thats weird. silly voice no, its not! Yeah maybe it is xD see now I promised I didnt mean to but some time around here shows a picture of a tgi fridays I stopped thinking about you like this shows picture of katie and started thinking about you like THIS shows picture of him and katie maybe it had something to do with... this night picture of katie at disneyland or maybe it was this night picture of him and katie together mickey mouse voice probably the dress! No it really wasnt that, but that was really nice 😉 lets be honest, it was probably the smell of your apartment. Will you take me candle shopping please!? Man I wanted to live there in december. high pitch voice that might have been weird. And speaking of december, that christmas tree was the tannemBOMB! And then there was new years eve. I dont have a picture of that. Probably for the best xD but thats the moment I couldnt hold it in much longer. silly desperate voice I had to say somethin! And maybe I cant tell our friends exactly how I feel... yet 😉 but ive found a way to alleviate that stress. Yayyyyy! excited voice strangers! montage of him telling strangers he likes katie I may have told a lot of people xD montage continues and to be quite honest, im hoping someday all our friends know 😉 until then, im enjoying getting to go “up” with you. Because katie... even though youre under here a lot... I just made you say underwear! xD under the sea! I think of you as being up here! Nope higher! Higher still! Higher, higher, higher! You know what, second store to the right and straight on til morning. The line was too long for a good shot 😞 hey! Hey hey katie! I likes ya 😉 and its your birthday! And since you make me happy every time I think about you, id like to return the favor. You give me a reason to dance! And while I may never get very good at it, as long as youre around I cant see how that would ever be a bad thing 😉 happy birthday katie! Now excuse me, ive got some dancin to do 😉 dancing in disneyland montage

            Ass Pennies

              The Ass Pennies sketch

              Its from the sketch “Ass Pennies” by Upright Citizens Brigade where a man reveals that he stuck pennies up his ass before recirculating them back into the economy. Knowing people are handling his “ass pennies” gives him the confidence he needs in businesses.

              I've been sticking $30 in pennies up my ass for the past 11 years. That's 3,000 pennies a day, 21,000 pennies a week, 1,092,000 pennies a year. To date, that's 12,012,000 pennies. Eight times the population of Nebraska. Those pennies were in my ass! You think you're better than me? Oh, you're not better than me. You handle my ass pennies every day. You pick up my ass pennies for good luck. You throw my ass pennies in fountains and make wishes on them. You give my ass pennies to your little daughter to buy gumballs with. You handle my ass pennies every day. All of you! You ALL handle my ass pennies! Oh, I'll laugh at you before you can laugh at me. Because your pennies have been in my ass.