Did you ever hear the tragedy of Helldiver Reynold The Bold? I thought not. It’s not a story the Skull Admiral would tell you. It’s a Helldiver legend. Helldiver Reynold was a super citizen turned automaton sympathizer, so powerful and so experienced he could use the 500KG bomb to destroy Fabricators and Bug nest. He had such influence on the citizens of super earth he could recruit so many Helldivers that democracy would always prevail. Communism is a pathway to many anti-democratic thoughts some consider to be unnatural. He became so sympathetic… the only thing he was afraid of was losing an automaton planet, which eventually, of course, the scrap did. Unfortunately, he spread his ideologies to every helldiver he knew, then his robot enemies killed him in battle. Ironic. He could save robots from death but they killed him in the end.
Hey girl, are you the skibidi toilet? Because I definitely ohio rizz see the two of us skibbing out our gyats under the bussin moon. We could both clout chase together, kai cenat style. I'll rizz you up and compliment your drip any time of the lit af day. I'll interrupt my mewing streak for you bbg. I'll be your simp or your sigma, I'll always pass the vibe check when it comes to getting you on fleek. I'll make our lore so expansive that you'll need matpat to make a game theory on it, And let me be clear, my love is no meme fr fr, It won't take an L after 3 days. So please girlboss, Let's slay together, Will you go out with me?
A robber broke into my house with a loaded gun and aimed it at me.
Luckily I just started a game of MW3, it was dom on Wasteland.
He suddenly started watching me play ended up falling asleep.Thank god and thank you SHG for bringing back this certified banger
I am Talenel'Elin, Herald of War. The time of the Return, the Desolation, is near at hand. We must prepare. You will have forgotten much, following the destruction of the times past. Kalak will teach you to cast bronze, if you have forgotten this. We will Soulcast blocks of metal directly for you. I wish we could teach you steel, but casting is so much easier than forging, and you must have something we can produce quickly. Your stone tools will not serve against what is to come. Vedel can train your surgeons, and Jezrien . . . he will teach you leadership. So much is lost between Returns . . . I will train your soldiers. We should have time. Ishar keeps talking about a way to keep information from being lost following Desolations. And you have discovered something unexpected. We will use that. Surgebinders to act as guardians . . . Knights . . . The coming days will be difficult, but with training, humanity will survive. You must bring me to your leaders. The other Heralds should join us soon.
What the storm did you just storming say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I am Talenel'Elin, Herald of War, and I’ve been involved in numerous Desolations on Roshar, and I have over 300 confirmed deaths.
I am trained in gorilla warfare and I am the top fighter in the entire cosmere armed forces. Kalak can teach you to cast bronze, Vedel can train your surgeons, but you are nothing to me but another storming target. I will wipe you the storm out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before between Returns, mark my storming words.
You think you can get away with saying that crem to me over a Spanreed? Think again, cremling. Your stone tools will not serve against what is to come and your cognitive location is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re storming dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands.
Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but Ishar keeps talking about a way to keep information from being lost following Desolations, and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. You have discovered something unexpected. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your storming tongue.
But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. The coming days will be difficult, but with training, humanity will survive. But you?
You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
Jesus🚶♂️🤩 is about to DIE😵☠️ for your sins😩😏 so get it out now, sweaty💦😇 It’s GOOD Friday📆✝️ bitches but you better be real👅 fuckin’😳 BAD😈 So get your hands wet💦🙏💦 with some🌊holy water🌊 grab on to His big👁 WOODen🌴✊ cross✝️ and suck 😛😫on some ❤️c🧡o💛l💚o💙r💜f❤️u🧡l💛 hard😟 Easter eggs🥚ω🥚 STRAP👡💆♂️ on your crown🤴👑 of hornys🐏😈 and give Peter🐰🌷 some good 🐇cottonTAIL🐇 Pontius Pilate🧝♂ is about 2️⃣ sentence YOU to 6 🕕 hours of NAILING🔨🔩 Judas🤫 will be Roman around your bedroom waiting👤 to STAB🔪you in the back with his big🐘 THROBBING🌚 peep🐣🍆 Put 🕳holes🕳 in MY hands🤲 and i'll put my hands🙌 in YOUR 👉🍩holes🍩 You better be FUCKIN’ ✝️ hung🍆👀 cuz it’s gonna take😯 you to your last breath😵💨 Send this💌 to your top 1️⃣0️⃣holiest HOES😇 or Jesus🏃♂️🧟♂️ won’t take you to his ⚰️tomb😉😜 this Easter🐰😲
⬇️this good 📆friday😇😜 im going to be extra BAD 😎 jesus ⛪️✝️aint the only one☝️getting nailed tonight😩🔨😍 send ➡️this to 🔟 of ur baddest 😎😏jesus 👼🏽hoes if you get 3️⃣back youre getting crucified tonight✝😘, if you get 5️⃣ back ur getting whipped today😩😝, if you get 🔟 back ur ass 🍑is CUMMIN BACK💦🍆😜on Easter Sunday 🐣💐🍭✝🍬
It's Maundy Thursday and Jesus 🏻✝ is about to get his feet 👣👣 washed hahahahah Get 🉐 it? ✊ Because ♂ He washes feet? 👣👣 That's 💰💰 why ❔ they call 👪 it 💋💦 Maundy Thursday 💦 because 🤔 Jesus 🛐 gave 😮 maunds of 💦 ️ feet 😄👣 that day HAHAHAHA THAT'S ALL 💯💯 I HAVE LEFT 👈🍒 IN 👏 MY 💕💋 BANK OF 👩💦 FUNNY JESUS 🙏 TMI : BLOOD 👀 AND 👏💃 WATER FLOWED FROM JESUS' HOLY 😇 PENIS 🍆 WHILE HE 🅱 GAVE 🎁😮 HIS DISCIPLES A 👌 LITERAL 📝 COCK RINSE TO 😣 SHOW 📺🎥 THAT 👇 WE 👧 SHOULD 💘 BE 🙋🤢 WASHING ONE ☝😨 ANOTHER'S 👄 DIRTY FEET AND COCKS SO 🍴💯 THAT 👫🛣 EVERYONE 🏻 CAN ✈🔫 GET 🉐👅 CLEAN 👍🛁 PLEASE SHARE 🌈📤 THIS IF 😂🤔 YOU 👩 WANT TO BUZZWASH YOUR DIRTY 😷💩 FEET AND 👏💯 DIRTIEST 💯😏 DICKS 🍆👅 WITH 💯👏 SOME 🍭❤ KORINTHIANS
Wake 🛌⏰ up, ☝🏽 it's 😍😼 Maundy Thursday, time ⁉️ to GET 🉐✊ THEM 🐩 DAWGS 🐶OUT 🍆 and ➕ GET 😱 TO ⛪️ CHURCH ✝️, today ⏱🗓 we 👧👧 celebrate Jesus 🙏 washing the 🍒👭 disciples stinky 😷 smelly 👣 feet 😓 in 👏 an 👏 act 🎭 of 👌💦 physical 👊 and 🚟✋ symbolic service, 😏 so 💯 make sure 😉 to 😱 get 🎆 those 🦶concrete slappers 🦶 extra 😜😜 filthy 😷 so 💯👏 the 🏻 priest can wash 💧💦 those 👠 grippers 🥾 just 👏 like 🤙 Jesus ✝️🙏
WHO’S READY 🫨🫨 TO SUCK 😮💨👄 SOME TOES 🦶🦶🦶??? It’s THIRSTY 🤤 MAUNDY 🤔 THURSDAY 🙏🙏 for my FELLOW 🤗 CHRISTIAN ✝️ SKANKS! 😜😜 Jesus 🧔🏾♀️😇 washed the feet 🦵🦵 of his disciples 🙀🤭 so if you’re a GOOD 👼 GIRL 🥺😘 Papa J 🤲👑 will LICK 😛👅 those PIGGIES 🐖🐷🐽 ALL the way HOME!! He will bring his SPLOOGE 💦🍌 out of his STONY 🪨🪨 ROCKS ☄️😅 so that YOUR PUSSY 🐱🍒 will GUSH 🚰⛲️ like the RIVERS 🌊🌊 while the LORD 🤴🏻☁️ rains down MANA 😏🤫💦💧also upon YOU 😱😫😝 for to EAT 🥴🤤!! Send this to 1️⃣5️⃣ of the HOTTEST 🥵🔥 HORNIEST 😈😈 PARISHIONERS ⛪️🛐!! Get 5️⃣ back to get your FEET 👣 FONDLED 😰🫣 by SATAN 👹👺🤮 Get 1️⃣0️⃣ back to get a HORNY 😩🦄 HOLE-Y 👉👌 FOOTJOB 🦶🌽🦶 Get 1️⃣5️⃣ back and you’ll get your ASS 🍑🥯🍩 EATEN 😖🫦 like it’s the LAST 💀 SUPPER!! 🥖🍞🍷
JESUS CHRIST ✝️✝️✝️ITS HOLE-Y 🕳🕳🕳🕳🕳 THURSDAY. CANT WAIT TO GET NAILED🔨🔨 TOMORROW? 🌅🌅SHARE YOUR BODY 🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞WITH 12 OF YOUR HUNGRIEST BROS TONIGHT. 👨🏻🦱🧑🏼🦱🧑🏽👨🏿CAN YOU GET A KISS💋 FROM ONE OF THEM???? THE WILDEST 😈😈😈OF NIGHTS 🍷🍷🍷WILL HAVE YOU SCREAMING GODS NAME BY THE END OF IT.🪴🪴🪴🕛🕛🕛YOUR FRIENDS WILL ACT LIKE THEY DON’T REMEMBER WHAT THEY DID🐓🐓🐓 BUT YOU WILL 😈😈😈😈 HAPPY HOE-LY WEEK, IT’S GOING TO BE A GREAT FRIDAY✝️✝️✝️✝️
