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Starch Lord copypasta

    Starch Lord from PvZ

    AKA the Starch Lord copypasta from PvZ Heroes was a rant on how bad the card is by ‘Fry Em Up’ on stream.

    sigh starch lord is the most overrated card in the entire game. I can’t stand it when people think starch lord is good. You guys, this is a 4 cost card that has 2 attack and 4 health. It has garbage stats. Now let’s look at it’s abilities. When you play a root, it gets +1/+1. Thats almost no- think about it. In order to get this up to the actual stats that it needs to be as a 4 cost card, this would have to buff like 2 roots just to break even. It would have to grow 3 roots to actually be viable. The fact that people think that it is a good idea to start drawing cards on turn 5, it really means you have no idea how to play pvz heroes. It’s way too late! This is- it’s- you dont make a deck that has roots in it, that’s not a good strategy, there are some good roots in the game but you just have to put too many roots in it. It’s drawing cards on turn 5, the last turn you’re gonna be drawing cards as a plant player is going to be on turn 3. it’s so overrated, it’s just a big piece of trash, just look at this guy, a big ugly guy. it’s based on by the way the worst Marvel superhero in the entire Marvel Fra- actually universe of Superheroes in the entire history of the planet, star-lord, who is a simp, douchebag, has no superpowers, is the lamest, dumb. and do you know what, it’s appropriate cuz this is the stupidest card in the game and it’s based on the stupidest Marvel superhero ever. This is so overrated, It’s so grunts it’s so, I’m sticking this in F tier I don’t even care.

    I trusted you… 💔💔💔 Onii-chan… b-Baka-chan.. how could you do this to me?!

      I trusted you… 💔💔💔

Onii-chan… b-Baka-chan.. how could you do this to me?!?! ⛓️🙍 Onii-chan… that was MY baka-chan… *sniffles* He… was my alpha and i was his omega… but you, you POO PO HEAD BETA STOLE HIM FROM ME!!! ‼️💔🤬🖤😿🥺

… and baka-chan…. *sniffles some more* h-h-how could you do this to me?? *tears welling up in my eyes* 😿😢😞 You said I was your only pookie kuku… that I was the si- *wipes my face* That I was the only one you would ever breed!!!! 🥺🥺😢😢🥺😢🥺😢😢💔💔💔 *crys sadly*

I.. I hate both of you… *Wips away my tears to reveal a mean angry face 😡* Don’t EVER talk to me again… I’m going on my winter villain arck and theres nothing you can do to stop me…. You should both SHINE and commit DIE AND SEPOOKU!!! 🤬🖤🐺🐺🐺⛓️‍💥⛓️‍💥⛓️‍💥 *Panting as the moonlight hits me and i turn to to into a alpha from a omega* now run.. before I change my mind… bakas….. 💔⛓️💔⛓️💔⛓️

      Kronii is my queen. Kronii is love. Kronii is life. Kronii is time.

        By u/Fast_Ad6296, its a love letter copypasta for Ouro Kronii from Hololive EN.

        Kronii is my queen. Kronii is love. Kronii is life. Kronii is time. I love Kronii. I love Kronii so much. I don't think you understand how much I love Kronii. I love Kronii so much. SO. MUCH. I would do absolutely anything for Kronii. That's how much I love Kronii. I would do absolutely ANYTHING for her. ANYTHING. If she ever told me to draw her, I would paint a beautiful picture with her in the center of everything in the universe, especially time itself since that's what she stands for. If she ever told me to worship her, I would treat her like absolute royalty & bow down the ground she walks on. If she ever told me to shut up, I would keep my mouth as silent as the growing grass. That's what I'd do. Anything for Kronii. Anything. However, one thing I would NEVER do is lewd her; she feels GREAT disgust towards anyone who dares lust to her like a filthy hound. I only ever want to please her; That's enough to please me. I don't ever have to feel that way towards Kronii though, because happiness is all that I feel when I see her or when I hear her speak or sing, & that's all I ever need. All I ever feel when she's here. All I ever feel is happiness. It's all I ever need. Kronii. Kronii is my biggest source of happiness. Kronii is the reason to keep on living. If I was ever clinically depressed & on the brink of suicide, noose hung up, standing on the chair & everything, if my brain thought about Kronii for even a second, I would realize that if what I'm doing is wrong. Everything about what I'm doing at this point in time is wrong, because if I were to ever die at the hands of myself or someone else, Kronii would lose a fan, & that would make her feel sad. I never want Kronii to feel sad, & even if I were already dead, I would be missing out on everything Kronii, & that is something I would never want. So, do you know what I'd do? I'd step away from the chair, take down the noose, & most importantly, I would keep going. Why? Because of Kronii. Kronii is the reason to keep living. If you ever feel like you & all the hope you have ever felt is lost & you think that the only solution is to take yourself out of this world, listen. Keep going. For Kronii. Kronii is love. Kronii is life. Kronii is time. Kronii is my queen.

        You’re clip farming. What happened to being ass?

          Ludwig had a crashout after a viewer accused him of clip farming for being bad at the game ‘A Difficult Game About Climbing’.

          You're clip farming. What happened to being ass? What happened to genuinely sucking at shit in front of people vulnerably? Fuck this goddamn world, man. If you're a genuine idiot, you're rage baiting. If you genuinely suck at something, you're clip farming. I'm just actually that guy who's fucking bad. That's authentic, genuine ass. I don't have to pretend to be bad. I am bad. I don't have to pretend to be dumb. I am dumb. I went to Arizona State University. I graduated high school with a 2.9 and I was in an honors choir class that gave me a 5.0 buff. I have an English degree, the most useless thing you can have. And I still cheated. I didn't want to read Fahrenheit 451. It's 100 pages. I'm not farming. I'm just ass.

          🐍 Vyper 🍑 is the slickest 💦 criminal 🌆 snake 📜 East 🚀 of the Mississippi 🌊

            Yo, 🐍 Vyper 🍑 is the slickest 💦 criminal 🌆 snake 📜 East 🚀 of the Mississippi 🌊 and baby, she’s got the 🍑 finest ASS 💋 in Manhattan 💃! She’s putting the ASS 💦 in assassIN, 🔫 with that thick 🔥 tail of hers 😍💗. I’m talking body 😻-ody 🔥, the kind of stuff that gets you rock HARD 💪🍆 just thinking about that tail 🐍💦 in your face 👅👀 and on your lap 💦💖! No need to throw 🥵 her bolas at me 🍑, just one look 😍👀 and I'm already busting out 🚪 of my pants 😳💣. Damn, Vyper, 😘 just come SLITHER over and 🐍 make me the happiest 🥵 snake lover you’ve ever seen! 🍆🔥💦💋

            Girl invited me over to “fix her WiFi.” I agreed, obviously. I’m a red team engineer with custom firmware on my router and a Faraday cage around my smart toaster.

              It was a satirical post by u/Party-Expression4849 on about a tech nerd feeling sorry for the amount of security vulnerabilities the girl he’s helping has.

              Girl invited me over to “fix her WiFi.” I agreed, obviously. I’m a red team engineer with custom firmware on my router and a Faraday cage around my smart toaster.

I showed up 10 minutes early, hoodie on, laptop in hand, booted into a hardened gentoo distro I compiled myself. She opened the door holding a MacBook Air. Chrome had 43 tabs open. I almost left right then.

I asked for her network topology diagram. She laughed. “It’s just the router from the ISP.”
Alright, I thought. Let her have it.

I popped open her router admin panel. Default password: admin123. The SSID was "PrettyFlyForAWiFi". I ran a nmapscan. 12 exposed ports, 3 outdated IoT devices, and a printer running telnet. No firewall. No VLANs. Just raw digital nudity.

I asked if she ever noticed weird lag. She said “yeah sometimes Netflix buffers.” I said that was probably because her TV was being used in a botnet out of Kazakhstan. She blinked twice. "Oh no, is that bad?"

I offered to segment the network and install pfSense. She said she “just wanted Spotify to stop cutting out.”

I airgapped her Sonos out of pity.

After 20 minutes of work, I asked for her phone to remove TikTok and clean the app permissions. She said “but I need it for filters.”
I looked into the distance. Deep sigh. I looked out the window and whispered, "The panopticon isn’t metaphorical."
She asked if I was always this intense.
I said no, only when the NSA is listening. Which is always.

She offered coffee. I declined, caffeine raises your attack surface.

When I left, she said, “Thanks, you’re like, really good with computers.”

I walked away slow. Her router was still on UPnP. So was my heart.
You can't patch people. Believe me, I tried.

// date_night_final_final_forsure.txt.gpg
#exit