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Do you pretend to “hunt prey” while running?

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    So I was running for the first time in a year today, im overweight (6’3 215) and I genuinely have a very uncoordinated body and I decided to go for a 5k. I wanted to stop looking at strava on my phone and instead distracted myself with my thoughts. I suddenly remebered seeing a video online on how our ancestors use to hunt prey for hours at a time in order to tire out prey and secure food, so with each lap I finished I kept pretending that I was chasing prey to feed my family and with each lap I kept throwing imaginary spears and bow and arrows with the goal of finally “catching prey” when I was down with my run. Honestly for the first time running in a while it kept my mind off of things and I sprinted last few seconds to secure a 36 minute 5k which I’m assuming is terrible. My knees and joints are about cooked right about now and I honestly don’t wanna think about what I’m gonna feel like tommorow. Anyways during my run I feel like I activated an ancient ancestral gene that made me push further in a run than I ever had and honestly felt amazing catching my prey (finishing 5k).
Do you guys have makeup stories to make your run more bearable? Or do you just focus on making it to the end?

    Typhon’s b00b@S are so nice and squishy

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      Ever since Typhon had been recruited, I couldn’t keep my eyes of her gargantuan breasts because I just wanna play with them, squeeze them, slap them, and unimaginable amount of other unholy things(with consent because I still had dignity). But I had also noticed something else…..

Ever since I first met her, I noticed that she always had trouble walking, it’s almost as if something extremely heavy was weighing her down. She couldn’t even take a proper step without nearly falling forward. I saw it as a temporary thing at first, but it has been going on for days. So I finally decided to ask what’s wrong.

She stated that her breast had been in an excruciating pain due to being overfilled with milk, like a cows utter when it’s unmilked. I offered to help by milking her, but she rejected because it would be too painful.

I promised that I would squeeze it as gently and slightly as possible, so you started squeezing. It felt physically nice, but then there was a huge burst…..

The milk blasted out of Typhon’s tits with such surgical force that it pushed me to the corner of the office. After a second, the whole office had been flooded with her breast milk. What should I fucking do in dis situation? I urgently opened the door to prevent drowning, this is where I realised I fucked up…..

The whole bottom floors of the ark had been completely SUBMERGED in her magnificent breast milk, it was like a freaking titanic. It was flowing everywhere like crazy. Just how much gallons of milk those her breasts contain?

“Hey, I can finally walk now!” Typhon cried happily. All the weight from her curve were now gone, but her breast still remained in the same size. She was so thankful for my help that she allowed me to jump on her booba like a trampoline and use it as a pillow whenever I sleep.

It has been weeks ever since, and my time squishing her breasts like a fidget toy has been great. I recently received an announcement that 54 of my operators had been drowned to death from that incident, but it was all worth the sacrifice. Plus, all of those milk were sent to the starving children in an orphanage so it all payed off.

      Did 9/11 happen in the Cars universe?

        ka-chow
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        The thing I really like about Planes is that we learn that WWII happened in the Cars universe. Which means there was a Cars Hitler, a Cars holocaust, a Cars Pacific War, a Cars D-Day, a Cars nuking of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, a Cars Rape of Nanking, a Cars Battle of Iwo Jima...

This leads to so many important questions, like: were the Cars Little Boy and Fat Man nukes sentient? Was it a suicide mission? Are ALL Cars nuclear weapons sentient? Did Tsar Bomba have a personality?

What kind of car was Car Hitler? A VW? A forklift?

Was there a Cars 9/11? Were the planes hijacked, or were the planes themselves radicalized?

I could go on

Edit: I just realized a Cars 9/11 gives a whole new layer of meaning to the phrase "let's roll"

        My significant other likes to go “monkey mode” while playing Winston

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          My significant other likes to go “monkey mode” while playing Winston 

My significant other recently started playing Overwatch. At first, it was just a hobby, the usual stuff, maybe a bit of shouting at the screen. But lately, their behavior has taken a very strange turn, specifically when they play as this one character who is a large gorilla.

Whenever they start playing as him, they immediately switch into this weird, deep cartoonish voice and say “greetings” over and over again to whoever they are playing with online. It’s annoying, but I could live with that. The real problem is when they start doing well in the game.

They call it “monkey mode.” Whenever they get a few kills or win a fight, they completely abandon the chair, climb onto our bed, and start crawling around on their knuckles like a gorilla. They actually beat their chest. It’s become such a common occurrence that I feel like I can’t even be in the room while they’re gaming anymore. It’s incredibly jarring to go from a quiet evening to hearing thumping, chest-beating, and weird grunting from the bedroom.

To make matters worse they’ve also developed an obsession with the song “Gucci Gang” by Lil Pump but replaced the lyrics to say “Gooshway Gang” (who I believe is a chinese professional player). They sing it constantly. Not just while playing, but while we’re cooking dinner, while they’re getting ready for work, just randomly around the house.

I’ve brought up how its driving me crazy but they just sort of laugh it off like it’s a joke or an “inside thing” with their online friends. Am I overreacting? Is this behavior normal among Overwatch players? Winston players?

          This is fucking Rocket League right here

            Its a variant of the “Thats football right there” copypasta but changed to Rocket League.

            This is fucking Rocket League right here. None of that pansy ass dick tugging style for the replay bullshit. Players whiff, players ball chase, players backflip when they try to fast aerial. Fucking hard core dick in the ass butterball foosball fuck it chuck it game time shit. Take it to the showers. Dicks get shoved in places you don’t even remember. We win together we celebrate together. Rocket League is back baby.

            No, you’re NOT a gamer

              12 year olds on XBox live when you kill them:

              From a Reddit post by u/Username6273 back in 2019. The original didn’t had a lot of traction but people reposted it as a parody which eventually made it into a meme.

              No, you’re NOT a real gamer.

I’m so sick of all these people that think they’re gamers. No, you’re not. Most of you are not even close to being gamers. I see these people saying “I put well over 100 hours in this game, it’s great!” that’s nothing, most of us can easily put 300+ hours in all our games. I see people who only have a Nintendo Switch and claim to be gamers. Come talk to me when you pick up a PS4 controller then we be friends.

Also DEAR ALL WOMEN: Pokémon is not a real game. Animal Crossing is not a real game. The Sims is not a real game. Mario is not a real game. Stardew valley is not a real game. Mobile games are NOT.REAL.GAMES. put down the baby games and play something that requires challenge and skill for once.

Sincerely, all of the ACTUAL gamers.