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You are all a bunch of sick freaks

    r/selfhosted crashout

    A reddit user crashes out after seeing the average setup of users on r/selfhosted.

    I stumbled onto this subreddit looking for tips on running a basic Plex server, and holy shit, you people are insane. Instead of finding normal humans, I find complete psychos debating ZFS configurations like they're discussing fine wine. "Ah yes, this RAIDZ2 has subtle notes of data integrity.” You are all a bunch of sick vitamin D deficient freaks.

I actually work with and manage multiple Kubernetes, mission critical infrastructure that actually matters. I spend my entire day working with containerised applications, and what do I find when I load up Reddit? Ansible playbook writing maniacs trying to automate their light switches. You are all a bunch of sick freaks who probably dream in YAML and wake up in cold sweats wondering if you forgot to enable that cron job

The worst part is how you enable each other. "Hey guys, just finished my basic home automation setup", and then you post a system diagram that looks like the blueprint for a nuclear reactor. Fourteen Docker containers just to manage a suite of 'internet of things connected shitware. You celebrate each others descent into madness with vomit inducing comments like "Nice setup! Have you considered adding Prometheus monitoring?" You are all a bunch of sick freaks, you make me ill.

And the money you guys must spaff away... you've somehow convinced yourself that spending thousands on enterprise server equipment from 2012 is justified as it was originally 10x the cost. And then you refer to it as “your little setup". "Oh this? Just my Dual mirrored RAID 10 arrays with triple redundant UPS and backup diesel generator that kicks in if the power flickrs for more than 3 milliseconds. You know, for my Linux ISO collection" Meanwhile your electricity meter spins so fast it could probably generate its own electricity. You are all a bunch of sick freaks, and you need help.

I take solace in imagining what your home lives are like, I laugh as I imagine your families, having to sit through dinner listening to you explain why running Pi-hole with Unbound is superior to forwarding to Cloudflare. I bet your kids start crying when you mention DNS-over-HTTPS. Your wife just stares at you now, especially since you've replaced all your family photos with Grafana dashboards.

I imagine you boiling over when when the women you made vows to asks "why can’t we just go back to using iCloud" when your precious self-hosted photo library goes down during your third Photoprism upgrade this week. They completely ignore your ‘impressive’ (97% lol) uptime statistics and offsite backups. You are all a bunch of sick freaks, and your loved ones are losing hope.

No, you don't need Kubernetes or 10gig network switches or 7u rack. You don't need any of these increasingly abstract layers of complexity that exist only to solve the problems created by your previous solutions. Your simple file server didn't need containers, those containers didn't need orchestration, that orchestration didn't need a service mesh, Yet here you are, staring at 10,000 lines of YAML, wondering if maybe just one more helm chart would finally make it all perfect. But I know you'll keep adding more, because you're all just a bunch of sick freaks.

    Own a Kuva Chakkhurr for home defense, since that’s what the Queens intended

      Lich musket copypasta

      Its the “Own a musket for home defense” copypasta but changed into a Lich gun from Warframe.

      Own a Kuva Chakkhurr for home defense, since that’s what the Queens intended. Four tenno breach into my galleon. "Found you!" As I grab my helmet and Mars rifle. Blow a redbull can sized hole in the first one, he’s downed on the spot. Draw my Stug on the second, miss him entirely because it’s a Stug and nail a thrall’s Drahk. I have to resort to the Rampart mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with toxin. "Nice helmet! I'll use it to serve dip." The toxin rounds shreds two tenno in the volley since it ignores shields, the sound spooking a sentry and making him lockdown the whole ship. Use Overload and charge the last pathetic worm. He bleeds out without being able to self revive since he didn’t bother unlocking his waybounds and perpetually runs Zenurik. Just as the Queens intended.

      CSM fans discusses Denji’s handjob

        CSM Yoru giving Denji a handjob copypasta

        Chainsaw Man (CSM) fandom discusses on why there are doubts on Denji receiving a handjob in chapter 127 or if he simply came from being overexcited by Yoru’s touch. 

        I saw some people asking in other threads, so just in case people were wondering, in the Japanese, Denji says, "オレを手でシたのは", which is basically "Which one hand-fucked me?".

Yoru gave Denji a "handjob" in the sense that her hand was clearly the stimulus that caused Denji to ejaculate. I don't think anyone argued against this fact. I guess another way to say it is that she "unintentionally jerked him off"?

The root of the argument was whether or not Yoru was actively/intentionally moving her hands, which nothing in 167/168 seems to indicate that. There was no movement lines around Denji's pants area, and no sound effect text to indicate sound coming from the movement in his pants.

Also, the editor's note at the end of chapter 167 is "不意の 放出", which means "Unexpected release". It wouldn't really make much sense for Yoru to be surprised when Denji finally did ejaculate if that was her intention.

        does this happen to anybody else or just me

          source
          every time i play geometry dash, i get a boner. the feeling of finally beating a hard level after days of practice, it just makes me so hard. the harder the level, the harder i get. the other day i finally beat theory of everything 2 after months of trying, and when i finally finished the level, my penis felt like it was going to explode. i immediately jerked off and had the most intense orgasm ever. i ended up deleting the game in fear of what would happen if i ever beat an extreme demon. does this happen to anyone else? or am i just built different.

edit: someone suggested that i play easier levels instead. i re downloaded the game, but i gave into temptation and i beat bloodbath. my erection lasted 6 hours, and i had to go to the hospital and they drained the blood out of my penis. this game has ruined my life. what started as a fun little game has now left me with a penis that no longer functions.

          Edgar Anon Poe – Once upon a midnight dreary

            Its a collection of 4chan’s rendition of Edgar Allen Poe’s poem The Raven.

            Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
over many a quaint and curious profile of a tinder whore
while I read it, nearly swiping, suddenly I spied her typing
"Kids? Still want them!" starts the griping, "even though I'm 44"
"Tis impossible," I muttered "having kids at 44" Chance of offspring: nevermore
            and the pinging, ever ringing,

of the notifications dinging,

from the hoes on tinder singing,

tapping at my zipper door.

'tis some foids, and nothing more.

I'll be single, forevermore.

            Last one originated from “bash.org” all the way back in 1990s but the site has since shutdown. People often mistaken it to be from 4chan because its often reposted there with no credit to the original.

            Original

            Once upon a midnight dreary, while i pr0n surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, " give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404.

            Alternate version

            Once upon a midnight dreary, While I websurfed, weak and weary, Over many a strange and spurious website of hot chicks galore,

While I clicked my fav'rite bookmark, Suddenly there came a warning, And my heart was filled with mourning, Mourning for my dear amour.

'Tis not possible!, I pleaded, But my browser, so conceited, Remained blank, I then repeated, Just a blank and nothing more.

With a scream, I was defeated, For my cookies were deleted, So i begged, no longer seated, "Give me back my free hardcore!"

Then, in answer to my query, Through the net I loved so dearly, Came its answer, dark and dreary: Quoth the server, 404

            My mommy was the town milk ma’am back in the day

              source
              Mmm. Mhmm. You're not alone, that's for sure. It's almost a service to the people to have just wobbling jugs plump for slurpring, and I should know because I grew up around it.

My mommy was the town milk ma'am back in the day. I don't think I appreciated it then, but thinking back, she worked so hard to provide for me and my other two or three brothers.

Each morning, before the butt crack of dawn, she'd heave herself out of bed and put on her milking dress, ya know the kind, where the front just flips down to let a set of mondo chubber boobies hang out. And hey, nothing sexual, but she had the most powerfully plump and impressively enormous tatter tots, mama cha-chas and me and my two or three brothers suckled upon well into adulthood. Everyone did, really, seeing as how she was the town milk ma'am.

Well, she'd get her dress on, and I'd hear her straining to put on her orthopedic boots and tighten her milk ma'am support corset (eventually, I'd have to help her to tighten it as she got older). Then it was down to the kitchen to throat 4, sometimes 12 or 16, sticks of full fat butter to nutritionate her milk. There were a lotta hungry people in that town, and she wanted to give them the best milk she could muster. She'd power squirt a cream stream and fill each of my and my two or three brothers' cereal bowls up, and sometimes she'd give us a suckle for the road, then be off.

She had a route, of course, that took her all through the town and hit everyone when they needed to be hit all the while her massive breasts bounced and sloshed with every heavy step. It was graceful though! Everyone needed her milk and she made the delivery look easy. Hell, I'd say our town was scheduled around my mommy's titties. I went with her plenty of times (again, into old age when I had to wheel her around in a wheeler's chair), and it was just so heartwarming to see everyone so eager to see her.

Greetings were short, and suckling was long. Each man, woman, and child in the town would lock their quivering lips around my mom's bright, domineering nipples and take deep, hard pulls of fresh, piping-hot, delicious breast milk. But no one was greedy! No one was greedy, no. They took their fill and were happy. Everyone in the town needed my mommy's milk, she was the town milk ma'am after all, and it was this collective attitude of "Love Thy Neighbor" that made everything run so smoothly. You don't really see that anymore, do ya?

At the end of the days, long days, necessary days, loving days, she'd come home with her yams half deflated, her nipples red and throbbing, but with a huge smile on her face knowing what good she'd done for the people of our quaint little town. Me and my two or three brothers would ice down and then lotion up her worked over breasts as she laid in her recovery chair with the TV on. Often she'd fall asleep, exhausting as it was to be a milk ma'am, especially for an entire town. We'd watch her chest slowly rise and fall as she tenderly dreamed whatever dreams she dreamed. My two or three brothers always got a kick outta watching her melons ripen back up, plump up nice and juicy with more milk, as she rested. They laughed, sure, and it was a delightful to watch, but I was always filled with a sense of pride watching those boobies swell back up.

She's been retired now for several years, though her tits don't show it. Even at nearly 80 years old, she's still got the juiciest baboingos I have ever seen. Well, haha, maybe I'm just a bit biased because she's my mommy. She was the best milk ma'am this town has ever had. They just don't make 'em like her anymore.

Love ya, mommy.