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If you have under 5K hours, don’t speak, literally shut the fk up.

    If the indisputably unparalleled, prodigiously talented, utterly dominant, Mr. HardCarry — the definitive GOAT, Mr. S1mple — says the game is sh*t then the game is sh*t. Period. Claiming that the game is in good condition not only overlooks its evident flaws but also significantly impedes the essential progress and improvements it desperately needs.
    
    I'm going to be real, if you have under 5K hours of competitive play, don't speak, literally shut the f*ck up. You have no idea what you are talking about. It's like giving advice on how to set up a racecar while you have just passed the driving test.
    
    I can't wait for the CS2 tournament. Right now it's an uphill battle because obviously the majority of the players on this subreddit are just not experienced enough to notice the obvious issues that the game has. They've played the game just long enough to fall into the Dunning-Kruger trap, mistaking their limited experience for genuine expertise.
    
    Valve, like any other company, has its own interests at heart. It's important not to romanticize or become overly attached to a corporate entity.
    I'm going to be real, if you have under 5K hours of competitive play, don't speak, literally shut the f*ck up.

    Anon goes to college with a gaming laptop

      First day of college with gaming laptop
      >first day of college
      >walk into Computer Science 101 class
      >look around, normie MacBooks and pleb laptops abound
      >reach into backpack
      >summon up all my strength
      >powerlift my gaming laptop onto the desk
      >catch my breathe for a moment
      >reach into my backpack again
      >once again summon my strength
      >pull out the charging cable (the laptop only lasts 5 minutes without a charge)
      >drop it onto the desk, a loud THUMP echoes throughout the classroom and into the hallways >the classroom is now staring in awe of the monster I've just unleashed
      >plug the cable in, sparks fly as though Zeus himself blessed the connection
      >classmates look on in horror as I open the laptop >as I hover my finger towards the power button, some students begin trying to escape the room >but there is no escape
      >press the power button
      >RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
      RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

      Related to the ‘I hate gaming laptop‘ pasta

      Ice King’s (Simon) tapes

        Hello. My name is Simon Petrikov. I am recording this tape so that people will know my story. I was studying to be an antiquarian of ancient artifacts. Now, I never believed in the supernatural stuff myself, just had a fascination with superstitions. But everything changed when I came into contact with this item. After purchasing this crown from an old dock worker in northern Scandinavia, I brought it home and excitedly showed my fiancée, Betty. I jokingly put it on my head just for a- laugh, or something. And that's when it started. The visions. I fought with them. Shouted at them until I realized it wasn't real, it was the crown! I quickly took it off and saw my fiancée in front of me, looking at me with such contempt. What did I say? What had I done when I wore this crown? All I know is that I never saw Betty again.
        
        Since then, I now see the visions always, whether or not I wear the crown. They tell me the secrets... the secrets of the ice and snow. That the power of the crown will save me with its frost. I don't yet know what this means. As you can see, my skin is beginning to turn blue. My body temperature has been lowering at a supernatural rate, to what is now about thirty degrees celsius. I don't know when it will end. I'm really scared.
        
        I know my mind is changing, but I'm already too far gone to know what to do. I want people to know that... if I do things, if- if I do things that hurt anyone, please, please forgive me.
        
        Just- watch over me until I can find my way out of this labyrinth in my brain and regain my sanity! And then maybe, Betty, my princess, maybe you will love me again. Please, love me again, Betty!

        I’m sick of Xingqiu.

          Xingqiu
          I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Xingqiu. I try to play Ayato. My Xingqiu deals more damage. I try to play Yoimiya. My Xingqiu deals more damage. I try to play Cyno. My Xingqiu deals more damage. I want to play Hu Tao. Her best team has Xingqiu. I want to play Hyperbloom, National - they both want Xingqiu. He grabs me by the throat. I farm for him. I cook for him. I give him Fav. He isn't satisfied. I pull R5 Sac Sword. "I don't need this much er" He tells me. "Give me more field time." He grabs Yelan and forces her to throw herself off enemies. "You just need to funnel me more. I can deal more damage with Mistsplitter." I can't pull for Mistsplitter, I don't have enough primogems. He grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." He summons his rain swords. He says "Witness the power of Guhua." There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but pure, unrivaled hydro application. What a cruel world.

          Based on the original ‘I’m so tired of Xiangling‘ copypasta

          What in Davy Jones’ locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat?

            Navy Seals pirate copypasta
            What in Davy Jones’ locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I’ll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I’ve led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o’ swag. I’ll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o’ pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o’ monsoon that’ll wipe ye off the map. You’re sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o’er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o’ the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I’ll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o’ the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn’t, ye didn’t, and now ye’ll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I’ll shit fury all over ye and ye’ll drown in the depths o’ it. You’re fish food now.

            Based on the original ‘Navy Seals‘ copypasta

            How to avoid telling people my major (software engineering)?

              When people ask me what my major and school is, I'm hesitant to say. It's probably rare for them to be graced with the presence of a student at the top cs/engineering school in Canada, the MIT of the north. Especially a software engineering major, the most prestigious program at said school. I feel a bit guilty, as meeting someone so much more accomplished, yet their same age, probably crushes their self image.
              
              How do you guys go about avoiding the question, or what other major do you usually say?

              The copypasta first started from a Redditor post on the University of Waterloo subreddit and its sheer ridiculousness has made it popular and became statire. Many variations of the original copypasta has been created since then specifically for majors in different universities and colleges.

              Other variations

              How to avoid telling people my major (Yiddish studies)?

              When people ask me what my major and school is, I'm hesitant to say. It's probably rare for them to be graced with the presence of a student at the top school in Canada, the Harvard of the north. Especially a Yiddish major, the most prestigious program at said school. I feel a bit guilty, as meeting someone so much more accomplished, yet their same age, probably crushes their self image.
              
              How do you guys go about avoiding the question, or what other major do you usually say?

              How to avoid telling people my major (biology)?

              When people ask me what my major and school is, I'm hesitant to say. It's probably rare for them to be graced with the presence of a student at the most difficult program in Canada at the best school in Toronto. Especially a biology major, the most prestigious program at said school. I feel a bit guilty, as meeting someone so much more accomplished, yet their same age, probably crushes their self image.

              How to avoid telling people my major (engineering physics)?

              When people ask me what my major and school is, I'm hesitant to say. It's probably rare for them to be graced with the presence of a student at the top engineering school in Canada. Especially an engineering physics major, the most prestigious program at said school. I feel a bit guilty, as meeting someone so much more accomplished, yet their same age, probably crushes their self image.

              How to avoid telling people my major (Commerce)?

              When people ask me what my major and school is, I'm hesitant to say. It's probably rare for them to be graced with the presence of a student at the top school in Canada, the Harvard of the north. Especially a commie major the most prestigious program at said school. I feel a bit guilty, as meeting someone so much more accomplished, yet their same age, probably crushes their self image.
              
              How do you guys go about avoiding the question, or what other major do you usually say?

              How to avoid telling people my favourite game (TFT)?

              When people ask me what my favourite game and company is, I'm hesitant to say. It's probably rare for them to be graced with the presence of a gamer who plays the top game in the world, the Dark Souls of Riot Games. Especially a diamond ranked player in the most prestigious game at said company. I feel a bit guilty, as meeting someone so much more accomplished, yet at their same age, probably crushes their self image.
              
              How do you guys go about avoiding the question, or what other game do you usually say?

              How to avoid telling people my SAT score (1600)

              When people ask me what my SAT score is, I'm hesitant to say. It's probably rare for them to be graced with the presence of a student who has the top SAT score in the U.S., the Ivy League score. Especially a first time test taker, the most prestigious level. I feel a bit guilty, as meeting someone so much more accomplished, yet their same age, probably crushes their self image.
              
              How do you guys go about avoiding the question, or what other score do you usually say?