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This new generation of pledges is so soft. Back in my day…

    Started from an unhinge rant on the Reddit, it has become a well known copypasta within frat community.

    This new generation of pledges is so soft. Back in my day...

I’ll tell you shitstains, back in my pledgeship, we had it so rough... or so much better, I can't tell anymore. anyway, every day, we would wake up at 2 in the morning and go to the house for cleaning. we all lived in the dorms, you see, so it was basically one room. and we would ask, me and my 17 pledge brothers, "what's the plan sir?". they would smack us all with a paddle and make us say "thank you sir may I have another". and if we complained and said "but we had beatings yesterday" - because we had beatings every day - they would smack us all five times with a larger paddle with holes in it and say "what’s every brother’s middle name and hometown. I swear I’m gonna make i-week suck so much for you", i-week was about the same as waterboarding back in the day. then we would head to class. we met up with the Fiji kids from down the hall, and walked the 6 miles to school. on the way to school, we had to walk up a hill so tall it extended to outer space. when we got to the top of the hill, we would see the SAE boys in their fancy BMWs - which they dont make like they used to, and we would call out to them “sexual assault expected”. then, when we got to class at 4 in the morning, the professor would come up to us and say "you retards are late", then he would smack us all with another paddle 10 times and tell us we had 7 years till we’d graduate. then, we went back to the house, and the seniors would say "ok line up pussies", then spank us each 60 times, then make us beer bong 40 times each. then it was 6 at night and we had to walk home. then, when we got home, we'd text the girls floor "what’s the move", and they’d ghost us or say "do I know you”. and if we kept trying, they would text our pledge master and say "your pledges are soft, haze them harder later. Btw when is the next party" - the pledge master never invited them to shit. then, when the seniors got home from their two 100 level classes they re-took as a requirement, they’d make us get on bows and toes. if we had been naughty, they’d make us do it on bottle caps. then, at 7:04, the secretary would say "ok time for chapter". then, we got into our pledge uniforms, and we would recite the Greek alphabet until the upperclassmen were happy. on saturdays (which were for the boys), we went down to the liveout to clean. we would have to pick up 420 cans each, all while fighting off the homeless. we would get on the party bus and pay our fare of bringing two freshmen each - one as our date and one for a brother. then, if there weren’t enough girls at the after party, the pledge master would make us run a mile while doing Edward 40 hands. if any of us spilled a drop, we would take off an article of clothing and we had to sprint the rest of the way. when we got back to the liveout, the pledge master would show up to the gate with his bong, make us hit it 780 times with Dokha, and tell us to get in the basement so we could clean. then, we had to scrub the dance floor with a toothbrush while blasting darude sandstorm - now, they don’t make eurodance like they used to, and it was about 1234.5 degrees spencer, or 69 degrees centigrade using your new-fangled nationals system. then, we would have to “milk the cows” - now, they dont make sigma cattle like they used to, so each cow weighed about 6.9 alpha phis, or 3.2 chads in your new-fangled nationals system. if you touched a cows tit, it would fall in love with you and you could be crushed, so you had to be really careful when you milked the cows. then, when we were done, the pledge master would say "ok bitch boys time for your reward". he would give us each a handle of fleischmanns - which is worth about one blackout each - and make us kill it before we left. on sundays, we would meet the axo girls and go down to the dorm food halls - now, they don't make dorm food like they used to, so this food was about as dank as a five star restaurant, and as unhealthy as eating a juul pod, and only cost 3 points. we would eat and go lift near the campus, calling the foreign exchange students pussies, and the Pikes dumbass tryhards. now - they don't make Pike like they used to, so this kid had a skull as thick as Lizzo, and was roided up enough that his shirt started choking him at the neck. one day, the pike dropped a dumbbell on his foot. when it hit, the only bit of his foot we could recognize was his uncut toenail. we called him a retard and told him to get off the bench. his friend said "oh its just a scratch you pussy, dont worry pop another xan and you'll be right" and he gave the kid some pills and a kiss and we could tell they were both pikes. after we finished lifting, we would go to the Asian lady’s store and get some 4Loko with our fakes. now, back in the day, you could give the shopkeeper a fake - which is worth about as much as you paid for it - and she would give you a wink and upcharge the shit out of you. so we would say thanks for the lokos, and we'd go to the dorms and drink them. now, we didn't have any of your fancy liquor laws back in the day, so there was all kinds of stuff in our lokos. alcohol, caffeine, whatever is in monster energy drinks--you name it. so we would always get a little lit after our lokos. one day, when we were hammered, we went up the dean’s car, the only lambo in the town, and pissed on it. as we pissed on it, we saw him storming down the street holding his ridiculous salary. "you degenerates, having fun while i do nothing all day in my office just so you can have a degree to maybe get a job, i oughta suspend you all". we were sure he was going to suspend us, but then he said "no, i got a better idea, ill give you more community service hours, that’ll set ya right". now, our community service chair had told us about getting our hours. he was a kiss ass from the chartering days, when they actually got hours and made grades, but we never did that now. our president walked us all down to campus, and we saw a shitty sorority event put on by girls who didn’t drink or have sex until college. "ladies," said our president, "i have some idiots here who need a good charity event". then, the girls made us get out our wallets, and made us each give them all our cash. then, our president said "right, i gotta go back to fucking this sorority’s president, you morons run to the house now". now, by now it was 9pm, which meant it was pregame time again. while we were stumbling out of our rooms, we heard a geed shout "glad I don’t pay for my friends". we turned around and saw this dweeb we sent home during rush. we beat the brakes off him, each landing 160265 punches, then told him better luck next year. now - they don't make rush events like they used to - you have to be sober now, and the new generation is full of pussies. our pledgeship lasted about 13526 years, until we finally got initiated after the most brutal hazing you couldn’t imagine. then, they hit us all 1292 times with a congratulatory paddle, and told us we’d still be bitches for the rest of our lives. so don't you come complaining to me about nonsense like a scavenger hunt without beer bonging ciroc and pepper sauce.

    This subreddit ruined my life and now I’m getting a divorce

      Started from r/BatmanArkham, it was part of a series of shitposts of the Batman Arkham games. The original post then got parodied and adopted into different communities.

      Today my wife and I went to visit our 12 year old nephew in Hospital today, apparently he has a terminal disease or something, when I arrived I saw my nephew and I said to him “I like your haircut, you look just like Victor Zsasz”. A doctor then corrected me to tell me he actually had cancer, I told the doctor that I don’t believe in Astrology and it’s just a false concept.

Anyways, my nephew was hanging out with a bunch of his friends who also had cancer, there was maybe a group of 10 twelve year olds. and I saw one of them had a Batman shirt, and he looked really sad, so I thought I’d cheer him up. And as a member of this subreddit I remembered a few funny quotes that really got a lot of upvotes. So I said the first one that came to my mind. I put on my best Joker impression and yelled “STAND BACK FOOL, IVE GOT A BOMB”. To my shock not a single one of them even cracked a smile, within seconds I was tackled to the ground by one of the guards and I spent the rest of the night in jail for “bomb threat” or soemthjng like that, and jail was so boring, I thought it was be like being in the Alsume, but it was nothing like that, I was just locked in a small room for the night. I didn’t even see Hugo Strange, anyways when I went home my wife had divorce papers and told me to sign them. What do I do? Am I stupid? I love my wife and I don’t wanna divorce her. I hate feminism

      Ongezellig

      Today my wife and I went to visit our 12 year old nephew in Hospital today, apparently he has a terminal disease or something, when I arrived I saw my nephew and I said to him “I like your haircut, you look just like Koos”. A doctor then corrected me to tell me he actually had cancer, I told the doctor that I don’t believe in Astrology and it’s just a false concept. Anyways, my nephew was hanging out with a bunch of his friends who also had cancer, there was maybe a group of 10 twelve year old's. and I saw one of them had a zellig shirt, and he looked really sad, so I thought I’d cheer him up. And as a member of this cord I remembered a few funny quotes that really got a lot of gem emotes So I said the first one that came to my mind. I put on my best Mymy impression and yelled “death to the Belgians ”. To my shock not a single one of them even cracked a smile, within seconds I was tackled to the ground by one of the guards and I spent the rest of the night in a reeducation camp for “Hate speech” or something like that, and the camp was so boring, I thought it was gonna be like ongezellig. but it was nothing like that, I was just made to write essays for the night. I didn’t even see Vera, anyways when I went home my wife had divorce papers and told me to sign them. What do I do? Am I stupid? I love my wife and I don’t wanna divorce her. I hate feminism

      Galvanized square steel

        Created by homedesign369, its a series of AI generated video showing ridiculous home renovations using materials such as galvanized square steel and wood veneers.

        Liam lived frugally managing to save up half a million to buy a house in New York
        Let's transform a 0 point 0 1 square meter space into a functional house. Liam lived frugally and worked diligently for two years managing to save up half a million to buy a house in New York. However, upon moving in, he was shocked by how small it was. He couldn't even stretch out his fingers. Now, let's explore how we can help Liam transform it into a functional home. First, we'll construct a durable frame using galvanized square steel anchored firmly to the wall with expansion screws filled with grid steel bars and concrete for lasting strength. We'll also install thermally broken aluminum windows, expanding the living space by 2 square meters. Next, we'll build a multifunctional sitting platform on the floor with hidden storage underneath for bulky items, saving precious space and providing a seating area for Liam and his girlfriend. This platform doubles as a comfortable bed that can sleep two, surrounded by cushion panels in lucky colors for a better rest. We'll add a movable table on the bed to serve as both a workspace and dining area, with an outlet switch nearby for charging devices, making it perfect for work and meals. After use, the table can be stored beside the bed, keeping the space organized. We'll then construct a bedframe from galvanized square steel, enhancing its appearance with wood veneers. Incorporate a pre-buried drainage system for convenience. Build a set of wall cabinets with a countertop drilled to embed a sink. Underneath, install a build in washing-machine to keep dirty laundry at bay. Convert the countertop for dual use by placing an induction cooker for cooking, and install a mirror cabinet above. Next to the mirror, add a cabinet for spices and toiletries. Install a showerhead on the wall and an enlarged stand, allowing even space to ride a horse while showering.
        Transform this triangular coffin room into a fully functional house
        Let's transform this triangular coffin room into a fully functional house. For 10 years, Liam and his wife lived frugally, finally saving up enough to buy a triangular coffin room measuring less than three square meters. It's so tiny that even his pet want to run away from home. It's only big enough to fit his grandmother's coffin, and even a regular bed won't fit. Liam has to sleep on a rope every day. Realizing this isn't a sustainable solution, he decides to redesign the room like this. Firstly, Liam removed the original windows and used galvanized square steels to weld a frame, extending it upward to create more space. With some additional funds borrowed from his aunt, he purchased expansion screws to firmly attach it to the wall. Then he covered it with eco friendly wood veneers and created drawer space below for storing out of season clothes and thick quilts. He embedded a soft mattress on top to turn it into a bed. After reinstalling the windows, Liam made a big wardrobe in the corner beside the bed. The upper right side is designated for hanging clothes, while the upper left side holds work and daily necessities for professional needs. A low cabinet sits at the bottom, providing space for storing out-of-season clothes. He also installed a switch socket by the bedside, allowing him to lie in bed and scroll through his phone or read a book without worry. He made sure to leave a space for the projector as well. Liam made a combined cabinet at the end of the bed with kitchen items on top and pots and pans stored below. The sliding cabinet doors are smooth and shiny, and he placed an induction cooker on the countertop to simplify his meals. He also installed a range hood to ensure proper ventilation. To guarantee a good night's sleep, Liam installed fence by the window and set up a folding table here for a comfortable dining area. This space also doubles as a super-spacious study area for him and his girlfriend to learn together. When not in use, the table can be folded up to save space. At the end of the bed, he placed a projector for his girlfriend, Alice, who loves watching Korean dramas. In the middle of the room, Liam embedded a washing and drying machine below and placed a small refrigerator on top for his favorite snacks. The floor of the bathroom next to it is lowered by 5 centimeters with a marble vanity top embedded in ceramic. He stored all toiletries in the smart mirror cabinet, which reflects Alice's heroic and slim figure. Liam buried water tank accessories in advance and installed a wall mounted toilet to ensure his best moments at home are comfortable. He also installed a built in shower for added comfort during bathing. Now let's admire the overall effect of the redesign.
        How to design a 0.1 square meter apartment into a functional house
        How to design a 0.1 square meter apartment into a functional house? liam worked hard for 10 years in new york and finally saved up to buy this tiny 0.1 square meter apartment. every night he had to tie himself to the door with steel wire to sleep. eventually, it broke down and needed an absolute redesign. firstly, he welded a frame from galvanized square steel, and borrowed some expansion screws from his aunt to secure it to the wall. he covered it with wood veneers durable for 10,000 years and installed large floor to ceiling windows made of broken bridge aluminium for a stylish look. then he added a big fluffy mattress so he and his girlfriend could comfortably sleep together, and even have space for a baby. he installed a special alarm because he struggles to get up in the morning so lets god decide. below, he built a bedside table, installed a socket and set up a projector for reading books. attached a soft padding around the bed for extra comfort. and placed a folding table at the end of the bed to use as a workspace. he can also sit there to relax and fish, turning his catch into a hearty meal. next, liam built a cabinet against the wall and a retractable card holder below it. the small chair doubles as a bed. he added a folding dining table so the whole family can enjoy meals together, and save space when folded. all the familys clothes hang in the wardrobe. next, he installed a modular cabinet by the door with a waterproof pool on one side to create a mini kitchen. he placed an induction cooker nearby with a mirror cabinet above and compartments below for seasonings and toiletries. a wall mounted toilet is installed next to the door, perfect for sitting comfortably and taking a shower. liam hung an overhead curtain at the end of the bed to watch korean dramas daily. with this setup, even limited space can offer unlimited possibilities.
        Little John showed his girlfriend his new 0 square meter house
        Little John showed his girlfriend his new 0 square meter house. She left immediately and John was crushed, thinking of all his savings. He set up a bamboo pole and hammock living a swaying life on the cliffs. Frustrated, he welded two galvanized steel frames, use some screws to fix them to the wall. He wrapped it with wood veneers and installed an aluminium alloy window. Next he built a full wardrobe by the door. On the other side hang more clothes and pre bury a water tank. Install a wall mounted toilet for a hidden bathroom space. Remove the entrance wood veneers and make a frame. Wrap it with wood veneers, embed a large bathtub and fill it for a home hot spring. After soaking cover it with glass to dry . Place a 2 by 1.2 meter mattress for a comfortable sleep. Above, build a mezzanine with galvanized square steel and wood veneer, adding a middle partition and a low cabinet on the left. Add an induction cooker, a vegetable washing area and a wash basin. Build an upper cabinet for seasonings and bowls, extending it to a mirror cabinet and add light strips for a better look. On the right is his workspace. Install stairs on both sides for easy access and don't forget the hammock his girlfriend loves.
        Skibiding for 1 billion sigma years
        Little John has been skibiding for 1 billion sigma years and has enough Ohio to buy a new mewing room. Unfortunately, the room John bought is only 000000.1 mm²! Frightened, he contacted the local sigma. Then he decided to rizz the room. First, he made the gyatt using GALVANIZED SQUARE STELL and Kai Cenat with horizontal and vertical frames. He then borrowed SCREWS FROM HIS AUNT to dingle the foundation. He then grimace shake it with ECO-FRIENDLY WOOD VENEER for strength and durability. With this, he now has 1000 km² room, enough for him to しこのこのこのここしたんたんしこのこのこのここしたんたん. After that, he installed elevated wardrobes to bussin's his clothes and then placed a soft mattress as a bed on top of it, so that he doesn't have to dab when he wants to change his drip.

        Kiyoshi – Ass vs Boobs

          From ep9 of Prison School where Kiyoshi was asked to give the reason why he preferred ass over boobs. 

          Back when we still walked on all fours, we always had in front of us… the butt. Then from the time mankind started walking on two legs we stopped having butts stuck in our faces all the time, and in their place, what appeared in front of our faces… were boobs! Women grew larger breasts to take the place of buttocks. The original source of life is the buttocks!… BOOBS ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A PALE IMITATION OF THE BUTTOCKS! IF ASKED WHAT YOU’D RATHER HAVE, A COPY OR AN ORIGINAL, NATURALLY, I WOULD CHOOSE THE ORIGINAL!
          "Mankind...
Back when we still walked on all fours, we always had in front of us... the butt.
Then, from the time mankind started walking on two legs, we stopped having butts stuck in our faces all the time, and in their place, what appeared in front of our faces... were boobs!
Women grew larger breasts, to take the place of buttocks.
The original source of life is the buttocks!
Boobs are just a substitute!
Boobs are nothing more than a pale imitation of the buttocks!
If asked what you'd rather have, a copy or an original, naturally, I would choose the original!
Boobs jut out forward due to the process of evolution, keeping the buttocks further back and to the rear hidden!
However, that is where the grace of the Eros of the buttocks is..."

          There’s nothing that brings me more joy than starting with goblin.

            There's nothing that brings me more joy than starting with goblin.

"Goblin!" says the announcer as I proceed to run to a nearby chest, my pockets hungry for gold, I head straight to it without missing a breath. "Goblin!" he says once again, as more gold pours out of the sky and into our hands. We run back to the other chest, with a bag that clings and clangs loudly with every greedy step of ours.

There is no need for violence, not a care about the nearby threats. The world is harsh and dangerous, but it could be worse without coins. "Goblin!" is heard once again, the sun completely blinded by the gold flashbang that drops to our feet. "Fusion!" the skies sing as we become One.

I love goblin. And Mike, but I'm biased because I used to main him in Brawl Stars.

            Alien: Romulus

              Thats fucking Alien right there

              Thats fucking Alien right there. None of that pansy ass dick tugging Engineers made humanity bullshit. Aliens puke, aliens poop on the field, aliens deliver their new born drone on the side lines. Fucking hard core ovipositor in the mouth facehugger chestburster fuck it chuck it xeno time shit. Alien is back, baby

              I saw Ridley Scott at a grocery store in LA

              I saw Ridley Scott at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.