To Whom It May Concern,

It has come to our attention that you have, on multiple occasions and in public forums, expressed enjoyment—nay, admiration—for Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. This behavior is not only concerning but also in direct violation of the unspoken agreement among Star Wars fans that certain standards must be upheld.

By continuing to like this film, you are willfully disregarding plot coherence, character development, and basic cinematic decency. Accordingly, we are preparing to file a Class-Action Lawsuit on behalf of fans everywhere who suffered emotional damage from the return of Palpatine “somehow.”

You have 7 days to retract your statements, burn your Blu-ray copy, and issue a public apology for your crimes against film. Failure to comply may result in further legal action, including but not limited to being forced to watch The Holiday Special on loop.

Sincerely,
X