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The first time I met Kliff Kingsbury

    Kliff Kingsbury

    The copypasta was originally written by u/FHSlaughter on meeting Kliff Kingsbury on the Arizona Cardinals subreddit back in 2022.

    I met him once at a Scottsdale nightclub, he was in a booth with three gorgeous women draped around him with a bottle of champagne on ice in the middle of the table. I yelled over the blaring Old Town Road remix “Go Cards!”. I expected just a wave back or to be completely ignored, but to my surprise he gestured me over to his table. As I got closer, I realized he was piss drunk. A wave of Calvin Klein and whiskey sours washed over me as he leaned in.
    
    “I’m interviewing these lovely ladies to be my new D coordinator,” he said with a wink and a chuckle. Before I could respond, he spun me around and slapped my ass so hard I fell right into a bottle girl. When I finally got back up and turned around, him and the women were already gone.
    
    Cool guy.

    Fuck it. I’m gonna glaze miz while being a reddit hater.

      Ludwig x Miz copypasta
      Fuck it. I'm gonna glaze miz while being a reddit hater. Ludwig wishes he was as entertaining as Mizkif. Mizkif might have an ego but he isn't afraid to look like a clown. Ludwig on the other hand, can't for the life of him create content that doesn't revolve around protecting the 'perfect' image he's created. Now why wouldn't a fake person like that jump at the chance to take down a 'friend' and gain even more popularity at their expense? Only person Ludwig cares about is numero uno. I'm not naive, to be a streamer you gotta be somewhat narcissistic, that's just part of the job description, but Ludwig is the flavor of narcissism that American folk singers would sing about while playing the fiddle to warn others about preserving your humanity. Holy shit. Give me my reddit gold strangers. Fuck me man.

      Groundhog Day

        💐😮‍💨Greetings from Punxsutawney, PA‼️👋Today 🗓️ is GROUNDHOG DAY🙀and 👥Our 👯‍♂️Boy Phil😩😍 has predicted for 👯💅🏻US💑 an 💐🌷‼️⏰EARLY⏰‼️SPRING🌸🌺 the ULTIMATE💯 👉👌Sexy😉Season🪻 for 😘BREEDING 😍🍆💦 like Horny😜🍆🐇Little Bunnies🐰😮‍💨 ❄️Winter may 🚫NOT❌ keep on 💋COMING💦 but we sure will😏😛 If you🤭 want to be getting 💯DOWN⬇️ and DIRTY🫣😩💦 with the 💐🌷SPRING SEASON🔜⬇️🤭 🫦 Send💌 this to 🔟 of your 😍SEXIEST😘💄SLUTTIEST🫦 and 👅💅🏻WILDEST 🤪😛👯‍♀️💅🏻Playboy Bunnies👯‍♂️💋 Get 0️⃣ back and you've been left out in the ❄️Cold🥶 and getting a 🔵🌨️Blue-Balled Winter😵🔵 Get 5️⃣ back and you're 🌤️🌷Warming Up⬆️ and Getting Wet💦🌧️ Get 🔟 back and you're 💐SPRING-ING🌷🪻 into 🌦️💦Wet☔️And 🍆Wild😛🔥Action🫦🤤
        What up 🆙 my Punxsutawney SLUTS 😜🦫 it’s GroundHOg Day 🙌🏼 and you know what that means 😈 it’s time to slurp down ⬇️ some LAP HOGS 👅🐖 Today ☀️ our favorite 😍 little fuckable 😩 GOPHER 🦫 will be looking 👀 for his shadow ✌🏼 determine if we get 😧 more WET 🍆💦WINTER ❄️☃️ or if we move 🔛 to SEXY SPRING 😎🌈 All the nastiest 😈🥴 sluttiest 🥴 marmot mommies 💅🏿 will be at GOBBLER’S KNOB 😜😋 to let that Woodchuck FUCK 👉🏿👌🏼 right ➡️ into their Inner Circle 😳🤵🏻‍♂️🎩 Send this to 💯 of your best KNOB GOBBLING 🦦🌰 acorn juggling🤹🏾‍♀️ THICCwood 🤤 BADgers 😈 If you get 0️⃣ back, it’s gonna be a long 😳 hard 🪵 cold 🥶 DRY PUSSY WINTER 😾 for you 🤷🏻‍♂️🧴 If you get 5️⃣ back, you might see 👀 your shadHOEs 😎 after all 😩 If you get 🔟😧 back, you’ll be getting a warm Spring 🌳 and a warmer🔥 LOAD 💦😜 If you get 1️⃣5️⃣ back, FUXsutawney Phil 🍆🦫 will be scurrying 😧 into your greasy little gopher hole 🦫🕳 tonight! 😩🥴
        🐗✨HAPPY GROUNDHOGS DAY ✨🐗 every february 2️⃣nd we trek to GOBLERS 👅 KNOB 🍆💦 to see 😵‍💫FUCKS-A-TON-Y 😛😏 phil PULL OUT 🫢 of his TIGHT HOLE 🫣✊🏼💦 if that FAT 😩 HOG🍆 sees its shadow 👤 we have SEX 👉🏼👌🏼 more weeks of LONG 🙌🏽 HARD🪨🫦 winter 🌨️🥶 if he doesn’t 🙅🏻‍♀️ spring 🪺🌱 CUMS 👅💦 early🌝 send this to 1️⃣0️⃣ of your SLUTTIEST 😳 RODENTS 🦫 if you get 1️⃣0️⃣ back 🥴 you have a BIG 😏 FAT 😩 WOOD 🪵 CHUCK👅 if you dont 🙅🏻‍♀️ get 1️⃣0️⃣ back you’re a BIG 🐖 FAT 😵‍💫 WOOD 🍆 CUCK 🫣 GOOD LUCK 😛

        Christopher, my son, did I ever tell you the full story of Shelob?

          Originanl Shelob copypasta from 4 chan
          Christopher, my son, did I ever tell you the full story of Shelob? You know, the monstrous spider - descended from the vile Ungoliant! - which I used to read aloud of in our Oxford meetings of the Inklings? Well what I didn't mention back then was Shelob could also transform into a totally hot babe: all pale and dark and wan like Rebecca in lvanhoe or what will later come to be known as the goth subculture. In fact she looked very much like the pornographic actress Stoya who will be born 13 years after I die. Christopher, I will be entrusting you with my estate. If there is ever a videogame adaptation of my work you must make sure they get this Shelob right - make sure she is what the Anglo-Saxons would have called a hæða ecge, a real sexy bitch.

          Please put a NSFW tag on this.

            The infamous ‘Please put a NSFW’ or ‘NSFW while I was on the train’ copypasta that started on Reddit and is commonly used whenever you see a horny post.

            Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masterbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masterbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.
            Please put an NSFW tag on this 😭💢💢💢. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating 😱. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” 🤬💢 and “call the police” 👮‍♂️. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image 😏. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image 😩. This is all your fault 👺💢💢💢, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW 😡🚫💢💢💢💢💢 
            Dear brother, i plead you to apply a “Not Suitable, Foul Witchcraft” tag to this content. Twas a simple afternoon, whereupon the train i was sate. But alas, i laid eyes upon this ungodly picture, and thus i was unable to deny myself a fit of furious masturbation. Oh they stared, how they stared, the strangers on the train. The strangest of looks were flung my way, along with pronouncements such as “what upon egads earth” and “contact the police force”. I panicked so, and my telephone fell to the ground; moreover, those situated around me laid eyes upon this picture. This train, albeit small, is now populated with aroused men, each one masturbating thunderously due to this picture of yours. There is nobody to blame but you, thus it is simply your fault. You, and you alone, could have prevented this disastrous event, if you had only seized the opportunity to tag your imagery as NSFW. 

            Open other variations

            Superheated cum at hypersonic speed

            Please mark this NSFW. I saw this when i was riding a bus and it made me cum uncontrollably. The sheer physical pleasure of this primordial orgasm made me collapse on the bus floor shaking. My phone fell out of my hand and everyone in the bus also saw the image and began to orgasm aswell.
            
            This extremely arousing climax caused a superheated cumshot moving at hypersonic speeds, being able to penetrate over 1227mm of reactive composite armour, exiting my dick with a loud bang whilst tearing it apart with a deafening rip. The sheer force of the nut i busted not only ripped straight through my military cargo pants, but it also melted through the side of the bus, leaving a narrow molten corridor through the aluminum hull. The cumstream continued to flow through the air unimpeted, hitting a cars fuel tank right next to my bus, totally unbothered by the lengthy standoff distance, causing a massive explosion of cummy doom.
            
            After the incident i was arrested by the CIA and harnessed into a secret Anti-Tank weapon, reinforcing my shaft with rolled homogenous steel core barrel and showing me the image, whilst pointing my penis at an enemy, making me cum on command and obliterating everything infront of me. Suffice to say, pretty hot image. Dang

            Uwu Owo version

            Pwease put an N-NSFW tag on dis. I-I was on teh twain awnd when I saw dis I-I hawd tuwu stawt fuwiouswy mastuwbating. E-Evewyone ewse gave me s-stwange wooks awnd wewe saying dings wike “what the fuck” awnd “call the police”. I d-dwopped mwy phone awnd evewyone awound me saw dis image. Now dewe iws a whowe twain of men mastuwbating togedew at dis one image. Dis iws aww youw fauwt, yuw couwd have pwevented dis if yuw h-hawd juwst tagged dis post NSFW

            Response to “Please mark this nsfw” copypasta

            Stop dropping your phone on the fucking train
            
            Every morning I clock into work, and 12 hours later I clock out covered in jizz because someone dropped their phone while looking at porn and turned the whole trip into a goddamn gangbang. I can’t take it anymore. I’m literally knee deep in spunk by the end of the day, because all you motherfuckers are apparently lubing up your hands and can’t get a grip. We’ve all had to start wearing blindfolds when we exit the front so we don’t accidentally get a peak and start furiously cranking our cocks to “thugposts” or “femboys” or whatever the newest horny fad is.
            
            For the love of god, stop dropping your phone on the fucking train.
            Response to “Please mark this nsfw”

            Please remove the NSFW tag on this.

            Please remove the NSFW tag on this. I started masturbating on the train and i was immediately turned off because it was not NSFW. Everyone on the train was wondering why i stopped masturbating and i dropped my phone on the floor and now there’s a train of full grown men not masturbating. This never would’ve happened if you had not put an NSFW tag on this.

            Please put an SFW tag on this

            Please put an SFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I became seriously confused. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what's so confusing?” and “sir is there something wrong?”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men confused together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post SFW.

            Good Ending

            I was informed that it was all false accusations directly towards me. The image was not NSFW and in fact was 2 Children playing on a merry go round and suddenly you replied that it was NSFW. The police confirmed that it was SFW and charged you for Pedophilia. I also informed them about the train situation and in reality there wasn't any train nor records of you taking the train anywhere in the past month. I went to the doctors and they said that you were suffering from intense schizophrenia, so I hope you understand that it wasn't my mistake.

            Perhaps you were looking for ‘Why didn’t you mark this NSFW?

            I can’t take it anymore. I’m sick of Genshin.

              Based on the original I’m sick of Xianling copypasta.

              I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Genshin. I try to play HSR. The communities have a daily post about Genshin. I try to browse gacha communities. Every post has Genshin mentions. I try to browse regular gaming communities. There's a monthly genshin hate thread. I try to see memes. I see a genshin neckbeard meme every 2 seconds. I browse fanart. Every character is from genshin. I mute the word. I leave all game communities. My favourite youtuber gets sponsored by genshin. "Download genshin impact" they tell me. I go to an anime convention. There's genshin everywhere. A talking fairy comes out "Traveller it needs 80 gb of space". She grabs my pc and forces me to download it. "You just need to spend some money on it" I can't do it, I don't have enough money. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." She takes all of my food and leaves."Ehe te nandayo?" There is no hint of sadness in her eyes. Nothing, but pure billions of dollars in revenue. What a cruel world.