My 4 colonist Own 4 rifles for base defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended.
Four club weilding ruffians raid my base. "What the devil?" My colonist say as they rush to the rifle line.
Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first raider, he's dead on the spot.
Second volley misses entirely due to low shooting stats nailing a wild boomalope.
have to resort to the hand to hand combat as the three remaining ruffians close the gap. "Tally ho lads!"
A single club strike shatters the first colonist skull, he's down.
In the close quarters a poorly aimed shot kills a second colonist.
The two remaining colonist charge the rapscallions. They're beat severally.
The hoodlums attempt to kidnap the three downed colonists! But hark! A stranger appears just in time placing a well aimed head shot killing another of the colonists as the kidnappers disappear off the maps edge with the two remaining colonist.
Not a killbox in sight, Just as the founding fathers intended.
Wait but..but.. I'm not ready...for that. I'm not ready for you to leave yet. Please stay. Wait, why are you mad at me? Why are you mad at me? I was doing it for you. What! Woooaaahooooooaaa....I was doing it for you..doing it for you...I know my place. I know my place. I understand. Come back. Come back I love you....
Its the cursed Shrek copypasta but changed to Fubuki from Hololive.
I was only twelve years old. I loved Fubuki so much, I had all the merchandise and watched all the concerts. I'd pray to Fubuki every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Fubuki is love", I would say, "Fubuki is friend". My dad hears me and calls me a simp. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Fubuki. I called him an anti. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Fubuki. I'm so happy. She whispers in my ear, "Fubusex". She grabs me with her small bare hands, and puts me on my back. I spread my mouth wide for Fubuki. She sprays Fubupiss all over my face. I'm suffocating, but I do it for Fubuki. I can feel my nostrils burning as I choke on the Fubupiss. I endured against her stream. I want to please Fubuki. She sings Scatman, as she fills my mouth with her love. My dad walks in. Fubuki looks him straight in the eye, and says, "Otsu-kōn deshita!". Fubuki turned into a fox and leaves through my window. Fubuki is love. Fubuki is friend.
Its the Misato copypasta but changed to Lamy from Hololive with mention of her wakipai (portion around the armpit and side of the breast).
Sometimes I fantasize about Lamy coming home drunk and beating me until I feel numb. She kicks me in the ribs until I can hardly breathe. Then she starts to cry and apologizes, begging me to forgive her. She holds me all night as I gently cry into her wakipai. Is there any hope for me left?
PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP
GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT
UWOOOOOOOGH 🥵🥵🥵 CUNNY 🥵💢 CUNNY 🥵💢PLAP‼️PLAP‼️PLAP‼️PLAP‼️GET PREGNANT 😭💢 GET PREGNANT😭💢
GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT! Now normally, I don't go after jerboas... But YOWIE ZOWIE! Does it grip? Is it moist? Is it spongy?! tweaks out Will she let out a heart shape smoke when her eggs are fertilized?! WILL SHE TURN MY COCK INTO A ONE WAY TRAIN THAT NEVER GOES OUT OF HER TUNNEL?! I GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTSS TO KNOW! DOMAIN EXPANSION: INFINITE RAILING! PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP! OH GREAT GLORPY SCHLORPY! HER WOMB IS THE FURNACE AND MY CUM IS THE FUEL! GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT! I CAN'T HOLD IT IN! NINE MONTHS, LIGHT OF BIRTH, SPERM AND SEMEN, GAP BETWEEN FERTILIZATION AND NEW LIFE! 200% OUTCUM! BREEDING TECHNIQUE: UNLIMITED POTENT WHITE! UWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGHHHHHHHHHH! THROUGHOUT HEAVEN AND EARTH, I ALONE, AM THE SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGSSSSSSS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
OOOHHHH💦💦💢 <XXX>'S ASS AND THIGHS 😫😭🛐 PLAP PLAP PLAP💦💦💦 GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT💢💢💢PLAP PLAP PLAP💦💦💦 GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT💢💢💢 PLAP PLAP PLAP💦💦💦 GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT💢💢💢PLAP PLAP PLAP💦💦💦 GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT💢💢💢PLAP PLAP PLAP💦💦💦 GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT💢💢💢PLAP PLAP PLAP💦💦💦 GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT💢💢💢PLAP PLAP PLAP💦💦💦 GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT💢💢💢
PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP GET PREGNANT WHORE GET PREGNANT PLAP PLAP 👺💢💢💢
A reddit user crashes out after seeing the average setup of users on r/selfhosted.
I stumbled onto this subreddit looking for tips on running a basic Plex server, and holy shit, you people are insane. Instead of finding normal humans, I find complete psychos debating ZFS configurations like they're discussing fine wine. "Ah yes, this RAIDZ2 has subtle notes of data integrity.” You are all a bunch of sick vitamin D deficient freaks.
I actually work with and manage multiple Kubernetes, mission critical infrastructure that actually matters. I spend my entire day working with containerised applications, and what do I find when I load up Reddit? Ansible playbook writing maniacs trying to automate their light switches. You are all a bunch of sick freaks who probably dream in YAML and wake up in cold sweats wondering if you forgot to enable that cron job
The worst part is how you enable each other. "Hey guys, just finished my basic home automation setup", and then you post a system diagram that looks like the blueprint for a nuclear reactor. Fourteen Docker containers just to manage a suite of 'internet of things connected shitware. You celebrate each others descent into madness with vomit inducing comments like "Nice setup! Have you considered adding Prometheus monitoring?" You are all a bunch of sick freaks, you make me ill.
And the money you guys must spaff away... you've somehow convinced yourself that spending thousands on enterprise server equipment from 2012 is justified as it was originally 10x the cost. And then you refer to it as “your little setup". "Oh this? Just my Dual mirrored RAID 10 arrays with triple redundant UPS and backup diesel generator that kicks in if the power flickrs for more than 3 milliseconds. You know, for my Linux ISO collection" Meanwhile your electricity meter spins so fast it could probably generate its own electricity. You are all a bunch of sick freaks, and you need help.
I take solace in imagining what your home lives are like, I laugh as I imagine your families, having to sit through dinner listening to you explain why running Pi-hole with Unbound is superior to forwarding to Cloudflare. I bet your kids start crying when you mention DNS-over-HTTPS. Your wife just stares at you now, especially since you've replaced all your family photos with Grafana dashboards.
I imagine you boiling over when when the women you made vows to asks "why can’t we just go back to using iCloud" when your precious self-hosted photo library goes down during your third Photoprism upgrade this week. They completely ignore your ‘impressive’ (97% lol) uptime statistics and offsite backups. You are all a bunch of sick freaks, and your loved ones are losing hope.
No, you don't need Kubernetes or 10gig network switches or 7u rack. You don't need any of these increasingly abstract layers of complexity that exist only to solve the problems created by your previous solutions. Your simple file server didn't need containers, those containers didn't need orchestration, that orchestration didn't need a service mesh, Yet here you are, staring at 10,000 lines of YAML, wondering if maybe just one more helm chart would finally make it all perfect. But I know you'll keep adding more, because you're all just a bunch of sick freaks.
