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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


I used to be an intern for South Dakota Kristi Noem.

    I used to be an intern for South Dakota Kristi Noem. While interning for her I felt I saw her true nature and to this day I am in hiding

Out of college I was an intern for South Dakota Kristi Noem. At the time she was having an affair with political operative Corey Lewandowski, it was my duty to cover up for their affair

One night I was standing guard outside her office when I heard behind the door Corey say 'I can't do this anymore' and a few seconds later he stormed out. Then I heard crying. I ran into the office, closing the door behind me. I noticed there was a dog costume on the floor, but no matter, Kristi was my concern

'Kristi, what's wrong!?', she looked up at me, and then her sad face slowly turned into an idea face

She told me to put on the dog custome, and then said that intercourse was a part of the job duties. Kristi is a very powerful political figure, and my career in politics could be threatened, so I immediately agreed. I am well versed in intercourse but what threw me off was Kristi ordered me to take off my clothes and get into the dog custom, which had a hole in the crotch for me cock. Is this was Corey went through as well?

After I put it on, Kristi said her favorite foreplay was for me to act like a farm dog, so for about 30 minutes we would pretend the office was a farm and I was hunting birds. This whole time Kristi was masturbating. Then came the intercourse. Afterwards she said 'okay, this is how I like to finish' and brought out a gun behind her desk!

I said 'is that a real gun???' and she said 'yes, but I won't shoot you with it, I will just pretend to shoot to get off'

This sort of role play continued for 6 months until I was able to transfer to Washington DC and leave her office

I thought that was the last of the ordeal, though I always wondered what was the origin that fetish. Until one day I saw this in the newspaper

"Kristi Noem says she shot and killed her 14 month puppy in the face. What to know about the South Dakota governor's recent controversy

As I was reading this, I looked up from the newspaper and there was an assassin in my kitchen! They said 'time to die' and I recognized the voice. 'South Dakota Kristi Noemi???' I said. She then said 'I'm already under water, we can't let news of our affair get out' and fired several more bullets but I dodged them and went into the living room

Thinking quick, I got my stuff dog toy and threw it at her. She caught it, looked at it, then immediately started shooting it in the face with one hand with using the other hand to reach into her pants to start masturbating. I took the distraction to escape

I got in my car and drove back to my hometown of [REDACTED]. To this day I am in hiding from Kristi Noem. Luckily I take a dog stuffie where ever I go in case she finds me, I tell people it's my emotional support stuffed animal

    My husband has become a vim peasant

      Created by u/gentoogirl, its a circlejerk story on the superiority complex of Linux users.

      When I met my husband 10 yrs ago, he was everything I ever wanted. We met on a freenode IRC channel. He was a Gentoo and Linux-from-scratch dual-booter who could install both systems with his eyes closed. We used to have long, romantic conversations well past midnight about tabs vs spaces and open source. Our first fight ever was about MIT vs GPL licensing. On our first date, we shared our tiling manager config files with each other (this was the first time I truly felt love for a man).

However, lately he’s changed into a husk of the man he used to be. He migrated to Linux Mint, because, and I quote, he “just wants to get work done” and he “no longer has time to fiddle with [his] system”. Then, he started using GNOME for the same reason. This was already very suspicious. I mean, if he truly just wanted to start using a full DE, he could have at least picked KDE, right? Even Xfce I’d have been ok with.

Then, the other day, our relationship hit a breaking point. Here I was, working on my 2012 NixOS thinkpad, and hubby calls me over to his office. He said he “wanted to show me something”. I sit down on his chair, and you can imagine my terror as he pulls up vim on his terminal. He had a weird smile on his face, as if something had taken him over. He spent the next few mins “showing off” a variety of vim tricks he’d just learned. I had to turn my face to the side so he wouldn’t see the tears drying on my cheeks. Let me be clear: This was NOT the man I married.

Our relationship has had its ups and downs, but I never imagined my husband would stoop so low as to become a vim peasant. I don’t know what to do. Part me says I should just start divorce proceedings and get it over with, but the other part can’t help but wonder if perhaps my husband is being afflicted by some serious, undiagnosed mental illness.

Please advise reddit, my whole life is in shambles and I don’t know what to do

      I don’t know why everyone seems to think Selena is some sort of angel

        I don't know why everyone seems to think Selena is some sort of angel, she's a horrible person. Everyone seems to think she's a poor girl because she was ''heartbroken by Justin'' and she had Lupus and this and that. What her fans don't like to hear about though, is when she cheated on The Weeknd and how she's still literally obsessed with her exes. So for everyone clueless, in 2017, Selena was spotted and caught on camera hanging out with Justin Bieber, who at the time was dissing The Weeknd on his lives saying ''he's wack'' out of jealousy that The Weeknd was dating Selena. Obviously Selena knew what Justin was saying about The Weeknd but she still hung out with him while dating The Weeknd. And then guess what happened? They broke up and literally right away she dated Justin Bieber again. Now, some of you might say: ''Well people change'' and you're right! Justin now supports the Weeknd so I think there's a large change he's changed and isn't immature anymore. Selena though? Nope. She's still obsessed with him. How? Well, on The Weeknd's birthday he was kissing Simi Khadra. And guess who decides to get in the middle of their business? You guessed it' Selena posted a photo of her, Simi and some other girl and captions it: ''Since 2013 <3'' Or something. Of COURSE she had to post it right then. Like seriously? The Weeknd is so mature and he's long past their relationship. Can't Selena Just Move on like him? To be honest I think she's just using him for clout, because he's up in flames with his new album and no one talks a lot about her anymore; she's basically irrelevant. So she knew doing something like this would finally get her some publicity and make her relevant just for a short amount of time. Her fans need to realize that within the realm of Selena, Justin, and Abel - Selena isn't some angel who did nothing wrong and got heartbroken by both of them and is too good for them and that's why she single. She's single because she cheated on her ex and she's someone who uses her ex for clout when she becomes irrelevant. Ariana has gone through way more than Selena and doesn't even get the credit and sympathy she deserves while everyone is crying for Selena when she did it all to herself. (Minus the Lupus.) Her fans just say ''lol you don't know anything she didn't cheat'' while accusing JB and Abel of cheating on her with no proof whatsoever... There's proof she cheated on The Weeknd and honestly it's her loss and she's realized that now since she's using him for clout... I really don't get why everyone thinks she's a sweet innocent girl.

        4 anthropomorphic turtles get out

          I was there. Behind the building around 3pm there were quite a few guys in all black, black masks, trying to do something by the air conditioning unit. I asked them what they were doing and this big guy in a metal helmet told me to get out of there. All of a sudden, this yellow Ford Transit pulled up and 4 anthropomorphic turtles get out and start beating the hell out of these dudes. Really whooping ass. Amongst the chaos, I saw the dude in the metal mask take off on a rocket and the turtles escaped into a sewer while this big ass rat held open the manhole cover. Wild Tuesday afternoon. I talked to some reporter named April O'Neal and she said our piece would air tonight.

          “Bruh did you ever hear about the GOAT Darth Plagueis the Wise?”

            The story of Darth Plagueis the Wise but bastardized using Gen Z slang and made into a copypasta.

            "Bruh did you ever hear about the GOAT Darth Plagueis the Wise?" 
'Nah.' 
"Oof. The Jedi wouldn't tell you, that's pretty sus. It's a Sith banger. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith so based and so boujee he could use the Force to fuck with the midichlorians to straight up make life. He was so extra he could even keep his fam from unaliving." 
'No cap?' 
"Fr fr, no cap." 
'Bffr, that's-' 
"Let me cook, Anakin. The dark side of the Force is legit bussin, even though some people think it's a lil cooked." 
'What happened to him?' 
"He was such a baller but he had mad FOMO that he'd lose his rizz, which is exactly what fuckin happened, lmao. He was pretty delulu and taught his apprentice everything he knew, and then his apprentice clapped back and unalived him in his sleep. Absolutely memeworthy, he could save others but not himself. Pretty mid tbh." 
'I'm gagged. Is it possible to learn this power?' 
"From an NPC Jedi? Nah." 
'Ok boomer.'

            I saw Steve Jobs at the Apple Store in New York when the iPod touch first came out

              This is an old copypasta that is a parody of the classic ‘I saw Flying Lotus at a grocery store in LA‘ that started from 4chan.

              I saw Steve Jobs at the Apple Store in New York when the iPod touch first came out. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photo with my then new iPhone or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. He walked away and while I continued waiting in line, and I heard him chuckle as he walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like 10 black iPods in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the iPods and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “because it’s the Apple way,” and then turned around and winked at me. I think they were all the same memory. After she scanned each iPod and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.