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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.

Already lost my job due to BF6..

    Battlefield 6 copypasta
    source
    I’ve been working as a security guard at my local mall for 7 years. Since the beta came out all I’ve been thinking about is BF6. Played pretty much non stop, called off work for 4 days straight (not a big deal Jerry does it all the time). My first day back was today, and of course all I’ve been thinking about is BF6. In the midst of my fantasizing about battlefield (almost) coming back to its core, I was rudely interrupted by a radio call of an old man who passed out in JC Penny. Without hesitation, I ran tactically through the mall, clearing corners and combat sliding through doorways. I made it to the old man and immediately held X to drag and revive him. I dragged him a few feet and pulled an emergency EpiPen out of my cargo pocket, stabbing him in the stomach. I felt like an absolute hero, like all my training this past weekend had paid off. When the paramedics and police showed up I patiently awaited my commendation medal, and was advised that I had actually killed the old man. I simply replied “sounds like a skill issue.”

I’m now not only unemployed but being charged with attempted murder. I’m currently in jail with a $500,000 bond, but I quickly figured out how to kiester my phone. Hoping BF6 comes out on mobile so I can still play.

Anyone else going through something similar?

    How to deal with unsportsmanlike player at chess club?

      You average chess enjoyer
      Archive of original

      Its from a deleted post on r/chess asking for advice on dealing with a a chess club member who is unsportsmanlike and weird to others. The post instantly became a meme and was circlejerk within the chess community.

      Theres a very unsportsmanlike player at our club who constantly taunts and belittles everyone else. Whenver you make a mistake he yells out "blunder!" or "inaccuracy!" ... "better move was..." and then says the engine move or what he thinks the engine move is. He also says what he thinks the engine +- is. He plays the kings gambit as much as he can and knows like 30 moves deep into every variation. If you respond something other than e5 to 1.e4 he just laughs and calls you a patzer.

He's also OBSESSED with Hikaru Nakamura. He talks about him all the time and shows everyone a picture of him with Hikaru (Its really blurry so its hard to tell if its even him). He's constantly talking about him as if he's a close friend even though he only (maybe?) met him one time. Its bordering on creepy and makes everyone uncomfortable. He calls him "Hikaru-San" which I think is part of his obsession with Japanese culture. He also brings japanese noodles/Ramen to the club every day and will spend like 5-10 minute eating them during his turn just to taunt you. Meanwhile he will be mumbling words in japanese.

We tried approaching about his conduct but he just did some weird anime villain laugh, yelled something in Japanese, then ran off to challenge another person to a blitz match. We obviously don't want to tell him not to come but it feels like his presence is deterring new people from joining and its also exhuasting.

      How to deal with a sportsmanlike player at my club.

      How to deal with a sportsmanlike player at my club.
      byu/johnnyfuckinghobo inAnarchyChess
      There is this very sportsmanlike player at my club who always praises and encourages everyone. Whenever someone makes a decent move he always yells out "brilliancy!!" Or "that was way better than my idea...." And then says you must have spotted the top engine move. He also tells everyone how they must have the biggest pipi in the room, plus or minus. He only plays the bongcloud and if you respond with anything other than e4 to 1.e5 he says you're very creative and asks if you'll teach him the line.

He's also OBSESSED with Eric Rosen and shows everyone a picture of him with Eric (it's really blurry but it just makes him really happy to share it). He's constantly talking about him, but everyone is cool about it because he backs off if you ask him politely. The only time it gets a little creepy is when he refers to him as "Daddy Rosen". But everyone looks past that because he always shows up with donuts and snacks to share. He distributes them during his opponent's time even though he could be calculating at the board.

We tried approaching him about his conduct and had a real down to earth conversation about the "Daddy Rosen" thing and he quoted Marcus Aurelius and said that he'll exercise more self control. We really love it when this guy comes to the club but we're all too shy to say anything. We're just worried that the club is going to get too popular if he keeps bringing free donuts for everyone.

      Bungalow

        https://www.tumblr.com/dragonsateyourtoast/120097205297
        i remember in 6th grade public school one of my friends in the class used the word "bungalow" as often as possible and every time he needed to say "house" or "home" he swapped it for "bungalow" and me and the rest of the class thought it was so fucking funny.

so everyone in the class started using it too like saying "I brought my lunch from the bungalow today" or whatever and the teachers HATED IT.

it started getting out of hand when we were learning about the presidents and we often needed to say "the White House" so of course we would say "the White Bungalow" and the teacher was so furious and then there was a ban on the word and if anyone said it they were sent to the office and I remember the kid who started all the bullshit one time got in trouble for something petty like sharing his homework and the teacher said that she was going to call home to him mom and he just stood up and cried out "No, ms! Please don't call home!"

and there was this huge silence because he just raised his voice at the teacher

and then a huge smile spread across his face and he said

"call bungalow instead."

and I swear the whole class rioted it was amazing

        skibidi toilet ended my 5 year Long relationship

          source
          to give a little Background Info, i Love watching YouTube Shorts. i Binge watch them all day. on everage, i Spend about 8 hours DAILY watching Shorts, its my guilty pleasure. No one knows about this, as i keep it a good Secret. one day, when i was meant to be at school, i was watching some Shorts, my Mom came in and she was shocked, so i Hid my Phone under my pillow, and told her to leave since i was having a WANKY. i got away With it, but the next day i was around my girlfriends House, i was watching Shorts the whole time and i was so sneaky, she didn't notice. she was trying to make advances at me and Put her Hand on my thigh, i didnt Thing much of it and keept scrolling, after a while she noticed i was watching YouTube Shorts, when i was watching "skibidi toilet 66 - Fan Made" and suddenly my phones valume when Up to the Maximum and she Put her Hand Off my thigh and screamed "ARE YOU WATCHING SKIBIDI TOILET?!". im currently sitting on her porch pooking my eyes Out. im Not Sure If i'll ever be able to Recover from this, but atleast i have skibidi toilet.

          Icardi slingshots a pigeon and ate it

            From an interview with Sergi Gomez sharing wild story between him and Icardi.

            "Mauro arrives at La Masia and we are teammates for three or four seasons. In one of them, we shared an apartment. One day he said to me, ‘Sergi, come with me to the park next door,’" the defender began.

"He brought a Y-shaped piece of wood that he had cut the day before, with a rubber band tied to it. He had made himself a homemade slingshot. We went to the park, he pointed to a very tall pine tree and said to me: ‘See up there?’ I could see the pine cones, but he insisted: ‘No, higher up’. And there was a pigeon that you could barely see."

"He grabbed a rock, stretched the rubber and... wham! He knocked the pigeon down from a height of 20 or 30 meters. We went back to La Masía, he removed the feathers, put a wire inside, lit a bonfire and ate it in front of me," he explained with a chuckle. "I remember thinking, 'What's in store for me if we start like that.' But I'm very fond of Mauro. We lived many things together and, if you see him, you'll know that I keep that in my heart."

            This is Icardi (pigeon version)

            People trashing Icardi in the pigeon thread. Here you fucking go. This is Icardi. No meals with no slingshot, but when he does get it, it's done.

            there’s laundry to do and a genocide to stop

              Its a poem by Vinay Krishnan on Twitter but the author had since put his account on protected mode.

              There’s laundry to do and a genocide to stop. There’s laundry to do and a genocide to stop. I have to eat better and also avoid a plague. My rent went up $150. I’ll need to pick up more shifts. Twenty people died in Rafah this morning and every major news outlet is stretching the limits of passive voice to suggest whole families may have leaped up through the air at missiles that otherwise had the right of way. I just got a notification that my student loan payments are starting up again and my phone isn’t charged. My cousin got COVID for a fourth time and can no longer work or walk or even feed himself. The person across from me on the L train seems to fashion themselves a punk rock revolutionary, but they’re not wearing a face mask, and that’s the kind of cognitive dissonance that makes me want to steal batteries. Fascists keep winning the primaries for both parties, and I think I gained a few pounds. The CDC just announced there’s no more speed limits on highways, and I think this Ativan is finally hitting. The NYPD farmer’s market only sells bad apples, have you heard that one? Listen, it’s warm today, too warm for March. But I don’t have time to think through the implications because there’s laundry to do and a genocide to stop.