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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


I saw Nerissa at a local KFP store yesterday

    Nerissa copypasta from Hololive Advent

    From the video description of a Hololive EN video, its the Flying Lotus at a grocery store copypasta but changed to Nerissa from Hololive Advent.

    I saw Nerissa at a local KFP store yesterday. I told her how cool it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be annoying and bother her and ask her to do "ara-aras" or anything.
    She said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
    I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but she kept cutting me off and going “Ope? Ope? Ope?” and unbuttoning her shirt in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my meal order, and I heard her starting to sniffle like a wet cat as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw her trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen hamburgers in her hands without paying.
    The orange-haired girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Entschuldigen Sie, Ma'am, you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
    When she took one of the hamburgers and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped her and told her to remove the top bun from each individually “to prevent any culinary infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each burger and put them in a bag and started to say the price, she kept interrupting her by complaining about "how you cant get any Culvers here" really loudly.
    I saw Nerissa at a local KFP store yesterday. I told her how cool it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be annoying and bother her and ask her to do "ara-aras" or anything. She said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but she kept cutting me off and going “Ope? Ope? Ope?” and unbuttoning her shirt in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my meal order, and I heard her starting to sniffle like a wet cat as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw her trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen hamburgers in her hands without paying. The orange-haired girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Entschuldigen Sie, Ma'am, you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the hamburgers and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped her and told her to remove the top bun from each individually “to prevent any culinary infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each burger and put them in a bag and started to say the price, she kept interrupting her by complaining about "how you cant get any Culvers here" really loudly.

    Challenged by a new girl at my BJJ gym

      Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) is a martial art that focuses on grappling and ground fighting.

      Last night, a new girl challenged me to grapple at the BJJ gym. I could tell immediately: she was a noob. It was one of those moments where I could sense her confidence, but she had no idea what she was about to face. I was just chilling, wiping down my gi and doing some light stretching (read: flexing my arms in the mirror), when this girl—let’s call her Amber - walks in with her friend. She looked like the type who thought she was a badass, like she’d been “training” for a few months and could take anyone on.
      
      I was sitting there, the king of the mats, silently basking in the glow of my superior experience. But she had no clue. She looked at me, eyes full of that cocky energy, and said, "Hey, wanna roll?"
      
      I could already tell, she thought I was just some guy here for “cardio.” What she didn’t know is that I’m a master of my art form. I’m like Scorpion of the Shirai Ryu—absolutely relentless, a perfect balance of calm and brutality. But in her mind? I was just some guy who probably didn't know a rear-naked choke from a guillotine.
      
      Her friend, of course, was hyping her up, “I’ll bet 50 bucks she taps you out!”
      
      I barely even looked up. “Double it,” I said, cool as ice. You can’t mess with a gigachad like me. I was about to demonstrate the power of true mastery.
      
      I strutted over to the mats, slowly wiping the sweat off my brow, making sure she could see how effortlessly I moved. This was it. My time to shine. I had no doubt in my mind—i was going to break her.
      
      She smiled, clearly thinking she had this in the bag. I could see it in her eyes: she didn’t respect my skill. But she would. Oh, she would.
      
      We squared off, and I just waited. She shot for a sloppy takedown, full of desperation, probably trying to throw me off balance. But I saw it coming. Like the master I am, I pulled guard with perfect technique. I felt her body go stiff, like she had no idea what was happening. I had her trapped.
      
      She tried to posture up, thinking she could shake me off. Big mistake. I smoothly transitioned into a sweep, flipping her onto her back. It was like I was in a different dimension, moving with the grace of a true artist. I knew what I was doing; she didn’t. I controlled the pace, every movement a calculated stroke of genius.
      
      She tapped out almost immediately.
      
      “First round’s mine,” I said, offering her a calm smile, as if I hadn’t just absolutely destroyed her.
      
      Her friend looked disappointed, but she tried to mask it with a laugh. "Okay, okay, rematch!" Amber said, a bit more flustered this time. “Let’s go again.”
      
      Round two? Same story. I dominated, I let her get in a few weak attempts, but they were all futile. The whole time, I could feel her panic rising. “You’re... you're too good," she stammered. But this wasn’t about skill for me. It was about absolutely asserting what a relentless warrior I am.
      
      I caught her in a triangle and she tapped again. Clean. Effortless.
      
      “You know, I really thought I’d do better,” she admitted, face flushed.
      
      “Most people do,” I said, casually wiping sweat off my brow, like I wasn’t already three steps ahead of her.
      
      Now, this is where I could’ve stopped. I could’ve been a gentleman and ended it there. But nah. She kept pushing, trying to pretend she wasn’t mentally broken. I could see the way she was looking at me: her eyes wide, like she was starting to understand that I was no ordinary grappler. I could feel the tension building.
      
      At this point, I could tell she wasn’t just looking for a win. She was looking for more - maybe some validation, some hint of power, but she wasn’t going to get it. I was a master of my art form, a master of the mat.
      
      She went for a single-leg takedown. She was desperate, but desperation is nothing in the face of true skill. I smoothly sprawled, trapped her, and before she knew it, I was on her back. I secured the choke with a precision that would make most BJJ black belts jealous. She tapped out again, completely powerless.
      
      She wasn’t even mad anymore. She was impressed.
      
      I took a long, deliberate sip from my water bottle, looking at her like I’d just shared some secret, ancient knowledge. “One more?” she asked, voice trembling. She wanted more.
      
      I looked at her, and I could see she was hooked. She was learning. She was starting to appreciate the effortless mastery I exuded. "Sure,” I said, “But this will be the last one.”
      
      I wasn’t just going to beat her. I was going to finish this with style. With flair.
      
      I let her win the first round. Let her. She didn’t even know it, but it was part of my strategy. I was paying her back for her determination.
      
      “0-1,” I said, my voice dripping with mock pity. "But don’t get too cocky.”
      
      She looked at me, confused, as I casually set up my next move. I hit her with a clean sweep and transitioned straight into a mount. My knees locked in place like steel, and with a slight adjustment, I had her right where I wanted her. The choke was flawless.
      
      Tap.
      
      2-1.
      
      I stood up, casually adjusting my gi, the ultimate gigachad victory. She stared up at me, breathless, probably wondering how she’d gotten so wrecked. She touched my arm as she stood up, feeling my massive bicep, looking at me with admiration—maybe something more, but I wasn’t there for that.
      
      “Thanks for the roll,” I said, my voice calm and collected, like I had just finished a regular sparring session. “You’ve got potential, but you’re not there yet.”
      
      She smiled weakly, and with a final glance at me, she left with her friend. I didn’t even care that I would never see her again. I was the master of my art form. My legacy was secured.
      
      And she? She was just another girl who tried to challenge the gigachad.

      Dark Souls ruined my life.

        Dark Souls copypasta
        Dark Souls ruined my life. There were some thugs who tried to rob me the other day. I immediately roared and tried to replicate Manus' five hit combo. They laughed and kicked the shit out of me. When I was shopping, I found a cool greatcoat and tried to look its item description. It was a bit heavy, "I wish I had Havel's Ring." I said to myself. I asked the shop assistant how much souls is it. She yelled at me, I didnt understand why for a second. My mom says she is worried about me, I replied her how cool it is to use ultra greatswords. She doesnt get me. I started to roll when I saw a dog in the park, thinking it was Sif. I also feel discomfort about there are not enough blacksmiths in my area to forge my armor. Dark Souls ruined my life. 

        i was walking from the store with my groceries when i suddenly bumped into Frank Supercell

          So i was walking from the store with my groceries when i suddenly bumped into Frank Supercell. I said that i recognized him and knew who he is, when suddenly frank grabbed me by my shoulders and asked if i bought this season’s brawl pass, i said no. After that he suddenly punched me in the gut, took my groceries and ran away. Is there anything i can do? Should i contact supercell support? 

          M2 Browning in space

            Its a 4chan copypasta that circlejerks on how great the M2 Browning is by fantasizing it as the superior weapon in space warfare.

            >2066
            
            >Stationed on Mars to quell a rebellion
            
            >Become side door gunner for atmospheric dropship.
            
            >No miniguns or gatling cannons, just some metal brick with a pipe on one end.
            
            >Get sent in to extract some wounded.
            
            >Reach the evac zone and come under attack.
            
            >Hoard of rebels charging in with their new plasma guns and compact rocket launchers.
            
            >Let loose a stream of bullets.
            
            >The sounds of the rebel's screams are nearly drowned out by the heavy "Kachunk chunk chunk chunk" of the machinegun.
            
            >The wounded are loaded up and returned to base.
            
            >Inspect MG afterwards.
            
            >Thing was made in 1942.
            
            >Tunisia, Italy, and Germany are scratched onto the gun.
            
            >Scratch "Mars" on with a knife.
            Ma Deuce Mars
            >2066
            
            >Stationed on Mars to quell a rebellion
            
            >Become side door gunner for atmospheric dropship
            
            .>No miniguns or gatling cannons, just some metal brick with a pipe on one end.
            
            >Get sent in to extract some wounded.
            
            >Reach the evac zone and come under attack.
            
            >Hoard of rebels charging in with their new plasma guns and compact rocket launchers.
            
            >Let loose a stream of bullets.
            
            >The sounds of the rebel's screams are nearly drowned out by the heavy "Kachunk chunk chunk chunk" of the machinegun.
            
            >The wounded are loaded up and returned to base.
            
            >Inspect MG afterwards.
            
            >Thing was made in 1942.
            
            >Tunisia, Italy, and Germany are scratched onto the gun.
            
            >Scratch "Olympus Mons" on with a knife.

            When I was a kid, I went hunting with my dad.

              Deer getting shot in the nut copypasta

              From a Reddit comment reacting to Oklahoma State losing to BYU 38-35.

              When I was a kid, I went hunting with my dad. A buck jumped out in front of where we were hunting, and I went to shoot it. However, I got to excited, and instead of shooting in behind the shoulder blade, I pulled the shot. The buck didn’t take off. Instead, he just kind of scrunched up, like he was in pain. I reloaded the rifle and finished him with a second shot. When we inspected the carcass, we found out that I had somehow shot the deer directly in the testicles, hence the reaction.
              
              That deer is exactly what being an Oklahoma State fan is like. Life seems fine, then some douchebag shoots you right in the balls before killing you.