Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
So I was once on a date with my now wife. We were going over the bridge from Galveston island. There was a masive wreck and we got stuck for a few hours. We had stoped for a large sweet tea and a Diet Coke at the double arches. I have a bladder the size of a dime! I had to pee. There were cops walking around picking up scraps and what not so opening my door and going over the bridge were not an option. I peed in my McDonald’s cup and put it in the cup holder. A few minuets latter guess what I took a huge gulp of. Let me tell you fresh urine isn’t good, I’m not going to try fermented! Oh and by the way my wife, anytime she has apple Juice asks me if I want some pee.
So uhhhhhhhhhhhh….. a few years ago a girl I was hanging out with gave me a blanket that she didn’t want anymore. I took it home and realized it smelled just like her. I slept with that blanket in my arms and pretended it was her.
I was the only one in my friend group that she never had sex with and I spent the most time with her out of all my friends. She legit would talk about how good my friend ate her pussy and I would just sit there like 🫤👍 while holding on to a sliver of hope that she would at least let me cuddle with her. For My birthday my friends tried to convince her to at least make out with me bc nobody had ever even kissed me before. She said that I was her best friend and that she never wanted to do anything sexual with me because I was such a good friend.
Edit: yeah I stopped hanging out with her after another friend made me realize that she was being hella manipulative and was playing with my feelings. She was always super flirty and touchy with me and sometimes she would actually cuddle w/ me but she was pretty adamant about just remaining friends. I know she had a ton of mental issues but she was also a complete piece of shit human being. She legit verbally abused her parents and pretty much destroyed their marriage. She acted like her life was shit and nobody loved her despite the fact that her family took $5k+ vacations and she lived in a nice ass house. She threatened to kill herself constantly and tried twice ( I will never forget her having a seizure and throwing up all over my car as I drove her to hospital whilst doing 90 in a 45 in a Corolla at 3 am after she took a bunch of pills). Almost every single therapist she had gave up on her because she was a sociopath and was unable to listen to reason
Not all of it was bad. I hang out with a ton of her friends still. Also I kinda sorta fucked her sister 😭 her sister works with mentally disabled people but also is an escort who specializes in helping kids with autism and Down syndrome lose their virginity (me included lol). I remember the girl I hung out with had to go to a doctors appointment when her sister told me to come into her room. She asked me if I wanted to have sex and of course i said yes. Legit the best two hours of my life. Just the way she spoke to me in this quiet, comforting voice still still gives me chills to this day. She legit made me cry because she never stopped saying how awesome I was and how everything was gonna be alright. We fucked a few more times before I stopped hanging out with her sister but I will never forget her
I was driving with a friend
I grab his leg instead of the gearstick
We both laugh and I unzip his pants
I park the car while fondling with his balls, my friend is laughing because he knows it's a joke and we're just friends
I start sucking his dick and was about to choke on it because I'm laughing so hard
My friend is also laughing his ass off, he starts making train noise while yelling "BROJOB BROJOB CHOO CHOO"
He then cums and then I swallow it all and kiss him while both laughing cuz we know it's a joke.
Gotta love making jokes with my friends bro.
I'm a nurse and I was just going about my day at work. There's this doctor that I think is pretty cool but pretty unapproachable. So around the time my shift was ending, I was changing into my clothes when I turn around into a very disgruntled looking Dr. Michael. I asked him if he was feeling okay but he looks at me with very animal looking eyes (hot!).
"I'm thirsty" he said. I asked if he wanted some water but he said "I'm thirsty for you". Now this is when I start feeling pretty hot and horny. He pushed me against the wall and leaned in close. He whispered only three words. "It's Morbin' time" and instantly I knew that I was here to serve a higher purpose, a higher being.
I didn't even get to change. He Morbed me so hard all night. We both were so close. I can still hear his grunts and moans. A few co-workers who walked into the room just bolted out quickly with wide eyes. It's been two days since I got Morbed and I still can't walk right.
I don't think any other person can make me feel the wild and brutal way he made me feel. I felt like an animal. I have served my purpose. I'll never feel the same again with anyone else. I can no longer be satisfied.
So I was watching the Johnny Depp-Amber Heard trial, and when it reached the part where it was revealed that Amber shat on Johnny's side of the bed, I was fascinated. Now, first of all, I didn't even know women could fart, let alone take a WHOLE ASS SHIT on someone's bed. And I know for a fact that that woman actually did the deed, because I got to agree with JD that it was neither of his dogs. Literally huge chunks of turd were scattered on the sheets as shown in the photo but Amber is gonna blame the fucking dogs? You're not fooling anybody, Amber! Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those weirdos who gets turned on by literal pieces of shit spewing out of someone's ass, but for some reason I was just intrigued by the mere fact that a woman had the ability to excrete such amounts of fecal matter. So I did some research on Bing and after 5 gruelling hours, I managed to find Amber Heard's number so I decided to call her. Only for me to realize seconds after making the call that it was 3AM and she probably wouldn't even respond. I was nervous: what if she doesn't respond? How will I be able to make this inquiry about how her body could be capable of doing such a feat? Luckily, it went to voicemail and so I decided to leave a lil message for Amber: "Hey Amber, this might be a long shot but I just want to ask did you really take a dump on Mister Sparrow's bed and I was wondering if you were going to do the same to mine? Thank you!". I had obviously wanted to prank her, and as I went to sleep I didn't think much of the message. But then, about 4 hours later, I was awaken by this pungent, putrid stench that almost made me think that I shat myself in my sleep again. I recalled the events of the previous night, and realized something. I slowly turned myself to face the other side of my bed, nervously anticipating... And it was true, Amber Heard intruded my home and took a BIG FAT SHIT in my bed. Was I happy, was I mad? I didn't really know, but I sure was glad to discover first-hand that women could indeed defecate.
It almost never fails. My best friend I got back home after baseball and he hit me with his infamous deez nuts jokes again. I hate that I fall for most of them and I hate how he delivers the punchline so sensually. "Imagine Dragon deez nuts across your face." "Deez nuts in your mouth" "Howsma cock feel in your mouth." "Stigma dick in your ass." At some point the jokes don't even make sense like "Let me stuff my cock down your throat." "Suck on my fat juicy nuts." Instead of me finding it funny, I just get turned on instead. I'm like "go ahead bitch I'm waiting." It's like that meme "jokes on you I'm into that shit." It's worse when we're sweaty, naked, adrenaline still pumping in the locker rooms after a game right before a shower and he pulls out his wonderful jokes. It's like he's *trying* to make me hard on purpose. I'm almost certain he knows what he's doing. But I kinda love it. I joke back with him too and he falls for mine but I still feel a lot of sexual tension. How could you look another man in the eyes and say "I'm gonna stuff my cock down your throat." without someone getting a hard-on.
