Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
This was a few years ago, i was 21, but now I'm ready to share my story. Some time ago I just got into a breakup and I suffered emotionally, mentally and I was physically exhausted. My sex drive was at the lowest point in my life. Months passed and I haven't had any form of sexual activity until one day I had the urge to j*rk off.
I am living solo with only just my dog so I had all the privacy I need. I was sitting in my couch and while watching a girl dancing on my phone I decided to fuck the couch. I was really horny at that time and it felt really good It was so tight yet so soft. Everytime I became horny I always try to jerk off or fck certain things such as folded clothes in my wardrobe, office chair, I also tried fucking a lotion bottle with a large opening. Basically I was fcking anything where my d*ck fits. This was my routine in the morning and after work.
I don't know what got into me but I decided to fck my refrigerator. The door has a seal which is soft so I decided to fck that. At first it felt really good so everyday the only thing I was effing is my refrigerator. Until one day I decided to f*ck the side of the refrigerator door where it is hinged. Surprisingly my d fits perfectly. It is tight and I like how I can control the tightness of it.
Now for the disaster, my dog decided to push the refrigerator door and my fully hard erected dck got stuck. It was the STRONGEST PAIN that you can ever imagine as a man. I can't reach the the door handle to open it but I can't move because it fcking hurt so bad. I tried to scream but I can't. I was panicking and I feel like I can die at that moment but I was scared of the idea that someone will find me dead with my dck stuck in the refrigerator door. I tried and tried to reach the handle until I grabbed the string that was attached to the handle cover. I finally unstucked my dck but I can feel it but it hurts so bad. I can't tell because I think I'm gonna pass out. I was stuck for maybe 3-4 mins but it felt like a very long time.
After I got myself unstucked, I still managed to cm but it still hurt pretty bad. I was thinking of going to a hospital to got my dck checked but I decided not to. I was scared of being judged so I decided to keep this to my self, later that day my dick got all red and violet, it looks like it lost blood circulation, I just applied cold compress and took a lot of pain killers to relieve myself, this went on for a few days. I managed to pee but it hurts really bad. Until one morning the pain was gone, I went to the toilet to pee but when I pull my shorts my DCK FELL OFF. It really fell into the toilet bowl and made splashing noise, I still remember it like it was yesterday. It felt like a dream at first and it took me a moment to realize what just happened. I was like fck what should I do, should I pick it up or flush it. I was looking at the part and it was really gone. I managed to pick it up and drive to an emergency room, I don't want to exlain the details because idk if the happenings at the hospital was true or just my hallucination.
The doctors decided to take off the rest of the rotten tissue surgically because obviously my dick can't be saved. I was in the hospital for a month or so.
Months passed, my lower part started to heal without a dck, I only had a urethra so I pee like woman. Only my parents knew about this. I don't do dates anymore because I can't have sex, I can't masturbate either. I have no dck.
Damn.
So I was once on a date with my now wife. We were going over the bridge from Galveston island. There was a masive wreck and we got stuck for a few hours. We had stoped for a large sweet tea and a Diet Coke at the double arches. I have a bladder the size of a dime! I had to pee. There were cops walking around picking up scraps and what not so opening my door and going over the bridge were not an option. I peed in my McDonald’s cup and put it in the cup holder. A few minuets latter guess what I took a huge gulp of. Let me tell you fresh urine isn’t good, I’m not going to try fermented! Oh and by the way my wife, anytime she has apple Juice asks me if I want some pee.
So uhhhhhhhhhhhh….. a few years ago a girl I was hanging out with gave me a blanket that she didn’t want anymore. I took it home and realized it smelled just like her. I slept with that blanket in my arms and pretended it was her.
I was the only one in my friend group that she never had sex with and I spent the most time with her out of all my friends. She legit would talk about how good my friend ate her pussy and I would just sit there like 🫤👍 while holding on to a sliver of hope that she would at least let me cuddle with her. For My birthday my friends tried to convince her to at least make out with me bc nobody had ever even kissed me before. She said that I was her best friend and that she never wanted to do anything sexual with me because I was such a good friend.
Edit: yeah I stopped hanging out with her after another friend made me realize that she was being hella manipulative and was playing with my feelings. She was always super flirty and touchy with me and sometimes she would actually cuddle w/ me but she was pretty adamant about just remaining friends. I know she had a ton of mental issues but she was also a complete piece of shit human being. She legit verbally abused her parents and pretty much destroyed their marriage. She acted like her life was shit and nobody loved her despite the fact that her family took $5k+ vacations and she lived in a nice ass house. She threatened to kill herself constantly and tried twice ( I will never forget her having a seizure and throwing up all over my car as I drove her to hospital whilst doing 90 in a 45 in a Corolla at 3 am after she took a bunch of pills). Almost every single therapist she had gave up on her because she was a sociopath and was unable to listen to reason
Not all of it was bad. I hang out with a ton of her friends still. Also I kinda sorta fucked her sister 😭 her sister works with mentally disabled people but also is an escort who specializes in helping kids with autism and Down syndrome lose their virginity (me included lol). I remember the girl I hung out with had to go to a doctors appointment when her sister told me to come into her room. She asked me if I wanted to have sex and of course i said yes. Legit the best two hours of my life. Just the way she spoke to me in this quiet, comforting voice still still gives me chills to this day. She legit made me cry because she never stopped saying how awesome I was and how everything was gonna be alright. We fucked a few more times before I stopped hanging out with her sister but I will never forget her
I was driving with a friend
I grab his leg instead of the gearstick
We both laugh and I unzip his pants
I park the car while fondling with his balls, my friend is laughing because he knows it's a joke and we're just friends
I start sucking his dick and was about to choke on it because I'm laughing so hard
My friend is also laughing his ass off, he starts making train noise while yelling "BROJOB BROJOB CHOO CHOO"
He then cums and then I swallow it all and kiss him while both laughing cuz we know it's a joke.
Gotta love making jokes with my friends bro.
I'm a nurse and I was just going about my day at work. There's this doctor that I think is pretty cool but pretty unapproachable. So around the time my shift was ending, I was changing into my clothes when I turn around into a very disgruntled looking Dr. Michael. I asked him if he was feeling okay but he looks at me with very animal looking eyes (hot!).
"I'm thirsty" he said. I asked if he wanted some water but he said "I'm thirsty for you". Now this is when I start feeling pretty hot and horny. He pushed me against the wall and leaned in close. He whispered only three words. "It's Morbin' time" and instantly I knew that I was here to serve a higher purpose, a higher being.
I didn't even get to change. He Morbed me so hard all night. We both were so close. I can still hear his grunts and moans. A few co-workers who walked into the room just bolted out quickly with wide eyes. It's been two days since I got Morbed and I still can't walk right.
I don't think any other person can make me feel the wild and brutal way he made me feel. I felt like an animal. I have served my purpose. I'll never feel the same again with anyone else. I can no longer be satisfied.
So I was watching the Johnny Depp-Amber Heard trial, and when it reached the part where it was revealed that Amber shat on Johnny's side of the bed, I was fascinated. Now, first of all, I didn't even know women could fart, let alone take a WHOLE ASS SHIT on someone's bed. And I know for a fact that that woman actually did the deed, because I got to agree with JD that it was neither of his dogs. Literally huge chunks of turd were scattered on the sheets as shown in the photo but Amber is gonna blame the fucking dogs? You're not fooling anybody, Amber! Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those weirdos who gets turned on by literal pieces of shit spewing out of someone's ass, but for some reason I was just intrigued by the mere fact that a woman had the ability to excrete such amounts of fecal matter. So I did some research on Bing and after 5 gruelling hours, I managed to find Amber Heard's number so I decided to call her. Only for me to realize seconds after making the call that it was 3AM and she probably wouldn't even respond. I was nervous: what if she doesn't respond? How will I be able to make this inquiry about how her body could be capable of doing such a feat? Luckily, it went to voicemail and so I decided to leave a lil message for Amber: "Hey Amber, this might be a long shot but I just want to ask did you really take a dump on Mister Sparrow's bed and I was wondering if you were going to do the same to mine? Thank you!". I had obviously wanted to prank her, and as I went to sleep I didn't think much of the message. But then, about 4 hours later, I was awaken by this pungent, putrid stench that almost made me think that I shat myself in my sleep again. I recalled the events of the previous night, and realized something. I slowly turned myself to face the other side of my bed, nervously anticipating... And it was true, Amber Heard intruded my home and took a BIG FAT SHIT in my bed. Was I happy, was I mad? I didn't really know, but I sure was glad to discover first-hand that women could indeed defecate.
