Skip to content

Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


Elon Musk touched my balls in the bathroom of a South Bay bar in 2019.

    Its a fake story of Elon Musk grabbing someone’s balls and talking about colonizing Mars with men with big balls. Apparently, you will get a warning for sexualized harassment if you repost this copypasta in Reddit.

    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣤⣄⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡔
⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣻⣟⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⣠⣴⠟⠀
⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⢻⣿⣟⣿⣧⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀
⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣻⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⢠⣿⣯⠉⠻⣯⢱⣻⡯⠉⠹⣿⣿⠛⣩⣛⣿⣿⠛⠉⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀
⠀⢸⣿⣿⢠⡀⠹⢸⣷⠃⠧⠀⢹⣿⣤⣠⠛⠹⡏⠶⡀⠘⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀
⢀⡨⣿⣯⣼⣷⣤⣼⣯⣼⣟⢤⣤⣿⣭⣭⣴⣿⣥⡿⣥⣤⣽⡇⠀⠀⠀
⠉⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣿⣿⣷⣝⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣿⣿⣾⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⢙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠐⠁⠀⠉⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Elon Musk touched my balls in the bathroom of a South Bay bar in 2019.

I was out celebrating a work anniversary with a group from my floor of the office. I had drank a few too many beers trying to get up the courage to ask out a woman on another team. When I went to the restroom, I misfired and splashed urine on my khakis.

I was attempting to dry the front of my pants with the air dryer when Elon Musk walked in. He was dressed in all black. He is taller than I thought. He immediately walked over to me, and grabbed my balls. I was surprised. He asked me if I wanted to go to Mars.

His hands are puffy, and very soft. He has a good grip, firmer than I would have guessed. He squeezed each testicle several times, back and forth between left and right.

He told me that he was building a new rocket to colonize Mars, and that he needed men with, “…big balls for the mission.” He said that his company was building a giant rocket just to go to Mars, with new, enormous engines. He said the Super Heavy booster was necessary, as, “…we need to carry as many heavy balls to Mars as possible, lol.” He said “l-o-l,” out loud, and made a face that looked like he was trying to defecate, but failing.

He said we, “…need more humans,” or else, “… the breeding program will be a failure.” He grabbed his own crotch with his other hand and told me that his balls were large enough, but that he, “…needs the help other human males.” He said that he knew people at NASA, and could get me on a mission. He said they would make sure the space suits were roomy enough in the crotch.

I thanked him, and then went back to the anniversary event. I did not ask out the woman from the other team, and she is now married with a kid on the way.

Sometimes I wonder if I should have joined NASA

    Armie Hammer – “I tried hooking up with a dude one time”

      Armie Hammer
      I tried hooking up with a dude one time. It was hilarious... Because I was like, you know what? Like, women are the worst. Gay dudes seem to have it so easy. Like, so easy. I’m at a restaurant, my phone blows up, and it’s, like, Grindr, and someone else is like, ‘I’m at the same restaurant. Do you want a blowjob in the bathroom?’ And you’re like, ‘Hey, guys. I’ll be back in five minutes.’ Okay, this could work. This could work. Yeah. Let’s try this.’ I remember I started making out with him, and I just remember being like, God! Beards! Oh I get why women like it when you shave! Like, this thing is f*cking rough. Like, how do I get in there? I put my arms around him and I was like, ‘Oh my God! And these shoulders are so wide! He’s so big! He’s almost my height. Like, this is so strange.’ It did physically for me absolutely nothing. Nothing, like, not even a twitch. He reached for my d**k and I responded, ‘You’re not going to touch my flaccid penis. Like, this is not going to happen.’

      Youngsters…back in my days we didn’t have the luxury of seeing them titties on a whim

        Youngsters…

Back in my days we didn’t have the luxury of seeing them titties on a whim

We’d take binoculars and lie down in an abandoned barn JUST to see Mindy Jackson’s armpits, when she was milking cows. And nooo, we had no ‘phones’, we had to MEMORIZE (!) everything!!! We were not ‘jorking peanits’, we were jacking off like beasts! Like real men, when America was not a joke like it’s now

We were hunters in the night, we were the apex predators, we were THE danger. That’s how real men grew up and that’s what current generation is missing

Not funy meme (totally sucks 👎) and I deported your account to the moderation

        I’ve been a server for a few years now, and I’ve seen it all—good tippers, bad tippers

          Its a wholesome story of a server who accepted criticism and did better that started on Facebook and is reposted everywhere else. 

          I’ve been a server for a few years now, and I’ve seen it all—good tippers, bad tippers, the ones who stack their plates like they’re helping, and the ones who leave their tables looking like a tornado hit. But this one? This was new.

It was a slow Tuesday night, and I had a table of two—a couple who seemed pleasant enough. I gave them my usual service: took their order with a smile, checked in once or twice, refilled their drinks, and brought the check.

When I came back to clear the table, I noticed they hadn’t left a tip. Instead, scrawled on the receipt in big, bold letters were two words:

“Do better.”

I stared at it, dumbfounded. At first, I was pissed. Do better? I wasn’t rude, I got their food out in time, and they ate every bite without a single complaint. What more did they want?

I vented to my coworkers in the back. “Can you believe this? No tip, just ‘do better.’ Who does that?”

Some agreed it was rude, others shrugged it off. But as the night went on, the words stuck with me. Do better.

Maybe it was just meant to be an insult, but what if it wasn’t? What if it was a challenge?

I decided right then—I was going to take the advice.

The next shift, I paid attention like never before. I greeted guests with extra enthusiasm. I learned the names of my regulars. I anticipated needs before they asked, kept drinks topped off, and made sure every dish was exactly how they wanted it. I even studied the menu more so I could make the best recommendations.

Days turned into weeks, and something surprising happened—I started getting more tips. Bigger ones. Customers remembered me, requested my section, and left glowing reviews. Even my manager took notice and gave me better shifts.

One night, another couple came in, ordered dinner, and chatted with me throughout their meal. When they left, I grabbed the receipt, half-expecting the usual 15-20%. But this time, there was a note that read:

“Best service we’ve had in a long time. Keep doing what you’re doing.”

And right below it? A 50% tip.

I smiled, tucking the receipt into my apron.

Whoever had written “Do better” that night—I’ll never know if they meant it as a dig or a push. But either way, I took it, ran with it, and I did better.

And it paid off.

          Natalie Portman is the reason I work out

            "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere." meme

            Started as a comment on Reddit satirizing Anakin’s cheesy line of not liking sand when talking to Padme. The comment later became a meme and is often used whenever fans talk about Anakin hitting on Padme or impressing Padme in general.

            Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink.

"Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave.

Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette.

"Got a spare?" she asks.

"What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles.

"Conversation with me, duh."

I laugh.

"What's so funny?" she protests.

"Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?"

"You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter.

"What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask.

"Teaching, I think."

"And if I was your student, what would I be learning?"

"Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?"

"Bermuda," I say.

"Oh wow. That's lovely."

"It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking."

"What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires.

"I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."

            I need your advice… I have a 12 year old sister called Melisa but I started calling her Yui

              The SAO live action remake is looking fucking wild
              I need your advice...

I have a 12 year old sister called Melisa but I started calling her Yui when I became an otaku when I was 15 and later, she became an anime fan when she was 11. Now I have done something so terrible that I can't sleep...

What happened is that I'm a lolicon, I like loli hentai... For a month, she saw me watching that hentai and then she investigated on the subject herself... I didn't know she was spying on me so I kept watching my degenerate shit unconcerned, until one day Yui called me Onii-Chan. I felt very shameful but everything got out of control when she started to moan like a loli to make fun of me... That cunt thought she was a loli. I didn't think much of it, until I started to think that... She could like me.

I know it's sickening but since incest is my fetish, I started to woo her and little by little, we fell in love... We even got to the point of kissing.

One night our parents weren't home she and I had sex... No joke, that was the best damn night of my life. We did it over and over again and I lost control of myself when she moaned and called me Onii-Chan. We were a couple in secret... Since she was 12, I never thought I'd get her pregnant...

She was at our grandparent's home when she sent me a message telling me that she was pregnant. I couldn't sleep that night and I didn't know what to do, I was considering making her have an abortion... I thought the protagonists in these stories were happy... Now I know how hard the life of two siblings who love each other with a 5 year age gap could be.

Yui has offered me to act like it was rape and I had nothing to do with it, but for some reason I can't accept it. I have until Monday to find a solution...
              I need your advice...

I have a 12 year old sister called Melisa but I started calling her Yui when I became an otaku when I was 15 and later, she became an anime fan when she was 11. Now I have done something so terrible that I can't sleep... What happened is that I'm a lolicon, I like loli hentai... For a month, she saw me watching that hentai and then she investigated on the subject herself... I didn't know she was spying on me so I kept watching my degenerate shit unconcerned, until one day Yui called me Onii-Chan. I felt very shameful but everything got out of control when she started to moan like a loli to make fun of me... That cunt thought she was a loli. I didn't think much of it, until I started to think that... She could like me. I know it's sickening but since incest is my fetish, I started to woo her and little by little, we fell in love... We even got to the point of kissing. One night our parents weren't home she and I had sex... No joke, that was the best damn night of my life. We did it over and over again and I lost control of myself when she moaned and called me Onii-Chan. We were a couple in secret... Since she was 12, I never thought I'd get her pregnant... She was at our grandparent's home when she sent me a message telling me that she was pregnant. I couldn't sleep that night and I didn't know what to do, I was considering making her have an abortion... I thought the protagonists in these stories were happy... Now I know how hard the life of two siblings who love each other with a 5 year age gap could be. Yui has offered me to act like it was rape and I had nothing to do with it, but for some reason I can't accept it. I have until Monday to find a solution...