Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
Its an edited version of the Flying Lotus copypasta but changed to Jacob Elordi with Kingdom Hearts in the mix. It came after he revealed that Kingdom Hearts is his favorite video game of all time.
I saw Jacob Elordi at a store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, that I also really love kingdom hearts and thought it was great he did too but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen keyblade keychains and shadow plushies in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by singing simple and clean
A few months ago I was in downtown Charlotte for a business conference. I was standing on a street corner waiting for a cross signal when I'm blinded by the headlights of the tackiest Cybertruck I've ever seen. It swings around the corner, literally a few feet in front of me, windows down, and who do I see but Lamelo Ball looking right at me. We awkwardly held eye contact for about half a second while he rounds the corner, then he launches down the street. It almost made me laugh, one of the most bizarre and unexpected moments that I'll remember till the day I die.
Anyways, yeah I wouldn't get in Lamelo's car either.
Kelvin Benjamin
A few months ago I was at Golden Corral for a business conference. I was standing at the dessert bar waiting for a serving spoon when I'm blinded by the speed of the hungriest customer I've ever seen. He swings around the corner, literally a few inches in front of me, tongue out, and who do I see but Kelvin Benjamin looking right at me. We awkwardly held eye contact for about half a second while he rounds the corner, then he launches down the buffet line. It almost made me laugh, one of the most bizarre and unexpected moments that I'll remember till the day I die.
The ‘Angela Anaconda Digimon movie crossover caused my parent’s divorce’ was a 4chan story by a user claiming that the short crossover that played at the start of the Digimon movie eventually led to his parent’s divorce. The story was so amusing that everyone made memes about it and eventually the short was uploaded to YT for posterity.
>Didn't know at the time that parents relationship was rocky
>I beg to go see Digimon movie
>Parents agree but I don't realize it's for them to spend some time together as well
>Get to theater and excited about Digimon flick
>Can even afford popcorn and drinks
>Parents look happy
>Angela Anaconda short comes on
>Parents also dont speak very good English
>My lil bay mind can't comprehend all the fuck going on
>Parents are utterly confused by this Canadian fuck running around in a Digimon suit
>I start crying and they pull me out of the theater
>Mom and Dad start blaming each other for going to the wrong film
>Dad throws away the popcorn Mom wanted
>Lots of arguing and I'm still crying
>Get out to parking lot and drive off in a rush
>Get into an accident in parking lot
>Dad moves out a month later
Fucking bitch of a whore Angela Anaconda ruined my life
Its an infamous story on Reddit by u/LearnedButt, about a guy realizing that only his family had a specific knife dedicated to cutting poop when they are too big to flush. The original story had been deleted but an archived version can be found.
My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you. Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"? I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife. Fast forward to 22. It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had 'guests' over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife. "My what?" Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please. "Wtf is a poop knife?" Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it. He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML. I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes. She will be getting her own utility knife now.
[Edit: Common question - Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn't have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn't. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.]
My friends sister laid a huge turd in the toilet. She couldn’t get it to flush. So she just casually strolls into kitchen while me and my buddy are watching Friday night videos, and grabs a pocket knife from the junk drawer. Goes back towards the bathroom, my buddy is hey what the eff you need a knife for? So she says the toilet won’t flush. Their dad hears this jumps up and runs down to bathroom and screams who the shit this turd. Which brings mom into the bathroom she freaks out. No all 5 of us are in the throne room in admiration of her magnificent turd. The dad asks what is the knife for and his sister goes it’s what I use to cut them. Yeah that’s what she said. It was silent until her mom asked how long have you been cutting turds with that knife, I am dying my friend is in tears, well since we are all here I guess the secret is out so I get massive turds on my period mom. So for about six years mom. She goes to leave and her dad grabs her and says cut the cheese sweet pea and that’s your knife now. That’s it I can’t breathe I am laughing so hard. She is in tears her mom is mortified and her dad was trying to be supportive, my buddy and I are being total jackasses.
Her dad pulls us aside and threatened to kick the shit out us if a word of sir turdly of bummertown gets out of the house. We never said a word about it outside of their house but we were brutal to here at home.
I larp as sunday friend irl and don't know how to stop
sometimes i talk to random taxi drivers and cashiers like i’m literal sunday friend himself. I say that Im a high-ranking bureaucrat from price stabilité, Sur-La-Clef and the information i’m giving them is already more than i’m authorized to disclose. then i start speaking in disco elysium vocabulary like its normal speech and I regularly mimic the accents and speech patterns of Western European politicians (World Economic Forum officials are a really good source). I give detailed info about their country's equivalent in disco elysium (let's say that the guy is from Turkey and Turkey's equivalent in DE is Kedra so I talk about Kedra instead) etc. etc. this is really fun lmao I'm studying irl political science to get better at this
I encrusted my bed as a kid to the point that it was brown.
When I was around 12 or 13, my hormones were in full effect and I was a nonstop masturbator. Every night I would fire up my DSi and surf internet for hours like clock work until I was finished, in which I would turn it off and go to sleep. Now, I obviously did not want to sleep with me all over my hands, so I would go to the corner of my bed, lift the bed cover, and kinda just wipe it off there and fall asleep. I would like to say that I would get up some times and rinse my hands off in the bathroom like a normal person, but right hand on the bible I cannot remember a single time where I did that.
This nightly ritual went on for a few months and at one point I did notice that the bed started to feel “rougher” when I would wipe my hand on it, but me being lazy didn’t really pick up on what was happening because I would be understandably tired and it would be at night and I really couldn’t see. So I was blissfully unaware until one day I was changing my sheets and noticed that it looked… brown in that area. I’m not talking like a light hue, I’m talking Scooby Doo brown. I felt it and it was a hard rock candy feel, like touching the surface of a jolly rancher and its was weirdly sweet smelling. There was so much that some it hardened in tear drop formation like a water droplet on glass, ontop of the base layer of spunk. I immediately knew this was me and tried to scrape it off, and it did somewhat come off in like small flakes but the mattress itself was stained, there was no denying that. After I finished my brilliant mind thought the problem was solved, so I kept doing what I was doing for about another year and a halfish.
I did not clean it again and pretty much forgot/ignored it until the day came where we moved. My Dad wanted to throw the bed out, so we went up and I undressed my bed and my heart sank when I saw that the brown patch was back with a vengeance. Unfortunately for my Dad, that’s the side that he decided to carry and when he saw it he said “what the fuck is this? Did you spill Coke?”. I said yes immediately because wow, what an out! But looking back would not have made any sense unless I spilled multiple cokes in the same exact spot for years. We lift it and he grabs it directly on the spunk spot and I am internally screaming as we bring it all the way down the stairs and out to his car to throw out. It’s been over a decade since then and I still think about this and have never told a soul.
EDIT: Guys I’m sorry, I did not mean to ruin everyone’s association with Scooby Doo.
