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Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.

Found on r/HydroHomies

    That's where you're wrong partner. You've never seen me guzzle a full 4L in one go. By the time the first litre is gone, every pair of panties in the room has already hit the floor; every female human in a 12 kilometre radius explodes with a sexual fury likened to that of a monsoon. And for the males? They are made to look like little boys, shaking in their little boy boots. Scientists say you should only drink 250ml of water every 15 minutes to prevent oversaturation of the electrolytic cells, but I am a man of faith, a man of God, and this allows my body to accommodate the most egregious amounts of water without risk of death. So tell me, you casual; are you intimidated by me? You should be. God forbid I drink even a small cup of water around your female girlfriend, because if that were the case.... you'd be sleeping alone tonight, partner.

    r/ratemypoo is an absolute JOKE.

      r/ratemypoo is an absolute JOKE. How is one supposed to accurately rate a poo merely by the picture of it?

Does a candle connoisseur judge a candle based on it's appearance alone, without giving it a sniff? Does a food critic write their review purely on the merit of the aesthetic of the plating of the dish, without tasting? Does a sculptor select clay for what is to be a priceless piece of art without first feeling its texture and density?

No.

So how am I ever to fairly "rate your poo" if I do not experience your poo with a variety of senses. Just going off a picture I will miss out on many things about your poo: the nutty and oaky hints in it's scent. I would never know its sweet flavor, yet acidic after taste. I would miss your poos sticky, almost stretchy texture.

I would miss all of those qualities in your poo, and countless other subtleties invisible to the eye. All I would have to go off of is the picture of it floating cheerlessly in it's porcelain pool, waiting to be mercilessly whisped into the unknown of the pipes. How am I supposed to feel good giving such a soulless, uninformed rating of your poo?

      Average Redditor

        The average Redditor is insecure and unhappy

They flock to subs that are dedicated to punching down and revel in negative energy

They hate people and children and would prefer if mankind disappeared from the earth

They redirect their love to animals because they are unable to maintain normal human relationships

In short they are a Doomsday Cult

The only solace is that they are a relatively small and completely politically irrelevant slice of the population, and outside of Reddit they are shouted down as fringe maniacs

Which fuels their insecurity

And turns the Reddit wheel of hate and nihilism even faster

Which works just fine for Reddit; an amoral engine of ad-supported profits

        Every r/teenagers post

          Hey, my names Ryan.

I have autism, Alzheimer's, coronavirus, HIV, AIDS, a cleft lip, half of my brain, my parents are getting a divorce, my cat died, I lost my leg in an accident and I'm blind and deaf.

I just wanted to tell you to have a nice day!

          Found in r/Dreams:

            I had a dream where, no joke, there where two sequels to “The Bee Movie”

The second was a legitimately amazing movie about Barry B. Benson growing up to be a father and dealing with the complexity of raising two children, who had grown emotionally distant and slowly working to empathize and understand his children more and to stop being an emotionally abusive father. Slowly coming to accept and develop from his internalized homophobia. It won 2 Oscars.

The third was some cheese spy comedy as bad as the first movie, where the F.Bee.I. recruit Barry to sort out an international terror agency of wasps lead by Osama Bee Lardin.