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Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.

I have noticed that although this planet has 3.8 billion women

    Original pasta
    I have noticed that, although this planet has 3.8 billion women, I have not had sex 3.8 billion times. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to 'fuck' me. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to 'fuck' me in my recent years. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.

    That’s right, I’m a karma whore.

      Reddit Karma is the score you get for posting and commenting on Reddit.
      You heard me. I'm a karma whore. I make fake posts and comments just for those sweet internet points, and you're an idiot for giving them to me. I'm not stopping. Not because of feelings of superiority, even though I am truly superior, but because I've decided to dedicate my thoughts, mind, body, and soul to gaining more upvotes in a day than you, a pitiful mortal, will gain in your life.


Imagine a schoolgirl getting bukkake in the middle of the college bathroom from 13 different guys. That's me. I'm that schoolgirl. Except that cum is those delicious orange arrows. I'm not saying I'm better than you. I'm simply implying it, and if you have a problem with that, compare your karma to mine, and then we'll talk it out.


I apologize for your inferiority, ok? Nobody wanted you to turn out this way, and I'm sure that you feel even more disappointed in the sight of me. I have the audacity to admit that I'm a slutty whore for karma, and I'm still superior, you beta twig.


Karma is my cocaine. It's my heroin. It's my intense, orgasmic dopamine hit that will forever separate me from the mortals that surround me.


I, and I completely, am a karma whore. But I'd rather be a whore than a trashbag, like you.


Peace out plebs :)

      Dear women who post nudes on reddit.

        This one is for the coomers
        Stop with the fucking " I bet you'll never guess what's under my dress.."

It's tits. It's always fucking tits.

This is no mystery to anyone, and human anatomy has been the same for over 100k years. Seriously, shut the fuck up. You all do this. Do you really think your tits and asshole are so special that they're going to shift our collective consciousness or something?

"I bet the guys at the gym wonder what's under my yoga pants."

I bet they already know, and if they fucking don't, maybe you shouldn't be at a kid gym for 4 year olds.

        AITA for bringing an AR-15 to a daycare?

          NTA, your AR-15, your rules
          So before I (100M) say anything at all, I (100M) am not the asshole and I (100M) will not tolerate any form of criticism and/or condemnation. I (100M) also will not tolerate downvoting me just for the sake of being the OP. With that said, I (100M) have these voices in my head (Immortal) and they don't stop. They tell me about how their immortality will haunt me (100M) for the rest of my life. Forgot to mention that I'm 100 and male, so I don't have much time left anyway. The voices said I (100M) must do whatever they (Immortal) tell me to do. They said that I had to fuck every single women on earth. I only got to 20, so I was enraged obviously. I went inside a daycare with a Nerf Gun, who I affectionally call (Attractive Rifle, 15F), or AR15 for short. I start blasting the little foam bullets every where and the kids (3M, 3F, 4M, 4F) came on me and busted my fucking skull open. As it turns out, that wasn't even a daycare. It was a home full of midgets and they were psychopaths and this copypasta is unfunny as fuck. So I ran the midgets over, shot my neighbor's dog, stole the dog's car, went to Washington DC and defecated all over the Rose Garden. AITA? I know I'm not, but it's worth a shot. I need an ego boost anyway.

          I can hear my roommate masturbating through the walls, should I walk in on her?

            Source
            I rent an apartment with a friend. At night I can sometimes hear her breathing heavily and masturbating. Not through the room, but the walls. For some reason, sound travels easily through these walls. I noticed it when I lay in bed one night and leaned the side of my head to the wall making my ear sit right next to the wall. She is kind of shy and reserved. I of course have to masturbate as well when I hear her doing it since it's so incredibly hot.

What I've been thinking about is kind of just walking in on her with a bulging boner asking her if she needs help. That or maybe just telling her how hot it is. I don't know...

Not sure what the results are going to be though.

EDIT: I decided to walk in on her. It went okay.

            What a beautiful day for cooming to TIFU posts

              Your average TIFU redditor
              (Wakes up) The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, my dick is throbbing, what a beautiful day for cooming to TIFU posts. Good morning Reddit, I've been awake for 20 whole seconds and I haven't coomed yet. It's time to hop on my porn throne and machine gun jackhammer my bloodshot death-grip bloodshot semi chub with my roided doomfist once again! (Types on keyboard). I-s...is that a NSFW tag?? HMMGH, I-I MUST UPVOTE, GOOD SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIR OH GOD (FAPFAPFAPFAP) FUCCKK, HUHGHU, UPVOTE, HUHGJGUHHGUGHU (SMASHES DESK) I-I-IM COOOMING!!!!! IM COOMING, IM COOMING IM COOOMING IM COOOOOMING COOOOOOOOOOM, COOOMING, FUCCKKK, AHHAFHHAHUHG, COOOOOM, AW FUCK ITS EVERYWHERE, COOOOOM, AWGAHUGHAHG. Aw fuck, aw fuck. oh jesus. ahhghhha, there you are, my slippery white goo to the world, my son, my son...Well, it's time to get breakfast...well a little coom first wouldn't hurt.