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Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.

What a beautiful day for cooming to TIFU posts

    Your average TIFU redditor
    (Wakes up) The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, my dick is throbbing, what a beautiful day for cooming to TIFU posts. Good morning Reddit, I've been awake for 20 whole seconds and I haven't coomed yet. It's time to hop on my porn throne and machine gun jackhammer my bloodshot death-grip bloodshot semi chub with my roided doomfist once again! (Types on keyboard). I-s...is that a NSFW tag?? HMMGH, I-I MUST UPVOTE, GOOD SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIR OH GOD (FAPFAPFAPFAP) FUCCKK, HUHGHU, UPVOTE, HUHGJGUHHGUGHU (SMASHES DESK) I-I-IM COOOMING!!!!! IM COOMING, IM COOMING IM COOOMING IM COOOOOMING COOOOOOOOOOM, COOOMING, FUCCKKK, AHHAFHHAHUHG, COOOOOM, AW FUCK ITS EVERYWHERE, COOOOOM, AWGAHUGHAHG. Aw fuck, aw fuck. oh jesus. ahhghhha, there you are, my slippery white goo to the world, my son, my son...Well, it's time to get breakfast...well a little coom first wouldn't hurt.

    TIFU by having sex with my dominant girlfriend

      TIFU is an internet slang term that stands for “Today I F***ed Up.”
      first off, im a bisexual female.

I fucked up by doing something a little awkward while having sex. the fuck up is actually making up a story so horny redditors can have a wank over something which never happened. PLEASE, give me expensive reddit awards so i can browse reddit without having to deal with those stupid ads.

TL;DR: the tl dr is basically just a pun which is even more misleading than the title.

      Just unsubbed from r/FemBoys

        A femboy is a slang term used to describe a young, cisgender male who displays feminine characteristics.
        Receny revisited r/FemBoys and i was blown away by how little the sub has gone down. It must be either unmoderated or the mods dont care, becuase contrary to the name of the subreddit it has almost no actual cisgender men. 70% of the content there is transgender women. There is a seperate porn subbreddit for transgender women. When i go to a subreddit for fememine men, I expect feminene men, not women. In fact I find it ridiculous that this is allowed under reddit rules, as the implication that trans women are simply femenine men feels really transphobic.

        Here is a totally scary fact for all of reddit:

          amogus backwards is still amogus
          if you go to walmart at 3 AM naked, and scream "AMONG US SUS" 69 times, these mysterious figures known as "The Police" will knock you out, and you'll end up in a cell with a man nicknamed "BIG JOHN".

pretty scary, right?

          TIFU by accidentally flashing my enormous cum-producing cock and balls to a teenage Target employee

            NTA your cock your rules
            I may have accidentally committed a felony today by inadvertently exposing myself to a teenage girl.

I recently had a baby, and in an effort to maximize time, I often pump for cum while I'm driving. Earlier today I had to pick up a Target drive-up order just as I was finishing my pumping session.

I pulled into the parking spot and clicked the "I'm here" button in the app, figuring I'd have a few minutes to get pumping wrapped up and put away. I shouldn't have underestimated Target's customer service.

Within 20 seconds a pubescent teen girl was staring at me through my drivers seat window, mere inches from my cum splattered, grotesque postpartum cock and balls (which could probably more accurately be described as big jim and the twins).

Her face told an epic story only a seasoned author could conjure:

1.    Confusion.

2.    Skeptical confusion as she starred directly at my tip being sucked into the transparent flanges like a profane cow

3.    Horror

4.    Massive embarrassment.

I have a feeling she will be conjuring this story to a therapist someday, LOL!

TL:DR: I didn't get my pumping session wrapped up soon enough and flashed a teenage Target employee with my cum producing cock and balls.

            TIFU by imagining my dick as a 6 speed manual transmission

              Today in another episode of "That happened"
              I have an unhealthy habit of imagining my dick as a 6 speed manual transmission, and shifting gears with it.

I do it every time I have a rock hard boner especially when I'm in no mood to jerk off.

Last week, I was at my parents house for dinner. So, after I was done with my dinner, I was horny so decided to head back to my old room and have a little sausage massage session.

I put on some ebony porn, and started to slowly play with myself. Halfway through, I lost interest, but I had a rock solid boner, so I decided to shift gears with it. So, I put on some manual transmission car racing videos on my TV, and shifted gears with my dick whenever the guys in the video shifted the gears. I was trying to match the timing, and it was fun.

The fun lasted for 10 minutes, until my dad barged into my room to ask me if I would fancy some ice cream. The puzzled look on his face said everything.

tl;dr :- My dad caught me shifting gears with my dick to car racing videos.