Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.
So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.
Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.
At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.
While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.
Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!
Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.
So before I (100M) say anything at all, I (100M) am not the asshole and I (100M) will not tolerate any form of criticism and/or condemnation. I (100M) also will not tolerate downvoting me just for the sake of being the OP. With that said, I (100M) have these voices in my head (Immortal) and they don't stop. They tell me about how their immortality will haunt me (100M) for the rest of my life. Forgot to mention that I'm 100 and male, so I don't have much time left anyway. The voices said I (100M) must do whatever they (Immortal) tell me to do. They said that I had to fuck every single women on earth. I only got to 20, so I was enraged obviously. I went inside a daycare with a Nerf Gun, who I affectionally call (Attractive Rifle, 15F), or AR15 for short. I start blasting the little foam bullets every where and the kids (3M, 3F, 4M, 4F) came on me and busted my fucking skull open. As it turns out, that wasn't even a daycare. It was a home full of midgets and they were psychopaths and this copypasta is unfunny as fuck. So I ran the midgets over, shot my neighbor's dog, stole the dog's car, went to Washington DC and defecated all over the Rose Garden. AITA? I know I'm not, but it's worth a shot. I need an ego boost anyway.
I rent an apartment with a friend. At night I can sometimes hear her breathing heavily and masturbating. Not through the room, but the walls. For some reason, sound travels easily through these walls. I noticed it when I lay in bed one night and leaned the side of my head to the wall making my ear sit right next to the wall. She is kind of shy and reserved. I of course have to masturbate as well when I hear her doing it since it's so incredibly hot.
What I've been thinking about is kind of just walking in on her with a bulging boner asking her if she needs help. That or maybe just telling her how hot it is. I don't know...
Not sure what the results are going to be though.
EDIT: I decided to walk in on her. It went okay.
(Wakes up) The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, my dick is throbbing, what a beautiful day for cooming to TIFU posts. Good morning Reddit, I've been awake for 20 whole seconds and I haven't coomed yet. It's time to hop on my porn throne and machine gun jackhammer my bloodshot death-grip bloodshot semi chub with my roided doomfist once again! (Types on keyboard). I-s...is that a NSFW tag?? HMMGH, I-I MUST UPVOTE, GOOD SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIR OH GOD (FAPFAPFAPFAP) FUCCKK, HUHGHU, UPVOTE, HUHGJGUHHGUGHU (SMASHES DESK) I-I-IM COOOMING!!!!! IM COOMING, IM COOMING IM COOOMING IM COOOOOMING COOOOOOOOOOM, COOOMING, FUCCKKK, AHHAFHHAHUHG, COOOOOM, AW FUCK ITS EVERYWHERE, COOOOOM, AWGAHUGHAHG. Aw fuck, aw fuck. oh jesus. ahhghhha, there you are, my slippery white goo to the world, my son, my son...Well, it's time to get breakfast...well a little coom first wouldn't hurt.
first off, im a bisexual female.
I fucked up by doing something a little awkward while having sex. the fuck up is actually making up a story so horny redditors can have a wank over something which never happened. PLEASE, give me expensive reddit awards so i can browse reddit without having to deal with those stupid ads.
TL;DR: the tl dr is basically just a pun which is even more misleading than the title.
Receny revisited r/FemBoys and i was blown away by how little the sub has gone down. It must be either unmoderated or the mods dont care, becuase contrary to the name of the subreddit it has almost no actual cisgender men. 70% of the content there is transgender women. There is a seperate porn subbreddit for transgender women. When i go to a subreddit for fememine men, I expect feminene men, not women. In fact I find it ridiculous that this is allowed under reddit rules, as the implication that trans women are simply femenine men feels really transphobic.
