Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.
So I was sexing my hot gf who I have lots of sex with when I fucked up today. Since I was about to cum I pulled out you know? She got ready to take my load all over her face but I came too hard because the sex was so sexy that I blew her head off like a shotgun Edit: all of you saying this is fake can shut up. This is 1000% real and I’m dealing with a very traumatic loss right now. Stop being inconsiderate please and thank you.
my husband refuses to look for a job even though I think it would be good for him (And we could use the additional income), but he just says he’s, “got too much on his plate already”.
That being monitoring these stupid subreddits. And Everytime I bring it up he claims what he’s doing is unpaid labor similar to that of a homemaker. But he doesn’t clean or cook or do any of that the way he used to. He just monitors his stupid subreddits. I don’t know what to do.
Sometimes I want to leave him because I believe I may not be able to reach him.
As a chef, it’s an insult to hear “air fryers are as good as frying”. Air fryers are fucking bullshit scams and are just convection ovens with an extra fan added.
Seriously, pan searing or regular baking will always be better. I swear to shit Jared if I hear you compare fried chicken to air fried chicken one more time I’m gonna smack the gob out of you.
Edit: I’m in danger, I never realized how deep the air fryer fandom goes. I will die on this hill
Edit2: I’ll never stop upvoting and loving you all but… but I’m just gonna go cry about something totally different..
Edit3: i think id be a lot less upset if it was called an “extra air oven” as its a convection oven with extra fans.
Edit4: if I had a dollar for every comment “you clearly don’t own an air fryer” I’d be able to put it towards a new toaster oven.
Edit5: the chances of getting doxxed over kitchen appliances isn’t high.. but never zero.
Edit6: apparently air fryers are taking my job? Sorry boys and girls, no more foi gras for the rich.
Edit7: I just woke up.. what have I created? Talos be with me.
Edit8: If you’re telling me air-fried chicken is better than real fried chicken that only means you haven’t had good fried chicken… still love you all though!.. heh.. I’m not crying you’re crying..
Edit9: I thought I’d die on this hill, but like the beacons of Gondor my fellow convection brethren have made a stand. A civil war has begun and I was the powder-keg; blood shall be shed on the battlefields.
Edit10: the amount of chefs coming out of the woodwork to tell me how incorrect I am is absolutely staggering. BigAirFryer is sending their agents after me, I don’t have long - hear my warning - they’ll come for you next.
Edit11: there’s a knock at my door… I feel warm air and hear wooshing… this is it guys. If my body is found warm and crispy just know I wasn’t fucking fried I was baked.
Edit12: A better battle story than Le Miserables. Ps. If you have to threaten someone in their DMs over an airfryer then you’re not giving your food enough love.. or yourself.
Edit13: currently on shift and the tides of war hath slipped into the real world. My Sous is on your side… You beautiful heathens.
Edit14: you sinners are keeping my line from getting anything done today. Still love you all… the gods have abandoned me.
Edit15: BigAirFryer is coming after my edits now. They can take my fries but they’ll never take my freedom.
Edit16: “Chef we need Tartare on 13” “Sorry Brandon, one redditor wants to murder my dog and the others have determined how upset/triggered i am; 13 will have to wait.”
The ceo of nestle trembles. The redditors won’t stop. From their cold damp basements below their mothers house, they post anti nestle memes. Every meme that’s posted makes nestle stocks drop, and each time the ceo trembles in fear. Larry, a 553 pound Reddit user, makes an anti nestle meme. He hovers his mouse over the submit post button. The ceo of nestle sweats. Larry clicks the button, and the meme is submitted. Upon the submission of this meme, nestle takes a hit. Nestle stocks plummet down until they hit rock bottom. The nestle ceo is screaming and crying in fear. As tears form in his eyes he prays to god. He prays he’ll get through this. But it’s too late. The meme gets reposted everywhere on social media, and is soon printed into flyers that are posted everywhere. Nestle stocks hit the negatives. The ceo is billions of dollars in debt. Nestle as a whole collapses. This results in the loss of millions of jobs. Nestle is no more. Larry, from his basement, wipes the Mountain Dew off his face and laughs. As he tosses the 2 liter bottle into a pile of thousands of soda bottles, he laughs more. He has single-handedly brought down a multi billion dollar company. His mom brings down a pile of hot pockets which he devours. Victory is finally his.
This. This. Oh, I like your comment, so I reply, This. This. This this this. Thissity thissity this. This. Thisssss. Thisssssssssss. Thissssssssahhh. Thissahhhh. This. This. This. Whoooo, boy, I'm just the most FUCKING original person ever, for replying, This. This this this and a whiffle ball bat. Hey. Hey. Hey guy. Hey reddit person. Hey. Notice me. Hey. I was going to say the exact same thing you said, to a T, but you said it first, ho ho ho aren't you quick on the draw, Johnny on the spot. But that's ok, because reddit will know, EVERYONE. WILL. KNOW. That I had the exact same thought cross my brainius cranius. So this. This. This. A thousand million bajillion cuntillion times this. T to the H to the I to motherfucking supercalifragilisticexpialadociorificglificacligistictical S. Ththththththththththththththathis. This.
This happened a few days ago, but the effects have only become truly apparent in the last day or so.
As a man, I always found it deeply unfair that genetics would grant me a paucity of hair on my chin, but an abundance in my arsecrack. Equally, it seemed some odd evolutionary jest that we should need hair around our buttholes. It makes about as much sense to me as trying to clean peanut butter from a hessian rug with a piece of tissue paper. What possible reason could I have for needing hair there?
With these thoughts in mind, I decided it was time to defy God and his cruel designs, and shave my asshole. Things were great for about an hour, and the regret began to settle in.
Let me educate you about the things you might expect if you decide to follow my path:
1. My farts now come out of the top of my ass crack. With the hair that previously prevented my cheeks from forming a seal removed, my farts now form a cavity of air that travels up my ass crack and out the top. This is very unnerving. Sort of like having your farts walk up your back.
2. Friction. This should have been obvious and I was a fool to miss it. My butt cheeks now rub together, and while it isn't chafing or painful, it feels weird and I'm not getting used to it.
3. Stubble. Oh my god, the stubble. I used a razor to shave, and now I have the homegrown equivalent of a brillo pad tearing my delicate ring apart. When it isn't scratchy, it's itchy. And it's itching my actual asshole, not just the cheeks. This is the part I'm currently suffering from the most.
Needless to say, all this friction against my tight little starfish has induced numerous unwanted orgasms both in public and at home. Fellow Redditors be warned, if you don't want to jizz your pants when the cute underage cashier at the grocery store smiles at you because your jeans chafed against your freshly-shaven crack, causing you to suddenly fantasize about her pegging you, do not make the same mistake as me.
Cleanup on aisle 4 ;)