Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.
Good god what a day.
So I was minding my business in my room, when I start hearing this buzzing noise from somewhere. I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from, and honestly it sounded like a vacuum coming from the room above. It goes on for a few minutes until my mom comes into my room and asks me where the noise is coming from. At the time it’s just me and my mom in our house, so we start investigating. Sure enough it’s coming from my sisters room, underneath her bed. My mom asks me to retrieve whatever’s making the noise.
“What is it?”
I reach under the bed, and I find what’s making the noise. Oh no
I lie. “Uhh, yeah it’s an alarm clock”
“Can you take it out?”
I start panicking inside “Uhh sorry I can’t it’s stuck”
“What do you mean it’s stuck?”
“Idk wait give me a sec I need a flashlight”
I rush back to my room and at this point I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to expose my sister and idk how my mom would react. My mom is feeling a bit sick so she can’t reach down there herself. I grab my alarm clock and go back to my sisters room.
I hid it from my mom but I pretend to reach for something under the bed, and I show my alarm clock to my mom. Thankfully she doesn’t know it’s mine. So the official story now is that her alarm clock went off bc it was set at the wrong time.
My sister gets home, and my mom scolds her for setting her alarm clock at the wrong time. She looks confused since she doesn’t have one. I tell her to be more careful about her alarm clock next time. I think she knows what happened, she hasn’t left the room for awhile.
tl/dr: I found a vibrator underneath my sister’s bed, created a lie to prevent my mom from finding out. she now owes me big time
Please shut up.
I get it, you’re horny. But nobody wants to hear about all the times you’ve masturbated to your sibling, and nobody wants to hear about һоѡ your tits got in the way of something. Nobody wants to hear your “pwease be my friend 🥺👉👈” crap when posting stuff like this is exactly the reason why you have no friends. You complain about not having bfs/gfs and yet you post garbage with zero self awareness. “Boobs tits or ass” һоѡ about grass you cum stained landwhale. Go outside. Get some vitamin D. Get some friends. Get something other than erection every time you see a woman.
I don’t know if you’re new here, so I’ll let you off the hook this time. Using emojis is frowned upon here on this great site, and for good reason. Instagram normies often use them, and you don’t want to be a normie, do you?
If I catch you using an emoji in the future, I’ll be forced to issue a downvote to your comment. Why should you care, you may ask? Well to begin, you will lose karma on your account, which is a useful social status tool and also a way to show others you know your way around Reddit.
If you were to continue the use of emojis, I would be forced to privately message you about your slip-up. Any further offenses past that would leave me no other option than to report your account. I don’t think I have to explain why you don’t want that.
But anyways, no harm done yet! Follow these simple rules and you’ll enjoy your future on Reddit! Have a blessed (and hopefully emoji-free) day, stranger.
Like its just 2 balls with tiny dots at the end as a gay dude i don’t understand 😃🔫 EDIT: after 60 replies i came to a conclusion, being: Because squish squish bounce bounce jingle jongle wibble wobble mommy milkers soft 😩
EDIT2: i got asked y i dont like em and im just gonna say. Trauma that involves a shower and my naked grandma 🥰
Yeah.. title gives away the bread and butter here.. I don’t know when this started, or how it got so out of control.
There’s been a few times my boyfriend has fallen asleep before me and I just hold his soft penis while I browse social media before I go to bed too. Idk, I just really like the way it feels, I love his dick. A few times it would get hard because I’d be squeezing it Then before I knew it it became jerking him off.. Sometimes he rolls over, sometimes he precums, sometimes i just stop and let it go soft again.
It’s at the point that I intentionally stay awake longer than he does so I can play with his penis.
I feel like an absolute creep show. I’ve never told him and there’s a chance I never will. He already feels like my sex drive is higher than his and that I want/talk about sex too much.
I don’t even know how I let it get like this Staying awake until 10-11am just so I can play with my boyfriends privates is not how I envisioned I’d be spending most of my nights..
If your partner confessed that they jerk you off when you’re asleep what would your reaction be?.. better to keep it to myself or tell him?
My girlfriend opened up to me a while back about a kink of hers, which, as you can see, involves shitting on people. Obviously I was very taken aback by this, and eventually the conversation led to her basically asking me if I would be willing to do it. At first I said “absolutely not.” But then after more talking, I decided that, despite the fact that the idea of doing this made me feel like my skin was going to turn inside out, I was willing to provide the woman I love with this experience just one time, since according to her nobody else had ever agreed to it. Of course, she was very excited, so we picked a day to do it and that was that.
Fast forward to last night. I’m laying in the bathtub, holding my breath, and she squats right above my body. I expected to feel some warm logs of human feces plop firmly onto my chest. Instead I got my entire body sprayed down by hot diarrhea. I have never seen her orgasm that quickly or intensely. Her whole body immediately began shaking and she had to grip the walls of the shower to keep herself upright as she kept going. The spray got all over my face and in my hair too. It was the most horrifying thing that’s ever happened to me.
I started screaming and she asked me what was wrong. I told her that I didn’t say she could have fucking diarrhea on me. I started throwing up in the bathtub and immediately turned on the shower head. She said she didn’t know it would come out like that but later after some intense arguing she admitted that she knew and did it anyway because she didn’t think there was a difference. I told her that there’s a big fucking difference. She thinks I’m overreacting but I honestly don’t think so. We haven’t talked much since because things are extremely awkward.
I guess my question is, what should I do now? I still really care about her but this feels like a violation. Can we have a normal sex life again? Any help is appreciated
