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Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.


would I suck dick for a billion dollars?

    Source
    Lol the real game is "how little money would you suck a dick for."

Because really.

To be clear, I'm a straight, married guy. I make 100k a year, and support a family of 4 on that. I rent. Let's think.

Ten million? That's roughly what I'll make from here to retirement. With good investment edit: it's 100 years wages, and I only have 15 years to retirement. sorry, it's 3am and I'm at work. Still, I never need to work again.

A million? Fuck yes. Not even a moment's hesitation. That's ten years salary. My job is hard, physical, causes substantial wear and tear on my body, requires 12 hour rotating shift work. A million dollars would buy me a (depressingly modest) home, pay off all my debts, secure sufficient savings for my kids education. With debt paid and no major housing outlay, my standard of living would leap up from here till retirement, or I'd have plenty of room to downgrade to an easier job.

But those are silly numbers.

100k? Yup. We're still not hesitating. I go through a lot of misery to make my yearly 100k as it is, and here we're talking tax free.

10k? Still yes, but now we're getting into numbers I'm going to feel dirty about. Still, mouthwash is cheap.

1k? Ehhh. Probably not? Maybe, but you're wearing a condom for sure.

Ok, so 5k? Yeah. Sure. Wanna set up a monthly date? I'd blow someone once a month and quit my job.

Well.

So what we've discovered is that the only reason I'm not a sex worker is nobody is gonna pay me 5k to blow them. Which I'll say is probably their loss, I'm a dude, I know what feels good, and I have no gag reflex.

    My son is addicted to “Nikocado Avocado Fart Porn”

      Nikocado Avocado fart porn copypasta
      Guys help something is going on with my son. So I(41M) have been having a lot of trouble with my son recently. It started out 3 months ago he would start randomly and loudly moaning during eating, he also often started rubbing and smearing the food on him. Then he also started randomly crying during eating. He also would masturbate and cum during eating and he also started going through my wife's (5F) and mine (63M) drawer and cumming in our underwear. Now this would all be normal after all he's a teenage boy and I did the same thing when I was his age. However what made me really caucious was when he started shitting in his hand and smearing it against him and when he would add the shit into his potato porridge and he would eat the whole thing. So I (68M) went looking around his room and wanted to look in his laptop to maybe find what was causing his strange behavior. I open a file titled as "Porn" and find numerous "Nikocado Avocado Fart Compilation" videos. Unfortunately I hear him coming back so I didn't want to be caught by him so I hide in the locker. Then I watch as he sits down and starts watching one of the videos and starts loudly moaning and masturbating and cumming while he is smearing against his body a yoghurt he brought for eating. I was extremely disgusted by this so I got out of the locker thinking I have to go to the toilet to vomit, however I didn't make it in time to the toilet and vomited all over his locker and room and ran out of his room. Now I am sitting here wondering how can I help my son, guys if any of you have any idea what to do please send help.

      Boyfriend lost his erection because of Dream

        Dreamphobic is real
        Me (20F) was giving my boyfriend (22M) a blowjob. We normally love to play music while getting it on but in my opinion, he has a better taste in music so we used his sex playlist but today instead, we used mine just to change it up. It’s a short playlist only like 32 minutes long or something? Anyways so as i’m giving him a blowjob all of a sudden Mask by Dream starts playing and my boyfriend INSTANTLY lost his erection after hearing the song for like 10 seconds. He asked me if this was Dream and I was so shocked and embarrassed that i didn’t say anything. I then laughed it off like a joke and quickly switched the song but he did not seem amused at all. He went to bed after that and i asked him if he was made and he said no he was just tired but i think he’s mad. I didn’t have that song on the playlist so it just randomly came on after the playlist was done because i listen to it sometimes and i guess spotify knows i like that song! What do I do?!?!

        How can I stop my neighbour wanking all day?

          Reddit how to stop neighbour from wanking all day
          Ok so I live next door to an older couple and their mid-twenties (I think) son. I work from home, so I'm based in the office in my attic. We've lived here for 6 years and it has always been fine, up until recently when I think they've had a house move around and now it seems the son has his bedroom in their attic which is directly next to where I'm sat. We have extremely thin walls, and I think the son works from home too. The problem is, he doesn't seem to actually do any work, he just spends the majority of the working day shaking hands with the milkman. Spanking the monkey. Battling the purple headed yoghurt slinger. Tugging the slug. I can hear EVERY fucking moan and stroke, and I even know his porn preferences because I can hear every sound and word (Older women with a sprinkling of hentai). It has gotten to the point where I can't bring my kids upstairs during the day because they keep asking me what that strange noise is and I'm running out of lies to tell. So good neighbour, on the extremely small chance you're reading this, STOP SPENDING YOUR ENTIRE DAY STROKING THE VEIN CANE AND DO SOME FUCKING WORK!

          my girlfriend won’t peg me.

            Is it gay to want to be pegged?
            my girlfriend won't peg me. She says i'm gay. First, I am 100% straight, but I just want to be bent over have someone behind me pounding away. I want her to do that. Is it gay to want to be pegged?