Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.
This. This. Oh, I like your comment, so I reply, This. This. This this this. Thissity thissity this. This. Thisssss. Thisssssssssss. Thissssssssahhh. Thissahhhh. This. This. This. Whoooo, boy, I'm just the most FUCKING original person ever, for replying, This. This this this and a whiffle ball bat. Hey. Hey. Hey guy. Hey reddit person. Hey. Notice me. Hey. I was going to say the exact same thing you said, to a T, but you said it first, ho ho ho aren't you quick on the draw, Johnny on the spot. But that's ok, because reddit will know, EVERYONE. WILL. KNOW. That I had the exact same thought cross my brainius cranius. So this. This. This. A thousand million bajillion cuntillion times this. T to the H to the I to motherfucking supercalifragilisticexpialadociorificglificacligistictical S. Ththththththththththththththathis. This.
This happened a few days ago, but the effects have only become truly apparent in the last day or so.
As a man, I always found it deeply unfair that genetics would grant me a paucity of hair on my chin, but an abundance in my arsecrack. Equally, it seemed some odd evolutionary jest that we should need hair around our buttholes. It makes about as much sense to me as trying to clean peanut butter from a hessian rug with a piece of tissue paper. What possible reason could I have for needing hair there?
With these thoughts in mind, I decided it was time to defy God and his cruel designs, and shave my asshole. Things were great for about an hour, and the regret began to settle in.
Let me educate you about the things you might expect if you decide to follow my path:
1. My farts now come out of the top of my ass crack. With the hair that previously prevented my cheeks from forming a seal removed, my farts now form a cavity of air that travels up my ass crack and out the top. This is very unnerving. Sort of like having your farts walk up your back.
2. Friction. This should have been obvious and I was a fool to miss it. My butt cheeks now rub together, and while it isn't chafing or painful, it feels weird and I'm not getting used to it.
3. Stubble. Oh my god, the stubble. I used a razor to shave, and now I have the homegrown equivalent of a brillo pad tearing my delicate ring apart. When it isn't scratchy, it's itchy. And it's itching my actual asshole, not just the cheeks. This is the part I'm currently suffering from the most.
Needless to say, all this friction against my tight little starfish has induced numerous unwanted orgasms both in public and at home. Fellow Redditors be warned, if you don't want to jizz your pants when the cute underage cashier at the grocery store smiles at you because your jeans chafed against your freshly-shaven crack, causing you to suddenly fantasize about her pegging you, do not make the same mistake as me.
Cleanup on aisle 4 ;)
I (29M) happen to be a prolific music artist (I shall not reveal my identity for privacy purposes) truly care for my admirers but I have always encouraged them to break all rules and destroy public property whenever I command them to do so
Recently, at a music festival I held, I had to keep costs tight to ensure I could add onto the continuous supply of steady and abundant money I have been receiving thanks to my neat little brand endorsements, nothing big, just a burger joint and a little video game. Out of their poor judgment, they managed to hurt themselves in the crowd at my all fun and entertainment for all concert, as I continued to perform with their "antics" in the background. They also entered the stadium in abundant numbers, and I had previously tweeted that people who didn't pay for tickets were free to enter if they managed to make it in. I did this as a token of courtesy, but now people are saying I endangered young lives
I continued to rap on stage and my frequent collaborator (35M) who is my mentor's (44M) arch-nemesis and I had a jolly good time performing our little tune about people in a feverish guise of behavior. I saw ambulances entering the venue from afar and heard fans scream for me to conclude the show but I was clumsy and I assumed they were joking, was this wrong? I lacked the judgment to sense something went catastrophically wrong and continued to scream my lungs out as the fans did the same, albeit in a more somber tone, which I couldn't make out why. I hummed into my microphone as my fans' lifeless body was crowdsurfed in front of me.
We continued with our concert as my key goal was to fulfill all my sponsor goals and end it on my terms. We even let some fireworks go as people were being crushed on the grounds. I was totally unaware of this!
I went home, brushed my teeth, and slept in the comfort of my multi-million dollar mansion. The next morning, I saw reports that people had passed away at my concert, impossible, I thought they were pretending. In 29 years of living this is the first time I might be an asshole. So I decided to ask reddit, where the intellectuals of the world reside.
So Reddit, AITA?
Hello reddit, today I was rubbing my penis very fast with my hand then all of a sudden this massive release of white fluid came out of my penis, I searched up on google 'white fluid discharge from penis' and the results said I had a UTI. Could anyone figure out what came out of my penis?
Definitely Reddit. We are a group of highly sophisticated atheist masterminds who make Christman’s shudder in fear. I guarantee the average IQ of a random redditor would far exceed any other social media filled with brainlet normies. We also house some of the largest power in the world and can easily change the course of human events whenever we want. Our power rivals even larger UN member nations due to our presence world wide. I guarantee that Reddit could topple entire regimes if we all, or even a fraction of us, if we tried. We should have used this power for good when the orange cheeto was in office. People on other social media’s simply speaking are idiots compared to us Redditors.
