Skip to content

Reddit

Copypasta and circle jerk response to reddit culture or hivemind mentality. Primarily done to ridicule AITA sub or r/relationship_advice absurd nature.



My son wakes up to the fucking american Dad theme every FUCKING SINGLE DAY

    American Dad copypasta
    GOOD MORNING USA
    Everyday my son (14male) wake up at 7:00am to the American Dad theme song EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY I can't take it anymore it's driving me insane its driving his siblings insane he set his alarm tone to the song and I just can't take it anymore me an my wife's bedroom is right next to his we hear it everymorning a the fucking crack of dawn GOOD MORNING USA I GOT A FEELING THAT'S IT'S GONNA BE A WONDERFUL DAY can someone please give me advice to stop this

    TIFU by jizzing over a house fly

      Jizzing over a housefly TIFU story
      This happened about 20' minutes or so. Buckle up 'cause you're up for a ride.

Late afternoon, im sitting in my bed, and as any teen would, i got horny. Decided to get to it-
six or so minutes later im in full heat and theres this GOD DAMN FLY! Right now?! I loose concentration of the important matters, now mad at this god dammned fly.

"Time for revenge, scumdog!" i say, as i begin to grip the barrel of the machinegun. The enemy seems to understand the situation and begins evasive manuevers, perhaps, thinking it could get away.
Round chambered, i begin to aim towards the moving target. It is a risky shot but a succesful hit would mean total, inmediate victory.

I could predate the enemy's sheer, utter panic and state of mind. It KNEW they weren't coming out of this god damn battlefield alive.

"Now's the moment" my mind speaks. I thigthen my grip. Pull the trigger...
First round. Total miss.
Second round, "Dont fail me now"... Barely missed. I would say it ricocheted.
500 miliseconds later, third's the charm... FULL HIT!

Target spirals out of control, warped by the kinetic force of the load.

I begin to, slowly, aproach the fallen oponent. Seems like there's still some movement...
I grab my (recently polished) bayonet to put it out of his pain.. Until...

Its Alive. Its not just alive. Its thirsty for revenge.

The snow coated soldier begins to raise from it's misery.
As it raises, higher by every moment, the frosting puddle pulls a string from its injured body, high up and slowly into the cloudy heavens. He's clearly struggling.
And the chain snaps, he's free from the ground.

"Oh no" I say to myself. Only then did i realize the real potential of the enemy i faced.
As the white string snapped, the now flying enemy picked up a giant, long droplet.

A CUM PAYLOAD!

As i try to stop the inpact, the fly drops its payload onto my black carpet....
"Well", that must be all, lets begin the cleanup of the battle... Fool me.

The now Jizz stained Wehrmacht roars the skies. What's about it?, you'd ask.
Yes, the payload is gone, but. That motherfucker sat on my laptop and left a stain!

And it proceeded to keep sitting in various places leaving micro stains everywhere..
The room looks like my fucking balls exploded.

Fuck.

TL;DR: splat a fly with jizz and it stained jizz everywhere

      My girlfriend likes milking me like im a “frosting factory”

        Milking table copypasta
        My girlfriend has a table with a hole in it. It's measured so my dick fits perfectly through it. My girlfriend likes to have me lay on the table and stick my dick through the hole, where she proceeds to "milk" me. Whenever I cum, she says "mmmm yummy cupcake", which has started to weird me out. What should I do?

        I am administering one (1) downvote to your comment.

          You have been administered one downvote to your comment
          This is your fault.

If you had not disagreed with me in your comment, I would not have had to administer one (1) downvote to your comment.

Regrettably, however, you have decided to disagree with me in your comment, and as such, following the etiquette of Reddit.com (Reddiquette, as my fellow Redditors and I call it), I have been forced to administer one (1) downvote to your comment.

I understand if you are a new user on Reddit.com, but we all have to learn the Reddiquette at some point, and it seems today is your day to learn.

Let it be known, however, that you can also administer one (1) downvote to any comment of your choosing. Personally, I would use this one (1) downvote on someone who is reposting a meme, as that is a well known violation of Reddiquette.

          My (F18) boyfriend (M18) traded my nudes for a Minecraft anticheat bypass

            Minecraft copypasta
            Right.. So, to start off, me and my boyfriend (we'll call him Cameron) have been together for a year and half. I have always been self conscious about my looks (I'm very skinny) since I was little. Our relationship was wonderful until about 5 months ago when he started to make me feel like absolute shit by calling me names, making fun of me and how I look, talking shit behind my back to my girlfriends. For the first month this started I kept trying to talk to him and he would stop for a few days then do the same thing over again. I ended up breaking up but then got back together with him after a week. He hasn't done this again since our "breakup", and things were OK again.

Now, as mentioned in the title, he makes and sells a Minecraft hack. He would randomly text me threatening me (sometimes threatening to kill me) because he's angry someone called his Minecraft client bad and starts crying on the phone because someone called him bad at it. He even It would mentally and physically drain me. One time when I was at his house he literally forced me to talk to his "Minecraft friends" about how it's not bad.

Fast forward about two months, I get a message on Instagram. It's one of his friends sending an intimate video of me that Cameron secretly recorded (we were video calling.). That person sent screenshots of how he traded this video for an anti-cheat bypass...

This just happened. What do I even do now? Can we still repair this?

Thank you so much..