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CSGO

Archive of all known CSGO copypasta about pro players to Valve’s meme response to Hiko’s missed shots to the 48 year old man from Somalia.

“The goat is never washed.”

    Comment
    byu/adz0r from discussion
    inleagueoflegends

    The original was for Faker when he won his 5th World’s title. Written by u/SSSl1k in a post game thread of G2 vs. T1 in LoL, the copypasta has been adopted by other esport fans to glaze on their favorite players.

    Faker from LoL

    I was out of town, doing a bit of visiting. I heard my friend KkOma had finally taken the time to settle down in the countryside. Rightfully so, after what he’d been through, with all the pent-up stress and frustration built up over the years of coaching the most successful KR team in League.

“How have things been buddy?” I asked, as I saw my man step out of the house upon hearing my car come in the drive-through. “All good, life’s been a lot more chill, now that I’ve retired,” he answered. “Hey, wanna check out my animals out back? I’ve taken up farming as a hobby with my free time,” as he motioned over to the back gate.

We headed out and he started introducing me to some of the livestock, mentioning how he had named them after his players, as the unhinged animals they were. Just then, I was hit by an unbearable stench. With my eyes watering uncontrollably, I questioned through gritted teeth, “What in the hell is that smell?”

He looked over knowingly and said: "Ah. Faker? The goat is never washed.”

    s1mple from CS

    Was walking outside and randomly saw Karrigan making his vlogs. After he was finished recording, we talked for a bit and then headed out to tour his farm. He started introducing me to some of the livestock, mentioning how he had named them after his players, as the unhinged animals they were. Just then, I was hit by an unbearable stench. With my eyes watering uncontrollably, I questioned through gritted teeth, “What in the hell is that smell?” He looked over knowingly and said: “Ah. s1mple? The goat is never washed."

    You motherfuckers don’t even know what the real GRIND is

      You motherfuckers don’t even know what the real GRIND is, I have been grinding whole my life to get where I am today. I have been grinding when there was no online qualifiers every 2nd week, no Tier2 events to prove yourself anywhere, no faceit or whatsoever.

      Ji Tu – Art of Choke

        G2 team in CS2

        Similar to the Hu Xi copypasta, its a troll on G2 Esports by romanization of the player and team names into Chinese. Snax, NiKo, huNter, m0NESY, malbsMd and G2 has been changed into their respective Chinese equivalent.

        Counter Strike 2

        🈵JI TU🈵ART OF CHOKE🈵MAO NI ZHI🈵 EM MA DI 🈵 HAN TA 🈵 XI NAX 🈵 
        Ji Tu - Art of Choke

Starring Snak Su, Ni Koh, Han Ta, Mo Neh Xi, and Mal Sem Di.

        Valorant

        🈵 JI TU 🈵 ART OF CHOKE 🈵 ZHOU NA PI 🈵 WA LIN 🈵 ZHAO GE MO 🈵 LI FU 🈵 TLENT 🈵 
        JI TU BigPhish ART OF CHOKE BigPhish FA LIN BigPhish TLENT BigPhish ZHAO GE MO BigPhish ZHOU NA PI BigPhish LI FU

        He operates in the half-space between causality and chaos. His velocity isn’t speed, it’s spatial entropy.

          It came from a Twitter post about Omar Marmoush who is a footballer for Manchester City.

          Omar Marmoush operates in the half-space between causality and chaos. His velocity isn't speed, it's spatial entropy. He doesn’t run behind the defence; he quantum-leaps into unoccupied xThreat zones, disrupting vertical compactness and destabilising low-block temporal integrity

          Counter-Strike 2

          tn1r operates in the half-space between causality and chaos. His flicks aren’t speed, it's spatial entropy. He doesn’t lurk behind the defence; he quantum-leaps into unoccupied xThreat zones, disrupting vertical compactness and destabilising CT side temporal integrity.

          tarik – Unfortunately, teams require team players and he hasnt quite obtained that skill yet

            Comment
            byu/killinginthenameo from discussion
            inGlobalOffensive

            Its a CS copypasta where “hazed” gave his take on why “tarik” isn’t on a team. 

            Ive been friends with him for about 3 years and talk to him pretty much everyday as we and a bunch of other players hang out in the same mumble for years now. He is insane. His individual play is absurd. Anyone can vouch for that. A lot of you are questioning why he isnt on a team if he can be so good. Its simple, he plays for himself. He always has. If he cared more about his team play, he would be on NCG in my place i can guarantee you that. He is far better than me individually but he has no regard for team play.

Unfortunately, teams require team players and he hasnt quite obtained that skill yet. Im hoping he will some day as he would be a problem for any team to deal with.

            is it me or is olofmeister a bit of a boring player

              olof

              Started from a HLTV thread somewhere in 2016 during Fanatic era of CSGO, its now a classic CS copypasta due to how satirical it sounds.

              Olofmeister

              is it me or is olofmeister a bit of a boring player

like u see it at the end of the game "oh wow olof has 32 kills" but u can never remember them.

can u remember a single olof kill ?

but try guardian...u can see the flick i remember a guardian flick.

              NAF 

              is it me or is NAF a bit of a boring player

like u see it at the end of the game "oh wow sloth has 32 kills" but u can never remember them.

can u remember a single sloth kill ?

but try guardian...u can see the flick i remember a guardian flick.

              Zywoo

              is it me or is zywoo a bit of a boring player

like u see it at the end of the game "oh wow zywoo has 32 kills" but u can never remember them.

can u remember a single zywoo kill ?

but try s1mple...u can see the flick i remember a s1mple flick.