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Eggman announcement

    Eggman announcement copypasta
    Original

    Its the infamous video of Eggman announcing to the whole world that Shadow pissed on his wife and he’s ending the world because of that.

    I've come to make an announcement: Shadow the Hedgehog's a bitch-ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That's right. He took his hedgehog fuckin' quilly dick out and he pissed on my FUCKING wife, and he said his dick was THIS BIG, and I said that's disgusting. So I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com. Shadow the Hedgehog, you got a small dick. It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here's what my dong looks like. That's right, baby. Tall points, no quills, no pillows, look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong. He fucked my wife, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the earth. That's right, this is what you get! My SUPER LASER PISS! Except I'm not gonna piss on the earth. I'm gonna go higher. I'm pissing on the MOOOON! How do you like that, OBAMA? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss DROPLETS hit the fucking earth, now get out of my fucking sight before I piss on you too!

    ПРИШЛО ВРЕМЯ ПЕРЕУСТАНАВЛИВАТЬ ШINDOШS / IT’S TIME TO REINSTALL WINDOWS

      2010s Russian reinstall Windows copypasta

      Its from an old 2010 video of a Russian guy crashing out over the number of times he had to reinstall Windows.

      ПРИШЛО ВРЕМЯ ПЕРЕУСТАНАВЛИВАТЬ ШИНДОВС
ШINDOWS САМ НЕ ПЕРЕУСТАНОВИТСЯ
ПЕРЕУСТАНОВИ ЕГО, ПЕРЕУСТАНОВИ ЕГО ЕЩЕ РАЗ
ЗАЧЕМ МНЕ НУЖЕН LINUX, У МЕНЯ НЕТ ВРЕМЕНИ ЧТОБЫ ЕБАТЬСЯ С НИМ
ЛУЧШЕ ЕЩЕ РАЗ ПЕРЕУСТАНОВИТЬ ШИНДОУС
Я ПЕРЕУСТАНАВЛИВАЮ ШINDOWS ПО 3 РАЗА В ДЕНЬ
КАЖДАЯ ПЕРЕУСТАНОВКА ЗАНИМАЕТ ДВАДЦАДЬ МИНУТ
Я ЖИВУ АКТИВНОЙ И ПОЛНОЦЕННОЙ ЖИЗНЬЮ
Я УСПЕШЕН И ПОЭТОМУ ЦЕЛЫЙ ДЕНЬ ИГРАЮ В ИГРЫ
А ПОСЛЕ ЭТОГО ПЕРЕУСТАНАВЛИВАЮ ШINDOWS
ТУПЫЕ ЛИНУКСОИДЫ ОДЕРЖИМЫ КОМПИЛЯЦИЕЙ ВЕДРА
А Я СВОБОДНЫЙ ОТ ЗАДРОТСТВО ЧЕЛОВЕК
СКОЧАТЬ БЕЗПЛАТНО И БЕЗ РЕГИСТРАЦИИ МОКРЫЕ ПИСЕЧКИ
КРЯК УЛЬТИМАТ КЕЙГЕН РАЗБЛОКИРУЙ ВЕНДУ
ЛУЧШЕ Я ПЕРЕУСТАНОВЛЮ ЕЩЕ РАЗ ШINDOWS
И КРЯКНУ ЕЕ, СТАБИЛЬНОСТЬ НЕ НУЖНА
Я НЕ ПЕРЕУСТАНАВЛИВАЛ ШINDOWS НЕДЕЛЮ
ПОЙДУ ПЕРЕУСТАНОВЛЮ
В ШИНДОВСЕ ВСЁ ПРОСТО И ПОНЯТНО
ААААААААААА
ОШИБКА STOP 0x00000001. ЭТО ЖЕ ОЧЕВИДНО КАК ЕЕ РЕШИТЬ
ПРИШЛО ВРЕМЯ ПЕРЕУСТАНАВИТЬ ШINDOWS
ККОКОКОКОКОКОКО
ЖМУ/ПИНУС, ШВАБОДКА, ПИТУХИ,
КОКОКОКОКОКОКО

      English translation

      IT'S TIME TO REINSTALL ШINDOWS
ШINDOWS AIN'T GONNA REINSTALL ITSELF
REINSTALL IT, REINSTALL IT AGAIN
I DON'T NEED LINUX, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO FUCK AROUND WITH IT
BETTER REINSTALL ШINDOWS AGAIN
I REINSTALL ШINDOWS THRICE A DAY
EACH REINSTALLATION TAKES 20 MINUTES
I LIVE AN ACTIVE AND FULFILLING LIFE
I AM SUCCESSFUL SO I PLAY VIDEOGAMES ALL DAY
AFTER THAT I REINSTALL ШINDOWS
STUPID LINUXOIDS ARE OBSESSED WITH COMPILING THEIR BUCKET
I AM A MAN FREE FROM THIS FUCKERY
WET PUSSIES DOWNLOAD FREE NO REGISTRATION
CRACK ULTIMATE KEYGEN
UNLOCK WINDOWS
IT'S BETTER TO REINSTALL ШINDOWS
AND CRACK IT, WE DON'T NEED STABILITY
I HAVEN'T REINSTALLED ШINDOWS FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK
I'M GONNA GO REINSTALL IT
EVERYTHING IS SIMPLE AND UNDERSTANDABLE IN ШINDOWS
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
STOP ERROR 0x00000001
THE SOLUTION IS SO OBVIOUS
IT'S TIME TO REINSTALL ШINDOWS!
CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK
[derogatory name for GNU/Linux] [possibly derogatory word that does not translate to english][derogatory nickname for some random guy] 
CLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCK

      Three Envelopes

        The Envelope joke is an old system administrator (sysadmin) story from 2013 that highlights the chaotic and reactive nature of the job. The meaning of each Envelopes are:

        • Envelope 1: “Blame the previous sysadmin.”
          • Initial Problems: New sysadmins often inherit a system with existing issues. The first envelope gives them a temporary scapegoat, allowing them to buy time to understand the environment.
        • Envelope 2: “Blame the hardware.”
          • Hardware as a Catch-All: When other explanations fail, “hardware failure” is a convenient and often believable excuse.
        • Envelope 3: “Update your resume.”
          • Inevitability of Change: Eventually, the sysadmin will run out of excuses, and the only option left is to move on to a new job. This reflects the high-pressure and sometimes thankless nature of the role.
        A fellow had just been hired as the new sysadmin of a large high tech corporation. The sysadmin who was leaving met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, there a major DoS attack against the infrusture and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."

The sysadmin went to his superiors and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous admin because of bad security. Satisfied with his comments, management responded positively, he sorted it all out, got the servers running again and the problem was soon behind him.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a major outage, combined with serious hacking problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the sysadmin quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Blame the cloud hosts." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.

After several consecutive months of no downtime, the servers once again acted up. The admin went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.

The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."

        The Bazaar is neither Pay to Win nor Pay to Play. The Bazaar is truly Free-to-Play.

          Its from the kickstarter campaign for The Bazaar a digital deckbuilding game in Indiegogo.

          The Bazaar is neither Pay to Win nor Pay to Play. The Bazaar is truly Free-to-Play. The biggest pain point I wanted to solve for card game players is the pay-to-win model. In my game, you start the game with a couple classes unlocked. Those classes have all the cards in the game for them. Your class is just as balanced as any other. As more classes get introduced to the game, you’ll have the option of unlocking them, either by spending money or in-game currency. If you feel like giving The Bazaar a try, you won't have to feel like you're starting over from scratch and giving up the investment you've put into other card games. The game board itself will also be customizable with themes and contraptions, and all cards will have golden or alternate art versions. Most of the revenue will come from cosmetics- think of it monetizing like a traditional MOBA.

          Ash Wednesday

            ‼️🚨ATTENTION🚨‼️CALLING📞📲 ALL OF MY DUSTIEST SINNERS👦👩👦👩. TODAY IS ASH WEDNESDAY✝️☠️⚔️ YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS😮ITS TIME 🕰️ TO REFLECT ON YOUR MORTALITY💀☠️😵🪦DONT FORGET😩 TO‼️‼️REMEMBER 🧠🧐YOU ARE DUST 💨AND TO DUST 💨YOU SHALL RETURN ‼️‼️YOU HAVE CAUSED DIVISION ➗ ❌ FROM GOD😵🙅SO YOUR FAT ASH🍑 🫄BETTER BE FASTING 🚫🌯🚫 RECEIVING YOUR ASHES🥸✝️ AND REMEMBERING YOU WILL DIE💀😵☠️😩 DO NOT🙅 EAT MEAT🚫🍗🍔🥓🥩🍖 🚫DO ✅ PENANCE 😇🧐DO ✅ PRAY😇🙏DO✅ ALMSGIVING 😇💸👆✝️. SEND THIS TO 121️⃣2️⃣ OF YOUR DUSTIEST FRIENDS👯👯‍♀️ IN NEED OF CHRIST’S🙏✝️ 💧🩸DIVINE MERCY 🩸💧. GET 0 0️⃣ BACK AND YOU YOUR LENT4️⃣0️⃣WILL BE FILLED WITH PLEASURE AND FEASTING👿 🙅😫. GET 55️⃣ BACK AND YOU ARE A DISCIPLINED🙏💪 DISCIPLE✝️💪 GET 12 1️⃣2️⃣ BACK AND YOU WILL BE UNITED 🙏TO THE SUFFERING🩸😫 AND AGONIES😫🩸 OF CHRIST'S🙏✝️ DEATH 💀🪦 THIS LENTEN 4️⃣0️⃣SEASON😇 😁🤗 
            What up Christian sluts! ✝🙏🙏✝ ASS Wednesday is CUMMING UP! Remember that you are cummies 💦 💦 and to cummies you shall return! We might look like young Christian women 🙏💁🙏 but we're ready to get our faces soaked with ash ✝✝✝ and that Catholic cum 🍆💦💦 AND BE SLUTTIER THAN THE WHORE OF BABYLON!! 👅🍆 Send this to 🔟 of your baddest God-fearing bitches - if YOU GET 0️⃣ BACK, YOU'LL BE GIVING UP DICK THIS LENT 🙅🙅 IF YOU GET 5️⃣ BACK, YOU'RE A SLUTTY NUN 💁💋GET 🔟 BACK AND YOU'LL GET 40 DAYS OF CUM ✝🍆💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦 FROM DADDY JESUS HIMSELF!
            🙏🤲Laudetur Jesus Christus🥵🐪 you little✝️cathoLICK👅SLUTS💃💃💃it’s ASS🍑WEDNESDAY📆you know what that means🧐its time to get👨🏻DADDYS🐪NAZARENE🐪COCK🍆🤤all DIRTY😈😈😈and let him SMACK🤌💥🤕it on that🥺FACE🥺til it leaves a MARK 14:51😈📖🔍🤨if ur lucky some big dick📏😱romans🏛️👶🐺👶will NAIL🔨🤩you to a SEXY🥵🥵CRUCIFIX✝️and CUM💦💦💦on you til you have STIGMATA⭕️⭕️on ur GAPING HOLE 🕳️ LENT fasting starts TODAY so I hope u GOBBLED DOWN⤵️🔄on daddys JUICY🧃HOG🐖🐷🍆🤤and SWALLOWED his CUM🤤🌊last night‼️🌝 now it’s time⏰to strap in for SIX6️⃣🕕🕡sexy weeks⏳⌛️🗓️🗓️of EDGING😳😖😫before the easter cummy🐇EMPTIES your BALLS⚽️⚽️on his EGGS🪺🐣and you can get back to ✅🥩🍆🥵MEATY FRIDAYS😈🙏🤤REMEMBER💭that YOU 👈are CUMMIES 💦 and to CUMMIES 💦 you SHALL RETURN 🔄 and don’t forget Jesus’🔝🎅FAT COCK🍆died for ur sins😏🤑😡😒🤤🐋🦥so if ur not SINNING👹🦹‍♂️and SQUIRTING💦he died in VAIN😢😢😢lube up🧴💦💨✊your anal rosary📿🍑🙏and send this prayer🙏to 2️⃣0️⃣prostitutes💃if u get1️⃣back ur a🤢PRESBYTESTICAL🤢if u get5️⃣back ur an🇬🇧🫅ANGLICUNT🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🫖if u get1️⃣0️⃣back ur a☦️🪆RUSSIAN ORTHODIX🇷🇺❄️and if u get2️⃣0️⃣back🎅JESUS will make ur DICK🍆RISE🌅⬆️from the🧟‍♂️DEAD🪦and 👻👻ASCEND🌈to⛅️HEAVCUM💦💦👼😇to FILL ur HOLEY🕳️SEE🇻🇦🙏🤲
            OH 👏 EM 👏 JESUS 🙌 IT'S ASH 🚬🌚 WEDNESDAY 🐫 MY HOE-LY 🙏 HOES!!! 👯‍♀️ TIME ⏰ FOR DADDY ‼️ PRIEST ⛪️ 🚹 TO Rub 🤲🏻💧HIS 🍆 ASHES 🚬👅💦 ALL OVER YOUR HOE-LY 🕳 FACE 🙇‍♂️ SO YOU REMEMBER💭 THAT YOU 👈ARE CUMMIES 💦 AND TO CUMMIES 💦 YOU SHALL RETURN 🔄 JESUS 👳🏽 ✝️ DIED 💀 FOR YOUR SINS 👹 SO YOUR FAT 🐷 ASS 🍑 BETTER BE FASTING 🍽 AND ON YOUR KNEES 🧎🏻‍♂️💦 PRAYING 🙏🏻 TO YOUR DADDY 👨🏻 LORD 😇 AND SAVIOR 🔱 SEND 📧 THIS 📲TO 🔟 OF YOUR BADDEST 💅🏻 GOD ⛪️ FEARING 😰 BITCHES 👯‍♀️👯‍♀️ IF YOU GET 0️⃣ BACK YOU'LL 👈🏻 BE ❌GIVING UP❌ DICK 🙅🏻‍♀️THIS LENT 😭😫 IF YOU GET 5️⃣ BACK 🙋🏽‍♀️ YOU'RE A SLUTTY 😘 CHOIR GIRL 👧🏽 ⛪️🙏 IF YOU GET 🔟 BACK 😍DADDY JESUS 🧔🏽💋 WILL RISE ⬆️ 🍆 FROM THE DEAD 😇 😵 AND NAIL 🔨 YOU WITH HIS BIG CROSS ✝️ 💦 😝 FOR 4️⃣0️⃣ DAYS 🌄 OF CUMMIES 💦💦💦✝️💦🍆💦🍆💦🤪
            🎉Happy🎉ASS🍑 Wednesday 🗓️ to my dirty🤭 catholic✝️ school girls👧👰 and nasty😛 choir boys🎤👯. Get 👇⬇️on your knees 🦵 for Daddy 👴 and don’t forget you are DIRT🗑️ and will always be DIRT🚮. So get your face smeared💦 with his mark😩 and make an exhibition💃🕺 of it publicly 🏙️like the 🙏HO-ly💄💋 one you are
            OH 👏 EM 👏 JESUS 🙌 its ASH 🌚 WEDNESDAY 🐫 my HOLY 🙏 HOES!!! thats RIGHT JESUS 👳🏽 DIED for ur SINS 👹 so ur FAT 🐷 ASS better be FASTING 🍽 n ON UR KNEES 💦 PRAYING 2 UR DADDY lord n savior 😇 if u get 0️⃣back DADDY‼️won't put his ASHES 👅💦 all over ur HOE-LY FACE💄if u get 5️⃣ back ur a SEXY 😘 CHOIR GIRL ⛪️🙏 if u get 🔟 back DADDY💋 will rise from the dead 😵 and NAIL 🔨 with his BIG CROSS ✝️
            Lent😇 is beginning 😃 you know what that means🍑 ASS🍑 WEDNESDAY😃 once upon a time JESUS👩 was BOUND and had his SLUTTY 🍑ASS🍑🔨NAILED🔨on the CROSS➕ by the big dick🍆 💦💦ROMANS 👉COPY & PASTE👉 this to 10 friends 👩👦👬👭if you get ❌0 ❌back you don't ❌get nailed🔨 on the ➕cross⛔😩😩 if you get 5 back you're a ROMAN SOLDIER SLUT🍆🍑 if you get 10👍😂🍑🍆 back you will RISE ⬆FROM THE TOMB👼💀 so you can SUCK😮🍆 more BIG ROMAN DADDY COCK🍆💦🍆💦😂

            Armie Hammer – “I tried hooking up with a dude one time”

              Armie Hammer
              I tried hooking up with a dude one time. It was hilarious... Because I was like, you know what? Like, women are the worst. Gay dudes seem to have it so easy. Like, so easy. I’m at a restaurant, my phone blows up, and it’s, like, Grindr, and someone else is like, ‘I’m at the same restaurant. Do you want a blowjob in the bathroom?’ And you’re like, ‘Hey, guys. I’ll be back in five minutes.’ Okay, this could work. This could work. Yeah. Let’s try this.’ I remember I started making out with him, and I just remember being like, God! Beards! Oh I get why women like it when you shave! Like, this thing is f*cking rough. Like, how do I get in there? I put my arms around him and I was like, ‘Oh my God! And these shoulders are so wide! He’s so big! He’s almost my height. Like, this is so strange.’ It did physically for me absolutely nothing. Nothing, like, not even a twitch. He reached for my d**k and I responded, ‘You’re not going to touch my flaccid penis. Like, this is not going to happen.’