Emoji lyrics for KSI’s new song “Thick Of It” that is getting clowned for its cringe lyrics.
From the screen 💻 to the ring 💍 to the PEN 🖊️to the king 🤴 wheres my crown 👑 thats my bling 💎 always trouble when i reign 😈
From the screen🖥️ to the ring🥊, to the pen🖋️ to the king 👑 where's my crown? That's my bling always drama when i ring 🗣️🗣️🗣️ 🔥🔥🔥
See I believe it when I see it in my heart ❤️🔥 Smash💥 through the ceiling cuz I'm reaching for the stars ✨ 🗣️🗣️🗣️ 🔥🔥🔥
From the screen 💻 to the ring 💍 to the PEN 🖊️to the king 🤴 wheres my crown 👑 thats my bling 💎 always trouble when i ring 🔥 So I believe if I see 👀 it in my heart ❤️smash through the ceiling 🏠 cuz I'm reaching for the stars 🌌
from the📲 to the 💍to the 🖊️to the 👑
From the screen 📺 to the ring 🥊 to the pen 🖊️ to the king 👑! Where’s my crown 👑 🤷♂️ that’s my bling 💍 🤑 always trouble 😈 when I ring 📞
screen 💻 to the ring 💍 to the PEN 🖊️to the king 🤴 wheres my crown 👑 thats my bling 💎 always trouble when i reign [proud]
WHERE’S MY CROWN THAT’S MY BLING 😩❤️✌🏾 ALWAYS DRAMA WHEN I RING 😐👏⛷️
🗣️🗣️🔥SMASH THROUGH THE CEILING COZ IM REACHING FOR THE STARS😼🗣️🗣️🔥
WOOOAAAAAHHHH THIS IS HOW THE STORY GOES‼️🔥🔥‼️🔥🗣🗣🗣
wheres my crown👑 thats my bling✨🎆
I'm 😎 in 👏 the thick of it, everybody knows 👃❔ They 👥🏽 know 🤔 me where it snows, I skied in and they 👫🏾 froze I don't 🚫 know 👧 no nothin' 😎😎 'bout no 🙅 ice, ❄ I'm 👱 just 🗣⛹ cold ❄ Forty somethin' milli' 💰💰 subs 👂 or 💁💰 so, I'vе 👁 been 🙂 told 👂 From 😲👈 the 💰 screen to the 🏽👏 ring, to the 💯💪 pеn, to 💦 the king Where's 🤔🤷 my 👧 crown? 👑 That's my ☎ bling Always 😤 drama 😱😱 when 👌🍆 I ☝😬 ring 🔔💍 See, 👀😳 I 👁👁 believe ☪ that if 👏🎵 I 💰👆 see 👀👀 it 😠💯 in 🌞👌 my heart ❤💖 Smash through ☄ the 💋 ceiling 'cause 🏻 I'm reaching for 👉 the stars ⭐⭐
The infamous ‘Please put a NSFW’ or ‘NSFW while I was on the train’ copypasta that started on Reddit and is commonly used whenever you see a horny post.
Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masterbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masterbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.
Please put an NSFW tag on this 😭💢💢💢. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating 😱. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” 🤬💢 and “call the police” 👮♂️. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image 😏. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image 😩. This is all your fault 👺💢💢💢, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW 😡🚫💢💢💢💢💢
Dear brother, i plead you to apply a “Not Suitable, Foul Witchcraft” tag to this content. Twas a simple afternoon, whereupon the train i was sate. But alas, i laid eyes upon this ungodly picture, and thus i was unable to deny myself a fit of furious masturbation. Oh they stared, how they stared, the strangers on the train. The strangest of looks were flung my way, along with pronouncements such as “what upon egads earth” and “contact the police force”. I panicked so, and my telephone fell to the ground; moreover, those situated around me laid eyes upon this picture. This train, albeit small, is now populated with aroused men, each one masturbating thunderously due to this picture of yours. There is nobody to blame but you, thus it is simply your fault. You, and you alone, could have prevented this disastrous event, if you had only seized the opportunity to tag your imagery as NSFW.
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Superheated cum at hypersonic speed
Please mark this NSFW. I saw this when i was riding a bus and it made me cum uncontrollably. The sheer physical pleasure of this primordial orgasm made me collapse on the bus floor shaking. My phone fell out of my hand and everyone in the bus also saw the image and began to orgasm aswell.
This extremely arousing climax caused a superheated cumshot moving at hypersonic speeds, being able to penetrate over 1227mm of reactive composite armour, exiting my dick with a loud bang whilst tearing it apart with a deafening rip. The sheer force of the nut i busted not only ripped straight through my military cargo pants, but it also melted through the side of the bus, leaving a narrow molten corridor through the aluminum hull. The cumstream continued to flow through the air unimpeted, hitting a cars fuel tank right next to my bus, totally unbothered by the lengthy standoff distance, causing a massive explosion of cummy doom.
After the incident i was arrested by the CIA and harnessed into a secret Anti-Tank weapon, reinforcing my shaft with rolled homogenous steel core barrel and showing me the image, whilst pointing my penis at an enemy, making me cum on command and obliterating everything infront of me. Suffice to say, pretty hot image. Dang
Uwu Owo version
Pwease put an N-NSFW tag on dis. I-I was on teh twain awnd when I saw dis I-I hawd tuwu stawt fuwiouswy mastuwbating. E-Evewyone ewse gave me s-stwange wooks awnd wewe saying dings wike “what the fuck” awnd “call the police”. I d-dwopped mwy phone awnd evewyone awound me saw dis image. Now dewe iws a whowe twain of men mastuwbating togedew at dis one image. Dis iws aww youw fauwt, yuw couwd have pwevented dis if yuw h-hawd juwst tagged dis post NSFW
Response to “Please mark this nsfw” copypasta
Stop dropping your phone on the fucking train
Every morning I clock into work, and 12 hours later I clock out covered in jizz because someone dropped their phone while looking at porn and turned the whole trip into a goddamn gangbang. I can’t take it anymore. I’m literally knee deep in spunk by the end of the day, because all you motherfuckers are apparently lubing up your hands and can’t get a grip. We’ve all had to start wearing blindfolds when we exit the front so we don’t accidentally get a peak and start furiously cranking our cocks to “thugposts” or “femboys” or whatever the newest horny fad is.
For the love of god, stop dropping your phone on the fucking train.
Please remove the NSFW tag on this.
Please remove the NSFW tag on this. I started masturbating on the train and i was immediately turned off because it was not NSFW. Everyone on the train was wondering why i stopped masturbating and i dropped my phone on the floor and now there’s a train of full grown men not masturbating. This never would’ve happened if you had not put an NSFW tag on this.
Please put an SFW tag on this
Please put an SFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I became seriously confused. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what's so confusing?” and “sir is there something wrong?”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men confused together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post SFW.
Good Ending
I was informed that it was all false accusations directly towards me. The image was not NSFW and in fact was 2 Children playing on a merry go round and suddenly you replied that it was NSFW. The police confirmed that it was SFW and charged you for Pedophilia. I also informed them about the train situation and in reality there wasn't any train nor records of you taking the train anywhere in the past month. I went to the doctors and they said that you were suffering from intense schizophrenia, so I hope you understand that it wasn't my mistake.
Started as a joke on Reddit, the initial comment has become a copypasta among train enthusiasts and often appears in posts involving train accident with other vehicle.
Trains are really unpredictable. Even in the middle of a forest two rails can appear out of nowhere, and a 1.5-mile fully loaded coal drag, heading east out of the low-sulfur mines of the PRB, will be right on your ass the next moment.
I was doing laundry in my basement, and I tripped over a metal bar that wasn't there the moment before. I looked down: "Rail? WTF?" and then I saw concrete sleepers underneath and heard the rumbling.
Deafening railroad horn. I dumped my wife's pants, unfolded, and dove behind the water heater. It was a double-stacked Z train, headed east towards the fast single track of the BNSF Emporia Sub (Flint Hills). Majestic as hell: 75 mph, 6 units, distributed power: 4 ES44DC's pulling, and 2 Dash-9's pushing, all in run 8. Whole house smelled like diesel for a couple of hours!
Fact is, there is no way to discern which path a train will take, so you really have to be watchful. If only there were some way of knowing the routes trains travel; maybe some sort of marks on the ground, like twin iron bars running along the paths trains take. You could look for trains when you encounter the iron bars on the ground, and avoid these sorts of collisions. But such a measure would be extremely expensive. And how would one enforce a rule keeping the trains on those paths?
A big hole in homeland security is railway engineer screening and hijacking prevention. There is nothing to stop a rogue engineer, or an ISIS terrorist, from driving a train into the Pentagon, the White House or the Statue of Liberty, and our government has done fuck-all to prevent it.
Every “jaws drop on floor” and “awooga humina humina” copypasta that started as a joke response circa 2020.
jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth
A girl.... AND a gamer? Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! *eyes pop out* AROOOOOOOOGA! *jaw drops tongue rolls out* WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF *tongue bursts out of the mouth uncontrollably leaking face and everything in reach* WURBLWUBRLBWURblrwurblwurlbrwubrlwburlwbruwrlblwublr *tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart* Ahhhhhhhhhhh me lady... *heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt* ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum *milk truck crashes into a bakery store in the background spiling white liquid and dough on the streets* BABY WANTS TO FUCK *inhales from the gas tank* honka honka honka honka *masturabtes furiously* ohhhh my gooooodd~
Whoa mama! Humina humina bazooing!
WHOA MAMA! HUMMINA HUMMINA HUMMINA! BAZOOOOOOIING eyes bulge out of head and shoot forward at 120 mph AROOOOOOOOOOOOGA jaw drops to the floor, tongue rolls out a foot forward HAWT MAMA! punches self in face with boxing glove five times HOOLEY DOOLEY pulls on train whistle that has appeared beside head as steam blows out EEE-AW EEE-AW pulls out comically large carton of milk, drinks all of it spilling it everywhere GUHGUHGUHGUHGUHGUH wolf whistle AROOOOOOOOOOO AROOOOOOOO tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart ARF ARF ARF ARF rubs ass on ground like dog WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF eyes turn into slot machine slots WOWZA! tapdancing sounds, running in a circle JEEPERS HEEPERS pants like dog, rips off pants, heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt BA-BUM BA-BUM BA-BUM BA-BUM BA-BUM slams fists on table rattling any silverware or plates DUUUUUUHHHH bashes own head with hammer 5 times BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK slams chair on table BWOOOAAGHHHH old-timey car horn sound, tongue straightens out like wooden board, eyes go out of skull and back in like paddleballs CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA fireworks shoot from top of head PHWOAARRR sniffs air loudly, nostrils become comically large HONKA HONKA HONKA HONKA sound of mouth harp as body is straightened out, floating a foot above the ground JEEZ LOUISE propeller spins on hat comically WOWEEE gets massive erection, tries to aggressively push it back down into pants OINKA OINKA pulls out massive drum, starts beating it excessively HUBBA HUBBA HUBBA HUBBA jumps on table, smashes through table and ground, springs back upward at an incredible velocity HOOOLY MOOOOLY pupils fly away from eyes, eyes snap forward towards them OOOOOOH I'M DYYYYYYYYYYIIN' fucking dies, ghost goes out of corpse with a lyre, body pulls ghost back into body WHADDA DAAAAME starts foaming at the mouth HUUUUUUUURRRRRR furiously turns crank on machine that hits hands on table GRRRR BARK BARK BARK head unscrews and starts rotating BUH-DOOIIOIOIOING starts rattling like a jar of coins, suspended half a metre in the air DING DING DING DING DING DING starts bouncing up and down at a high speed, starts boiling like tea kettle and turning red HAAAHEEEEEE
(Jaw drops 😲 to the floor 😱. Eyes pop out 😵. Sound effect 📣 of, "🚨 AWOOOOGA 🚨 AWOOOOGA 🚨!!!!" Places eyes 😶 and jaw 👅 back in place 🤤. Regains 😤 composure 😌.) ... Eh hem 🕵️, you three 💁💁💁 look quite lovely 😍.
HOT MAMA, now that’s a dame!
AUUUUGAA! HONKA HONKA! Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! eyes pop out accompanied by trumpets AROOOOOOOOGA! jaw drops, tongue rolls out, WOOF WOOF WOOF, heart beats out of chest, AWOOGA AWOOGA sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair, I take out a boxing glove and hit myself with it 17 times. Turns to the audience and say in 1930’s New York accent “HOT MAMA, now that’s a dame!”
Ahem, you look very lovely
*jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair* Ahem, you look very lovely.
Its a parody of the “NSFW post while on a train” copypasta but changed to a sexy character while in school.
Please put a sexy character warning on this. I was in my class and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating, all my classmates and the teacher gave me strange looks saying things like “what the hell?” and “are you okay man?", I dropped my phone and everyone saw the image of the character, now the whole class is masturbating together because of you. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just given a sexy character warning.
In the beginning, there was Eohippus. The proto-horse. It was a small hooved animal about the size of a dog, and it ate grass. It was a simple creature, and in my (factual) opinion it represents the last time that the Horse lineage was untainted by sin. Now, it is worth noting that life was not easy for this proto-horse, in fact life for early hooved mammals was so difficult, that some of them said "fuck that" and moonwalked back into the ocean to become cetaceans (Whales and Dolphins). That's right, The proto-horse had so stupid an existence, that hooved mammals went back into the ocean (lacking gills and flippers) and had more success than horses would have on land.
Okay, So why was life so hard for Eohippus? Well, they are herbivores eating almost exclusively grasses. Grasses, as you may know, are not particularly nutritious. But more importantly, grasses are smarter than Horses. See, Grass does not want to be eaten, and evolutionary pressure caused the grasses to start incorporating silica (ie sand) into their structure. Silica is extremely hard. Hard enough to wear down Horse teeth. Now there is another evolutionary pressure acting on Eohippus; It's teeth wear down by the mere act of eating, to the point that it will starve to death. Eohippus teeth do not regrow, instead, Eohippus evolved bigger teeth. However, bigger teeth mean a bigger jaw, bigger head, and a bigger body to carry it.
These opposing evolutionary pressures started an arms race in which the grasses incorporated more and more silica, and Horses got bigger and bigger, just so they would have big enough teeth to grow and reproduce before finally starving to death. And eventually our cute dog-sized pony evolved into the 1,500-pound, dumb-as-rocks prey animal i loathe today.
But wait, there's more! See, Horses are extremely fragile. There is a reason why a "horse doctor" typically prescribes a dose of double-0 buckshot in the event of a leg injury. A horse is very heavy, and it has very thin legs to carry that weight. If any one leg gets fractured, it is exceptionally unlikely that it will heal well enough for the Horse to walk again, and is extremely likely to break again just carrying the weight of the horse. Remember, a human thigh bone is gigantic relative to the size of our bodies, a horse leg bone is absolutely minuscule relative to the weight it carries.
Also, Hooves: I want you to imagine that instead of feet, you have a giant toenail at the end of your leg. That is how the Horse do. That is what a hoof is. A giant toenail. It is extremely delicate, and joined to the leg by a vast network of very fine connective tissue, and oh yeah it also bears the weight of a fucking HORSE. If a hoof gets infected (which is quite common, because imagine how often shit would get stuck under your toenails if you walked on them), the Horse immune system responds in the typical way: via inflammation of the area. The problem is, a horse hoof is a rigid "cup". It cannot accomodate the swelling from inflammatory response. The Horse hoof will basically pop off the leg like a sock. On top of that, remember the Horse is putting 1,500 pounds of weight on it (because Horses can't redistribute their weight very well since all of their legs can BARELY support their share of the total weight).
So, Horse apologists will claim that Horses are good at one thing: Turning Grass into Fast. As the previous two paragraphs show, they can't even do that right. Locomotion is very dangerous for a Horse, and if the Fast doesn't kill them they'll starve to death just by eating.
On top of that, they are dumb as all fuck. Horses will often do something called "Cribbing", which is when they decide to bite down on something (literally anything) as hard as they can, and suck in air. They just keep sucking in air until they inflate like a balloon. Eventually, the vet will show up and literally deflate the Horse with a long needle to let the air out of them, and hopefully get them to just... stop...
First off, horses are obligate nasal breathers. If our noses are stuffed up we can breathe through our mouths. If our pets' noses are stuffed up (except for rabbits, who are also really fragile but unlike horses aren't stuck having only one baby a year) they can breathe through their mouths. If a horse can't breathe through its nose, it will suffocate and die.
Horse eyes are exquisitely sensitive to steroids. Most animal eyes are, except for cows because cows are tanks, but horses are extremely sensitive. Corneal ulcers won't heal. They'll probably get worse. They might rupture and cause eyeball fluid to leak out.
If you overexert a horse they can get exertional rhabodmyolysis. Basically you overwork their muscles and they break down and die and release their contents. Super painful, and then you get scarifying and necrosis. But that's not the problem. See, when muscles die hey release myoglobin, which goes into the blood and is filtered by the kidneys. If you dump a bucket of myoglobin into the blood then it shreds the kidneys, causing acutel renal failure. This kills the horse. People and other animals can get that too but in school we only talked about it in context of the horse.
Horses can only have one foal at a time. Their uterus simply can't support two foals. If a pregnant horse has twins you have to abort one or they'll both die and possibly kill the mother with them. A lot of this has to do with the way horse placentas work.
If a horse rears up on its hind legs it can fall over, hit the back of its head, and get a traumatic brain injury.
Now to their digestive system. Oh boy. First of all, they can't vomit. There's an incredibly tight sphincter in between the stomach and esophagus that simply won't open up. If a horse is vomiting it's literally about to die. In many cases their stomach will rupture before they vomit. When treating colic you need to reflux the horse, which means shoving a tube into their stomach and pumping out any material to decompress the stomach and proximal GI tract. Their small intestines are 70+ feet long (which is expected for a big herbivore) and can get strangulated, which is fatal without surgery.
Let's go to the large intestine. Horses are hindgut fermenters, not ruminants. I'll spare you the diagram and extended anatomy lesson but here's what you need to know: Their cecum is large enough to shove a person into, and the path of digesta doubles back on itself. The large intestine is very long, has segments of various diameters, multiple flexures, and doubles back on itself several times. It's not anchored to the body wall with mesentery like it is in many other animals. The spleen can get trapped. Parts of the colon can get filled with gas or digested food and/or get displaced. Parts of the large intestine can twist on themselves, causing torsions or volvulus. These conditions can range from mildly painful to excruciating. Many require surgery or intense medical therapy for the horse to have any chance of surviving. Any part of the large intestine can fail at any time and potentially kill the horse. A change in feed can cause colic. Giving birth can cause I believe a large colon volvulus I don't know at the moment I'm going into small animal medicine. Infections can cause colic. Lots of things can cause colic and you better hope it's an impaction that can be treated on the farm and not enteritis or a volvulus.
And now the legs. Before we start with bones and hooves let's talk about the skin. The skin on horse legs, particularly their lower legs, is under a lot of tension and has basically no subcutaneous tissue. If a horse lacerated its legs and has a dangling flap of skin that's a fucking nightmare. That skin is incredibly difficult to successfully suture back together because it's under so much tension. There's basically no subcutaneous tissue underneath. You need to use releasing incisions and all sorts of undermining techniques to even get the skin loose enough to close without tearing itself apart afterwards. Also horses like to get this thing called proud flesh where scar tissue just builds up into this giant ugly mass that restricts movement. If a horse severely lacerated a leg it will take months to heal and the prognosis is not great.
I hope this information has enlightened you, and that you will join me in hating these stupid goddamn bastard animals.
Every unofficial Pokemon stories/lores leaked from the Game Freak data breach including the Typhlosion kidnapping a girl and the woman raising a Slakoth child. Many have pointed out that these are clearly inspired Japanese folklores or mythology intended to flesh out the world, but then it’s watered down before being completely canned. Alternatively all of these could had been a Game Freak employee’s fan made stories so it isn’t cannon.
Original Sin Based on the Current Pokémon World (Slakoth/Slaking lore)
Theme: Original Sin Based on the Current Pokémon World
In the distant past, when the boundary between Pokémon and humans was still blurred, there was a woman and her companions. Every day, they were bored, so they would often catch Slakoth living in the nearby forest. They played cruel games with the captured Slakoth, sometimes killing them for fun, gouging out their eyes, or cutting off their ears.
One day, the woman was walking alone in the forest and saw a Slakoth hanging from a tree. She climbed the tree to catch it, but slipped and injured herself. At that moment, a Vigoroth appeared. This Vigoroth had a torn ear. The woman, startled, tried to flee, but her injured leg hurt too much, and she couldn't move. The Vigoroth with the torn ear suddenly attacked her when it saw her. The woman lost consciousness.
When she awoke, she was in an unfamiliar place. Before her lay a clear lake, surrounded by trees, from which many Slakoth and Vigoroth were hanging. All the Pokémon bore wounds somewhere on their bodies - marks left by the woman and her companions. Upon closer inspection, she noticed that some of the Slakoth hanging from the trees were corpses. They were the very Slakoth that the woman and her friends had killed and discarded. The Slakoth were throwing those corpses into the lake. Terrified, the woman tried to run away, but a Slaking appeared. This Slaking also had a torn ear. The woman realized that this was the same Vigoroth she had seen earlier, and fear overwhelmed her, causing her to faint once more.
When the woman regained consciousness, she found herself at the entrance of the forest near her home, surrounded by her friends. They carried her back to her house.
Some time later, the woman gave birth to a child. But it wasn't a human child- it was a Slakoth. She intended to abandon it, but couldn't bring herself to do so. She stopped meeting with her friends and decided to raise the Slakoth.
One day, her friends, concerned about her, visited the area near her home. They found the Slakoth sleeping there - the child of the woman. As they always did, they caught the Slakoth, stabbed it in the chest, and killed it. They took its corpse and headed to the woman's house. When she saw the slain Slakoth, the woman was overwhelmed with sorrow. She grabbed the Slakoth's body and ran deep into the forest. Her friends, shocked, chased after her.
As they ventured deeper into the forest, the surroundings suddenly opened up, and they found the same clear lake from before. Around the lake were many Slakoth and Vigoroth. The woman stood before the lake, and, holding the lifeless body of the Slakoth, she threw herself into the water.
Afterwards, the woman's friends began to treat Slakoth as companions, just as she had in her final moments.
The Collapse of Culture and Relationships
Theme: The Collapse of Culture and Relationships
There was a time when the boundary between Pokémon and humans was blurred. In a coastal village, there was a man. One day, as he was walking along the shore, he found a female Octillery washed up on the beach. The man had relations with the Octillery and then threw it back into the sea. The next day, he went to the same spot and found the same Octillery again. He once more had relations with it and threw it back into the sea as before.
One night, after several days had passed, the man had a dream. In the dream, the Octillery spoke to him. "I cannot come to you, but I will deliver our child to you. It is our child, yours and mine."
The next morning, the man went to the place where he had met the Octillery. There, he found a boy. The man took the boy home and raised him. Time passed, the boy grew into a young man, and the father passed away. The young man was always lonely.
One day, as the young man was walking along the shore, he saw a group of people playing in the distance. They all held very large swords in their hands as they danced. The young man approached the people, and as he got closer, he saw that Sharpedo were playing along the beach. When he tried to get even closer, the Sharpedo suddenly leapt into the sea all at once. However, one of the Sharpedo lingered, looking around three times before swimming away. At the spot where the Sharpedo had been playing, there was a large sword lying on the ground. It was a shape he had never seen before, and it was very sharp and pointed. The young man took the sword home.
The next day, the young man took the sword and went into the forest. While walking through the forest, he encountered an Ursaring. He tried slashing at the Ursaring's mouth with the sword, and the mouth was easily severed. Next, he stabbed at the Ursaring's eyes, and they were easily pierced. Finally, the young man thrust the sword into the Ursaring's chest, and the Ursaring died effortlessly. That day, the young man killed thirty Ursaring. After that, he always carried the sword with him, playing by injuring the Pokémon he encountered or cutting off parts of their bodies.
One autumn, while the young man was searching for firewood, he lost his way. After walking for a while, he stumbled upon an Ursaring's den. Inside, there was an elderly Ursaring lying down. The elderly Ursaring looked at the young man and said, "Come inside." The young man hesitated, but as it was getting dark outside, he entered the den. Before long, people began to enter the den one after another, filling the room completely. Looking closer, he saw that all the people had scarred faces, and some were missing their eyes. They were chatting among themselves, but the young man ignored them and fell asleep. At one point, he woke up to find the elderly Ursaring lying beside him. He fell asleep again. When he awoke once more, there were many people around, talking about something. Again, the young man ignored them and went back to sleep.
When spring arrived, the elderly Ursaring spoke. "Do you want to go home? Then I shall send you home. When you return, a Wailord will soon be found near the village. Go there. We will send a man. You must leave the sword behind and bring a witness. Why did you do such things, cutting faces and slicing off noses?"
The elderly Ursaring escorted the young man back to the village.
Upon his return, the young man recounted everything that had happened to the villagers.
The following morning, the young man took some villagers with him and headed to the shore. As they walked along the coast, they found a large Wailord. Nearby, on the beach, was a Teddiursa. When it noticed the young man, the Teddiursa hid in the forest, and a large Ursaring came out in its place. As the Ursaring charged at him, the young man tried to draw the sword he had hidden, but it got stuck, and he couldn't pull it out. So, he rushed at the Ursaring with his bare hands. The young man and the Ursaring grappled, punching each other's faces. They strangled each other with all their strength. And so, they choked each other to death, collapsing on top of one another.
The villagers went back and told others what they had seen.
The Relationship Between Humans and Pokémon / Human-like Ways of Thinking (Typhlosion lore)
Theme: The Relationship Between Humans and Pokémon / Human-like Ways of Thinking
Long ago, when the boundary between Pokémon and humans was unclear...
There was a village somewhere. One day, a girl from that village went into the mountains to gather firewood. She found well-dried, deadwood deep in the forest, so she kept going further in.
Before she realized it, the sun was setting, and she had lost her way. Around her, there were droppings from a Typhlosion, which made the girl anxious. Just then, a man appeared from the other side of the forest. His face didn't resemble anyone from the village, but he was very handsome. The man said:
"You must be lost, right? I know the way down the mountain, but with your pace, it would be midnight before we get there. I'll take you back tomorrow morning, so why don't you rest at my place tonight?"
The girl had no choice but to agree to the man's suggestion. The man took her hand and began to walk.
As evening fell, they arrived at a large cave.
"This is my home. You must be hungry, right? Wait here."
Saying that, the man went outside the cave. After he left, a red light shone from far away in the mountains, and there was the sound of trees swaying. Before long, the man returned, carrying many red berries. He said:
"Eat this, then let's sleep for the night. Even if you wake up before I do, don't look at my face."
The next morning, when the girl woke up, the man was still asleep. She honored their promise and stayed lying down, waiting. Before long, she fell back asleep.
She was awakened by the man's voice. When she looked outside, the sun was already setting.
"Today, we'll eat green berries. Wait here."
With that, he went out of the cave. After he left, the same red light shone from far away, and the sound of trees swaying echoed once more. By the time the sun had set completely, the man returned, carrying many green berries. He said:
"Eat this, then let's sleep for the night. Even if you wake up before I do, don't look at my face."
The girl expressed her concern that her family would be worried and that she wanted to go home soon. The man yawned widely and tapped her on the head. At that moment, she completely forgot about her family and home. The two of them ate the green berries together and then fell asleep.
The same routine continued, with them waking up when the sun had set, the man going out to gather berries, and the two of them eating and sleeping together. Eventually, the girl realized that the man was a Typhlosion.
As winter approached, the Typhlosion dug deeper into the cave and said to the girl: "Go and gather wood for firewood. Break off the branches from the higher parts of tall trees."
The girl tried to do as the Typhlosion instructed, but the tall trees scared her, so she could only climb the shorter ones. When she brought back some branches, the Typhlosion said: "That won't do. If it's not from higher branches, humans will find us."
When the snow began to fall, the two of them lived in the depths of the cave, mostly sleeping. There was plenty of food. Occasionally, they would wake up, eat, and then go back to sleep. One day when she awoke, the girl was holding a child. After several days and nights passed, the Typhlosion said: "Your father is looking for you. But you are my wife, so I can't return you. I will have to fight him."
The girl pleaded: "Please don't do that. Don't kill my father. How can I live with you if you kill my family? You are a good person. So, please stay here with me and sleep."
"Alright. Let's stay here and sleep."
The man nodded.
The next night, the Typhlosion woke the girl and said:
"Your father is close by. Go and see."
When the girl went outside, a snowstorm was raging. She climbed a low tree and broke off a branch.
When she returned to the cave, the Typhlosion was singing a song she had never heard before.
"You broke off a branch, didn't you? Soon, your father will come here. I am going to do something bad to your father. If I am killed, take my eyes, my voice, and my heart. Build a fire at the spot where
I was killed and burn them. And while they burn, sing this song until the fire goes out."
The girl said: "Please don't do it. Don't kill my father. If anyone is to be killed, let it be you." "Goodbye. We will never meet again."
With those words, the Typhlosion went outside.
After a while, there was a loud noise, and when the girl looked outside, she saw her father had killed the Typhlosion. She rushed out and said to her father:
"Father, you have killed my husband. I have been living with him all this time. He was my husband. Please give me my husband, the Typhlosion's eyes, voice, and heart."
The girl built a fire at the place where the Typhlosion had been killed and put his eyes, voice, and heart into the flames. She sang the song the Typhlosion had taught her until the fire burned out.
The girl's father built a small hut on the edge of the village for the girl and her child to live in. Eventually, spring arrived. The young men of the village often teased and tormented the girl and her child. It became worse over time, and one day, they tried to drape a Typhlosion's pelt over them. The girl returned home and pleaded with her parents: "Please tell the villagers to stop teasing us. If they put that pelt on us, we will surely become Typhlosion. We are already half-Typhlosion as it is."
Despite the parents' pleas, the villagers did not listen. In fact, they found it even more amusing and eventually draped the Typhlosion pelt over the girl and her child. At that moment, they howled loudly and vanished into the depths of the forest. The two were never seen again.
And so, people came to understand: Typhlosion are half-human beings.
Official origin of the Pokémon universe
Aus commanded them to create a world of prosperity and abundance for their people, and they fell into a deep sleep.
When Ia neighs loudly, there flooded the place with light.
After Ia walked, a glow extended and gently illuminated the area.
When Ia neighs loudly, time was released there.
After Ia walked, everything began to move slowly.
A vessel was created there to hold the world.
Though the forms of Ia and Air were very different, they loved each other and had three children.
Rei, the god of eyes, Ai, the god of hearts, and Hai, the god of voices, were born.
When Rey awoke, all things appeared there. Colors and contours were born.
When Ai wished, everything was felt there. A sense of calm spread.
When Hai shouted, everything trembled there. A happy tone began to echo.
Ia and Air gave the three the seed of life and commanded them to nurture it.
As the three prayed in a circle, the seed of life sprouted.
The sprout grew and grew, eventually becoming a giant tree of life.
However, the tree of life, which never stopped growing, soon filled every nook and cranny, and no one was able to move.
The three of them had no choice but to cut down the tree of life.
Ray wrapped his body around the tree of life.
Ai and Hai slammed their bodies into the tree of life.
Soon the tree of life collapsed and shattered into three pieces.
The three prayed again, lamenting the fact that the tree of life would decay away.
Then three deities descended on the pieces of the tree of life.
Lekuza, god of the sky. Gradon, god of the earth. Kaiyoga, god of the ocean.
As the three deities neigh, the shattered tree of life transformed into the sky, the earth, and the sea, respectively.
Lekuza transformed into the main pillar that holds up the heavens.
Its shadow, soaring through the sky, became the god who sustains the heavens, called Caillou.
The atmosphere enveloped the sky and the stars twinkled
