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but u have to..be my girlfriend!! snickers nefariously

    but u have to..be my girlfriend!! *snickers nefariously* /thinks to self/ 'man, if this works, i'll get this cute girl to be my girlfriendand i'll ride the cool roller coasters! c'mon, luck be a lady tonight!' *crosses fingers and gulps* s-so..*adjusts collar and looks firmly* what do you say to my proposal? *waits patiently*

    I wish clown girls were real

      Pomni's clussy
      I wish clown girls were an actual race of people. Their entire skin is white. The clown nose is natural. Their nipples and pussy lips, aka Clussy, have alternate colors, sometimes the same as the lips. Their skin probably tastes funny Imagine the taste of their breast milk. Grabbing their breasts or ass causes a honk noise. Want to playfully grope Clown wifes butt in public, loud ass honk is heard echoing from her. Everyone turns to you too, knowing full well what is going on. She embarrassingly honks her nose, trying to play it off.
      I WISH CLOWN GIRLS WERE A REAL HUMAN RACE, THEIR WHOLE SKIN IS WHITE, THEIR CLOWN NOSES ARE NATURAL, THEIR NIPPLES AND VAGINAL LIPS (ALSO KNOWN AS CLUSSY) HAVE ALTERNATING AND SATURATED COLORS... THEIR SKIN PROBABLY TASTES FUNNY, IMAGINE THE TASTE OF THEIR BREAST MILK! SQUEEZING THEIR TITS OR ASS MAKES A CLOWN HORN SOUND, YOU SQUEEZE YOUR WIFE'S FAT WHITE BUTT IN PUBLIC AND A LOUD CLOWN HORN SOUND ERUPTS FROM HER BEHIND, EVERYONE LOOKS AT YOU, KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT HAS JUST TRANSPIRED, AND SHE TENACIOUSLY SQUEEZES YOUR NOSE BACK, TRYING TO COVER UP HER EMBARRASSEMENT.
      Clown girls clussy copypasta
      i wish clown girls were a real breed of humans, their entire skin is white, the red nose is natural, the nipples and vaginal lips (also known as clownssy) have alternate colors, their skin probably have a fun taste , imagine the taste of the breast milk, squeezing their breasts and ass make a horn sound. you squeeze your clown-wife's butt in public and a loud horn sounds by her, then everyone looks at you knowing exactly what you've done, and then she stimidly squeeze your nose to get it out 

      Trump convicted on all 34 charges

        Daddy Trump is CUMvincted on ALL Charges 😱 UH OH 🫣 the loooong 😏 💪 arm 💪 of the law 🇺🇸👩🏻‍⚖️ has swung 🍒 low 🍒 to give Daddy 🤠 Trump a good 👏 SLAP 💥😜 The 🏙️ Manhattan 🍆 DICKstrict 🍆 Attorney's 😯 criminal 🔎 invesTITgation 🍈🍈 into Trump's 💦 HUSHdaddy 👉 payments👌 is finished off 🔥 🔥🔥 ☝️🧐 Send this to 🔟 of your 😜💅 SLUTTIEST 💕 seditionists 🤪 and if you get 0️⃣ back ☹️, get ready 😬 to do some 😏🍆 HARD TIME just like TRUMP👎 If you get 5️⃣-🔟 back, you might 🌊 SLIP 🌊 right out 😉 of this 💦 STICKY 💦 situation 👻🤔 If you get 🔟➕ back then 🦅 Daddy Trump 🫡😘 will give you an insERECTION 🍆 you'll ❤️ NEVER ❤️ forget 😍🤯❤️‍🔥 
        Hey you DEMOCRATIC 🗳️ SLUTS 🚨 ‼️ The SEXY jury just announced the 🍆 verDICKt 🍆 in the Trump trial❗️ ⚖️ JAILHOUSE DONNY is GUILTY ✅ of Thirty-fWHORE 🤯 criminal counts. 🦅 He’s officially a covfeFELON. 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 The jury SLURPED UP 👅 Stormy Daniels’ testiMOANy 🍆 and now Trump could lose his freeDOM 🎆 and have to CUMpaign🗽from prison. 🍑 If you SLUTS for JUSTICE 🔥🔥🔥 are proud of your 💦CUMtry 🇺🇸 send this to 3️⃣4️⃣ of the sexiest SWINGER voters, 🗳️and maybe we can avoid another insurERECTION. 🦅🍾 🇺🇸 

        Haha. Heh. Hah. Varik, GO FUCK YOURSELF.

          Sent from someone on Tumblr arguing about fan theory for Undertale. The message was then subsequently voiced and edited into Flowey.

          Haha. Heh. Hah. Varik, GO FUCK YOURSELF. YOU'RE A ROTTEN STAIN IN THIS BURNING, BLOODY UNIVERSE. every single one of youre friends are another dead cell in the fucking tissue of this realite. YOU'RE UTTERLY A FUCKED UP BITCH, BUT YOURE SO FUCKING CONFIDENT ABOUT IT. fuck you. you Friend. i have never wanted to kill someone this much until YOU arrived. you left nothing but, unfiltered, hatred in my heart that i cadnt express. Fucking scum. Rot. I hate you less than i should, admittedly. but youre either a psychopath who has a lack of empathy, a stupid Braindead Person, or a attempt to leech money off someone by killing a defenseless old man. YOU DENY HOW MUCH OF A FUCKING friend YOU ARE NO MATTER WHAT, BECAUSE YOU ARE "just working and getting moner." OR WHATEVER FUCKING EXCUSE YOU AND YOUR ""HERO""" FRIENDSS COME UP WITH. IF YOU WERENT SO FUCKING braindead individual, YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH PSYCHOPATH YOU ARE. 
          Haha. Hehe. Hah. Go fuck yourself.
          
          You're a rotten stain on this community.
          
          Every single follower that you have is another dead cell in the necrotic tissue of this fanbase.
          
          You're utterly wrong and yet you're so, so confident about it.
          
          Fuck you. Sincerely. I don't usually get mad at theories. Even ones I disagree with. But this? How can you think of this?
          
          I'm not even 100% certain of the original theory. But this has left a burning, festering hole in my soul that I cannot properly express.
          
          Fandom scum. Rot. I hate you more than I should, admittedly. But this is just blatant contrarianism with complete disregard for logic, complete braindeath, or an attempt to leech views off a better creator like a fucking parasite.
          
          On a related note.
          
          You'll deny how truly pathetic Alphys is no matter what, because she's your "uwu lesbian" or whatever the fuck. If she wasn't, you'd understand the depths of her immortality.
          
          I feel true contempt within this moment. That is all I have to say.

          100% true story. I met Anish in St. Louis.

            Started by u/wildcard174, its a wholesome story on Anish Giri a professional chess player which became a copypasta and later to other shitpost versions.

            Original story

            100% true story. I met Anish in St. Louis. I was walking and carrying my 1-year-old daughter in the Central West End, just down the street from the St. Louis Chess Club/Hall of Fame, and he walked by. I didn't say anything, I didn't want to bother him.
            
            A moment later I noticed one of my daughter's pink shoes had come off. I turned around and Anish Giri was twenty feet away, bent over, picking up the shoe. He handed it to me and said, "Here you go!" And I said, "Thanks!" And that was it, lol. Nice guy.

            Shitpost version

            100% true story. I met Anish in St. Louis. I was walking and carrying my 1-year-old daughter in the Central West End, just down the street from the St. Louis Chess Club/Hall of Fame, and he walked by. I said how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to bother him or anything. He said, "Oh, like you're doing right now?" I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I could feel my face going red from being embarrassed by the Snarkmaster himself, and looked down at the ground in shame.
            
            That's when I noticed one of my daughter's pink shoes had come off and was lying on the ground. I'm not sure if it fell off on its own, or if Anish ripped it off while I was distracted. I reached down to pick it up and put it back on. Suddenly, Anish's hand rapidly shot forward from outside my field of vision to grab it before me, with the well-practiced swiftness I assume could only come from taking the handshake as quickly as possible whenever an opponent offers a draw. "Finders keepers," he taunted, wearing his trademark smug boyish grin. "What do you even want that for??" I demanded. "Alireza isn't the only one who knows about fashion, honey," Giri said as he tore off one of his Crocs shoes. He made a show of attempting to put the tiny pink baby shoe on his foot, but it obviously didn't fit. Shrugging, he ran off with one bare foot, one shoed foot, and two mismatched shoes in hand, leaving me dumbstruck in the sunny St. Louis street.
            100% true story. I went to Papa John's with Anish "1/2-1/2" Giri. He refused to wait for the waiter to take our order and asked to speak with the manager, where, upon their arrival, he promptly ordered three large pizzas and said, "If you don't bake these yourself I will personally roast your fine establishment with several snide tweets." In just 10 minutes, his pizzas arrived. He turned to me and said, "this is why I'm the Twitter GOAT," before rolling each one into a long tube. He then held each pizza-tube up like a funnel, and squeezed the cheese and sauce into his mouth.
            
            Once he sucked out all the drippings, he unrolled the desiccated pizza bread-tube onto my plate and confidently announced, patting his tummy, "This one's on me, kid." He strutted past the counter, refusing to pay for the pizza because "Hans Niemann said GMs shouldn't have to pay."

            Happy Cake Day

              Happy cake day uwu. *sticks tongue out cheekily* I bet you must be really cool if you've had a r-reddit account this long. *shy blush* oh u-um... *looks away* I think something else here is getting long too owo. *notices my bulge* omg im so sorry. *blushes more* it's just- I don't know what it is but knowing you've been such a good redditor for this long makes me feel weird things... *sweats a little* you know? *bites lips cutely* knowing that you can be dedicated to something for so long makes me feel like you could be loyal. *gulps with nervous giggle* um haha... *notices my bulge getting bigger* uh now that I think about it *tries to make normal conversation but fails* I could like your frosting haha! *red flushes as red as a fat juicy tomato* I... ha. You know I bet you're a really nice person you know? *shuffles trying to hide my now huge erection* I'd compliment you more my love *eyes widen* I mean friend, friend! omg I'm so sorry I really didn't mean to call you love *giggles shyly, shuffling more away from you* Anyway... I'd compliment you more my lo- friend! *looks directly down, desperate to avoid eye contact* but I have to go uh... *tries to make excuse* shopping! That's it, you see, I need some milk! So anyway I guess I'll talk to you later friend, happy cake day! *smiles sweetly and longingly at you*