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Polyjuice potion

    Potter, a moment of your time, please.

Someone has been stealing ingredients that could be used to make polyjuice potions.

I know, I know. "It wasn't me professor, I would never transform into a girl and masturbate to find out how it feels", I've heard this little song and dance before.

When I was your age I was the same. Did I ever tell you I stole your mother's hair regularly? I became quite adept at stealth and potions for this precise reason. To transform into your mother and pleasure myself.

There is this mirror... or there was, at any rate, I can't seem to find it anymore, that showed you your fondest wish. I would transform into your mother, look into that mirror and watch myself make love to her while your father watched, helpless to change anything

Those were the best orgasms of my life, Potter. One day things went wrong,

Before I could find my way to a safe spot, your father found me, and thinking me Lily proceeded to fondle me

It felt good, Potter. Forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest

You know that polyjuice potion doesn't change your voice, of course. Yet James Potter never suspected a thing when I didn't speak. He smiled and said I was learning.

Oh I learned alright. I learned never to touch polyjuice potion again. Not because I feared such a thing would happen again, but because I feared I would want it to. That I'd seek it out.

Polyjuice potion and it's ingredients are restricted for a reason, Potter. The very recipe is not available to students.

Keep that in mind, won't you?

    I use Arch, by the way.

      Its a circlejerk on Arch Linux users who have a reputation of being a pretentious jerk online.

      Oh, you're using Windows? That's... unfortunate. I mean, I guess it’s fine for people who don’t really care about controlling their system. And macOS? Bro, you literally paid for UNIX with a pretty UI slapped on it. But hey, I’m sure you really needed those rounded corners and animations. But me? I use Arch, by the way. Yeah, it’s a bit more sophisticated, something you probably wouldn’t understand unless you’ve experienced it.

See, I don’t need a polished GUI or some bloated OS holding my hand through every step of my computing experience. I built my OS from the ground up. I compiled my kernel, optimized every single setting, and customized every aspect of my system. While you’re sitting there with your default settings, I’m in the terminal, living the dream. Arch is freedom, by the way.

I don't expect you to get it. I mean, you probably just double-click apps and call it a day, right? Meanwhile, I'm using Pacman and the AUR, managing my packages like a real power user. Updates? Yeah, they roll in seamlessly. No need to reinstall my OS every six months like those other plebs. Did I mention I use Arch, by the way?

When you’re ready to stop living in the kiddie pool of OSes and step up to the big leagues, maybe you’ll try Arch. Though, let’s be real, it’s probably too advanced for you. But hey, you do you. I'll just be here in my perfectly configured Arch system, reminding you that I use Arch, by the way.

      I’m sick of Hyacine.

        Its the Xiangling copypasta but changed to Hyacine from Honkai Star Rail.

        I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Hyacine. I try to play Phainon. My Hyacine deals more damage. I try to play Argenti. My Hyacine deals more damage. I try to play Kafka. My Hyacine deals more damage. I want to play Blade. His best team has Hyacine. I want to play Therta, Castorice - they both want Hyacine. She grabs me by the throat. I farm for her. I craft SP chips for her. I give her the The Story’s Next Page. She isn't satisfied. I give her the Herta shop LC. "I don't need to increase allies DMG" She tells me. "Give me more SPD." She grabs Sunday and forces him to throw himself off enemies. "You just need to funnel me more. I can deal more damage with Sig." I can't pull for Sig, I don't have enough Jades. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." She grabs Little Ica. She says "Ica, get them." There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but pure speed. What a cruel world.

        Unidan – “Jackdaw is a crow”

          AKA “Jackdaw is a crow” or “Unidan copypasta” is a comment by u/Unidan correcting another user who classified jackdaws as crows. Unidan is an ecologist that became popular on Reddit as an “excited biologist” who answered questions and explained concepts related to biology and ecology. He was eventually banned on the site for vote fraud.

          Here's the thing. You said a "jackdaw is a crow."

Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that.

As someone who is a scientist who studies crows, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls jackdaws crows. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing.

If you're saying "crow family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Corvidae, which includes things from nutcrackers to blue jays to ravens.

So your reasoning for calling a jackdaw a crow is because random people "call the black ones crows?" Let's get grackles and blackbirds in there, then, too.

Also, calling someone a human or an ape? It's not one or the other, that's not how taxonomy works. They're both. A jackdaw is a jackdaw and a member of the crow family. But that's not what you said. You said a jackdaw is a crow, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the crow family crows, which means you'd call blue jays, ravens, and other birds crows, too. Which you said you don't.

It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?
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          byu/crew2852 from discussion
          inAdviceAnimals

          Faker

            Faker is a professional League player

            Faker is a professional League of Legends (LoL) player for T1 and is arguably the most popular esports player based on his achievements and legacy.

            The goat is never washed

            I was out of town, doing a bit of visiting. I heard my friend KkOma had finally taken the time to settle down in the countryside. Rightfully so, after what he’d been through, with all the pent-up stress and frustration built up over the years of coaching the most successful KR team in League.

“How have things been buddy?” I asked, as I saw my man step out of the house upon hearing my car come in the drive-through. “All good, life’s been a lot more chill, now that I’ve retired,” he answered. “Hey, wanna check out my animals out back? I’ve taken up farming as a hobby with my free time,” as he motioned over to the back gate.

We headed out and he started introducing me to some of the livestock, mentioning how he had named them after his players, as the unhinged animals they were. Just then, I was hit by an unbearable stench. With my eyes watering uncontrollably, I questioned through gritted teeth, “What in the hell is that smell?”

He looked over knowingly and said: "Ah. Faker? The goat is never washed.”

            If Faker has a million fans

            If Faker has million number of fans I am one of them. If Faker has ten fans I am one of them. If Faker has no fans, that means I am no more on the earth. If world is against Faker, I am against the world. I love Faker till my last breath.

            When both teams are even in gold, Faker feels that T1 is at a great advantage

            When both teams are even in gold, Faker feels that T1 is at a great advantage and thus he does not hesitate to start a team fight. When T1 is 3k behind in gold, Faker thinks that T1 is at a small advantage, and he so he starts a team fight to secure their “lead”. When T1 is behind 7k in gold, Faker thinks that T1 is at a disadvantage and so he looks for a team fight to regain control of the game. When T1 is 10K behind in gold, Faker thinks that the team has reached a desperate situation and they are only waiting passively for their death if he does not start a team fight

            Faker is a tactical genius

            Its the Aleksib copypasta from CSGO but changed to Faker from LoL.

            Faker is a tactical genius. He is best known for his signature tactic ”Go Nash and take it”. He also has a second little known tactic of ”Go Nash but fake it”. What an absolute legend. Top 3 IGL 4 sure.

            Who is Faker

            Who is Faker? For the blind, He is the vision. For the hungry, He is the chef. For the thirsty, He is the water. If Faker thinks, I agree. If Faker speaks, I’m listening. If Faker has one fan, it is me. If Faker has no fans, I don’t exist.

            Who is Faker (Twitch version)

            Who is Faker? GIGACHAD For the blind, He is the vision. GIGACHAD For the hungry, He is the chef. GIGACHAD For the thirsty, He is the water. GIGACHAD If Faker thinks, I agree. GIGACHAD If Faker speaks, I’m listening. GIGACHAD If Faker has one fan, it is me. GIGACHAD If Faker has no fans, I don’t exist..

            Want to see me win on a Baron play? Want to see me do it again?

            Faker: Want to see me win on a Baron play? Want to see me do it again?
            T1: Want to see me win on a Baron play? Want to see me do it again?

            I can’t take it anymore. I’m sick of Sharkry.

              Sharkry copypasta from GFL2

              Written by u/h0rizon_, its the Xiangling copypasta but changed to Sharkry from Girls’ Frontline 2.

              I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Sharkry. I try to play Mosin. My Sharkry deals more damage. I try to play Tololo. My Sharkry deals more damage. I try to play Qiongjiu. My Sharkry deals more damage. I want to play Siomi. Her best team has Sharkry. I want to play Vector, Centaureissi - they both want Sharkry. She grabs me by the throat. I farm for her. I pull for her. I give her the Guerno. She isn't satisfied. I pull Planeta. "I don't need this much crit dmg" She tells me. "Give me ATK%." She grabs Ksenia and forces her to throw herself off enemies. "You just need to funnel me more. I can deal more damage with Golden Melody." I can't pull for Golden Melody, I don't have enough Collapse Pieces. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." She flashes me with her panties. She says "Mina~ Agete ikuyo ☆." There is no hint of sadness in her eyes. Nothing but pure, Zoom In buff. What a cruel world.