Message to all recent players: Do you have a cute sister? I am single and I like to play Xbox games and I am looking for a girlfriend. She has to be hot like Megan Fox and she has to be nice to me cause I cry a lot. Help me find my soulmateThat's where you're wrong partner. You've never seen me guzzle a full 4L in one go. By the time the first litre is gone, every pair of panties in the room has already hit the floor; every female human in a 12 kilometre radius explodes with a sexual fury likened to that of a monsoon. And for the males? They are made to look like little boys, shaking in their little boy boots. Scientists say you should only drink 250ml of water every 15 minutes to prevent oversaturation of the electrolytic cells, but I am a man of faith, a man of God, and this allows my body to accommodate the most egregious amounts of water without risk of death. So tell me, you casual; are you intimidated by me? You should be. God forbid I drink even a small cup of water around your female girlfriend, because if that were the case.... you'd be sleeping alone tonight, partner.I just had the most immense, gigantic, catastrophic bowel movement while I was in the shower and started wiping a bit 😩 💦. SO WHAT I DID WAS I TURNED THE CRANK TO ICE COLD, GRABBED THE SHOWER HEAD, THEN FREEZED MY BALLS FOR ALMOST SLIPPING UP 😡. Furthermore, I retained my skid mark and will now proceed to work out.
Edit: I prolapsed after.... I am a fool. I will improve.Ok so people can’t have opinions, the people on this sub are the reason there are instructions on toothpaste. Everyone here are cancerous sheep who have been mind controlled to upvoting if they see a 69, 420, Instagram Fortnite and TikTok bad Minecraft good. I’m not saying I like any of these more than Minecraft but people are allowed to have opinions. So next time you call someone a normie realize who the real normie is🤡Last night after my gay sex session I decided to turn on my Nintendo Switch™ and play some Animal Crossing: New Horizons™. I was trying to progress as quickly as possible so I can see Isabelle on my 4k 60 inch TV. I was catching bugs to give to Blathers, because Blathers is a bitch who is scared of bugs, until I couldn’t believe my eyes.
I caught...
A Monarch Butterfly.
A MONARCH Butterfly!
I threw my Pro Controllerâ„¢ right at my TV and screamed in absolute horror.
Is that a fucking political word I see? Why the fuck is there a MONARCH Butterfly? What the fuck is Nintendo™ trying to do putting their right-wing ideals in their games? Wasn’t Animal Crossing™ supposed to a peaceful game? It surely can’t be when they stuff their political cocks down our throats. Why isn’t there a Marxist Butterfly? I’m in pure shock that Nintendo™ will go to such lengths to brainwash people into agreeing with their political values. I am never buying a Nintendo™ game again, until they formally apologize to me admitting that it was wrong to promote political ideals in their games.Holy fucking shit. There are less than 2 days left until animal crossing comes out on the switch and I can't wait any longer. I need to see Isabelle in 1080P HD 60FPS, and I need to see her NOW. Not only is she the love of my life, but I fucking need more rule 34 of her. There is nothing more fucking hot than Isabelle, and the new game's release will (If my calculations are correct) cause a massive flood of new Isabelle rule 34. I have harassed everyone I've found with an early copy, and I've tried to convince them to give it to me in every way I know. That includes offering my mum's credit card (that's fucking revenge for trying to take away my 3DS you bitch), death threats, begging, and other typically effective means. So if anyone has an early copy, please give it to me. I physically cannot wait any longer for Isabelle.
Please.