I feel bad for cumming on my turtle
Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with my I wouldn't feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, i took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forgot the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forgot what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what i did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.
I am a top level Chungoloist, and I have concluded with absolute certainty that Big Chungus himself shall enter into existence at 2:31 PM this April 9th. I have found this out using MATH.
Let’s dissect this piece by piece.
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2021
Big Chungus has 2 words, consisting of 10 letters, we know that 2 x 10 = 20, so this is how we get 20 in ‘20’21
The word “Chungus” was first found online around December 2012, 12 reversed is how we get the 21 in 20’21
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2:31 PM
Big Chungus is two words, this is how we get the hour
It has been roughly 3 years since Big Chungus became a meme, this is how we get the half-hour
Big Chungus is one rabbit, this is how we get the exact minute.
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April 9th
How do we know that it will happen on April 9th exactly? I will tell you using simple counting. Bugs Bunny is the official name of the non-large version of Big Chungus.
B U G S B U N N Y 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Bugs, the first name of non-large Chungus, is 4 letters, Bugs Bunny, the full name of non-large Chungus is 9 letters in total, this is how we get 4/9. 4/9 is the date form of April 9th
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Conclusion
This is the undeniable evidence that Big Chungus will become real on April 9th, 2021 at exactly 2:31 PM
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
It actually is.
When I was a virgin I was a right-wing conservative incel puritan with radical extremist fundamentalist fanaticism to my religion
The day after I lost my virginity it actually made me think a lot and gave me lots of new perspective and I ended up being a left-wing liberal atheist.
