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I used to be an intern for South Dakota Kristi Noem.

    I used to be an intern for South Dakota Kristi Noem. While interning for her I felt I saw her true nature and to this day I am in hiding
    
    Out of college I was an intern for South Dakota Kristi Noem. At the time she was having an affair with political operative Corey Lewandowski, it was my duty to cover up for their affair
    
    One night I was standing guard outside her office when I heard behind the door Corey say 'I can't do this anymore' and a few seconds later he stormed out. Then I heard crying. I ran into the office, closing the door behind me. I noticed there was a dog costume on the floor, but no matter, Kristi was my concern
    
    'Kristi, what's wrong!?', she looked up at me, and then her sad face slowly turned into an idea face
    
    She told me to put on the dog custome, and then said that intercourse was a part of the job duties. Kristi is a very powerful political figure, and my career in politics could be threatened, so I immediately agreed. I am well versed in intercourse but what threw me off was Kristi ordered me to take off my clothes and get into the dog custom, which had a hole in the crotch for me cock. Is this was Corey went through as well?
    
    After I put it on, Kristi said her favorite foreplay was for me to act like a farm dog, so for about 30 minutes we would pretend the office was a farm and I was hunting birds. This whole time Kristi was masturbating. Then came the intercourse. Afterwards she said 'okay, this is how I like to finish' and brought out a gun behind her desk!
    
    I said 'is that a real gun???' and she said 'yes, but I won't shoot you with it, I will just pretend to shoot to get off'
    
    This sort of role play continued for 6 months until I was able to transfer to Washington DC and leave her office
    
    I thought that was the last of the ordeal, though I always wondered what was the origin that fetish. Until one day I saw this in the newspaper
    
    "Kristi Noem says she shot and killed her 14 month puppy in the face. What to know about the South Dakota governor's recent controversy
    
    As I was reading this, I looked up from the newspaper and there was an assassin in my kitchen! They said 'time to die' and I recognized the voice. 'South Dakota Kristi Noemi???' I said. She then said 'I'm already under water, we can't let news of our affair get out' and fired several more bullets but I dodged them and went into the living room
    
    Thinking quick, I got my stuff dog toy and threw it at her. She caught it, looked at it, then immediately started shooting it in the face with one hand with using the other hand to reach into her pants to start masturbating. I took the distraction to escape
    
    I got in my car and drove back to my hometown of [REDACTED]. To this day I am in hiding from Kristi Noem. Luckily I take a dog stuffie where ever I go in case she finds me, I tell people it's my emotional support stuffed animal
    

    Discord mod notices a female

      Known as ‘You have a profile picture of a very beautiful (but also intelligent looking!) female‘ or ‘Consider Me A Player 2‘ copypasta, it started as a DM from a Discord server mod. The pasta often gets reposted with different context with the most recent being Valorant message from a LFG server.

      Hello @Eva, I noticed you have a profile picture of a very beautiful (but also intelligent looking!) female, and I am under the presumption that this goddess is you? It is quite astonishing to see a female here in the Pummel Party Official discord. I am quite popular around here in this server, so if you require any guidance, please, throw me a mention. I will assist you at any hour, day or night. And, before you are mistaken, I do not seek your hand in a romantic way; although, I am not opposed in the event you are interested in me, as many women often are. I am a man of standard, and I do not bow to just any female that comes my way, unlike my peers... So rest assured that I will not be in the way of your gaming and socializing experience. Consider me a Player 2... a companion, a partner, and perhaps we can enhoy some video games together some time. I see you play pummel party, and are you good at mini games? I am a mini-game aficionado, so I would be happy to assist you in games. Platonically of course, unless you (like many others) change your mind on that. I look forward to our future together (as friends of course).

      POV: Female in Valorant LFG

      Hello. I noticed you have a profile picture of a very beautiful (but also intelligent looking!) female, and 1 am under the presumption that this goddess is you? It is quite astonishing to see a female here in the Valorant LFG. I am quite popular around here in this server, so if you require and guidance, please, throw me a mention. I will assist you at any hour, day or night. And, before you are mistaken. I do not seek your hand in a romantic way; although, I am not opposed in the event you are interested in me as many women often are. I am a man of standard, and I do not bow to just any female that comes my way, unlike my peers... So rest assured that I will not be in the way of your gaming and socializing experience. Consider me ur jett? .. a companion, a partner, and perhaps we can enjoy some video games together some time. I see you play valorant, and are you good at playing sage? I am a peak gold 3, so I would be happy to help you rank up. Platonically of course, unless you (like many others) change your mind on that. I look forward to our future together (as friends of course.) 

      POV: Miyazaki mails you a bomb

        I'm amazed at the ingenuity of Miyazaki's design. This latest encounter design is on par with The undead burg courtyard, Father Gascoigne, and Blue Smelter Demon. [Spoilers] When you open your mailbox and see a hand delivered gift from From Software studios, the unenlightened would simply see it as a gift to their loyal fans, but clever design would point to it obviously being a trap, the subtle beeping inside of the package, and the delay trigger mechanism on the Pipe Bomb itself as you open the packaging allowing you to think quickly and throw it away before it detonates let the player react fairly to the threat which is completely lost on the average gamer.
        
        Now, game journalists have taken to calling Miyazaki "A Terrorist" and "Wanted in every Democratic Country" but as we all know these game journalists often lack even the simplest of skills required to be proficient in video games, leaving them with horrific scars from the detonation as they stared at the explosive device in their hands. Instead of learning from their mistakes and being prepared for the next grenade in their mail, they instead take to the internet and slander masterpiece design for their own failures.
        
        I can't wait to see what Miyazaki cooks up next, will he kidnap my family and hold them for ransom? Cleverly giving me the information to free them myself without needing to pay? Or will he cut my break line, knicking my oil tank and warning me that something is wrong with my car? Only time will tell but I for one, am eager, to experience what Miyazaki has in store.

        The only Maxwell I know is from Tales of Symphonia on the GameCube.

          The only Maxwell I know is from Tales of Symphonia on the GameCube. He was supposedly a summon that you could get in this floating sky city thing after you get the super jetski shits that fly, but I'll tell ya, I fucked a million and a half ways to try to get that godlike fucker outta his stone amd I just couldn't manage. Now I managed to find the black skull dude (is that racist?) and went backwards to find the destroyed city before it gets destroyed and even got more grade than George Bush has termites, but I could not fir the life of me figure our how to get maxwell. You know what though? I could go flip a shit on the internet and get all the info. Og shif It's like homework all over again. At Least I have my parents permission this time. Chimes had a Claus in the contract. Ho ho ho maxwell damn you've heard of it right? You know what to do? You better. You're talking about it. Clandestine audiences know better 

          I’ll cum in you. I’ll cum in you so hard your hair stands up

            I’ll cum in you. I’ll cum in you so hard your hair stands up like you just stuck your finger in a live power socket. Fuck I’m horny man. And not regular horny but like I have an organ that produces Viagra 24/7 and I get extra when I’m nervous or excited. My balls are like mini watermelons and had to make mini ball suspenders in all my pants so I’m not in excruciating pain. I’m afraid that if I finally blast off for the first time I might actually hurt someone. Like accidentally cumming inside and it blasts through the vagina up into her intestines like buckshot? But I guess that’s just another day in the life on this thing we call earth. 

            In Our Name: A Message from Jewish Students at Columbia University

              An open letter by Jewish Students at Columbia University voicing their support for Israel. The original Google Doc can be found here with signatures.

              To the Columbia Community:
              
              Over the past six months, many have spoken in our name. Some are well-meaning alumni or non-affiliates who show up to wave the Israeli flag outside Columbia’s gates. Some are politicians looking to use our experiences to foment America’s culture war. Most notably, some are our Jewish peers who tokenize themselves by claiming to represent “real Jewish values,” and attempt to delegitimize our lived experiences of antisemitism. We are here, writing to you as Jewish students at Columbia University, who are connected to our community and deeply engaged with our culture and history. We would like to speak in our name.
              
              Many of us sit next to you in class. We are your lab partners, your study buddies, your peers, and your friends. We partake in the same student government, clubs, Greek life, volunteer organizations, and sports teams as you.
              
              Most of us did not choose to be political activists. We do not bang on drums and chant catchy slogans. We are average students, just trying to make it through finals much like the rest of you. Those who demonize us under the cloak of anti-Zionism forced us into our activism and forced us to publicly defend our Jewish identities.
              
              We proudly believe in the Jewish People’s right to self-determination in our historic homeland as a fundamental tenet of our Jewish identity. Contrary to what many have tried to sell you – no, Judaism cannot be separated from Israel. Zionism is, simply put, the manifestation of that belief.
              
              Our religious texts are replete with references to Israel, Zion, and Jerusalem. The land of Israel is filled with archaeological remnants of a Jewish presence spanning centuries. Yet, despite generations of living in exile and diaspora across the globe, the Jewish People never ceased dreaming of returning to our homeland — Judea, the very place from which we derive our name, “Jews.” Indeed just a couple of days ago, we all closed our Passover seders with the proclamation, “Next Year in Jerusalem!”
              
              Many of us are not religiously observant, yet Zionism remains a pillar of our Jewish identities. We have been kicked out of Russia, Libya, Ethiopia, Yemen, Afghanistan, Poland, Egypt, Algeria, Germany, Iran, and the list goes on. We connect to Israel not only as our ancestral homeland but as the only place in the modern world where Jews can safely take ownership of their own destiny. Our experiences at Columbia in the last six months are a poignant reminder of just that.
              
              We were raised on stories from our grandparents of concentration camps, gas chambers, and ethnic cleansing. The essence of Hitler’s antisemitism was the very fact that we were “not European” enough, that as Jews we were threats to the “superior” Aryan race. This ideology ultimately left six million of our own in ashes.
              
              The evil irony of today’s antisemitism is a twisted reversal of our Holocaust legacy; protestors on campus have dehumanized us, imposing upon us the characterization of the “white colonizer.” We have been told that we are “the oppressors of all brown people” and that “the Holocaust wasn’t special.” Students at Columbia have chanted “we don’t want no Zionists here,” alongside “death to the Zionist State” and to “go back to Poland,” where our relatives lie in mass graves.
              
              This sick distortion illuminates the nature of antisemitism: In every generation, the Jewish People are blamed and scapegoated as responsible for the societal evil of the time. In Iran and in the Arab world, we were ethnically cleansed for our presumed ties to the “Zionist entity.” In Russia, we endured state-sponsored violence and were ultimately massacred for being capitalists. In Europe, we were the victims of genocide because we were communists and not European enough. And today, we face the accusation of being too European, painted as society’s worst evils – colonizers and oppressors. We are targeted for our belief that Israel, our ancestral and religious homeland, has a right to exist. We are targeted by those who misuse the word Zionist as a sanitized slur for Jew, synonymous with racist, oppressive, or genocidal. We know all too well that antisemitism is shapeshifting.
              
              We are proud of Israel. The only democracy in the Middle East, Israel is home to millions of Mizrachi Jews (Jews of Middle Eastern descent), Ashkenazi Jews (Jews of Central and Eastern European descent), and Ethiopian Jews, as well as millions of Arab Israelis, over one million Muslims, and hundreds of thousands of Christians and Druze. Israel is nothing short of a miracle for the Jewish People and for the Middle East more broadly.
              
              Our love for Israel does not necessitate blind political conformity. It’s quite the opposite. For many of us, it is our deep love for and commitment to Israel that pushes us to object when its government acts in ways we find problematic. Israeli political disagreement is an inherently Zionist activity; look no further than the protests against Netanyahu’s judicial reforms – from New York to Tel Aviv – to understand what it means to fight for the Israel we imagine. All it takes are a couple of coffee chats with us to realize that our visions for Israel differ dramatically from one another. Yet we all come from a place of love and an aspiration for a better future for Israelis and Palestinians alike.
              
              If the last six months on campus have taught us anything, it is that a large and vocal population of the Columbia community does not understand the meaning of Zionism, and subsequently does not understand the essence of the Jewish People. Yet despite the fact that we have been calling out the antisemitism we’ve been experiencing for months, our concerns have been brushed off and invalidated. So here we are to remind you:
              
              We sounded the alarm on October 12 when many protested against Israel while our friends’ and families’ dead bodies were still warm.
              
              We recoiled when people screamed “resist by any means necessary,” telling us we are “all inbred” and that we “have no culture.”
              
              We shuddered when an “activist” held up a sign telling Jewish students they were Hamas’s next targets, and we shook our heads in disbelief when Sidechat users told us we were lying.
              
              We ultimately were not surprised when a leader of the CUAD encampment said publicly and proudly that “Zionists don’t deserve to live” and that we’re lucky they are “not just going out and murdering Zionists.”
              
              We felt helpless when we watched students and faculty physically block Jewish students from entering parts of the campus we share, or even when they turned their faces away in silence. This silence is familiar. We will never forget.
              
              One thing is for sure. We will not stop standing up for ourselves. We are proud to be Jews, and we are proud to be Zionists.
              
              We came to Columbia because we wanted to expand our minds and engage in complex conversations. While campus may be riddled with hateful rhetoric and simplistic binaries now, it is never too late to start repairing the fractures and begin developing meaningful relationships across political and religious divides. Our tradition tells us, “Love peace and pursue peace.” We hope you will join us in earnestly pursuing peace, truth, and empathy. Together we can repair our campus.