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I can’t stop winning

    I can’t stop winning
    byu/CherryEuphoric2758 inDeadlockTheGame
    I lose my lane in the first 5 minutes. I go 0-10 through the game. I have the least souls in the game. My build is shit. My aim is shit. My game-sense is shit. I am waiting to respawn for 50% of the game. I die first in team fights. All of this, but I still keep winning. My teammates carry me through every game. I have resigned myself to be the team backpack. I’m am doing nothing more than watching my wraith or haze assemble the stones to the infinity gauntlet and snap the entire enemy team out of existence. I am nothing more than morale support. I’m the water boy. I am the dancing monkey that entertains my team as they carry me to victory. The more I win, the harder the games get and the harder I throw. At this point I have Netflix open on the other screen to watch while respawning. I want to loose but my luck is too much. Some consider luck to be a part of skill. If that is true, how can someone have absolutely zero skill have so much luck? The other day I left my computer open and my cat walk over the keyboard. To my surprise, Bebop (my 10 y.o. Hairless cat) opened deadlock, queued Paradox, and demolished the enemy team 20-0. My cat is better than I am. I am lower than an animal. I want to uninstall the game, but my aim is so bad I cannot even hit the uninstall button. I try to play a different game but I accidentally open up deadlock and queue vindicta in a matter of milliseconds. I am sincerely sorry if I am on your team, you don’t want me to be there, I don’t want to be there. If you want to avoid me, I queue from 6:00 pm - 9:00 pm central time, on the east coast servers. This is a warning for all who queue during these times. I apologize in advance. Goodbye to all, I am off to queue vindicta.

    Hey this is Phil from the Small Weiner Club

      Its a meme that’s posted around Steam profiles as a joke circa 2020 but had since become somewhat mainstream thanks to a lot of voiceovers most notably the Misato voicemail one. 

      Hey this is Phil from the Small Weiner Club, sorry to get back to you so late, I just finished reviewing your application and information you sent in. But I am sorry to say that I don't think I can allow you to join our group. From what I'm looking at, your weiner is massive. I mean the sheer girth and juiciness alone is ridiculous. It looks as if somebody glued a forearm to the bottom of your torso. You could probably stand on it like a tripod, and thats not even mentioning how fat your nuts are. But it does appear that you are going to have to take that ginormous schmeat somewhere else. But thank you for trying, and best of luck to you. 
      Hey, this is Phil from the small wiener club, sorry I got back to you so late. I just finished reviewing your application and information you sent in, but I am sorry to say that I don't think I can allow you to join our group. From what I looking at your cock is MASSIVE. I mean the sheer G I R T H and juiciness alone is just ridiculous. It looks as if somebody glued a forearm to the bottom of your torso, you could probably stand on it like a tripod; and that's not even mentioning how FAT your nuts are. But unfortunately it does appear like your going to have to take that ginormous SCHMEAT uhh somewhere else, but thank you for trying, and best of luck to you.

      My name is Yoshikage Kira.

        Yoshikage Kira
        Every JoJo copypasta
        My name is Yoshikage Kira. I'm 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone.

        JP script

        私の名前は吉良良景です。 私は33歳です。 私の家はすべての別荘がある森王の北東部にあり、私は結婚していません。 私は亀湯百貨店の従業員として働いており、遅くとも午後8時までに毎日家に帰ります。 私は喫煙しませんが、時々飲みます。

私は午後11時までにベッドに横たわり、どのような場合でも8時間の睡眠を確保します。 コップ1杯の温かい牛乳を飲んで寝る前に約20分間ストレッチをした後、私は通常、朝まで眠ることに問題はありません。 赤ちゃんのように、朝は疲れもストレスもなく目が覚めます。 前回の検査で問題はなかったと言われました。

私は非常に静かな生活をしたい人だと説明しようとしています。 私は、勝ち負けのような敵に悩まされないように気をつけています。 それが私が社会に対処する方法であり、それが私に幸福をもたらすことを知っています。 しかし、もし私が戦うなら、誰にも負けないでしょう。

        My name is Skyler White Yoshikage Kira yo

        my name is yoshikage kira YO, my stand is killer queen YO 

I have 33 years YO, im no married YO

My house is in the northeast section of Morioh YO,

Uh-huh.

Where all the villas are.