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TIFU by going a little too hard during sex

    Ok so some info before we get started

(M)e: Penis size- 6.9 inches (sex number (nice)) Looks- 9 Wit and Charm: 10 IQ: 140

G(F) Age- 18 Looks- 10 (Fat ass too) Wit and Charm: 3 IQ: 135 (thankfully lower and within 5 of mine)

So one day I woke up with a throbbing erection and I grabbed my hot GF and told her I wanted to have sex very sexily with her. She said ohhh baby I want to have lots of sexy sex with you because I am in a sexy mood, but I have a bit of a headache. I said I don’t care and shoved my sexy sword right into her sex sheathe and there was lots of sweaty sex and stuff and she had a baby too.

Once we finished sexy time I told her to go make me some food. She finished and made me some really good food and I told her it was time for round 2. I lasted about 15 minutes, but she was already sexily orgasming within 10 seconds, because I’m just so good at sex with crazy libido.

TL;DR: Sex

    Doofenshmirtz Inc theme plays:

      "Ahhh Perry the platypus, I see you have fallen right into my trap!" Perry gets tied up on a wall, and leather wraps around his body tighter than an a boa constricter. Doofenshmirtz walks over slowly, his cock pressed hard against his pants. "Perry, my plan this time, is too punish you for foiling all my other plans." Perry shivers and shakes as Doofenshmirtz pulls out a bullwhip and walks up to Perry. "Get ready, Perry. It's time for you to become a true secret agent...man..." Doofenshmirtz hits him with the whip. Perry moans and his teeth chatter. Doofenshmirtz cums immediately, Perry notices and starts to jerk off his little Playpus dick.

      Attention all gamers

        Message to all recent players: Do you have a cute sister? I am single and I like to play Xbox games and I am looking for a girlfriend. She has to be hot like Megan Fox and she has to be nice to me cause I cry a lot. Help me find my soulmate

        Found on r/HydroHomies

          That's where you're wrong partner. You've never seen me guzzle a full 4L in one go. By the time the first litre is gone, every pair of panties in the room has already hit the floor; every female human in a 12 kilometre radius explodes with a sexual fury likened to that of a monsoon. And for the males? They are made to look like little boys, shaking in their little boy boots. Scientists say you should only drink 250ml of water every 15 minutes to prevent oversaturation of the electrolytic cells, but I am a man of faith, a man of God, and this allows my body to accommodate the most egregious amounts of water without risk of death. So tell me, you casual; are you intimidated by me? You should be. God forbid I drink even a small cup of water around your female girlfriend, because if that were the case.... you'd be sleeping alone tonight, partner.

          #NOPOOPCHALLENGE

            I just had the most immense, gigantic, catastrophic bowel movement while I was in the shower and started wiping a bit 😩 💦. SO WHAT I DID WAS I TURNED THE CRANK TO ICE COLD, GRABBED THE SHOWER HEAD, THEN FREEZED MY BALLS FOR ALMOST SLIPPING UP 😡. Furthermore, I retained my skid mark and will now proceed to work out.

Edit: I prolapsed after.... I am a fool. I will improve.

            A pewdiepie submissions user goes on a rant

              Ok so people can’t have opinions, the people on this sub are the reason there are instructions on toothpaste. Everyone here are cancerous sheep who have been mind controlled to upvoting if they see a 69, 420, Instagram Fortnite and TikTok bad Minecraft good. I’m not saying I like any of these more than Minecraft but people are allowed to have opinions. So next time you call someone a normie realize who the real normie is🤡