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The horniest post in history

    God i fantasize about her every night. I want her to sit on me, suffocating me until I can barely breathe, and just before I die from asphyxiation, she hands me a plastic straw from Chuck E. Cheese, from which i put my mouth on and try to breathe from. However, that straw is in her vaginal hole, and as for every atom of oxygen i intake, a liter of her pussy juices pour into my mouth. As I shove my way from under her soul crushing thighs, I gasp for the air I so desperately need. She stares down at me with a smug look, saying "Are you tired? We've only just started". She pounds my face in with her dirty, worn out foot, which she violently presses into my submissive face. I take a hard lick of each individual toe, sucking out all the dirt collected from god knows where. After both of her feet are licked spotless, she holds me down, and crushes my neck with her immensely muscular thighs. I struggle to breath, and I even achieve a point of utter hallucination. As I begin to realize I am horridly close from perishing from asphyxiation, my penis explodes with semen, as if a volcano erupting, yet instead of lava hot, sticky cum poured from my worn out penis. I gave her a 50$ bill, and she smiles and says "Same time next week?".

    I, a racist cock rater, found your cock exceptional.

      As an expert cock rater, I can say that your cock without a doubt, is one of the most fascinating I have ever seen. Now as you're black, and am racist, I would be extremely biased and give you a horrid rating. But with the intensity of the magnitude of your phallus, I have thrown out every single bit of bias I had for membrane assessments. Not only is the size phenomenal, but the color ratio is also absolutely perfect.


      Comment from idubbbz “controversy”

        no shut the fuck up you dumb fuck. you don't get to haha funny yourself out of this one. you're a simp. you act all edgy and cool on youtube and then go film your girlfriend shoving anal beads up her ass for onlyfans afterwards. fuck you. you lied to everyone. you ruined my life.

        Greta Thunberg is the reason I work out.

          Greta Thunberg is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the UN climate summit after party. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her on CNN She laughs. I get my drink.
"Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Greta Thunberg? She touches her neck as she watches me leave.
Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette.
"Got a spare?" she asks.
"What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles.
"Conversation with me, duh."
I laugh.
"What's so funny?" she protests.
"Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?"
"You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter.
"What would you do if you weren't a climate change activist?" I ask.
"Teaching, I think."
"And if I was your student, what would I be learning?"
"Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?"
"Mexico" I say.
"Oh wow. That's lovely."
"It's OK," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking."
"What could possibly be not to your liking in Mexico?" she inquires.
"I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."

          Shitting any% speedrun world record

            In order to save .8777560 seconds, i reverse jump out of my epic gaming chair while doing a frame-perfect vault in order to clip out of bounds. this bypasses the trigger that fully loads the level and allows me to b-hop directly to the toilet. keep in mind that in the character creation menu i did a quit out glitch right before the penis size and pant-selection menu respectively, This allows me to save another 5 seconds as i wont have to pull my pants down as well as saving me .0455556 seconds in total due to the aerodynamics caused by my cock and balls defaulting to the smallest setting from quitting out. RNGesus also blessed me this run with one of the smallest possible turds, allowing me to take only one second to squeeze the shit out of my ass. skipping the wipe cutscene afterwards allowed me to save approximately 10 seconds which is a nice bonus to bring this run to a close. all in all, even though this is world record pace, im sure someone or even myself could be able to shave a few milliseconds off of my new 4.97756 second any% shitter record.