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I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

    You guys use lube?
    I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds.

I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching.

Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened.

I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled.

Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.

    Dream in discord

      Dream is an American YouTuber known primarily for Minecraft content and speedrun videos.
      Original pasta
      According to Discord statistics, only a small percent of people that read my messages are gifting me nitro, so if you like my jokes, please consider dming a nitro link, even though it's not free, and you can't change your mind. Enjoy the conversation.

      Booba ASCII

        ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢋⢐⢔⣴⣬⣕⣔⣌⣬⣩⡹⣛⣛⢻⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⠇⢔⢡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣟⣷⣶⢧⣮⣍⣝⢻⢿⣿ ⣿⠟⡑⢅⠕⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠟⢻⣿⣶⠊ ⡏⢌⢌⠢⡡⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⢸⣿⡇⠄ ⠨⡂⠆⠕⢌⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⠧⠾⢛⣭⣴ ⠨⡂⠕⢅⠕⡸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⡿⠿⢟⢛⠫⡋⢅⠕⡐⠔⡰⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡑⢌⠪⡐⢬⢢⢩⢙⢍⠍⢕⢑⠰⡈⡢⡑⢅⠢⡑⢌⠢⡑⢌⢊⠆⣹⣿⣿⣿ ⡨⢂⠕⡨⢂⢅⢃⠇⢧⢹⡸⡸⣘⣒⢲⢸⢰⢱⢸⢰⢱⡘⡜⡔⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣶⣕⡨⢂⠆⢕⠨⡂⢆⠪⡘⢌⢊⠪⡊⡚⠜⡊⡪⢊⠜⡨⢐⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠉⠛⠿⢿⣷⣷⣥⣎⣔⡡⡊⢌⠢⢡⢑⠌⡌⢌⠢⡊⢔⣡⠂⠈⠉⠿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠛⠿⣿⠉⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⠹⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⠻⢿⣿⡿⠿⠿⢿⣿⡿⠿⠿⢿⣿⡟⠛⠿⣿⣿⡿⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢈⡁⢸⣿⡇⢰⡆⢸⣿⡇⢰⡆⢸⣿⡇⣉⠄⣿⡿⠁⠃⠹⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣤⣼⣿⣧⣤⣤⣼⣿⣧⣤⣤⣼⣿⣧⣤⣤⣿⣧⣼⣿⣤⣿⣿⣿

        A girl showed me her boobs

          Poggers
          I'm not really sure if this is NSFW or not but I'll tag it just incase. I've struggled for a while with talking to girls and I recently decided to start talking to this girl about the elections. I just decided that since we didn't go to school matter it didn't really matter as much about what I said, Kinda a douchebag thing to do but idk. We've known each other for a while but stopped talking so we haven't talked in a while. Anyways we talked for a few days and she decided to FaceTime me. I have some self image issues and kind of hid my face a little but we talked for a while and she called me cute and stuff like that. I got more confidence and was just making joke after joke and she seemed really into it. We started sending back some pretty sexual texts and as she said she was gonna go to bed she had one last gift for me and for me to look at the screen and there she was with her boobs out. I'm a younger teen and this is really the first time I've seen boobs that aren't in porn. Anyways once I get ungrounded we're gonna start hanging out. I know this sounds pretty virgin like but I'm super stoked and can't tell anyone I know in real life.

          I am very secure about my pizza.

            I am very secure about my copypasta.
            I am very secure about my pizza. You have obviously never tasted pizza if you think mine look bad, and that is very sad for you. You should get a pizza right away so you will have some knowledge of pizza and not sound like a fool when you speak. Again, I would ask you to prove your own pizza making skills if you think you are capable of judging others so harshly. But that would require something well beyond your capabilities. You really should try pizza, it is quite delicious and you won't sound so stupid when you comment.

            Why do people automatically associate swords with autism?

              This pasta is an old classic that first appeared in 4chan.
              Source
              Why do people automatically associate swords with autism? I have a vast sword collection, mostly Asian and Old Norse blades which seem to be the main issues, and I don't understand how this makes me autistic. I'm a virgin, yes, but swords actually make me MORE likely to get laid. I have had countless conversations with cute, cute girls in my classes about the weapons I own. I have been able to speak to women for the first time because they want to know about my Viking Sword, or my latest Bamboo handled Katana. I dream of meeting a girl called Anya so I can say "I own a Katana but I want a cute Anya", that is when I will lose my virginity. But I'm not autistic. I buy these swords to use as often as I can. I have many friends.