YOU’RE 🌥️ SO SUSSY 😓😓🙊😨😳🎵 I 😀 KNOW 💭 YOU 👈 TOOK 👫 MY 😏 FORTNITE 🎮 CARD 🃏🃏 I 🍾 KNOW 🤔 YOU 🤖 TOOK 🤯 MY 😘 19 ❗ DOLLAR 💲 FORTNITE 💩 CARD 💳 GIVE 🚪🌌🍸 ME 👈 MY 👨😣 19 ❗ DOLLAR 💰 FORTNITE 💩 CARD 💳😑 YOU 👈😭 BETTER 🎰 GIVE 👹 ME 👩💡 MY 🥳 19 ❗ DOLLAR 💸 FORTNITE 👌🎮 CARD 🗃 I 👹 NEED 📲 MY 🔑 19 ♈ DOLLAR 💵 FORTNITE 👌🎮 CARD, 💳 NOW! 📅
I was in school right? Its 3rd period, english (or as i like to call it LAME period😂) and my teacher tries starting the lession. I shouted "SUS!" At the top of my lungs and looked around the classroom to see if anybody was laughing. My teacher looked at me a frowned like i was an idiot. I didnt let him mog me though. I saw my crush Bethany sitting on the complete opposite side of the room from me, i winked and her and did my best troll face impression. She looked at me for a second like she was confused and then looked down at her desk. I guess she's a normie lol. I knew that since she didnt get my first joke i'd do a fortnite reference, so i jumped out of my desk while the teacher was mid lesson and i started flossing infront of the whole class. I screamed "THE TEACHER IS THE IMPOSTER" and "I have african children locked in my basement" as a joke but nobody laughed and my teacher looked shocked. I got sent to the principals office and told the principal i wasnt racist and i dont have african children in my basement, it was just a meme. Of course the principal is too old to understand so i thought of a joke that he'd get.
I ran out of the principals office and started screaming "BOMB! I PUT A BOMB IN THE CAFETERIA GUYS HAHA" Immediately 911 was called and bomb squad showed upto my school. I was put in handcuffs and escorted to a police car. I told the cops "don't worry guys its ok im white" (like the filthy frank reference) but they didn't the joke and now everyone thinks im racist and a threat to SUSciety
AITA?
Long story short i got a part of my foreskin ripped off. Not much but enough. Currently in the ER.
Now long story: I was bored and couldn’t find a game to play and i was naked. So i walked up to the PS5 and did a mini squat, stretched my foreskin till about 5cm and put it in the disc drive.
At first it started sucking the disc (dick haha) for a few seconds and then it stopped briefly. I stood there and looked into my tv with great shame for those few seconds. Then the console beeped once and proceeded to suck in the bottom of my foreskin and it had torn it off. A little piece but enough to start the bleeding.
Now i’m currently in the ER getting my foreskin fixed, the culprit PS5 is still at home and i haven’t pressed charges. Never really told the doctors the truth either.
TL;DR: i got a part of my foreskin ripped off by a rather aggressive playstation. Currently in the ER.
Auh 😫 iwa🧍♂️i 🤪 got 😔 the 🏃♂️ chills 🥶🧚♀️✨aAH😩 IWa🥵 I🙈 got😿 the😔 chills🥶hOw CaN yOu Be So MeAn To mE!?😣😫🥺hh 🥵 Iwa~ 😳 I 👁 got 👏 the 🗿chills 🥶
Most people don’t know but back in 1912, Hellman’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of this delicious condiment, scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, which was to be the port for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest ever shipment on mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know the great ship did not make it to New York. This ship hit an iceberg and sank and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about the tantalising condiment, and were eagerly awaiting the delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. The anguish was so great that they declared a national day of warning which they sill observe to this day. The national day of mourning occurs every year on the 5th of May, you probably know it as Cinco de Mayo
Ending my Christian friendship.
I’ve been friends with this guy we’ll call John since I was five and knew he was Christian since the 8th grade. When I found out I was shocked considering he is one of the smartest people I know, and the fact that he could fall for this kind of bullshit is surprising, but I managed to put that aside, until a few months ago.
We had been roommates for 2 and a half years up until that point and we split the rent. In January i caught covid and he prayed that I would be ok. I got so upset at the fact that he thought his pointless sitting on the ground and putting his hands together like he’s Tim Cook doing an apple presentation was going to do anything. After only two days of his nonsense I walked straight up to him and yelled at him to stop. He told me that it is what he believed and he thinks it would rush my recovery. I told him about how he should believe in science. He said he does but also thinks he is helping. After that I just stormed off into my room and started to feel our friendship falling apart.
I was able to get better (WITHOUT the help of his praying) but unfortunately came down with the flu from his Christian girlfriend (i thought sex was illegal until marriage, guess they’re all hypocrites) who pretended to be very apologetic about it. I sneeze really badly when I have the flu and nothing was different this time. John would keep saying “bLeSs YoU” every time I sneezed. When I asked him to stop he told me it’s a habit but he would try to stop. At this point I had had enough of his tomfoolery. I said for him to take three quarters of the rent or I’m leaving and cutting ties with him. He says he can’t pay to live anywhere else since he lost his job and his savings only cover a few more months at our place which is one of the cheapest places in the city to live in (maybe he should pray to have that fixed for him).
As it turns out I’m also eating into my savings too much now but I don’t care. I finally left that idiot who thinks he can be in med school and still be Christian. It’s been a few months now and I think I made the right decision. I’m so glad I got out of that toxic relationship. I’m sure I’m not the only one suffering so I encourage anyone and everyone to do the same. Dm me if you need help.
TL;DR: Don’t have religious friends