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A female friend once gave me an old blanket

    Anons autistic story copypasta
    So uhhhhhhhhhhhh….. a few years ago a girl I was hanging out with gave me a blanket that she didn’t want anymore. I took it home and realized it smelled just like her. I slept with that blanket in my arms and pretended it was her.
    
    I was the only one in my friend group that she never had sex with and I spent the most time with her out of all my friends. She legit would talk about how good my friend ate her pussy and I would just sit there like 🫤👍 while holding on to a sliver of hope that she would at least let me cuddle with her. For My birthday my friends tried to convince her to at least make out with me bc nobody had ever even kissed me before. She said that I was her best friend and that she never wanted to do anything sexual with me because I was such a good friend.
    
    Edit: yeah I stopped hanging out with her after another friend made me realize that she was being hella manipulative and was playing with my feelings. She was always super flirty and touchy with me and sometimes she would actually cuddle w/ me but she was pretty adamant about just remaining friends. I know she had a ton of mental issues but she was also a complete piece of shit human being. She legit verbally abused her parents and pretty much destroyed their marriage. She acted like her life was shit and nobody loved her despite the fact that her family took $5k+ vacations and she lived in a nice ass house. She threatened to kill herself constantly and tried twice ( I will never forget her having a seizure and throwing up all over my car as I drove her to hospital whilst doing 90 in a 45 in a Corolla at 3 am after she took a bunch of pills). Almost every single therapist she had gave up on her because she was a sociopath and was unable to listen to reason
    
    Not all of it was bad. I hang out with a ton of her friends still. Also I kinda sorta fucked her sister 😭 her sister works with mentally disabled people but also is an escort who specializes in helping kids with autism and Down syndrome lose their virginity (me included lol). I remember the girl I hung out with had to go to a doctors appointment when her sister told me to come into her room. She asked me if I wanted to have sex and of course i said yes. Legit the best two hours of my life. Just the way she spoke to me in this quiet, comforting voice still still gives me chills to this day. She legit made me cry because she never stopped saying how awesome I was and how everything was gonna be alright. We fucked a few more times before I stopped hanging out with her sister but I will never forget her

    A dirty joke from the 1400s…

      In Florence, a young woman, somewhat of a simpleton, was on the point of delivering a baby. She had long been enduring acute pain, and the midwife, candle in hand, inspected her secret area, in order to ascertain if the child was coming. “Look also on the other side,” said the poor creature, “my husband has sometimes taken that road.”
      
      From “The Facetiae Or Jocose Tales of Poggio”, a joke book published in the 1400’s by Poggio Bracciolini:

      Kendrick Lamar – The Heart Part 5

        Open The Heart Part 5 lyrics

        As I get a little older, I realize life is perspective
        And my perspective may differ from yours
        I wanna say thank you to everyone that’s been down with me
        All my fans, all my beautiful fans
        Anyone who’s ever gave me a listen, all my people
        
        I come from a generation of pain, where murder is minor
        Rebellious and Margielas’ll chip you for designer
        Belt buckles and clout, overzealous if prone to violence
        Make the wrong turn, be it will or the wheel alignment
        Residue burned, missed at a inner-city
        Miscommunication to keep homi’ detective busy
        No protection is risky
        
        Desensitized, I vandalized pain
        Covered up and camouflaged
        Get used to hearin’ arsenal rain
        Analyze, risk your life, take the charge
        Homies done fucked your baby mama once you hit the yard, that’s culture
        Twenty-three hour lockdown, then somebody called
        
        Said your lil’ nephew was shot down, the culture’s involved
        I done seen niggas do seventeen, hit the halfway house
        Get out and get his brains blown out, lookin’ to buy some weed
        Car wash is played out, new GoFundMe accounts’ll proceed
        A brand-new victim’ll shatter those dreams, the culture
        
        (I want, I want, I want, I want)
        But I want you to want me too (I want, I want, I want, I want)
        I want the hood to want me back (I want, I want, I want, I want)
        I want the hood
        Look what I done for you (Look what I done for you)
        Look what I done for you
        
        I said I’d do this for my culture
        To let y’all know what a nigga look like in a bulletproof Rover
        In my mama’s sofa was a doo-doo popper
        Hair trigger, walk up closer, ain’t no Photoshoppin’
        Friends bipolar, grab you by your pockets
        No option if you froze up, always play the offense
        Niggas goin’ to work and sellin’ work, late for work
        
        Workin’ late, prayin’ for work, but he on paperwork
        That’s the culture, point the finger, promote ya
        Remote location, witness protection, they gon’ hold ya
        The streets got me fucked up, y’all can miss me
        I wanna represent, for us
        New revolution was up and movin’
        I’m in Argentina wiping my tears full of confusion
        Water in between us, another peer’s been executed
        History repeats again
        
        Make amends, then find a nigga with the same skin to do it
        But that’s the culture, crack a bottle
        Hard to deal with the pain when you’re sober
        By tomorrow, we forget the remains, we start over
        That’s the problem
        Our foundation was trained to accept whatever follows
        Dehumanize, insensitive
        Scrutinize the way we live for you and I
        Enemies shook my hand, I can promise I’ll meet you
        In the land where no equal is your equal
        Never say I ain’t told ya, nah
        In the land where hurt people hurt more people
        Fuck callin’ it culture
        
        (I want, I want, I want, I want)
        But I want you to want me too (I want, I want, I want, I want)
        I want the hood to want me back (I want, I want, I want, I want)
        I want the hood
        Look what I done for you (Look what I done for you)
        Look what I done for you
        
        Take the drums out
        Phew, phew
        Phew, phew
        Phew
        
        Celebrate new life when it come back around
        The purpose is in the lessons we learnin’ now
        Sacrifice personal gain over everything
        Just to see the next generation better than ours
        I wasn’t perfect, the skin I was in had truly suffered
        Temptation and patience, everything that the body nurtures
        I felt the good, I felt the bad, and I felt the worry
        But all-in-all, my productivity had stayed urging
        Face your fears, always knew that I would make it here
        
        Where the energy is magnified and persevered
        Consciousness is synchronized and crystal-clear
        Euphoria is glorified and made His
        Reflectin’ on my life and what I done
        Paid dues, made rules, change outta love
        Them same views made schools change curriculums
        But didn’t change me starin’ down the barrel of that gun
        Should I feel resentful I didn’t see my full potential?
        Should I feel regret about the good that I was into?
        Everything is everything, this ain’t coincidental
        I woke up that morning with more heart to give you
        As I bleed through the speakers, feel my presence
        To my brother, to my kids, I’m in Heaven
        To my mother, to my sis, I’m in Heaven
        
        To my father, to my wife, I am serious, this is Heaven
        To my friends, make sure you countin’ them blessings
        To my fans, make sure you make them investments
        And to the killer that sped up my demise
        I forgive you, just know your soul’s in question
        I seen the pain in your pupil when that trigger had squeezed
        And though you did me gruesome, I was surely relieved
        I completed my mission, wasn’t ready to leave
        But fulfilled my days, my Creator was pleased
        I can’t stress how I love y’all
        I don’t need to be in flesh just to hug y’all
        The memories recollect just because y’all
        
        Celebrate me with respect
        The unity we protect is above all
        And Sam, I’ll be watchin’ over you
        Make sure my kids watch all my interviews
        Make sure you live all the dreams we produce
        Keep that genius in your brain on the move
        And to my neighborhood, let the good prevail
        Make sure them babies and them lead us outta jail
        Look for salvation when troubles get real
        ‘Cause you can’t help the world until you help yourself
        And I can’t blame the hood the day that I was killed
        Y’all had to see it, that’s the only way to feel
        And though my physical won’t reap the benefits
        The energy that carry on emits still
        I want you

        BACK TO THE LAB AGAIN! GimR

          (uh oh!☹️) BACK TO THE LAB AGAIN! (oh no!😬) BACK TO THE LAB AGAIN! (We messed up😱) BACK TO THE LAB AGAIN! (Not again😒) BACK TO THE LAB AGAIN!🤓
          (uh oh!☹️) BACK TO THE LAB AGAIN!
          
          (oh no!😬) BACK TO THE LAB AGAIN!
          
          (We messed up😱) BACK TO THE LAB AGAIN!
          
          (Not again😒) BACK TO THE LAB AGAIN!
          UH OH! Back to the Lab Again
          𝒃 𝒂 𝒄 𝒌 
            𝒕 𝒐 
              𝒕 𝒉 𝒆
                 𝒍 𝒂 𝒃
                   𝒂 𝒈 𝒂 𝒊 𝒏
          I'm actually so mad atm, I let an assignment go overdue, skipped a group presentation, and an online final exam to see Gimr's tech showcase, and if after all this it doesn't happen today I'm going to be so pissed. Actually don't know what to do with myself right now
          It's 2097. The few smashers left are still waiting for the GimR tech showcase. You lay on your deathbed, your family surrounding you. GimR, healthy as ever, walks into the room. He whispers into your ear, "The Gimz always wins". You close your eyes and ascend to the Great Beyond.

          Benefits of watching morbius daily:

            Benefits of watching morbius daily:
            
            Day 1 - You watch morbius. Instantly love it.
            
            Day 5 - Improved motivation and productivity. You feel as a whole a stronger human being
            
            Day 10 - you have energy whenever you want and can sleep as long or short as you need to, people start getting jealous
            
            Day 30 - Greater confidence and self-esteem. Mental clarity. Youre able to perfectly recite the script
            
            Day 60 - Increased muscle mass, bone density, and cardiovascular capacity. Testosterone through the roof. Women start talking
            
            Day 120 - Higher sperm count. Increased erection strength and duration. You’ve now memorised the choreography of the entire movie, you can execute the stunts and movements performed to a tee
            
            Day 365 - Your voice deepens, and your skull becomes more chad-like. Increased erection girth and length.
            
            Day 730 - Faster reaction time. 10 additional IQ points.
            
            Day 1500 - Starbucks baristas start writing their numbers on your receipts. Your ex wants to get back together. You feel tempted but ultimately turn her down. You need more time to watch morbius.
            
            Day 3000 - You can't keep up with all your tinder matches. Strange women begin hitting on you in public. You worry about your female boss. Fortunately, she keeps it professional.
            
            Day 6000 - Ex shows up at your door crying and begging you to take her back. You don't even make eye contact—just call the police right away. Your female boss quits. She can't take it anymore and fears what she might do to you if she stays.
            
            Day 12000 - Every swipe on tinder is a match. Even girls you swipe left get matched with you somehow. Romantic messages fill up your inbox every day—all 15gb of it—you upgrade your Gmail account to premium.
            
            Day 30000 - You don't have to work anymore. Matt Sazama Burk Sharpless signs over half of his morbius royalties to you in a grand gesture of love. You tell him you love and appreciate all the good change hes bought to your life. He weeps quietly, but with a smile.
            
            Day 60000 - Scientists propose that attraction to you be classified as its own sexual orientation, which will account for 97.5 percent of the world's population. Paradoxically, you no longer feel any sexual desire. You have achieved a higher consciousness and now love every human-being equally.
            
            Day 100,000 – Your IQ increases by several morbillion. You come up with a workable model of quantum gravity in a rainy Sunday afternoon. Elon Musk steps down from SpaceX to work for you. You decide to put space exploration on hold to focus on achieving clean energy through nuclear fusion.
            
            Day 200,000 - You've solved the problem of nuclear fusion. You also solved the problems of climate change, poverty, crime, and racism. You have been elected the very first President of the World.
            
            Day 500,000 - you’ve watched morbius half a million times. You can psychically project the entire movie into whoever's mind you please. You have achieved everything, understood everything, and solved every problem faced by humanity. All that needs to be done has been done. There's nothing left to do.
            
            You give your fellow humans one last look—they're still not watching morbius, trapped in their primitive way—but you don't judge. The path of Morbius was never meant for the ordinary men.
            
            "Watch morbius. But if you must, use lube." Those were your parting words.
            
            Now, released from all shackles of the mundane, and purified of all imperfections, your body ephemeralizes, as your ever-illuminated consciousness ascends into another dimension. It's morbin' time

            big daddy HOE Biden

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