>There's a school shooting.
>Put on all of my tactical gear. Rush to the scene
>Hear gunshots from inside the school.
Kids inside the school calling 911 for help
>Establish a perimeter. Parents begging us to storm the school and save their children
Tell them it is not a safe environment, police officers could get shot
>Kids keep calling 911 for help
>Parents get rowdy. Start screaming and trying to rush the school themselves
ITS LAW ENFORCEMENT TIME
>Start screaming at parents to back up
>This one guy tries rescue his kid, so I tased him
>Had to handcuff and taze a few parents for their own protection.
>Good thing I got all that tactical gear.
>Police Chief releases a statement that they are thankful that no officers sustained life threatening injuries.
I had a squirter gf once and dude let me tell you. She would just squirt so fucking much and it legit just felt like she was peeing on me a ton if she were on top.
And dude the fucking bed would get fucked. Sometimes I'd stay up all night cleaning it with peroxide and baking soda and vacuuming up the liquid or laying a fan on it and waiting hours for it to dry.
It was fucked.
It was just so fucking much. An absolute huge lake in my bed.
Well, one time I pissed the bed a little. Don't even know what happened but I peed and I woke up and was very embarrassed and told her and she had the audacity to be disgusted with me about it.
And I'm thinking like, bitch, you've been fucking pissing on me for two years now.
And I ain't never been in to that.
But I let you piss on me out of love and you are gonna shame me because I dreamt I was pissing in a toilet and then pissed the bed ONE TIME.
Fucking wild the nerve on that girl and let me tell you, that cum piss smells weird and if you don't get those blankets washed, oh boy. Gross smell.
But dude, not even a plastic lining helped, it was so much. Went right through.
To this day, I just want to fucking understand why she squirted so much.
It was legit like a waterfall or a broken geyser.
I just want to understand. I straight got PTSD over this. I just wanna learn what was going on with her vagina and where she stored all that liquid.
Keeps me up at night sometimes as I try and figure it out but Google ain't like it used to be.
๐จALERT๐จ ๐จALERT๐จ
PRIDE ๐ณ๏ธโ๐ MONTH๐ IS OFFICIALLY OVERโ
MEN โ๏ธ AND WOMEN โ๏ธ OF THE NATION๐จ๐ฎ๐ง๐ผ๐ง๐ฟ๐จ๐ฒ๐ง๐ท๐จ๐จ๐จ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฐ๐จ๐ซ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฐ๐ช๐ฆ๐ช๐น๐ซ๐ฎ๐ฉ๐ฏ๐ซ๐ฒ๐ญ๐ฒ๐ฌ๐ต๐ฎ๐ช๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ฎ๐ฒ๐ฌ๐น๐ฎ๐ด๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฌ๐พ๐ฒ๐ต๐ฑ๐ท๐ฒ๐ด๐ฒ๐จ๐ฑ๐ป๐ฒ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฎ๐ต๐ญ๐ด๐ฒ๐ณ๐บ๐ด๐ฒ๐ณ๐ช๐ต๐ช๐ต๐ซ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ธ๐ญ๐ธ๐ฝ๐ถ๐ฆ๐ธ๐ฌ๐ถ๐ฆ๐ธ๐ช๐ธ๐ธ๐ธ๐ฝ๐ธ๐ญ:
IT IS NOW ILLEGAL TO BE #GAY ๐ณ๏ธโ๐ ANYWHERE ON STRAIGHT๐ MOTHER EARTH ๐๐๐๐
BISEXUALS MUST HEAD TO YOUR NEAREST GOVERNMENT BUILDING ๐ AND RECEIVE A "Bi-Ticket Admission Allowance System Check in Mark" TO BE PUT UNDER EXAMINATION ๐ TO DETERMINE IF YOU ARE TO BE LEFT IN THE GENE POOL. ๐คฝโโ๏ธ๐คฝโโ๏ธ
THE ๐ณ๏ธโ๐โGAYSTAPOโ๐ณ๏ธโ๐ ๐ฎโโ๏ธ๐ฎโโ๏ธ๐๐ WILL BE INSPECTING ALL RESIDENTS๐ OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA ๐ณ๐บ๐ณ๐บ๐ณ๐บ TO SEARCH FOR ANY GAY ACTIVITY
ANY HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVITY CAN WARRANT ARREST๐๐ฎโโ๏ธOR POSSIBLE โ DEATHโ PENALTY
STAY VIGILANT AND STRAIGHT๐๐โ๐ณ๏ธโ๐โ๐ณ๏ธโ๐โ๐ณ๏ธโ๐โ๐ณ๏ธโ๐โ
pride month is over. All gay people instantly begin to spontaneously combust, trans people begin to morph into various citrus fruits and are sold as novelty items from a different time. Bisexual people are instantly split in half by the invisible blade of corporate disinterest and the non-bianries are legally banned from using the number 0 in any scenario.
The pride flags and corporate twitter profile pictures are instantly detonated to make room for more advertisements, posters promoting diversity and inclusivity are ripped down and destroyed by once-inclusive teachers all across the country. and the price of lube decreases by an average of 76% worldwide.
Pride month is over. Greed month is upon us. May all who savoured their taste of freedom, cower in the face of pure capitalism
If you're not careful and you noclip out of reality in the wrong areas, you'll end up in the Backrooms, where it's nothing but the stink of old moist carpet, the madness of mono-yellow, the endless background noise of fluorescent lights at maximum hum-buzz, and approximately six hundred million square miles of randomly segmented empty rooms to be trapped in
God save you if you hear something wandering around nearby, because it sure as hell has heard you
I am a New Yorker. I wake up at 5am every day of the week in my 50 square foot run down apartment in Harlem where the rent is $9,695,748 per week. When I wake up I see 5 rats on the side of my uncovered kid mattress stealing pizza from my fridge. I disregard my crappy living conditions and start heading for work. Not even 5:10 in the morning and the traffic is as congested as the nose of a protestor enduring tear gas. There are more cars on the road than bills to pay. I squeeze my way to work through constant honking and finally get to my hellish office job in downtown Manhatten at 8pm. I sit in a little cubicle (the one with the pillar) while my boss screams racial slurs at incoming customers. I have to cope with this bullshit, as I was for 23 years in this job with $5 an hour pay and no promotions. After getting home at 6am, I time travel with my yankee hat to 5am as that is the time I wake up. Such is the life of an average New York City resident.
