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Ronaldo stole all the penalties

    Ronaldo or Penaldo copypasta
    I was at Afghanistan and the Taliban here were administrating death penalties to people. Suddenly out of nowhere a man came and stole all those penalties. It was penaldo. I'm proud of you penaldo for saving the people of Afghanistan.
    I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison for my execution but, when i got there they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you Penaldo


    My SUSSY POWERS ARE AWAKENING 😱😎

      Sussy daddy imposter
      My SUSSY POWERS ARE AWAKENING 😱😎
      
      Part 1. I just did my daily jackoff ☺️ to my impostor body pillow, 😱 but when I came, 👻 I started floating, 😱 and think I got teleported into the skeld. 😮 I swear for a second I felt the imposter's strong hands grip my asscheeks.🤤 🍑 🍑 I immediately was transported back to earth, 😭 and I instantly got on all fours on my bed naked, 🤪 as you would, and started screaming in my best efforts to summon the imposter 💪
      
      “IM READY FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME PLEASE DADDY IMPOSTER”
      
      I was so close to feeling the imposters sweet cock fuck the shit out of me 🤤 but then my NAZI RACIST mother came in and beat the shit out of me. 😔😒🙁☹️
      
      She then said I was going to a magical place called the “mental asylum” 🤔 I’m not too sure where that dimension is located but it sounds EPIC 😮

      I was 5 years old when I went to go see Pokemon

        Charizard copypasta
        In the entire history of animation, there has never been a more sexual scene than pic related. I was 5 years old when I went to go see Pokemon, the movie; and this scene awoke something in my body. For some reason, my tiny penis became stiff, and I began peeing uncontrollably. A full bladders worth of piss soaking through my Pokemon printed shorts, trickling down the chair. My mom noticed the smell and berated me "Anon, you are pissing yourself" she tried to get me to go to the bathroom, but I screamed and shouted to keep on watching the scene. I began spraying even more boy piss at her, and on some other members of the audience. Ushers came in to take me to the bathroom, I began pissing even harder and started shitting furiously. "Nooooooooo I wanna see Charizard" I'd scream in between leaky shits and blasts of piss. Eventually, it took 5 ushers, my mom, and a bystander to remove me from the theater, and get me to change my soiled clothing.

        I love you

          The original "I love you copypasta"
          OK I ADMIT IT I LOVE YOU OK i fucking love you and it breaks my heart when i see you play with someone else or anyone commenting in your profile i just want to be your boyfriend and put a heart in my profile linking to your profile and have a walltext of you commenting cute things i want to play video games talk in discord all night and watch a movie together but you just seem so uninterested in me it fucking kills me and i cant take it anymore i want to remove you but i care too much about you so please i'm begging you to either love me back or remove me and NEVER contact me again it hurts so much to say this because i need you by my side but if you don't love me then i want you to leave because seeing your icon in my friendlist would kill me everyday of my pathetic life. 

          Dirty Amongus pick-up lines

            Among us pick up lines
            Thankful to have you as a crewmate… but do you want to add a letter and become screwmates instead?
            
            Hey, are you one of my tasks? Because I really want to do you.
            
            Hey, are you a vent? Because I’m the imposter and I’d love to come in you.
            
            I have a lot of tasks to complete still, but I’d love to do you first.
            
            Hey, call me the MedBay… because I’d love to scan your body.
            
            Figuring out the imposter is hard…. but I’ve got something harder.
            
            I’m jealous of your hat… Because it gets to be on you.
            
            Hey are you busy later? Because I’d love to explore your lower engine.
            
            Hey, you’re done your tasks right? Wanna come explore my cockpit then?
            
            If you’re the imposter, I’d love to be the vent… That way you can come inside me whenever you want.
            
            Damn, I wish you were a task… Because I’d have no problem doing you and over and over.
            
            Hey did you just kill me? Because I’ve got a big bone sticking out now…

            AITA for saving a child from a dangerous situation?

              You average Redit AITA post
              I know this sounds bad, but hear me out.
              
              Earlier this month, I was walking home from the store as usual. I began smelling a feint burning smell and I heard muffled shouting ahead. I picked up the pace to discover the commotion. A building was on fire and a small child was standing by the second story window shrieking for help as flames rose behind him. Luckily, I had been doing parkour ever since I was a teen so I climbed up to his window and reached out to grab the child. He reached out for me as well and I hoisted him down on my back. When we reached the ground the child ran to his parents and they thanked me while hugging him.
              
              Later today I was visiting a friend in prison who happens to be serving a sentence for attempted murder of many children. He said I was an asshole and I shouldn’t have saved the kid from the burning building. Ever since, I can’t help but feel like kind of an asshole so I would appreciate to hear a third persons perspective on this. So reddit, AITA?